[Ari listens. Even at the point where she'd usually grow irritated, talk of gods and souls, she listens, because he asked her to, and because it's serious - and it would take a lot now for her ever to refuse him anything, under those circumstances. She lets him hold her, and turn her, and it occurs to her perhaps for the first time that all this affection must be a comfort for him, perhaps more than a wish to comfort her. That's what it is for Klaus, isn't it? She doesn't mind that. It makes it more important, because when she hears what he has to say about Kitsuno, she knows she'd do whatever was in her power to be there for him.
It's a lot to take in, all the same, and when he falls silent she stands there a moment, considering, before she turns around to face him again.]
I'm going to speak honestly, to all that, and I need you to know I don't ever mean any disrespect, but we're close enough that I need to be honest, don't I? [She always is - but she's aware that she'd never speak like this to her own captain. It wasn't her place; he had others, far senior to her, to confide in. Ari reaches out to take Nobunaga's hand, and this time she doesn't stop herself and pull back.]
First, I'm so sorry about Kitsuno. It was unfair - nobody's fault, but unfair, and wrong, and it must have hurt so much to lose her. I have to tell you - I hope you understand the spirit in which I say it, but I have to tell you that the Japan you dream of is possible. Your people are human just as I am, and didn't I tell you that Miri Carrington is pushing a hundred and forty, still healthy? And my generation, the genelab children - we don't get sick, or if we do, we heal quick, and if I don't expect to live long it's because I'm prepared to die shipside - but the others? Saratha Cordain? Ellai, and my friend Kaizen if he's still alive? Who knows how long they might live. If we can do it, then Japan can do it too, someday. Out to the stars, such advances, and all because long ago you made it possible. You're like Stanley Lorentzen. He never lived to see all the colonies flourish, but we're out there because of him, and we know it. Maybe someday there will be another spacer just like me, a woman whose ancestors come from your Japan, and she'll be reading a history of how her people made it to the stars, and it'll begin with you.
You have to understand that in my sector there are no gods - or if people believe in them, it's all faith, no proof. We've seen the stars, and under the ground on many worlds, and L-space beyond ordinary perception, and nothing else is there. The stories from Earth are just that to me, stories, and I can respect that others believe in gods and souls and all the rest, but I don't. There's Yato. I've met him, I know he's real, but what is he to me? I'm not going to worship him because he has powers I don't. I told him that he was morally wrong about something - being more powerful doesn't make him always right. If I talk about ghosts then all I mean is... consciousness divorced from matter, by some mechanism I can't guess at, but I don't doubt there is a mechanism. I believe in what I see.
Skulduggery is - what is the end goal, there? If you're right about him? The captain decides to stop torturing us, because positive emotions have power too - and he keeps us in a very pleasant cage instead? That's still not freedom. Your work will go on without you. You have Hideyoshi and Ieyasu and you've already accomplished so much. I haven't left my mark yet. Haven't done anything I planned to do. There's the difference - maybe that's what counts, even more than my home being a better place than yours. That's why I have to go back.
You're right about perception. You have your command presence. I have the Tradelines, code and custom - I was always seen as their representative, and treated accordingly. Professionalism, even in the face of pain or danger. It matters. The captain is my enemy, and any Tradeline captain would sentence him to death for all he's done, but he's not as strong an enemy as I first thought him. You and SecUnit taught me that. He's predictable, tries to poke at weaknesses. If someone won't negotiate contract, that's on them, and I owe them nothing. If you'd treated me how he did, I'd think the same of you. Actions, right? You might share flaws, but you're not the same. I'm proof of that. You weren't afraid to sit down and talk contract, even if you thought it was war, even if contracts in Japan are a much riskier business. You took the time to listen, and look now - you have as much loyalty as I've ever given anyone, and I- [a brief hesitation] I care so very much about you.
I will be stronger. You and I - together we'll get out of here someday, see the stars, get me back home and you to wherever you want to be. I do believe that. It's what sustains me.
no subject
It's a lot to take in, all the same, and when he falls silent she stands there a moment, considering, before she turns around to face him again.]
I'm going to speak honestly, to all that, and I need you to know I don't ever mean any disrespect, but we're close enough that I need to be honest, don't I? [She always is - but she's aware that she'd never speak like this to her own captain. It wasn't her place; he had others, far senior to her, to confide in. Ari reaches out to take Nobunaga's hand, and this time she doesn't stop herself and pull back.]
First, I'm so sorry about Kitsuno. It was unfair - nobody's fault, but unfair, and wrong, and it must have hurt so much to lose her. I have to tell you - I hope you understand the spirit in which I say it, but I have to tell you that the Japan you dream of is possible. Your people are human just as I am, and didn't I tell you that Miri Carrington is pushing a hundred and forty, still healthy? And my generation, the genelab children - we don't get sick, or if we do, we heal quick, and if I don't expect to live long it's because I'm prepared to die shipside - but the others? Saratha Cordain? Ellai, and my friend Kaizen if he's still alive? Who knows how long they might live. If we can do it, then Japan can do it too, someday. Out to the stars, such advances, and all because long ago you made it possible. You're like Stanley Lorentzen. He never lived to see all the colonies flourish, but we're out there because of him, and we know it. Maybe someday there will be another spacer just like me, a woman whose ancestors come from your Japan, and she'll be reading a history of how her people made it to the stars, and it'll begin with you.
You have to understand that in my sector there are no gods - or if people believe in them, it's all faith, no proof. We've seen the stars, and under the ground on many worlds, and L-space beyond ordinary perception, and nothing else is there. The stories from Earth are just that to me, stories, and I can respect that others believe in gods and souls and all the rest, but I don't. There's Yato. I've met him, I know he's real, but what is he to me? I'm not going to worship him because he has powers I don't. I told him that he was morally wrong about something - being more powerful doesn't make him always right. If I talk about ghosts then all I mean is... consciousness divorced from matter, by some mechanism I can't guess at, but I don't doubt there is a mechanism. I believe in what I see.
Skulduggery is - what is the end goal, there? If you're right about him? The captain decides to stop torturing us, because positive emotions have power too - and he keeps us in a very pleasant cage instead? That's still not freedom. Your work will go on without you. You have Hideyoshi and Ieyasu and you've already accomplished so much. I haven't left my mark yet. Haven't done anything I planned to do. There's the difference - maybe that's what counts, even more than my home being a better place than yours. That's why I have to go back.
You're right about perception. You have your command presence. I have the Tradelines, code and custom - I was always seen as their representative, and treated accordingly. Professionalism, even in the face of pain or danger. It matters. The captain is my enemy, and any Tradeline captain would sentence him to death for all he's done, but he's not as strong an enemy as I first thought him. You and SecUnit taught me that. He's predictable, tries to poke at weaknesses. If someone won't negotiate contract, that's on them, and I owe them nothing. If you'd treated me how he did, I'd think the same of you. Actions, right? You might share flaws, but you're not the same. I'm proof of that. You weren't afraid to sit down and talk contract, even if you thought it was war, even if contracts in Japan are a much riskier business. You took the time to listen, and look now - you have as much loyalty as I've ever given anyone, and I- [a brief hesitation] I care so very much about you.
I will be stronger. You and I - together we'll get out of here someday, see the stars, get me back home and you to wherever you want to be. I do believe that. It's what sustains me.