"You're maybe the only good thing I've ever done, then." The potatoes are going to need to bake a while -- and the rest of the prep won't take long, so-- he has a few minutes to come back to Steven.
It's easier to kneel down next to where he sits, look up at him so their eyes meet. "Maybe. Some of it. But you've-- become something better than I could have ever imagined, Steven. Something I couldn't ever be, no matter how hard I try. And that's-- okay. Alright? I'm not-- mad about it, or jealous, or disappointed. You're amazing. Smart and kind and I don't think you get how important you are to me. It didn't matter how much energy it took sometimes-- I still wanted to just be a fly on the wall sometimes, just watching you pour over your books or talk to Gus because..."
Shit. He's not good at the talking thing, or sharing feelings. But he's been trying with Steven more than anyone else at this point. "I didn't feel lonely, as long as you were there, and I felt like-- at least I'd done one good thing, you know?"
He reaches up to put his hand against Steven's cheek, thumb brushing over his skin lightly. "It wasn't paradise without you, okay? If they won't take you, then they're idiots anyway. Who needs peace and quiet if it means you're not gonna be there, Steven? Because-- gotta say, buddy... nice as all that was, I feel way better with you, even in these ridiculous shorts, than I did standing in that field."
He wasn't gonna be good with Steven lost to sand for eternity. Something he's loved and cherished. How could he be? "I'm always gonna choose you in the end. You got that?"
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It's easier to kneel down next to where he sits, look up at him so their eyes meet. "Maybe. Some of it. But you've-- become something better than I could have ever imagined, Steven. Something I couldn't ever be, no matter how hard I try. And that's-- okay. Alright? I'm not-- mad about it, or jealous, or disappointed. You're amazing. Smart and kind and I don't think you get how important you are to me. It didn't matter how much energy it took sometimes-- I still wanted to just be a fly on the wall sometimes, just watching you pour over your books or talk to Gus because..."
Shit. He's not good at the talking thing, or sharing feelings. But he's been trying with Steven more than anyone else at this point. "I didn't feel lonely, as long as you were there, and I felt like-- at least I'd done one good thing, you know?"
He reaches up to put his hand against Steven's cheek, thumb brushing over his skin lightly. "It wasn't paradise without you, okay? If they won't take you, then they're idiots anyway. Who needs peace and quiet if it means you're not gonna be there, Steven? Because-- gotta say, buddy... nice as all that was, I feel way better with you, even in these ridiculous shorts, than I did standing in that field."
He wasn't gonna be good with Steven lost to sand for eternity. Something he's loved and cherished. How could he be? "I'm always gonna choose you in the end. You got that?"