( Words fail him, and he thinks it's because he understands exactly how Eddie feels right now. It's so easy to suspect any shred of goodness this place has to offer is just a trap, like there's always something cruel and insidious waiting to yank the rug out from under them the moment they dare let themselves feel happy. There's nothing really to be said; nothing can scrub away that feeling anymore.
Instead of hollow promises (yes I'm here, and so are you, but for how long?), he steps forward, closing the distance between them until he's dropping to his knees at Eddie's chair. The ache in his throat is so much that he still doesn't try to speak — but it's more than that, really. He still doesn't know what to say. When Eddie had disappeared all those months ago, Steve had felt a profound sense of grief like nothing he'd ever known before. He'd been ready to fight the Captain to the death to bring Eddie back if he had to.
And then Steve disappeared, too, and with him the chance to bargain Eddie back into existence.
Waking up on the ship again, finding out Eddie had never come back, had left him feeling strange in a way he can't exactly describe. Like the grief he never really had a chance to deal with before had carved out every other feeling inside him but never bothered filling that emptiness back up.
He throws his arms around Eddie's middle, burying his face in the other man's lap with a strangled noise that sounds an awful like like, )
I'm sorry.
( Because, if Steve is really honest with himself, he does feel like he'd failed Eddie. He should've done better. )
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Instead of hollow promises (yes I'm here, and so are you, but for how long?), he steps forward, closing the distance between them until he's dropping to his knees at Eddie's chair. The ache in his throat is so much that he still doesn't try to speak — but it's more than that, really. He still doesn't know what to say. When Eddie had disappeared all those months ago, Steve had felt a profound sense of grief like nothing he'd ever known before. He'd been ready to fight the Captain to the death to bring Eddie back if he had to.
And then Steve disappeared, too, and with him the chance to bargain Eddie back into existence.
Waking up on the ship again, finding out Eddie had never come back, had left him feeling strange in a way he can't exactly describe. Like the grief he never really had a chance to deal with before had carved out every other feeling inside him but never bothered filling that emptiness back up.
He throws his arms around Eddie's middle, burying his face in the other man's lap with a strangled noise that sounds an awful like like, )
I'm sorry.
( Because, if Steve is really honest with himself, he does feel like he'd failed Eddie. He should've done better. )