It's disjointed, the way he tells this story. Not at all a neat, precise retelling of events he would ask from someone else trying to get their shit together. Izzy can't help it, the words come without filter or organisation, too pent up and rushed and chaotic.
"He wouldn't do it.. he was going to die. He would have died and I couldn't-"
He doesn't realize the transition from touch to hold until it is far too late, and by then he can scarcely pull away. When's the last time someone touched him with kindness that wasn't a drunken romp or under the idea it could be his last day. He yearns for that kindness, he does. But it's difficult to accept when being offered tenderness feels like the very proof that you've been ruined.
And he has been.
"I sent our oldest accomplice to get Ed off the ship. And I weighed the life of a crew and my captain against a madman's."
A beat. He still isn't sorry.
"It was a three ship fleet came to meet them. I negotiated the freedom of Blackbeard and our crew. In total. Bonnet signed his confession with no provocation. He was guilty and sentenced. It was meant to be quick. It was humane. It was a kindness and it was the only way."
Then, finally, Izzy looks back at Darcy. His hand curls around her hold. He's angry, yeah, obviously, but there's hurt in there. A whole world of it. He didn't want to do what he did. He isn't sorry, but he didn't want to do it. This could have been so much easier if Edward had just practiced what he'd preached for decades. Why Stede? Why then? Why was Stede worth so much? Why wasn't Izzy, Edward's fucking matelot, worth enough?
He doesn't understand.
Izzy calls the thing in his chest survival. He doesn't know what else it could be.
"T-there's um."
He has to swallow.
"There's a law called Act of Grace. A pirate can save his life if he agrees ten years of service to the king. It's degrading. It's humiliating. They grind you down to nothing in the navy, I know. Horrendous business and the last place Blackbeard should've..fuck."
Izzy swallows again. He feels sick and looks at the roof of the car to blink back whatever terrible emotion is trying to escape.
"He called Act of Grace. He could have been free and he signed it all away for Stede Fucking Bonnet."
no subject
"He wouldn't do it.. he was going to die. He would have died and I couldn't-"
He doesn't realize the transition from touch to hold until it is far too late, and by then he can scarcely pull away. When's the last time someone touched him with kindness that wasn't a drunken romp or under the idea it could be his last day. He yearns for that kindness, he does. But it's difficult to accept when being offered tenderness feels like the very proof that you've been ruined.
And he has been.
"I sent our oldest accomplice to get Ed off the ship. And I weighed the life of a crew and my captain against a madman's."
A beat. He still isn't sorry.
"It was a three ship fleet came to meet them. I negotiated the freedom of Blackbeard and our crew. In total. Bonnet signed his confession with no provocation. He was guilty and sentenced. It was meant to be quick. It was humane. It was a kindness and it was the only way."
Then, finally, Izzy looks back at Darcy. His hand curls around her hold. He's angry, yeah, obviously, but there's hurt in there. A whole world of it. He didn't want to do what he did. He isn't sorry, but he didn't want to do it. This could have been so much easier if Edward had just practiced what he'd preached for decades. Why Stede? Why then? Why was Stede worth so much? Why wasn't Izzy, Edward's fucking matelot, worth enough?
He doesn't understand.
Izzy calls the thing in his chest survival. He doesn't know what else it could be.
"T-there's um."
He has to swallow.
"There's a law called Act of Grace. A pirate can save his life if he agrees ten years of service to the king. It's degrading. It's humiliating. They grind you down to nothing in the navy, I know. Horrendous business and the last place Blackbeard should've..fuck."
Izzy swallows again. He feels sick and looks at the roof of the car to blink back whatever terrible emotion is trying to escape.
"He called Act of Grace. He could have been free and he signed it all away for Stede Fucking Bonnet."