(well, no. janna had watched over all of zaun, as the tale goes. she helped all sailors and gave blessings to whoever prayed to her. and whose to say she is the only follower of barbatos? there may be more... probably mizuki, definitely. and somehow that sheer thought raises a small hint of jealousy. jinx had been fighting to be venti/barbatos' first of... well anything at this point. he claimed she is his first friend on this ship which in to anyone else would be enough. but for jinx, it doesn't feel enough. some days it feels she is way lower in his list of importance.
venti/barbatos was her first in a few experiences (the first to be kind to her, for one. her first kiss, second. and her first heartbreak, third) so she holds him up in such a high level. and yet... it doesn't feel mutual. perhaps that's because despite all of this closeness he states the two of them share, there will always be others who will be more important; a deeper bond. at least, that's how she feels. and it drives her insane to think about. jinx, since she was young, had always been desperate to be noticed -- the need to shine and be on top. but every time she tried, she got dumped lower and lower until she reached the gunk that's been crusted against the sidewalk.
so is it incorrect for her to feel this way? to be jealous? wanting to shove everyone aside to be first in line? for wanting venti/barbatos to put no one else above her since she is doing the same for him? (he and ekko are in the same level of importance) probably. and it's probably very unhealthy to think this way. but jinx is unhealthy. she is sick, ill, and everyone's favorite word to describe her "unhinged". )
(feeling so small, jinx shrinks as she nervously turn her gaze away from pollux. she pulls away one of her hands so she can fidget with her braid; a nervous tick.)
I guess. I just...— don't wanna hurt him. Or just make him think I'm betrayin' him. A... A lotta people did that with me so.
(ugh. what is she even doing right now? they were talking about books before and she was behaving her usual cocky self. and now? suddenly, she's fragile and being such a mess. 'c'mon, pull yourself together!!')
Sorry. I dunno what I'm doing. Which is preeetty often, eh heh heh...
(ah, now she's trying to make this awkward moment by cracking jokes which only makes it worse.)
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venti/barbatos was her first in a few experiences (the first to be kind to her, for one. her first kiss, second. and her first heartbreak, third) so she holds him up in such a high level. and yet... it doesn't feel mutual. perhaps that's because despite all of this closeness he states the two of them share, there will always be others who will be more important; a deeper bond. at least, that's how she feels. and it drives her insane to think about. jinx, since she was young, had always been desperate to be noticed -- the need to shine and be on top. but every time she tried, she got dumped lower and lower until she reached the gunk that's been crusted against the sidewalk.
so is it incorrect for her to feel this way? to be jealous? wanting to shove everyone aside to be first in line? for wanting venti/barbatos to put no one else above her since she is doing the same for him? (he and ekko are in the same level of importance) probably. and it's probably very unhealthy to think this way. but jinx is unhealthy. she is sick, ill, and everyone's favorite word to describe her "unhinged". )
(feeling so small, jinx shrinks as she nervously turn her gaze away from pollux. she pulls away one of her hands so she can fidget with her braid; a nervous tick.)
I guess. I just...— don't wanna hurt him. Or just make him think I'm betrayin' him. A... A lotta people did that with me so.
(ugh. what is she even doing right now? they were talking about books before and she was behaving her usual cocky self. and now? suddenly, she's fragile and being such a mess. 'c'mon, pull yourself together!!')
Sorry. I dunno what I'm doing. Which is preeetty often, eh heh heh...
(ah, now she's trying to make this awkward moment by cracking jokes which only makes it worse.)