[It would seem I've been rather mistaken about you. Something twists in Natsuno yet again. A part of him wants to snap at Jade for making assumptions no one asked him to make, for burdening Natsuno with expectations like he's obliged to be what other people want.

Another part of him hears you disappoint me and is overcome with shame. This time he does avert his gaze, looking at the floor until Jade asks - accuses him of accepting the risk of not coming back.

The look he gives his roommate isn't surprised, or angry, or ashamed. It's resigned.]

...Not just as content.

[He's no longer the boy he was on those first few months, when all he wanted was to go back to that dark oblivion, the final "fuck you" to everyone who thought they can decide his fate. If there's a chance to leave the ship and start again in a new reality, Natsuno does want to take it. He doesn't want to leave his friends behind.]

But you're not wrong.

[Preferring to live doesn't mean he's afraid of the alternative. Natsuno may not have thought about it consciously when he and Jinx reached their agreement, but he would've never have gone through with it in if he wasn't willing to accept permanent death in the first place.

It's not something he admitted to anyone here, except Clarke, but now that Jade put it out there, he won't dance around it.]

I died before I got here. By my own hand. All the shiki had to die, myself included. I never expected to reawaken again.

[He's just a snapshot. His other selves are still dead and chose it without regret.]

So if the captain wouldn't have brought me back... I would just go back to where I was supposed to be all along.