come_sailaway | Country roads, take me home

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Country roads, take me home

Who: Steven Grant and open - start your own subthreads and stuff
What: Studio Ghibli movie night
Where: Cabin 135
When: early December
Warnings: none so far

After subjecting Marc and Maeve to Ghibli nights, Steven has widened his circle of suffering to include a few other people. What was going to be 'come over and watch My Neighbour Totoro?' became a proper whole evening at Steven and Marc's cabin. They spent the afternoon tidying up the room, returning a bunch of library books and keeping the rest of his stash in a corner on the other side of the bed. Clean laundry put away, a small load of dirty clothes taken down to the wash. The ankle cuff and bungee cord is stashed away in the cupboard alongside their small emergency hoard of water, snacks and food in case they have to lock themselves in their cabin one day for weeks on end. Bathroom tidied up as well, with extra toilet paper stacked on top of the cistern in anticipation of several guests.

The cabin is still small in spite of their cleanup efforts, and Steven insists on having some snacks available, so for savoury options there's baby carrots and celery sticks with hummus dip, potato skins, kumara fries and cassava chips, and mango sticky rice and pan fried cinnamon bananas for something sweet. It's not exactly going to be the healthiest night in terms of food, but half a dozen people sitting knee to knee in a claustrophobic little cabin crying at children's anime is surely going to make up for that and be healthy for all of them.

The programme for the night is Steven's Studio Ghibli box set, although he only has one DVD player and one television so they need to pick their movies wisely since they'll only be able to watch two or three. They're always welcome to come back next time to watch more. Steven's recommending more Kiki's Delivery Service and Princess Mononoke, and less Grave of the Fireflies and When Marnie Was There. They don't really want to be crying into their bowl of vegan snacks every 15 minutes...

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Maeve considers this for a long moment before laughing herself. Once again. "I have been reading quite a few of the romance novels out of boredom and I suppose you're not wrong. But there is a gentleness there, too. Sometimes. When he wants there to be or he doesn't have his walls up." She sighs. "But I guess he does remind me a little of Hector in some ways. They are not the same people, naturally. But the rough edges do it for me, I guess."

She looks over at Steven. "But all this time, I thought it amusing that you were the only one to ask me on anything even resembling a date. No one else ever did. But I'm glad you did. Even if you never called them that. Hang outs."

As for the other stuff... "That can't have been easy. To be a secret. But yes. Honest footing is much better. It works easier. And we can...talk about how we want things to work if Marc is also interested."

"Oh yeah. I could imagine. He's bleeding out of six holes missing an eye but he'll stand there like -" Steven takes in a deep breath and straightens up, making his shoulders broad and puffing his chest out, lowering his voice to Batman octave. "I'm fine. I'll walk it off." Steven grunts and deflates, slumping a bit as they pick up Marc's beer and continue trudging back to the room.

"Meanwhile there's me whimpering when I've stubbed my toe and Marc comes running." Steven frowns. No amount of hours at the gym would make him less upset about stubbing a toe. It really hurts, you know...

"I thought you'd want to hang out but a date seems... you know. Really serious, like I'd have to dress up, and come up with conversation topics, and make you laugh, and then maybe you'd expect-- um. For us to. You know. I'd walk you back to your room and you'd say 'Steven that was a really nice night' and I would have to." Steven swallows and averts his gaze, voice growing softer and softer. "You know. Kiss you. And ask you, like. If you wanted to. Shag but I can't say shag so I'd have to come up with like. Something like. Some stupid pickup line that had a 80% chance of not landing and honestly I'm not ready to like. I haven't a clue how to make love. To anyone. But if I didn't offer then you'd think I wasn't interested." Feel free to stop him talking, since he's obviously overthought this to a rather extreme degree. And he could obviously keep going if she doesn't cut him off.

Maeve nearly starts laughing at that moment. "What sort of things you must picture on any given day." The picture alone is definitely something. Of course, she's been the one with the multiple bullet holes and still moving forward. So she supposes anything is possible."

"It's all right, darling. Sometimes you hurt yourself and it happens."

Maeve gives him a look then, because he's really terribly adorable. "Darling, I would never make you do anything you weren't comfortable with or ready to do." She leans over as carefully as possible to kiss his cheek. "Stop overthinking. We can start spending more time together. You don't need to stress yourself out by dressing up fancy or coming up with conversation topics. We can just...spend time together. And if you want to try kissing or something else, we'll go at your speed. And you can tell me if you're not comfortable with anything at any time and I will stop. Honest conversation is important in these situations. And I want you to be honest with me."

There's a beat. "And, if you aren't ever interested in anything sexual, that's also okay. Our relationship can be anything we want it to be, okay?"

He definitely has a rather vivid imagination, maybe because of all the books he's read or all the strange and fantastical things that have happened since his discovery of Marc. He'd probably be a better writer than Lee, to be honest, but maybe for Wackyworld.

"Alright." He nods a few times and smiles a bit to himself. Her assurances do take a load off his mind. He finds navigating these kinds of complex social interactions difficult, but maybe it doesn't have to be, especially with someone like Maeve who can probably see some of the silliness that's been coded into her program.

Anyway, Marc's been. Showing him some stuff. Enlightening him on the... sexual side of things, one little revelation at a time. It's very different from the spicy romance novel. Steven doesn't not like it. He just needs a bit more time and familiarity and confidence.

"Are we bringing Marc along for our date then? Or are we leaving him at home?" He doesn't mind either way but Marc's idea of a date is probably rock-climbing or weight-lifting, whiskey tasting night or surviving two hours at the OK Corral. They'd both give her very different experiences. "You could go out with him on another day, if you'd both rather do something different. Let him treat you nice." He's nice, for all the bodice ripper romance novel alpha male vibes he gives off.

Maeve doesn't have a full grasp of her coding, but she does understand that there's not enough time in the day to stare at it for too long. She's rather exhausted just thinking about it.

"Mmm. Maybe we can plan some group dates, but I think our first date should be just us and I can plan a first date with Marc as well." She realizes that she's never actually been technically romanced. She just had feelings for Hector and refused to let them write her out of their relationship. "You know...I've never been on an actual date before. I don't even know what to expect."

"Well, they're. Terrible and awkward and expensive." Especially for Steven since he lost his job just before he came here. "You have to dress up and go somewhere nice. Pretend you're ten times more interesting than you really are. Hope there's some common ground you can talk about to pass the night. If she spends half the night on her phone instead of with you then, you know. It's a wee bit humiliating." Steven shrugs. "Often you're not looking for the same things in other people either. I mean just imagine there's seven billion people and you're looking for 'The One'."

Not to mention all the social expectations, the gendered expectations, and Steven's imaginary mother would have probably wanted her nice Jewish boy to find someone within the community which is just that little bit more degrading if things go south and rumours get spread.

"I went on a date, with. The bloke who took Marc's body out for a spin." Steven flashes her a tight-lipped smile. "It was really nice," he whispers quietly. There's trouble in paradise.

"Well, at least we've avoided the expensive part." But this certainly sounds generally displeasing. "And I already know you're plenty interesting." There's a brief moment as she tries to understand the general idea of 'The One'. It seems like a daunting experience. The idea that everyone has one person for the rest of forever. Not that she imagines she's liable to look for romance for a while, but who knows?

"Oh." She considers that information for a moment. "Well...I'm glad you had a nice time. What did you do? What made it enjoyable for you?" This is both to understand so she might point out ideas in a very casual manner for Marc and also so she understands what he might like in a date herself. She's never planned one, but she's got an idea sort of lingering in her mind.

She has absolutely no intention of letting Steven be the only one making date plans in this relationship.

Yeah, well. At least they've moved on from Mr. Right to Mr. Right Now. It's a bit easier to just find someone who suits you and what you need for your current circumstances, and be open to going with the flow as things change. Otherwise, you're kind of buggered if there's only one out of seven billion people out there that you have to find. What if The One is Wakandan? You'd have a less than zero chance of ever finding them.

"I'm not. I thought it was Marc. And that he'd changed. And that he was being open and honest and communicative with me. Like we'd hit a breakthrough and Marc finally trusted me enough to let me in. But it wasn't Marc. He lied to my face! And I believed him because I wanted to believe that Marc would finally be at peace one day, and be willing to open up to me, and I refused to see that it wasn't him. And people are like, 'how could you not have known?' Like, what, I'm supposed to believe that Marc would never trust me with his feelings or Marc would never be that happy one day?" Maeve is probably regretting asking, but Steven has too much pent up frustration over this to let it go.

"And now I feel like I've betrayed Marc, like. I should've tried to break him out or something. And instead I just-- we just had a really nice time together and we even nearly did-- butt stuff!" Yes, he's calling it 'butt stuff'. Safe to say there will be no 'butt stuff' until Steven can use adult words for adult activities. "And I can't talk about it with Marc because he hardly even talks to me right now. What if he thinks I like the other bloke more?" The crux of the problem being that Steven did like the man he thought Marc had become.

This is...a lot.

Maeve takes a deep breath in even though she doesn't technically need to breath. Still. It does seem necessary for the moment and to address the current topic. "I'm not certain you could have broken us out, darling. We weren't in our bodies while it was happening. There's no knowing what would have happened and you wouldn't want to have..." Killed him. She's fully aware that Steven is not the murdering type, which is why Maeve and Marc likely will have to be and even Marc might have more concerns on that front. Maeve won't.

As for the aforementioned 'butt stuff', Maeve is just going to stare at a point in front of her and not comment on the fact that he said 'butt stuff' to her. It's fine. It's just...obvious how much more innocent he is than either her or Marc at this point. It's also obvious that she's going to need to have a discussion with both of them about open and honest communication.

"Darling, I know it's going to be...complicated...but I think it is going to be important for you and Marc if you're both open and honest about what you want from one another. You don't have to address the elephant in the room just now, but the other stuff, I think you should. And I'll tell him the same. That communication is important. Because...it is." She looks over at him. "I may be new to relationships, but I have seen more than a few things happen that might not have without some conversation."

There's a brief pause and she slows down just a smidge. "I'm sorry you were disappointed, darling. And that you feel like you're being held at arm's length. If you need to talk about things, you're more than welcome to come to the room or we can walk around the deck together. But I do think you have to address it eventually before it becomes resentment. Or at least before the resentment turns into something harder to work through."

Steven frowns and drags his feet a little. He's not keen on having this conversation. Marc's been avoiding it a bit too. It's supposed to be a festive, happy time of year to spend with loved ones but instead they're awkwardly avoiding said elephant in the room and Marc feels more distant than ever.

"But I'm. Supposed to protect him." Even if that means Steven has been protecting Marc from the truth. That's the function he has served all his life. And Marc's been doing the same for him. Being honesty with each other is not always their strong suit, much as they want it from others, want it from each other sometimes.

"And I don't want him to feel like he hasn't been treating me right. He has. He just--" The man pretending to be Marc was more subtle, more experienced, more mature, more nuanced about it. He protected, but never coddled. He let Steven venture out on his own and make mistakes and was always there to pick him up if he stumbled, but he never tried to prevent harm from befalling Steven at all, or tell him what he could and couldn't do. He trusted that Steven would go out and experience everything this little made up world had to offer, encouraged him even to go out on his own, but he was always self-assured that Steven would come back to him, even if he would be sporting some scrapes and bruises and a kind of strength of character he didn't have before.

Most of all, Steven felt more of an equal with him. There was more confiding in each other than just Steven rambling on to a grunting, stonewalling zombie.

"...I don't know. I felt like less of a burden." Steven swallows and shrugs. He doesn't want Maeve to worry about them so he shakes his head and forces a smile. "I think. Once I figure out what I should tell him, I'll talk to him. Don't worry. We should be-- more worried about us and what we're going to do. I mean you don't even need to eat so I guess that's the usual first dinner date out the window."

Maeve is aware of how displeased he is. Body language is hard to not read on a daily basis and she can read his much easier than most.

"Darling..." She gives him a pointed look. "Protecting him at your own detriment is not helpful. For you or for him." Especially if they were trying to be in a relationship together, too. It only sows resentment. Like she's said.

She listens, waiting for him to finish his thought, not really expecting the end of the sentence as much, but... "I think you're both so used to being two people in the same body you're still figuring out how to be two individual people in different bodies." Maybe putting them together was unkind in a way. Didn't really give them independence. "I think I'm going to be worried about both of you, but we can still be worried about us, too." She wishes she had her hands a little more free. "I can still eat, though, so if you want to do dinner, we still could."

That they're not protecting each other in the healthiest way is not something that's foreign to Steven, but he honestly hadn't thought about what he's doing being potentially harmful, the same way that Marc probably hasn't thought about how his protecting Steven makes it harder for Steven to cope with the stressors that everyone has to face when they're living on their own in their own body.

They'll be back to the room soon enough so they can drop all this stuff off and step out again to talk. Tempting as it is for Steven to withdraw and hide inside the room so he doesn't have to talk about this difficult stuff with Maeve, or anyone else.

Steven tries to not talk about Marc and focus on their upcoming date instead.

"Well, yes, you can eat, but dates should be about what you like to do and what makes you feel good. I mean, I'd do all my dates in the library if I could!" Even though it would be so rude to have his nose in a book the whole time. He wouldn't read on his date unless they were reading together though. But they'd be surrounded by books and he'd feel like he was in a safe space and they could easily find a conversation topic on one of the many book spines surrounding them.

They won't be able to avoid it forever and Maeve is rather persistent. she's going to make sure they talk to each other eventually and get stuff sorted and aired so they can stat to work through it. She's just going to have to monitor their body language to know when she needs to pull back and when she needs to push.

"I suppose they are, yes." But the question remains...what does she like to do. And for dates. She spends a lot of time in familiar haunts like Tauva. She has been playing a lot more of Dig Dug recently just to get so good at it she can destroy Nobunaga's will to live. For fun. "I think sometimes it's fun to learn something new. Like Eddie taught me how to play an arcade game. It wasn't a date, but I was...rather out of sorts and using the sound of the machines to deal with...everything." But a nod. "Perhaps we can go to the library for one as well." She's gonna keep him away from the erotica books she's discovered if she can help it.

"Hmm. I see. Well I'm not sure I could teach you anything new, but. We could try a new activity?" Steven suggests. Learning something together - what could possibly go wrong? They can save the library for a second date, since that one is more or less guaranteed to go better and save any mishaps from the first.

"I'll come find you," Steven promises. He'll figure something out then, when he's not busy entertaining a room of people and commandeering her help to keep the food topped up.

Maeve nods. "That is acceptable." As if she wouldn't have done basically anything Steven suggested. And if she didn't like it, she could just never do it again. But it does seem like fun. To do something new and have no idea if either of them will be any good at it.

"Okay, darling. You can always text if you need to in case you can't strictly find me."

"I will." And hopefully he will have at least said something to Marc by then even if he doesn't say exactly what he said to Maeve. Even though Marc really needs to hear more or less exactly what he had said to Maeve.

"Thank you. For taking a chance on me. And-- and I should mention. Hanukkah starts on the 18th and goes for a week, overlapping with Christmas. You should stop by anytime during that week. Maybe not at the start! Let me. Talk to Marc first..." Maybe he can convince him to do a mini Hanukkah for half a week or something, if he absolutely hates the idea of suffering for the whole week.

"Good." She very carefully moves to press another kiss to his cheek so that none of the food or the beer falls.

"You don't need to thank me for that. We're both taking a chance." She hopes that the chance will work and that they'll get to be happy. "Oh. That's...a holiday?" She doesn't know too much about the concept of multiple holidays, but it sounds like that since she does know of Christmas in a very vague way. "Okay. I'd be happy to spend any holidays with you both. If you both want me there."

"'Tis, yes." He relieves himself of all the food and helps her put everything down once they get to the table, makes sure Marc has his beer before he passes out or whatever, and then rejoins Maeve by the door where they can continue talking.

"Hanukkah. It's what we celebrate. I just-- it's been a while, for Marc. He didn't have a good relationship with his family." Nevermind that they have the same family. It's complicated. With nothing to hold onto now, Steven is again wringing his hands. "Want to make sure he's okay with it, y'know. And that we'll have the food ready." And try not to eat them all before Maeve gets there.

Maeve nods as he keeps talking. She doesn't know a terrible amount of the whole thing about Marc's family, but...she wants to learn more, to know more. She wants him to want to talk to her more about things.

"That's fine, darling. If he's not, we'll find something else to do. But I'd be happy to learn more about your holiday and how you celebrate." A beat. "I want to learn more about you both."

That is precisely Steven's problem. He can't get Marc to talk to him about a bunch of things. Maybe Maeve will have better luck with that? Maybe it's easier to talk to somebody who doesn't live in your head, whom you feel compelled to protect all the time. But Steven is doubtful.

"Yes alright. I could tell you about all our holidays," Steven agrees with fervent nods. When he thinks no one is looking, he smiles and tries to reach over to give her hand a light squeeze. "Looking forward to it."

Maeve will figure it out if she has to drag it out of him. She'd prefer he gave it up on his own terms, though.

It's cute how excited he is about it, how willing to be open and vulnerable. She squeezes his hand in return. "I'm looking forward to it, too." A beat. "And I want you to know that you can always talk to me about anything you want to. I'll be here no matter how small or insignificant you think the thought is."

By that same token, he too is sometimes reluctant to share some things with Marc, on account of them being together all the time, living and breathing in the same space. Not nearly to the degree that Marc is with him, but it's good to have someone like Maeve to talk to, especially when she wouldn't ridicule or belittle him.

"I will. I promise." If anything, he'd be the one oversharing and Marc would just not share anything meaningful at all, almost like one's overcompensating for the other.

"Okay, good." Maeve hasn't kept too much from anyone, but she does try not to discuss everything. She can play every death out in her mind over and over in explicit detail, but no one needs to know about them. She's really only shared with one or two people about having killed her own kind, but it was part of staying alive. Still she hopes, in time, that both the boys will feel comfortable to share more of their lives at home.

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Country roads, take me home

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