pleased to meet you

[sailmods]

CW: murder

[it is the morning of the 17th when the usual morning announcement is replaced with the sort of tentative, nervous tone that Friday takes on immediately before something insane happens.]

Good morning, passengers! It's, um... Well, I sure hope everyone had an interesting time on their shore excursion! The Captain sure did! In fact, he had such a good time, he's asked me to inform you all that, tonight, he's going to be hosting his usual captain's formal in the main dining room, but with a twist! This time, it's going to be a, um... victory party! For Natsuno! Because he won! [small laugh] And also to celebrate the opening of a new shop on the Promenade! Gosh, and that really is something to celebrate; I haven't seen that happen since he--

[LOUD STATIC NOISES]

-- Yes, well! The dress code will be cruise formal; everyone can find a new set of clothes in their cabin to celebrate the occasion! I-- Oh, right, we'll see you all tonight! 8PM sharp!

[the connection cuts off. today, for the first time that anyone can remember, Friday can't be found in the atrium. or any other room. smoke 'em if you got 'em.

at 8PM sharp, the door to the dining room swings open. it is mostly empty: the only tables left are a dozen or so under the main chandelier. there are name cards at each table setting, written in Friday's neat script; the seatings seem mostly random, except for everyone who was on the island, who will find themselves at a table with their killer and/or victim(s). except Natsuno, of course, whose name is displayed proudly at the head table, next to an unnamed place. once they are inside, all of them find themselves under the same sort of compulsion that they felt during the muster drill, and their legs will stop working until they have gone to their assigned seats.

Friday enters the room first, dressed up nicely, but with hunched shoulders and her hands clasped firmly in front of her. the door shuts behind her. she says nothing, and acknowledges no one, not even Natsuno, as she takes her spot behind the chair.

a few fashionable minutes pass. it starts as smoke pouring out from under the door, moving towards the table as it slowly solidifies into the form of... a rather normal-looking man. he sits, cross-legged, in the chair that Friday pulls out for him. he looks over the assembled crowd, visibly considering something... there is a flash of silver in the light, and the knife he'd had in his sleeve is across Friday's throat quicker than she can react, and she falls bonelessly to the ground, a spray of arterial blood across the table setting.]

There, perfect.

[he looks out at them again. and he smiles. the knife is placed back in his sleeve, and he holds his hands out, palms up.]

Well. Here's your chance. [he waves a hand lazily, and the compulsion keeping them seated fades like pins and needles.] Try not to embarrass yourselves.

Comments

cw: cont. suicide mentions

[skaikru]

( that's fair, and something clarke can reasonably relate to. she hadn't wanted to die alone on a perpetually burning planet, but when the situation arose that it was that or seven of her friends would also meet the same fate, it hadn't felt like much of a choice. she'd hung at the bottom of a satellite tower and quietly whispered her own death prayer to herself, then carried on. had died — entirely, or almost — in pain, isolated, and writhing, but hadn't regretted it even as the world went black.

then to wake up here, be robbed of that end and forced to fight for survival again, and have those sacrifices cheapened now that death became as inconsequential as stubbing one's toe... )

I get that, Natsuno, I do. You came to terms with it, and then someone worlds away decided you didn't get a say in the matter. That's something absolutely reasonable to be angry and sad about in the same breath.

But you can't run on anger all the time. And you can't swallow all that sadness, it'll eat you from the inside out like a cancer. You can't burn out before we figure out a way to kill the Captain right alongside us, I — I need you for that.

cont. cw for the next few comments probably

[neverleave]

[You can't run on anger all the time, she says, and Natsuno's first thought is WATCH ME. Anger is all he's left, because if he stops running on anger, it's either sadness or numbness, neither of which will help. At least anger pushes you to act instead of drowning in existential horror.

Then Clarke says kill the Captain right alongside us, and... well. That was always the plan, wasn't it? Natsuno has no intention of burning out (figuratively and literally, considering the captain) and leaving her to deal with it alone.]

You say you can't swallow the sadness, so tell me this. [Part defiance, part genuine question.] Grieving people move on because they know death is final. How can you do it when it doesn't stops?

cont. cw for their entire cr

[skaikru]

( well, let's just upheave that questions basis, because — )

Have you moved on from your grieving? I haven't, and don't think I ever will. But that doesn't change the fact that I have to wake up every day and make sure those deaths weren't for nothing.

[neverleave]

[Have you moved on from your grieving haha no but you see, dying was also supposed to fix that with an unfeeling oblivion, so again the problem is NOT BEING DEAD -

Anyway.]

I was done back home. I know it wasn't for nothing.

[The first death was for Tohru. Natsuno doesn't regret it, even though he ended up rising, with front row seats to the consequences of his decision. The second death was an angry, bloody revenge and he got what he wanted. Kaori and Akira made it and the shiki's plan was reduced to ashes.

Of course, you could argue that everything in Sotoba was for nothing. But as far as Natsuno's concerned, the shiki are the ones who started it. All he could do was play the crappy hand he'd been dealt and finish it.]

But I still can't move on.

[skaikru]

I was done back home too. ( though at this point, she doesn't know it wasn't a worthless effort. behind the gut wrenching what if's that force her to imagine her friends suffocating in space while she choked on her own blood back on earth, there's still the sentiment that she'd tried. finally crossed the last line in terms of trying her best, and had willingly died for her people. )

And then I woke up here. And found a new purpose.

( a new people which, like it or not, natsuno was included in. it took dying in his lap and reviving to watch him struggle through two more days of abject hell, but it's been solidified now. they're friends, he's her best friend — and maybe they're more than friends in that she'd look for him first in a time of crisis, and give everything she could to spare him further pain and suffering — even if that was the exact opposite of what he wanted. one can recognize the deathwish in another, and still seek to save them.

clarke sighs, finally lets her crossed arms fall from around her torso. and she wants to reach out for him (a hug, to take his hand and squeeze to better impress her sentiment, or just a simple hand on his shoulder) but doesn't feel like she's the right to after the split lip stunt. )

I... don't have a good answer for you. I wish I did. But nothing I say is going to mean more than you recognizing why you also woke up here and decided to fight instead of curl into a ball of self pity and starve to death. If you were angry, sad, or spiteful enough, you could have just done that, right?

[neverleave]

I decide to fight because I'm angry. Like I'll just roll over and let the captain has his way.

[Even a death wish has its limits. Being done means nothing if it comes at the price of burning into nothing to power a magician's ship. When he's done, he'll make sure he'll be free, and it will always be by choice.]

What will you do when we beat the captain, then? Assuming that even means finding a way back in the first place.

[skaikru]

( hang on, she has a note to hit before they continue: )

I think you decided to fight because you're a good person who doesn't want to see this continue to happen to other people, even after we're gone. Being so fiercely angry about it just makes you a better solider for the cause.

( and she wants to leave space in the conversation for natsuno to confirm or deny. to just soak in the vicious, wartime praise and hopefully take away some meaningful sentiment from it. but he'd asked her a question too, and after a beat clarke has to shrug and answer. )

There's a couple options there, right? Either the ship stays intact and we're all just stuck here until we die. ( in which case she might allow herself to relax. be happy. learn a karaoke song and get a tan. who knows. but more likely — ) Or this pocket dimension dies with him, and we're all just melting into oblivion. And if we're all just instantly transported back home, then I go back to dying and don't have to think about any of this anymore.

( her smile is... half hearted. twisted, a little sad. but the sentiment from earlier conversations remains: if given the option, clarke'd like to go home. )

[neverleave]

[A good person? Natsuno does consider it, silently, and shrugs. He thinks Clarke is giving him too much credit, here. He doesn't see his actions as anything noble, no more than what he did in Sotoba. Who said I'm on the humans' side? I just don't care much for YOU.

He cares about Clarke, deeply. He cares about a few other passengers, a list that's constantly growing but still small. Everyone else is just... there. He has no desire to make them suffer, but can't say they matter.

He is a good soldier, though. The kind of will sacrifice himself without hesitation.]

I'd rather go back, too. [To die in his own reality, though he'll take melting to oblivion as compromise.] But if we stay stuck here - I can't die. Not naturally. Won't get old, either.

[And that's some of the issue. He doesn't want to be an immortal monster. Stay fifteen forever when everything else moves on, changes and dies? That's actual hell.]

[skaikru]

( oh man, so they're here already huh?

silently, clarke doesn't think this perpetual existence onboard an endlessly meandering cruise ship is likely without the captain at the helm. but on the off chance it is, why not prepare? why not seek to further cement their friendship by offering natsuno something she hates but is more than capable of... )

...If we kill the Captain, there's no one left to put us back together after we die. The reanimation stops. And then if you want to tell me how to stop you from coming back — ( like he'd offered a month ago, after her reckless first death and the subsequent horrible words she'd thrown at him after learning his true nature.) — ...I'd do that for you.

( natsuno had held her while she bled out and died, and tried to offer her an out. how do i... make it easier? that'd been unspoken but understood. i don't want you to hurt. that'd been such a kindness to hear in her worst moment, and clarke hopes this offer hits the same notes.

and that she never has to follow through on it. )

[neverleave]

[His looks at her, surprised for a moment, then somber.]

I wish you wouldn't have to.

[That's the knee-jerk reaction. Natsuno doesn't think it's a likely scenario either, and he doesn't want to cause her pain... but the willingness, even in theory, means the world to him. That's all he wanted - for people to accept his choices even if they didn't agree or understand him, to know they would listen instead of trying to force their own expectations on him.

Clarke really is his best friend, now.]

...thank you.

[skaikru]

( they certainly are having a moment here, a mood that hangs as heavy above their heads as clarke's offer hangs on her own tongue. she doesn't want to do a thing she's already promised to do, what's new in the life of clarke griffin, friendship spoiler and mass killer extraordinaire? but at least she's not crying about the thought of it yet. swallows that down, chokes a bit around it and manages to turn it into the weakest attempt at a laugh. )

Well, obviously I wish I won't have to either.

( that's my best friend, he's important to me, i need you. )

And we have a lot of work to do before we even have to think about it, right? So — I mean, do you still want to be done?

( a vague jerk of her chin back at the arcade glowing and gently chiming over his shoulder. it's inviting, but the levity of the evening has flatlined. her lip is still stinging, the laceration black, open and unscabbed. )

[neverleave]

[He glances back at the arcade.]

I think I'm done for tonight.

[True, there's work to be done before he ever needs to think about Clarke's promise. But Natsuno is having emotions and needs to go somewhere to deal with them. There's no bring back the lighthearted mood tonight.]

Another time?

[It's a promise as much as it's a suggestion. She's his friend, and that includes hanging out as well as murderboarding.]

[skaikru]

Another time.

( an agreement and a promise, sealed with a nod before clarke finally takes a step back — no longer taking up natsuno's personal space to keep him from fleeing. there's more than enough room to either brush past her, or fall into step at her side to trek back to the cabins. it's gotten late. )

I'm going to turn in, I think.