We'd be alright if the wind were in our sails

[astrogator]

Who: Arilanna Tayrey and You!
What: She's still alive and she has a lot of feelings about this (aftermath of event)
When: Post-event, catch-all for May
Where: Outside her cabin, shops, bars, lounge, around the ship in general
Warnings: She's likely to be depressive, possible talk of suicide and oblivion, property damage with a gun, will update with anything else.



1. another night in jail wouldn't do us any harm [existing CR, outside her cabin/texts]

[Sparkles vanished. She can't fault the decision; she'd want to vanish too, if they'd been in each other's places. What this tells her, however, is that there's nothing more she can do right now. Exhausted, Tayrey retreats to her cabin. Some good has been done here, she knows. The dimmed lights are testament to that. The tormented souls are free. But Ari Tayrey herself? She's right back where she started, trapped on this ship, surrounded by people who are now even more pleased to be there than before. Happy prisoners.

She can't bear to be around them. She can't bear to be around anyone, it's as if the lack of privacy she had no choice but to endure has rubbed every nerve raw, and she needs to recover. She scrubs herself clean, getting rid of every trace of sand, every trace of that ordeal. Before she sleeps, she barricades the door, just in case there's anyone cruel enough to try to disturb her.

Talk to her through the door, if you're not worried about making a habit of it. Or text her. Either way, nobody's getting in for several days.]

2. a bottle of rum wouldn't do us any harm [open, shops or bars]

[When she finally ventures outside again, it's for a perfunctory look around, an assessment of what she's missed. Perhaps unsurprisingly, the supply issues catch her attention first. For now, she's not personally worried. Her stockpiles are very healthy – but she's also aware that they're not infinite, and what is currently an erratic restocking system might quickly get worse.

Find her with a backpack, filling it with whatever looks useful. Depending on where you are, that might be packaged food, or it might be alcohol. Brandy and port and beer. This isn't done in busy areas, but she's not really trying to hide it either. In fact, if anyone approaches her, she'll raise a hand in greeting. No smile, though. She's busy.]

3. if the devil's in the road we'll roll it over him [open, various places]

[She's heard it all now. That Yato never returned from that room. That neither did Shiranui. Incongruously, her first reaction was anger. How could he do that? Confess his feelings for her, leave her no choice but to disappoint him, and then disappear? It isn't right. Ari's emotions are so conflicted she struggles to unpick them at all. She's grieving for the loss of a friend, but also for the loss of something that could never have existed, no matter what she felt for him.

She'd been careless. This is why Tradeliners don't get attached.

Her only solution is to keep herself busy. Even more patrols of the ship than before, and long hours bent over her astronomy texts as if she and not Crichton were the one with hidden knowledge that sufficient effort might reveal. Once, she even falls asleep over an open book in the lounge – something she'll be very flustered over if anyone ventures to wake her.

Or find Ari sitting on the ground, gun in her hand, firing short blasts at a nearby wall. The dark scorch marks leave patterns, and she links them together with a thick marker pen. Star charts. Trading lines. A map writ large, drawn out on a ship that no longer seems to be mending itself. An image in reverse, a negative, bright stars rendered as dark stains, signs of damage. And yet it's all very careful, very precise, and there's a strange sort of beauty in it, for those willing to see it.

If she's approached, she'll lower the gun, give the person an expectant look.]

or a wildcard

[Contact me via PM or at MillisaK for a custom starter or to discuss other ideas!]

Comments

[astrogator]

Ari nods. 'It's no trouble. I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it, and we both know this fight is far from over. But I do have one question-'

She pauses, leans a little closer, because this is important. 'If I can convince Sparkles of the merits of freedom for everyone here, are you willing to work with him against the false captain, and for our escape? I'm not asking you to approve, or be friendly, or - really for anything other than temporary co-operation in service of a shared objective.' Then, almost an afterthought: 'Saying no is perfectly acceptable. I just need to know it, as I'm making plans for future possibilities.'

[not_the_last]

She considers that, carefully.

"I don't think it's likely," she says finally. "Any likelier than convincing the Captain of the same. But should that situation arise ... I'd be extremely wary of trusting it, but I wouldn't be opposed in principle to that kind of temporary cooperation."

[astrogator]

'Thank you.' This is enough to make Tayrey smile. It's one less potential trouble.

'It's not likely, no. Although it's actually far more likely than convincing that false captain of anything, but that helps less than you might think. The probability is still very low - but isn't that true of all our plans? Still, I have to try. Sparkles might hold more power than we know. Possibly than he knows, right now. I shan't rule it out.'

[not_the_last]

"If I may ask," Cassandra says cautiously, "why do you think it's more likely? Not the part about opposing the false captain," sure, she'll use Tayrey's phrasing, "but the part about seeing the merits of freedom for everyone here."

[astrogator]

She hears that phrasing, and appreciates it immensely. 'I'm afraid I'm being very literal,' she admits. 'I don't think there's any chance that our captor will simply set us free. I certainly have absolutely no chance of convincing him, since he won't meet with me. The chances of convincing Sparkles are higher since it's actually possible to negotiate with him.'

She thinks for a moment. 'But it's also true more broadly. Sparkles was held prisoner here. Tortured so badly that the only way out he saw was death. If we can convince him escape is possible, why shouldn't we convince him that we long for freedom and deserve it just as he does? Children do understand that others have feelings too. I'm not saying that it'll be easy. But possible? Certainly.'

[not_the_last]

"He's met with me. I ... don't have any clear idea of what kind of impression I made."

She listens to the rest, then frowns in consideration. "If I understand the order of events correctly, Sparkles -- or rather, the being that eventually became both Sparkles and our captor -- was held prisoner and tortured long before 'here' even existed. This place represents its attempt to escape all of that. I admit I don't understand how the division between them happened, but ... I'm not certain either aspect of him is likelier to come to care about what we want or deserve."

[astrogator]

'They are not the same person.' Ari says this sharply, vehemently. 'They are not aspects of the same person. They likely have the same origin, but that hardly matters. Sparkles is an individual. He was trapped within this ship, for a very long time. Who do you think did that to him? If this ship was his escape, why would he be so desperate, in such pain that he wanted to destroy it, and himself and everyone else with it? Sparkles had no choice about that situation. He was trapped. Alone. For such a long time.'

She has sympathy for the poor tortured child. There's - Ari can't see it, but there's something in the way of projection going on too. But both those things pale in comparison to the idea that Sparkles and the false captain were the same. If it were true, Ari would have done something absolutely unforgivable in speaking up for the former, and she suspects Cassandra wouldn't have told her it was the right decision, either. More like siding with the enemy.

'He's a child. He can grow. He can learn. He already cares about Fio.'

[not_the_last]

"They aren't the same person now, but they were once. I think that does matter, and it could be dangerous to lose sight of it. The being that they once were, that being created this place as an escape, and it severed a piece of itself to do it. Sparkles is that piece. He didn't get a chance at that escape because he was imprisoned to make it possible."

A beat, as she tries to work out a better way to explain.

"I don't hold Sparkles responsible for anything the false captain has done to us, and it would be reprehensible if anyone were to do so -- but I don't think their experiences have differed enough that it no longer makes sense to view the false captain as a, a way to guess how Sparkles might behave. Maybe Sparkles can grow and learn, but finding one of us to care about clearly didn't stop him from tormenting the rest of us."

[astrogator]

She listens, and tries to understand. When Cassandra finishes speaking, she nods. 'I do respect your right to see it that way. I understand the caution. The truth is that there's a whole lot we don't know, so I can't say you're wrong. I don't want to come across like... like Citizen Pleasant, wanting everyone to forgive our enemy even while he keeps tormenting us. So I'm grateful to you for your honesty. If Sparkles keeps doing us harm, I won't keep excusing him.'

Tayrey frowns, considering it. 'If Sparkles grew from a piece of our captor, it was a piece from a much earlier stage of development. And in the intervening years - I can't say how many years - the false captain has imprisoned and tortured many people, while Sparkles has been tortured. I do think those are very different experiences. That Sparkles didn't just kill everyone in an attempt to end things - he set up that elaborate maze - that does make me very concerned. It makes me wary. But that's the example he's been set, isn't it? Children imitate their elders. I want to... to give him better role models, and see what happens. I don't think it costs me much to try. If it's silly idealism on my part, no doubt I'll find that out soon enough.'

[not_the_last]

A long pause. Cassandra's gaze is turned inward, and her expression is difficult to decipher; it might be one of doubt.

"I have been," she says slowly, "very much afraid of what it might cost to try. Possibly too much afraid. I ... would encourage you to keep that wariness, if you can give it an honest effort and stay wary at the same time."

[astrogator]

Having said her piece, she doesn't rush to fill the silence, instead giving Cassandra time to analyse, to consider.

'I must try to see the best in him, but that doesn’t mean losing sight of his faults. I might think that what he did is understandable, but it was still a terrible thing. I'll stay a little wary, as long as I need to.'

But now she's afraid that she's missing something. 'I won't pry into your fears, but - what do you think it might cost, to try? I weighed it against the cost of inaction, and compared to that, almost any plan will look favorable, even those unlikely to succeed.'

[not_the_last]

"Becoming complicit," she says, with barely a half-breath of hesitation. "Is the largest part of what I fear it might cost."

[astrogator]

'If I don't fear that,' she replies, 'it's because I don't think it's something I would ever do. I don't think I have it in me. But this place is... when I look at what it's already done to me, I do worry. I have someone I trust who has pledged to stop me by whatever means necessary if I-'

This is hard to say. It's an admission of weakness. 'If I'm ever not in my right mind, and I try to do something antithetical to my values. I won't ask that of you, but I'll ask this. If you ever see me becoming complicit in our captivity, or excusing it, will you tell me? Tell me plainly, that it's betrayal. Word by contract, I'll listen.'

[not_the_last]

I don't think I have it in me. Tayrey is so close to grasping why Cassandra does fear it, and she is not going to draw that last connection for her, not right now.

"I will," she says without hesitation. "Word by contract. And I would appreciate it greatly if I could ask you ..."

And there's the hesitation, as a look of misgiving crosses her face.

[astrogator]

She doesn't grasp it just yet, which might seem strange, for someone with a mind so analytical as hers, but it's her high opinion of Cassandra that does it, coupled with a strong sense of certainty.

'Yes?' It's said softly, encouragingly. 'What is it?'

[ooc: appallingly late tag, sorry, but this got lost with my June hiatus and I've just noticed I never replied - completely up to you if you want to continue or leave it <3]

[not_the_last]

Slowly: "I would like to ask you the same. But I've asked others that here, and every one of them has vanished. The last one only minutes after I asked. It seems ... fantastical to suppose that there might be any kind of causal connection, but ..."

But I am afraid. She doesn't want to say it.

[astrogator]

'No, I'm certain there is no connection. It's improbable, but improbable things happen all the time, with nothing behind them but chance.'

Ari gives Cassandra a small smile. 'I'll do it. Word by contract - and I am far too obstinate to disappear on you, you can be sure of that.' Again that encouraging, reassuring tone. They need to be able to rely on each other, that far.

wrap here?

[not_the_last]

She holds out a hand to clasp Tayrey's. "Thank you."

We check each other. It's what Steve Harrington said to her, before he vanished. She leans in to Tayrey's assurance that there is no connection, and does her best to believe it in her heart as well as her mind.

sure!

[astrogator]

Tayrey clasps Cassandra's hand firmly, as if it's the seal of the contract, as if it means that what she's saying simply must be true.

'It's the least I can do. We should stand by one another, and this is part of it.'

Despite their disagreements on the details sometimes, they share values. It matters. They're alike enough to be able to do this for one another.