Lieutenant Ari Tayrey (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
astrogator) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
come_sailaway2023-05-10 11:44 am
astrogator) wrote in come_sailaway2023-05-10 11:44 am
We'd be alright if the wind were in our sails
Who: Arilanna Tayrey and You!
What: She's still alive and she has a lot of feelings about this (aftermath of event)
When: Post-event, catch-all for May
Where: Outside her cabin, shops, bars, lounge, around the ship in general
Warnings: She's likely to be depressive, possible talk of suicide and oblivion, property damage with a gun, will update with anything else.
1. another night in jail wouldn't do us any harm [existing CR, outside her cabin/texts]
[Sparkles vanished. She can't fault the decision; she'd want to vanish too, if they'd been in each other's places. What this tells her, however, is that there's nothing more she can do right now. Exhausted, Tayrey retreats to her cabin. Some good has been done here, she knows. The dimmed lights are testament to that. The tormented souls are free. But Ari Tayrey herself? She's right back where she started, trapped on this ship, surrounded by people who are now even more pleased to be there than before. Happy prisoners.
She can't bear to be around them. She can't bear to be around anyone, it's as if the lack of privacy she had no choice but to endure has rubbed every nerve raw, and she needs to recover. She scrubs herself clean, getting rid of every trace of sand, every trace of that ordeal. Before she sleeps, she barricades the door, just in case there's anyone cruel enough to try to disturb her.
Talk to her through the door, if you're not worried about making a habit of it. Or text her. Either way, nobody's getting in for several days.]
2. a bottle of rum wouldn't do us any harm [open, shops or bars]
[When she finally ventures outside again, it's for a perfunctory look around, an assessment of what she's missed. Perhaps unsurprisingly, the supply issues catch her attention first. For now, she's not personally worried. Her stockpiles are very healthy – but she's also aware that they're not infinite, and what is currently an erratic restocking system might quickly get worse.
Find her with a backpack, filling it with whatever looks useful. Depending on where you are, that might be packaged food, or it might be alcohol. Brandy and port and beer. This isn't done in busy areas, but she's not really trying to hide it either. In fact, if anyone approaches her, she'll raise a hand in greeting. No smile, though. She's busy.]
3. if the devil's in the road we'll roll it over him [open, various places]
[She's heard it all now. That Yato never returned from that room. That neither did Shiranui. Incongruously, her first reaction was anger. How could he do that? Confess his feelings for her, leave her no choice but to disappoint him, and then disappear? It isn't right. Ari's emotions are so conflicted she struggles to unpick them at all. She's grieving for the loss of a friend, but also for the loss of something that could never have existed, no matter what she felt for him.
She'd been careless. This is why Tradeliners don't get attached.
Her only solution is to keep herself busy. Even more patrols of the ship than before, and long hours bent over her astronomy texts as if she and not Crichton were the one with hidden knowledge that sufficient effort might reveal. Once, she even falls asleep over an open book in the lounge – something she'll be very flustered over if anyone ventures to wake her.
Or find Ari sitting on the ground, gun in her hand, firing short blasts at a nearby wall. The dark scorch marks leave patterns, and she links them together with a thick marker pen. Star charts. Trading lines. A map writ large, drawn out on a ship that no longer seems to be mending itself. An image in reverse, a negative, bright stars rendered as dark stains, signs of damage. And yet it's all very careful, very precise, and there's a strange sort of beauty in it, for those willing to see it.
If she's approached, she'll lower the gun, give the person an expectant look.]
or a wildcard
[Contact me via PM or at![[plurk.com profile]](https://plurk.com/favicon.ico)
MillisaK for a custom starter or to discuss other ideas!]
What: She's still alive and she has a lot of feelings about this (aftermath of event)
When: Post-event, catch-all for May
Where: Outside her cabin, shops, bars, lounge, around the ship in general
Warnings: She's likely to be depressive, possible talk of suicide and oblivion, property damage with a gun, will update with anything else.
1. another night in jail wouldn't do us any harm [existing CR, outside her cabin/texts]
[Sparkles vanished. She can't fault the decision; she'd want to vanish too, if they'd been in each other's places. What this tells her, however, is that there's nothing more she can do right now. Exhausted, Tayrey retreats to her cabin. Some good has been done here, she knows. The dimmed lights are testament to that. The tormented souls are free. But Ari Tayrey herself? She's right back where she started, trapped on this ship, surrounded by people who are now even more pleased to be there than before. Happy prisoners.
She can't bear to be around them. She can't bear to be around anyone, it's as if the lack of privacy she had no choice but to endure has rubbed every nerve raw, and she needs to recover. She scrubs herself clean, getting rid of every trace of sand, every trace of that ordeal. Before she sleeps, she barricades the door, just in case there's anyone cruel enough to try to disturb her.
Talk to her through the door, if you're not worried about making a habit of it. Or text her. Either way, nobody's getting in for several days.]
2. a bottle of rum wouldn't do us any harm [open, shops or bars]
[When she finally ventures outside again, it's for a perfunctory look around, an assessment of what she's missed. Perhaps unsurprisingly, the supply issues catch her attention first. For now, she's not personally worried. Her stockpiles are very healthy – but she's also aware that they're not infinite, and what is currently an erratic restocking system might quickly get worse.
Find her with a backpack, filling it with whatever looks useful. Depending on where you are, that might be packaged food, or it might be alcohol. Brandy and port and beer. This isn't done in busy areas, but she's not really trying to hide it either. In fact, if anyone approaches her, she'll raise a hand in greeting. No smile, though. She's busy.]
3. if the devil's in the road we'll roll it over him [open, various places]
[She's heard it all now. That Yato never returned from that room. That neither did Shiranui. Incongruously, her first reaction was anger. How could he do that? Confess his feelings for her, leave her no choice but to disappoint him, and then disappear? It isn't right. Ari's emotions are so conflicted she struggles to unpick them at all. She's grieving for the loss of a friend, but also for the loss of something that could never have existed, no matter what she felt for him.
She'd been careless. This is why Tradeliners don't get attached.
Her only solution is to keep herself busy. Even more patrols of the ship than before, and long hours bent over her astronomy texts as if she and not Crichton were the one with hidden knowledge that sufficient effort might reveal. Once, she even falls asleep over an open book in the lounge – something she'll be very flustered over if anyone ventures to wake her.
Or find Ari sitting on the ground, gun in her hand, firing short blasts at a nearby wall. The dark scorch marks leave patterns, and she links them together with a thick marker pen. Star charts. Trading lines. A map writ large, drawn out on a ship that no longer seems to be mending itself. An image in reverse, a negative, bright stars rendered as dark stains, signs of damage. And yet it's all very careful, very precise, and there's a strange sort of beauty in it, for those willing to see it.
If she's approached, she'll lower the gun, give the person an expectant look.]
or a wildcard
[Contact me via PM or at
no subject
It seemed personal. So I'm grateful to you for clarifying. Now I know it isn't. And I want to be clear myself, here - I might wish you'd change your mind, but you're right that I value choice and autonomy. I'll put my arguments to you, no harm in that, but I'd never try to force you into anything. Never. I'd consider that an absolute wrong, and I'm sorry if I gave you any other impression.
I can't imagine what you've been through. Honestly, it sounds truly terrible, and you have every right to turn down any offer of investigation from me or anyone else.
I want to... let me explain it. I've never had my rights and autonomy violated before the way that they have been here. I've never been as terrified of anything as I am of what lies ahead if I can't get out of here. Not even a fraction, and I've flown my starship in battle. So when you rejected my offer of help by saying that the person responsible for putting me in this situation is your most trusted friend? After I told you how much I feared it? It's worse than you saying either of those two things separately, you see it? I didn't know how else to take it. I'm doing my level best to find a way out of this nightmare that doesn't end with having to write any of us off as some kind of acceptable loss, and that's not easy. That doesn't mean you owe me anything, it just...
[She shakes her head.] Somehow I don't know how anyone stands any of this. For you, I think, the answer is that you've already been through worse. But I'm not myself today. I know it. [Her eyes flicker up to the pattern on the wall, scorch marks from an energy weapon.] If I've been unfair today - will you forgive me for that? I'm... I think I'm grieving. I don't- [she swipes a hand across her eyes] Can we try again another day?
no subject
But I will explore other options, I promise I haven't given up. I just unfortunately know that this isn't a problem so easily solved... It's heartbreaking, when I allow myself to get caught up in that hope. Only to have yet another cure slip away, months and years amounting to nothing until I only have days left. And I don't want to... put anyone through that again, that feeling of responsibility. Bill shouldn't have- [she cuts herself off, looking pained at the mention of Bill, remembering all that he did for her, the way he nearly took the fall for her crimes. how she begged him to go. i'm not leaving you.]
What I've experienced isn't any worse than what others have, but it has allowed me a slightly different perspective... Some of you have a home to get back to, or freedoms you are used to. This is the first time in my life I have anything actually worth living for, and no I'm not willing to throw that all away. But I know I'm likely to die soon enough. So I'm trying a different approach, trying to accept that sometimes there aren't happy endings for people like me. But that doesn't mean I have to be miserable the whole way through. I want to be grateful for what I do have.
But that's never meant as a... dismissal of how you feel about it. And I'm sorry that I presented it that way. I'm- I just mean that I know he has access to resources and knowledge spanning countless universes that the rest of us do not. That's not a moral judgment against you or anyone else, or trying to say he's better than you after what he's done. But I admit I get defensive on the matter of my health, because I am used to being dragged around by it. [her shoulders slump.] I'll try to be more careful with my phrasing.
But I forgive you, if you will me. I don't feel badly toward you. And I would like to try again. [she reaches a hand out.]
no subject
It was a simulation, Tayrey. Nobody really did it to you. It wasn't real. She tells herself all this, firmly. She has control here. What use is a Tradeliner too damaged to even greet people politely, or seal contract? She has to get past this, or she is lost.
The momentary uncertain look vanishes, and she reaches out, takes Ava's hand and shakes it firmly, her left hand reaching out to clasp the other woman's forearm briefly as she does, Tradeliner-fashion.] Yes. Peace, no bad feelings. We'll try again.
[She's grateful for that. It might be more than she deserves.] It's hard for me... to imagine people happy here. Because this is the worst thing I've ever experienced - but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't find happiness if you can. I won't pressure you on anything to do with your health. That was wrong of me. Only I really do... I have hope that there's a solution that works for all of us. Citizen Pleasant said it was possible for me to get back to my sector, you know?
[There's a little hopeful look on her face, this young woman who would ordinarily scorn Skulduggery said as proof of anything - but it's not his opinion that means the most, so much as what it revealed to her. That they needn't be in opposition. That they might someday work for a shared goal.]
Right now I only... well, I was very fond of Shiranui. [And he's gone.] But I shouldn't let my emotion get the better of me. It isn't very professional.
no subject
Being happy isn't easy for me. [while it's true that this is the happiest she's ever been, Ava is still struggling quite a bit with a lifetime of depression. there's still days it's difficult to get out of bed. but she does, because she knows Peter would worry and that would make her feel even worse. it's hard when people hold it against her, see her happiness as some selfish thing at the expense of everyone else. when the universe has done everything possible to make her miserable.]
I've lost people along the way too, and I'm sorry. About Shiranui. [frowns.] I appreciate that you shared how you feel with me. And listened in return. I hope you rest up, and be easy on yourself while you recover.
no subject
I'm sorry for the people you lost, too. None of this is easy. But I can't rest. I have to work. I have to do something useful with my time, otherwise I'll end up even worse. [She has to push herself until she's too exhausted to be afraid or regretful or lost.] I appreciate the thought, all the same.
no subject