I used to think there was no future left at all

[takethatnature]

Who: Wilson P. Higgsbury
What: Last call for pre-endgame threads, open to backtags afterwards
When: January and early February, after the beacon launch and before Tiamat goes to the bridge
Where: Around the ship
Warnings: Pseudo-animal experimentation and death, general doom and gloom, anything else warned as it comes up

1. Let's go down the waterfall

By this point Wilson knows better than to antagonise Darcy or Max Maximum by using the good kitchen knives on things that aren't food, which is why he's using an axe to chop a small pink foam-rubber shoe in half. He has no idea how he'd go about knocking a living shoe unconscious, so the best he can do is make it quick. The shoe has been taped to a table and is doing its best to squirm out of its restraints as Wilson raises the axe.

After the killing blow has been delivered, he cuts the foam carcass into smaller pieces with his shaving razor, to see what he can learn from dissecting it.

2. Think about the good times and never look back, never look back

Wilson is tired of stepping in pastry filling when he goes in and out of the formal dining room to check for fresh meals. The jam gets right into his socks. Nobody else seems to have managed to get rid of Sheogorath's choice of replacement flooring, so Wilson's going to have to do it himself, putting together a pitchfork out of sticks and flints and digging into the crust. A four-foot-square jam turnover pops out of the floor and immediately shrinks to half its former size, which is still a considerable amount of pastry. The space it formerly occupied looks... pretty much how the floor of the ship normally looks, without even an indentation.

"Is this tile-y stuff the ship's equivalent of exposed rock or sand?" Wilson wonders out loud, ignoring the turnover for now.

3. What would I do? What would I do if I did not have you? (Closed to Maxwell)

Wilson knocks on the door of Cabin 117. He's holding a mug of hot spiced eggnog; the mug was the least corny one he could find in Bric A Brac and just says "boat" on it in a comic-strip-style rounded font, the eggnog produced through hard-won, slightly out-of-season knowledge. When Maxwell opens the door, he shoves it at him - not roughly enough to spill it - and says, "This is your bribe to shut up and hear me out."

The thing about those caliginous romance novels Karkat gave him is that he was too preoccupied with the absolute pandemonium of Lieutenant Tayrey's beacon launch to actually read them right away, but eventually he needed a distraction from his anxieties. They've certainly proved to be that, even with the learning curve of deciphering the jumble of obscure English words and insufficiently translated Alternian words to figure out what's even being described.

4. Have ourselves a good time, it's nothing at all

Wildcard. Find me on Discord or Plurk.

Comments

What would I do?

[freedomsuitsme]

Maxwell narrows his eyes, then steps back, motioning for Wilson to enter.

"I do hope this isn't a complete waste of my time, but at least you have the sense to bring an offering. What is it?"

[takethatnature]

"Stuff it," Wilson says, crossing the threshold. "Everyone thinks the day we get hurled into the void or eaten by a giant cosmic monster is just around the corner, not even Tayrey's still trying to convince anyone otherwise, and it's getting to me. I don't like the thought of going to our doom with you thinking that you don't- that the only reason I put up with you is because we're from the same world."

[freedomsuitsme]

He narrows his eyes further.

"What are you implying?"

[takethatnature]

"I'm implying that spending time with you is something I do on purpose," Wilson says. "If you can believe that."

Why can't he make himself get to the point of what he really means now that he's here? This isn't how it works in the romance novels. He plows ahead anyway, hoping he'll get there somehow or other. He'll either find a way or die trying, like he usually does. "You clearly care a lot about my well-being, considering how you go to pieces when I die, and I wanted you to know that it's– reciprocated."

[freedomsuitsme]

“Hmph. I suppose it’s hard to help spending as much time with you as I have when you’re one of the Survivors that seems to have an irrational and frankly irritating adherence to my presence.”

Because there’s no way he’s going to admit that he finds it oddly charming how the scientist bickers, how he looks especially sad and pitiable when sopping wet, how the smell of his hair makes Maxwell feel warm when they huddle in the winter cold…

[takethatnature]

"Irrational?" Wilson scoffs, pet-peeve button successfully pushed. "I think it's very rational to have some sort of attachment to you after I got you away from the Nightmare Throne and you crumbled to dust in front of me! I won't argue irritating, it wouldn't be any fun if I wasn't making you grind your teeth and roll your eyes at me, but I don't believe for a second that we could go back to being perfect strangers to each other after that!"

[freedomsuitsme]

"Fine. I'll concede that you've managed to come up with a rationale, as much as it makes you sound horribly maladjusted." He rolls his eyes, but there's a hint of mischief and satisfaction there.

[takethatnature]

"Yeah, sure, keep acting like you're above it all," Wilson grumbles. He suspects he's been suckered again, that that was the reaction Maxwell wanted, and it makes him seethe just that little bit more.

"Nobody else knows what we've seen, what we've gone through... And I don't just mean that you don't look at me like I'm insane when I talk about some monster we fought in the Constant, although it certainly helps. Even if one of the others showed up here, they don't make me furious like you do."

"I told you about how I found that other you preserved in a jar a few months before you arrived here, right?" Wilson's gaze takes on a faraway quality, drifting away from Maxwell's face. "You weren't the only one I knew- from before the ship, I mean- who was down there, but once I knew you'd been here you were the one I needed to break out. Not someone more agreeable. I went looking for you as soon as Helena got me out of my jar. And then the other you dissolved as soon as he was exposed to outside air, but that's beside the point. I would prefer if you didn't dissolve."

That kind of got away from him at the end, but still. He feels like he can make his point better by presenting the evidence for it, instead of just the conclusion.

[freedomsuitsme]

"You've made your point- you have a uniquely powerful need to despise me. Perhaps to a somewhat self-destructive extend. Is there a point to all of this?" His response is infuriatingly short considering all the confessing Wilson is attempting, but unlike the scientist, he neither knows the direction this is supposed to go nor is he trying to push this conversation in any particular direction. He take a sip of his egg nog with obnoxious refinement.

[takethatnature]

Wilson looks taken aback, then frowns, frustrated and annoyed and even a bit offended by Maxwell's façade of indifference. At least he's drinking the eggnog. (It's decent eggnog; not as good as Queen Charlie's recipe for Heavenly Eggnog, but the extra flourishes on the basic recipe are definitely patterned after it. It took a lot of trial and error to get it as close as it is with Wilson's rudimentary non-crockpot cooking skills.)

"...Karkat and Nepeta's planet has something called kismesis. It's- I don't know whether to say it's like love or it's a type of love, but it's like that, it's just as important as that, except it's when you hate each other. Not in a way where you want each other dead or gone forever. In a... a romantic way. Where you don't have to choose between caring about someone and hating them."

He sounds like he's completely insane, doesn't he? Maybe it would be less painful if a cosmic abomination broke through the barrier and swallowed the ship right now.

[freedomsuitsme]

“So… you’re the gay in an angry fashion, is that what I’m understanding here?” Thanks Grace and Max.

[takethatnature]

"What?" Wilson just stares at Maxwell, bewildered by that sentence. "That doesn't sound right, but I don't know enough about future vernacular to dispute it."

He knows the word has picked up another meaning in the future, something to do with Pride, the celebration of queerness that they have in the 21st century. The exact details escape him. "Probably something like that?"

[freedomsuitsme]

“You’re… attracted to me, I mean. You’re sure?”

[takethatnature]

Wilson's face flushes red against his will. "If you don't feel the same way you can just say so!"

[freedomsuitsme]

“Higgsbury… I’m asking how you think you know. How do you… tell if you’re attracted to another man in a kismesis way, and aren’t just irrationally spiteful towards that person?”

[takethatnature]

"The vivid impulse to grab you by the shirt and kiss you when you said something particularly obnoxious seems obvious in retrospect, but until I had something to compare it to - Karkat lent me some Alternian novels- I thought it was the same kind of weird yet tempting urge as 'eat the hatching tallbird egg'." Wilson fidgets with his gloves.

[freedomsuitsme]

"The fact that you're equating the urge to kiss me to the urge to eat a mostly-developed mutant bird embryo... Higgbury, have you ever actually kissed someone?"

[takethatnature]

"Not because I hated them."

Which is not to say that he has a lot of experience, but nevertheless.

[freedomsuitsme]

Maxwell pauses for a long time.

"I... can't deny that I've had similar things. I thought nothing of it at first, considering my previous relationships, but Mr. Maximum mentioned something called 'bisexualty.' So..." He trails off, not making eye contact.

[takethatnature]

"That's me too! They have a flag for that now, did you know? It's mostly pink and purple." For a moment all Wilson has room for in his head is showing off this cool fact he knows. It's too bad Maxwell missed the Pride festival and they may or may not die horribly before it's time to have another one.

[freedomsuitsme]

"So we're both... bisexual. I suppose that's... good." The tension in the air is so palpable, you could cut it with a knife.

After a long, awkward pause, he lets out an ahem, and then says, "So... shall we... get this question that's been hanging over us out of our systems?"

[takethatnature]

"Hey, you didn't say you didn't feel the same way about me," Wilson says, as if he's uncovered a trick or a secret. "You like me."

[freedomsuitsme]

“You really only just registered that? Shadows and ash, Higgsbury, sometimes you can be thicker than Ewecus phlegm.”

[takethatnature]

"Ewww. You ruined it," Wilson says, although he doesn't sound that upset, even by the comparison to one of his least favourite substances ever. With fondness rather than venom, he says, "I hate you so much."

[freedomsuitsme]

He laughs.

“I couldn’t imagine hating anyone more than I hate you.”

[takethatnature]

"You know, some of those Alternian books talked about hate being the truest form of passion," Wilson says, eager to share what he's learned. Or at least the exciting part.

[freedomsuitsme]

He rolls his eyes, bares his teeth a little, grabs Wilson by the collar, and pushes him against the wall.

"Must you insist on continuing to lecture me, Higgsbury?" he growls, his face a little closer than necessary to the scientist's.

[takethatnature]

The look of surprise on Wilson's face is swiftly replaced with a diabolical grin. He makes no move to get out of Maxwell's grip. "I haven't even started lecturing you! Wait until you see the flash cards."

Running his mouth while his heart is racing is second nature by now. He'd have thrown in a pun, but the fathomless depths of Maxwell's eyes are too distracting.

[freedomsuitsme]

Those dark fathoms creep even deeper as his glamour thins by a few shades. The ends of pointed teeth creep a little further from beneath their mask of perfect, civilized rows. The ends of his fingers grow sharper and more pronounced beneath his gloves, subtle claws still clutching the scientist's shirt collar tightly and oh so close to the pale flesh of his throat. He leans closer, smirking that smug smirk. One would think a habitual smoker like Maxwell would suffer from halitosis, but no; he smells like smoke and mirrors, with an infuriatingly alluring hint of some sort of cologne that probably doesn't actually exist. He's a complexing combination of reality and illusion, blended so well and so long that it's hard to say where one ends and the other begins. And his attention is firmly and entirely on Wilson.

"You could do something better with that mouth than babbling, you know," Maxwell croons, his voice somewhere between teasing and complaining and... and...

... and his lips, full and pouty, are so close.

[takethatnature]

"You're not shutting me up that easily," Wilson says, and then, "Think fast!"

He grabs Maxwell by the back of the head and pulls him into a kiss. As much as it seems like pure sudden impulse, Wilson's careful enough not to bash their noses together or draw blood with a hasty movement of his own clawed fingernails; he gave some thought to this before he did it. He tastes of a mintiness that suggests this is the outcome he was hoping for when he approached the cabin.

[freedomsuitsme]

The first thing he feels is a surge of emotions, and an impulse to likewise mash his face against the scientist's as gracefully as he can manage. It's not a bad attempt. He's kissed before, and passionately, too.

Then, after a couple of seconds, the implications of Wilson's pleasantly fresh breath hit him.

He planned this. I played right into his hands. Just like before, he had me in checkmate before I thought we'd even really begun to play. This causes an upwelling of irritation, admiration, and spite in his twisted soul.

Next, he takes notice of Wilson's hair, as he instinctively runs his fingers through the scientifically magnificent coiffure, dark and soft as always, and he finds himself thinking back to a certain someone else's hair, dark and soft against the pillows while the smell of roses tickles his nose gently.

And then the guilt hits him. Not because he has any moral qualms about kissing a man, no, but because he's kissing anyone at all that isn't her.

I can't spend my whole life lingering on thoughts of Charlie.

Can't you, though? Shouldn't you? When you're the one who destroyed her?

This... was not where he was hoping this would go. He doesn't pull away from Wilson, but it's clear from his fading enthusiasm that he isn't as into it as he was a moment ago.

Never look back

[blindwatchersees]

Madness finds us all.

"Perhaps it's rock, or perhaps it's more like skin," answers a well-dressed gentleman who has walked up beside him. He looks a little too much like Maxwell for comfort- not an exact match, but he possesses far too many of the traits that Wilson finds attractive. But there are also differences- he's white-haired and a smidge older, for starters.

"Considering the ship heals, I don't think it would be amiss to think that it healed around an intrusive element. Of course, your idea seems equally plausible."

[takethatnature]

The unfamiliar man kind of looks like he could be the brother Maxwell once mentioned having, and kind of like Maxwell himself trying on one of the changes of appearance that came in a box of shadows. Closer to the one with the monocle or the little round eyeglasses than the one with the leaf-shaped beard and the ill-fitting wooden headpiece, at least.

"It's probably glad I got that out of there, if that's the case," Wilson says. He gives the floor a curious poke with the pitchfork. It scuffs it a bit but there's no obvious reaction, certainly nothing as blatantly organic as bleeding.

[blindwatchersees]

"Well, it is only one spot, of course. You can't really know it's the case one way or another unless you do several trials. Several pie-holes over the same span of time, you know? And after that, you can try re-wounding the floor and see how it heals. Though I suppose you'd need to find someone or something who could break the floor consistently."

He strokes his beard, a hint of mad inquisitiveness shining in his yellow eyes.

[takethatnature]

The corner of Wilson's mouth twitches into a smile at 'pie-holes'. He wishes he'd thought of that.

"I seem to recall that someone tried to cut a hole in the bottom of the ship at around the same time that this showed up," Wilson says. Or so he heard, anyhow. It was one of the more coherent things Yufei was breathlessly screaming about. "So it must be reproducible with the right tools. I'd rather try it somewhere that it's not in the way of foot traffic and not going to let in the ocean, though, if I had the option."

[blindwatchersees]

"Well, there's a small stretch in the corner here that wouldn't be in anyone's way. What's say we gather some tools and instruments and see what this ship is capable of. For science."