come_sailaway | He Gods to Swear

Who: Cede Sonnet (Baptin) and ...all three of you... [OTA]
What: gin, rum, tequila, pina colada (one for each hand), vodka, whiskey....
When: June 30 year of our lord ...somethin' with a lotta 2s
Where: I dunno just...everyhere
Warnings: this man

I. At Hurikane

[Give him two pina coladas... or three. Or four. Because the ghosts won't and he's trying to pull the drink from the invisible hands]

I'm fine. I can handle it. I can handle anything! Don't tell me I can't liquor my handle!

II. At John's

[who is holding a bottle of tequila, sitting on the piano and intermittently throwing books at the screen? It's him. It's fine. He's fine. Everything's fine. Why do you ask?]

III. Chatterbox

[it is karaoke time and he is just in time for having a good time, reading the lyrics badly]

Tell me why ain't nothin' but a heartache
tell me why ain't nothing but a missed skate
tell me why I never wanna hear you say
I want it that day!

Come on! Sing with me!

IV. Scoops
I'll have one of everything please. [and then seeing someone come up, clings to the window] It's all mine. Go away. Shoo.

V. Elsewhere
[Stede is clinging to the railing, making his way along or otherwise rambling back and forth across the deck]

Wow! Choppy seas? Am I right? Of course I'm right. Must be a storm. [he chugs a bottle of rum]

If we die... I hope the captain is fucked. Fucked. Absolutely a hundered percent ten eggs deep.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Stede isn’t…technically wrong which is frustrating but that is besides his point.]

Right.. yeah, but you know what we do, the raiding and conquering n’that. Captain Bonnet we are being held prisoner aboard this..farce of a ship, made to slaughter each other for the amusement of a captain who fancies himself god. What else is there to do but mutiny?

[being called Captain Bonnet by Izzy Hands is probably one of the most wonderful things that's happened to him in his life, and he will process that later when he's sober, but he's pretty sure he just dreamt it just now or slipped into Ossie's alternate reality]

Even so, mutiny is the wrong word. A mutiny is for people that chose to be where they are and then changed their minds. [you'd think good pay and benefits would be enough]

This is more of an uprising.

But it's not just-- It can't just be-- staying apart so we don't upset each other when we have to kill each other. It's not just holding that anger and desperation in all the time. That's not going to work. It's a long haul-- [he's working this out himself as he speaks, booze addled so it's a bit difficult] Ed and I-- we've been here for three months and nothing really has changed but...

I feel like... what is it...? Subverting expectations? Keeping them on their toes? [no, he doesn't know. It's there but it's slipping away like trying to catch a feather in the wind] Anyway it's not just fight, fight, fight; die, die, die all the time.

[Don't get used to it. Captain was a slip and he heard it the second he said it. In an ideal world it would have forced Stede to listen to him but that doesn't seem to be working and this is beginning to feel like a lost cause.

Which is a shame because Izzy is the key to knowledge, order, and precision. Not the creative star searching bit, that is all for Edward, but running a ship? A crew? A successful mission? The man is downright militant.]

Yeah, it is. That's what being a pirate is. It is fighting and trying not to die so you can fight again another day. And maybe, maybe, when you've put twenty five fathoms between you and the last stupid fucker you've robbed, then maybe you can take a week off on an island somewhere.

What I really don't understand is why you'n everyone else except Lucius fucking Spriggs are treating this like a fucking vacation. Blackbeard refuses to make a plan besides Wait and See, which I do blame on you in it's entirety, and it isn't good enough.

[he wants to say it doesn't have to be that way, but what does he know? He sighs and leans back against the door. The thought of it wears him out and they haven't done anything yet]

It is a bit of a grind isn't it. I mean, people have been fighting to get out of here from before we even arrived and nothing. [And Izzy wasn't the biggest cock on the walk when it came to that, but maybe the one they needed? Though at the mention of Ed he scowls and gives Izzy a glare]

Oh leave the man alone and let him relax for once. He can afford to here and be barely does it anyway. He's already got a solid reputation here in the history books so he's got nothing to prove and he doesn't have to be Blackbeard all the time you know. Sometimes it's okay to just be Ed. There's nothing wrong with that.

[he'd suggest Izzy relax too but he doesn't think the man even knows the definition of the word. Instead he thunks his head back against the door and closes his eyes]

So what do you suggest? What's your grand strategy, Mr. Hands. I'm all ears.

[Not in the mood at all to get into it over Edward, Izzy elects to skip right over that big ugly barb and go straight for the rest. He is not a strategist, but he could make a plan. Why not. He's done it before and it fucking worked.

But you know what, fuck it. The second Stede brings up Ed that's it. All Izzy's careful exit strategy out of this interaction is thrown over the side because all he can see is red.

Izzy presses right back in and their faces are so close they could kiss. They do not, but he sneers something ugly and unhinged.]

It's Captain Hands now, actually.

[He shouldn't have said that, immediately he wishes he has not, but he is so blindly furious that he can't stop it from coming out.]

Oh- oh yes, that's right. I know so much more than you, Bonnet. All our fates. All of them. I do have a plan but telling you now, you'll fuck it up like everything else you've ever done. You pathetic, prancing, wankered piece of shit.

[It's only then that he releases Stede roughly and backs off again. It is for one, very simple reason. This is over. Get out. Now.]

Now get the FUCK out of my cabin, and when I need you I will come and find you when I am good and fucking ready.

[he snorts]

So I guess that makes Ed an admiral. Glad he got promoted. [he's not afraid of Izzy Hands. Even when they're close. Even with the man's hot breath in his face. What can he do? Kill him? Break him? He can't even kill him without Ed's say so

The words hurt. Of course they do. And they're right. Of course they are. He's pretty much fucked up everything but maybe he'll keep fucking up everything and the odds are that one day he'll get it right, because he can't afford not to. Not here.]

I don't care what you know. I don't care who you are. In fact I don't even think you have a plan, because you don't know this situation, do you? You don't know what's going on. You don't know what everyone's been through. You haven't watched them killing each other senselessly for fucking days.

[oh. that came out rather harsh. And he's rather close. Well it wasn't like there was much to go.

Still- there was one thing that was true, despite how pathetic he was or how much he fucked up or even Izzy was the King of England]

Anyway, I don't answer to you. I outrank you. [he tosses his hair out of his eyes] So when I need you or I just want to say hello, you can count on me stopping on by.

[and he turns and shows himself out, shutting the door behind him]

...why the fuck is it so dark in here?

[...and cramped and...is that a hangar]

Shit

Stede, get the fuck out of my closet.

Fine. But only because it's small and useless. [and it takes him a moment to grope for the door, and stagger to the other one, groping for the knob before opening it and checking that it is the corridor and not another closet that's somehow bigger on the inside]

Just like you. [and he steps out, closing the door behind him, only to get his coat and some buttons caught in the closed door. With a grunt he pulls it free after several tugs, leaving buttons to fly everywhere.

It's fine. This is fine. Everything is fine. He'd only made an ass of himself.

Again.

And now... now he needs a drink]

[Izzy watches Hurricane Stede untangle and wreck himself in one clunky move and waits until the door closes before exhaling and scrubbing his face with his hands.

Make that two who need a drink now.]

He Gods to Swear

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