come_sailaway | Treat those pesky feelings like a reading light [OTA]

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Treat those pesky feelings like a reading light [OTA]

Who: Natsuno Yuuki and YOU
When: September, before the beach event
Where: All around
What: Weird stuff from home, trashy movies as coping mechanism, looking for distractions and retail therapy.
Warnings: None yet, but discussion of canon events may contain death, violence and suicide. Will update as needed

Take a look, it's in a book (All around)

[Natsuno tries not to think about Sotoba. He always hated that miserable village, and now he's dead and Sotoba burned to the ground. Lately he has to try harder, ever since running into some familiar zombies, but his repression game is still going strong... until he visits the library one day and finds a copy of Shiki by Seishin Muroi.

Seishin Muroi, Sotoba's junior monk. Natsuno had all but forgotten about him, but apparently he was so involved with the shiki invasion he wrote the freaking book.

As it turns out though, the book doesn't seem to have anything to do with the demise of Sotoba. Apparently it's the story of Cain and Abel, except Abel is a zombie? No plot, just Cain's internal monologue? What the hell is this philosophical bullshit? Whether he's out on the deck, eating in the buffet, sprawled on a couch in Sand Dollars or sitting in the lounge, Natsuno always has the book with him, always wearing an incredulous frown as he reads. He may even flag someone down to ask their opinion - THAT'S how weirded out he is.]

Why would a book try to make me feel bad for someone who kills his brother and doesn't even know why?

[Or maybe you run into him after he tosses the book aside and asks:]

What's the dumbest twist ending you've ever seen?

To the late night, double feature, picture show (Pool deck)

[A seemingly empty package from sundries has brought on a steady stream of new and conflicting memories. Every day another memory worms into his mind, of things he didn't remember or remembered differently. Are these the memories of another Natsuno, or something that was taken from him and returned just now? He doesn't know and it's eating away at him.

Movies provide a brief but welcome distraction. Natsuno has a small collection, received in a much nicer package, and he's taken over the adult pool screen to play them. He's camped in a pool chair, watching movie after movie: Little Shop of Horrors, Young Frankenstein, Ginger Snaps, Chopping Mall, Leprechaun.

Care to join him? Or maybe you just want to tell him to knock it off.]

Don't feel those feelings, hold them in instead (All around)

[Movies end, and reading is too passive to distract him from the new memories and the tangled mess of emotion and existential dread. Natsuno has to find other ways to destress:

A. The arcade, where he moves from game to another, unable to focus on one for too long. He even tries the whack-a-mole, until he accidentally breaks the machine with a supernaturally-charged, frustrated blow. The claw machine gets smashed as well, on purpose this time, as he picks up a portable tetris.

B. The sports deck, where he sets up a ping-pong table against the rail and lines it up with various items from the shops for target practice. Maybe shooting things will make him feel better?

C. Do some retail therapy, which in Natsuno's case means picking up anything he can use as in improvised weapon. He has more than enough knives in his cabin, not to mention a gun and a flamethrower, but at this point it's become a weird coping mechanism. Catch him going back and forth from the cabins, picking up EpiPens from the infirmary, rocks from the spa and dumbbells from the gym, just to name a few.]

The wildcard option

[Got anything else in mind? Hit me! Available in

sillysymphony or sillysymphony#3435 @ discord for plotting]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ What a strange and sudden question! But Shi Qingxuan is already here for it, perking up just from being flagged down for conversation. He had only really come into Sand Dollars to try something new, so why not enjoy a little chat while he's already here?

It really is a strange question, though, and one that makes Shi Qingxuan frown thoughtfully as he plops onto one of the plush chairs, mug of café au lait cupped between his hands. ]

Well... [ Hm. Shi Qingxuan looks from the young man's face, to the book, and then to his face again. His face practically has "I want to toss this book overboard!" written all over it, but the book itself doesn't look the least bit familiar to Shi Qingxuan. Whatever its plot is, it must have really pissed this guy off. ] It's hard to say? There's certainly something horrifying and tragic in doing something that you yourself don't understand. No-one would want to kill their own brother, so if they're forced into it without even a reason or explanation, isn't that sad?

[ There are some liberties and assumptions there, but Shi Qingxuan is only guessing, his tone conversational and thoughtful. ]

Sad for the victim maybe.

[Natsuno is a sixteen year old with some harsh principles and a particular beef with the creatures the book is titled after. It makes him rather dismissive of this kind of philosophical introspection.]

No one forced this character. He just murdered his brother on "an impulse" and doesn't stop crying about it.

That is hard to feel sympathetic over... [ He sighs. Shi Qingxuan will agree with him there! Killing one's brother is abhorrent. ] But people don't just do something that drastic purely on impulse? There has to be a reason?? Even the worst criminals should have some reason.

[ Wait, it's a story—he's got this! Leaning forward a bit, Shi Qingxuan tries to get a glance at the pages. ]

Are you already at the end? Maybe there's more to it!

[ And if there isn't, well...back to theorizing! ]

[Natsuno nods. Obviously, there has to be a reason.]

Not yet, but - [He shrugs.] You know what, I can just check.

[No reason to care about spoilers when all he wants is to understand what Seishin Muroi is on about and what does it have to do with a vampire invasion.

Natsuno flips to the final pages, and looks even more pissed. He groans and reads out loud:]

"His younger brother disappeared. He called for his brother out loud for the first time. Then he remembered that name belonged to him - he never had a younger brother. The younger brother was born from his despair, and due to this despair he killed them both."

What kind of bullshit twist is that?

Mmn...

[ ...Yeah, Shi Qingxuan doesn't get it! He also hasn't read the book, so he feels like he's missing a lot of context... But if this guy read the entire thing, not knowing it was meant to be a metaphor... His face really says it all! Shi Qingxuan taps his foot in shared irritation. ]

Doesn't this feel like a cop out?? What kind of rushed ending is that?

[ He's thinking, and then: ]

Wait, wait, wait. [ He lifts up a hand. ] "He killed them both"? Is that also a metaphor?

[ If it isn't, doesn't that give this whole thing a very different meaning?! ]

Could be. It's based on a famous story where the older brother really kills the younger. Maybe here it's a metaphor for destroying a part of yourself?

[He scoffs and rests the book on the table. This is stupid.]

A guy from the village I lived in wrote this. So I was curious to see what it's all about.

That would make sense...

[ He hums in agreement. That's how he would take it, too. It would be a moral story about acceptance. But, no need to get into that now! He takes a sip of his drink, listening as Natsuno continues. He did get to see what it was about, but... ]

But since you don't like it, it's too bad. Having someone from your home village write a book, and to find it here at that, is exciting. Did you know the guy before?

It's not my home. Just a place I used to live in.

[Natsuno still keeps insisting on that point. Sotoba was a prison that became his grave, and he feels like he'll never stop resenting it.]

Anyway, he was the local priest, so I knew who it is. [Everyone knew everyone in Sotoba, and though Natsuno made a point of not fitting in, Seishin Muroi was hard to miss, especially since the dead started to pile up.] But it's not like I knew him.

[ What a strong insistence on the word home... ]

I see. [ In a small village, a local priest would be the sort of figure anyone would know at least the name of. ] Maybe it's a bad habit of priests, but some of them really do like writing these sorts of stories that are meant to teach some lesson instead of entertaining anyone. He must have been that sort of person as well.

Maybe. Like I said, I didn't really know him.

[Natsuno tried to talk to him once, when he was looking for vampire novels and realized Seishin Muroi borrowed them first. Seishin's mother claimed he was doing research for his next novel, so Natsuno let it go.

Now he's not so sure it was just fictional research.]

If it's a lesson, I don't get it. Maybe I'm just overthinking it.

[ Shi Qingxuan tilts his head to the side curiously. ]

How so? What sorts of thoughts are you having?

[ Maybe it's because Shi Qingxuan himself went through years of lectures and training under a master that the ending alone makes him think there's a certain, clear lesson trying to be conveyed here, but jumping into that doesn't feel very productive. Rather, this young man's takes (overthinking them or not) feel much more valuable than his own assumptions. ]

[He hums softly, thinking about the best way to put it. It's not like he's in a hurry to share Sotoba's bloody fate with a stranger, but the context is important...]

The village got invaded by undead creatures who called themselves "shiki." [Like the book's title.] I thought he wrote a book about the events, but it's just this weird story. Maybe he's trying to say humans and shiki are the same? Or that we should feel sorry for them?

[ Oh.

Shi Qingxuan can more or less put the pieces together, and the easygoing air that he's had from the start finally falls. ]

Without knowing him, it really is hard to say what his intentions were...

You said you didn't know him, but do you happen to know what he did when the village was invaded or what his relationship with the shiki were? I think that's important context for figuring out what he was going for here. If he was also a victim, then it's not the same as if he were assisting them.

[He shakes his head. Natsuno's all but forgotten about the priest. After he died and came back, he asked someone else for help, and Seishin Muroi faded into the background with the rest.

Still, the question stirs something in the back on his head. Not his memories, but another Natsuno's, whose life he's been getting in bits and pieces due to a package from sundries: Tatsumi is dangling him by the neck over the ravine, telling him to choose between cooperation and a fall to certain death. "Sunako's probably fine, too... yes, Mr. Muroi will take care of that."

Natsuno can't be sure what kind of choices his timeline's Muroi made, how free he was to do them or even if he's the version who wrote the book. But somewhere, sometime, he took part in it.]

One of the shiki mentioned he'd help them, but... that's all I know.

Hmm...

[ Shi Qingxuan falls silent in thought and takes a long sip of his coffee. This is a much more sinister case than he had thought back when this conversation started. ]

Still...

[ There are a lot of ways to "help," and Shi Qingxuan doesn't know what the reality is here. But neither does the person he's talking to, and not knowing the reality of the situation has been the problem here from the start.

He feels a little bad prying into this kind of thing with someone who's most likely a victim himself, though. Even if it is to try to put the pieces together with him. ]

The shiki, if they're undead, what were they when they were still alive?

...human.

[He wonders if Shi Qingxuan will guess that "shiki" is just another way to say vampire. Unless the truth was forced out of him by a cross medallion or a spell gone wrong, Natsuno usually had to spell it out to passengers he wanted to be completely honest with.]

They wanted to make a settlement of undead. That village was small and secluded, so they moved in and started killing people.

[ This story only becomes more tragic the more Natsuno reveals. Shi Qingxuan's face pales, and his voice turns soft and regretful as he bows his head. Such a terrible event, no wonder he wanted answers from that book. ]

That's too cruel...

[ "I'm sorry," doesn't feel right to say, but the feeling lingers there unsaid. He goes quiet for a moment before speaking again. ]

There's no way to absolve someone of a crime like that. [ Not that he can't understand the shiki's desire to have their own settlement, but it doesn't make murder anymore just. ] It's possible the book was written to express the shiki's own remorse, but as the victim, you were still wronged. Their guilt after the fact doesn't change that.

[ If he doesn't feel bad for the ones who attacked his village without even knowing the reason—Shi Qingxuan can't say that's hard to understand. Real amends need to be made, but it doesn't seem like they ever were. And they almost certainly won't happen here, either. ]

[Natsuno shrugs. Is it cruel? Yes. But it can't be changed.]

...no, it doesn't.

[Both his expression and tone are flat, contrasting Shi Qingxuan's. There's no forgiving the shiki - even those who hated every moment of their existence and cried over their victims didn't stop killing.]

The living fought back eventually. So even if some shiki regretted it, they're dead anyway.

[As they should. Natsuno didn't wait for them to atone, he took action and helped light the spark that ended up burning the entire village.]

[ Shi Qingxuan nods slowly. Even if they were killed in the end, it doesn't sound like anything was ever resolved. The victims were still left without closure, and the shiki were killed. Whether that was the best possible ending, there's no way to say. ]

... Since that time, what have you been doing?

[ His voice remains gentle. Even with an ending like this, if Natsuno had been carrying a grudge, it should at least be satisfied now. ]

[Oh, he's been carrying a grudge, and it is very much not satisfied.]

I've been trapped here. [His demeanor is still calm - maybe too calm, a mask covering simmering rage and unresolved grief.] I died back in the village and woke up on the ship.

[Death was supposed to give him peace, but it didn't stick. And while Natsuno has made friends here, who value and support him a way no one has ever done back home, he still isn't over that grudge. It's often pushed back in favor of hating the captain and his games, but every time memories from Sotoba come up he's struck with it again, burning and bitter.]

[ .....

That isn't the answer he expected to receive. A gloomy feeling descends over him, and he takes another long sip of his coffee to hide it. In the end, isn't he among the undead himself now, a vengeful spirit?

There's something even more tragic in that. He didn't even get to continue to live, and he died in this same bloody feud. Even if he hadn't woken up here, what's to say he wouldn't have still continued to linger back at that village? ]

I'm sorry. I hadn't realized that was the case and asked something strange. So in that case, what is it that you'd like to do now?

[He shakes his head at the apology.]

It's fine.

[Natsuno doesn't go around advertising it, but he doesn't care if people know he's dead.]

I would like to stop the captain. [Kill, he wants is the captain dead and this reality torn to shreds, ideally after finding a way to make sure his friends are safe.] After that...

[Another shrug. Chances are their predicament doesn't have a happy ending. Thinking about what comes after feels like a painful false hope.]

Mh...

[ Yeah no, he knows Natsuno means kill. And he can't really hold that feeling against him, all things considered. ]

And then, after you wake up in another place after this?

[ "Another place," to Shi Qingxuan, meaning wherever his soul ends up waking up in his own world. There's a lot he can do here, too, but most likely what Natsuno needs for himself is in his own home. Though, ahem... ]

Ah, though there's still plenty to do here, too, before you reach that point. This is just in the future sometime. Of course taking care of that captain must come first, but without him maintaining this place, we'll all be free to leave, so there will be more after that.

[We'll all be free to leave, huh? At first, all Natsuno wanted was to go back to the quiet oblivion of death, but the people he met on the ship offered new perspectives and he started thinking - wouldn't it be nice to have that choice? Wouldn't it be nice if he allowed himself to feel hope again? What if he could be an immortal traveler like Lumine, or perhaps accept Rita's offer and go to her world?

If only that was possible. Natsuno is quiet for a long moment.]

You haven't around very long, right? How much do you know about our situation here?

Edited (SORRY hit send too early) 2022-09-17 19:31 (UTC)

Ha! Is it that obvious?

[ He isn't even bothered or embarrassed. He is new, and one can't expect him to know all the facts. ]

You're right. I've only been told a few things. For instance, the captain is responsible for this, and he's a cruel and sadistic type. Miss Friday was created by the captain, but doesn't have the same ill will. [ And she made the leis and put protection on them, but this isn't the place to say that.

Once he starts, he's counting off what he knows on his fingers like it's a grocery list. ]

I know that broken things don't stay broken, that the deceased don't remain such, that the most of the goods here are free, that there are multiple styles and means of magic at play here, and that while my ability to contact the outside world is suppressed, the rest of them seem to be in tact.

[ Now that he's said all that, he cups his coffee in his hands again. ]

But I don't know the finer details of our situation here, so if you have more to share, then I would be grateful for your advice.

[ Given the timing of his questions, Shi Qingxuan figures something he said must run contradictory to what Natsuno has learned. This wouldn't necessarily surprise him, given the different magics here. Rather, it makes it all the more important that he learns the reality of the situation. If this isn't a "break the spell, illusion goes away" situation, then what he just said really is a fatally flawed... ]

it's in a book! 📚

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