come_sailaway

Who: Dioscuri & friends
When: September onwards
Where: Wherever, whenever
Summary: Catch-all

CATCH-ALL
TEXT | VOICE | ACTION | ETC.

AUGUST 2022

08/24 ▪ Castor & Pollux
08/30 ▪ Castor, Pollux & Venti

SEPTEMBER 2022

09/01 ▪ Castor, Pollux & Sou Hiyori
09/03 ▪ Castor, Pollux & Shi Qingxuan
09/11 ▪ Pollux & Jason
09/17 ▪ Castor, Pollux & Izzy Hands
09/18 ▪ Castor, Pollux & Rita Mordio
09/23 ▪ Castor, Pollux & Shi Qingxuan
09/24 ▪ Pollux & Jinx
10/01 ▪ Castor & Pollux
10/01 ▪ Castor & Pollux
10/08 ▪ Pollux & Various
10/11 ▪ Castor, Pollux & Izzy Hands

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( Nice to meet you, Shi Qingxuan. This here is Cultural Difference. Currently, he's wrapping his arms around Pollux as she settles herself in his lap—he holds her almost protectively against himself, even as the drinks are set in front of the two of them. He had been ready to turn down the drinks, but seeing as they're already here, it looks like he'll just have to finish a glass at some point during their visit. For now, at least, he has more important things to focus on, like that sadness in Pollux's voice, and the questions posed by Shi Qingxuan. No small matter that is troubling them, huh? )

If it wasn't for that good-for-nothing human, that wouldn't be the case.

( And like, normally, here is the point where Castor would normally go on a full tirade about all the wrongs of humans and that human in particular. There's short huff as if he's about to start—and then he seems to change his mind, and instead momentarily turns his attention back to Pollux. )

Words from a worthless existence like that aren't deserving of your thoughts, Pollux.

( You are supposed to just IGNORE the fact that he is also high-strung and upset as hell due to the very same words; worrying yourself sick over him is precisely the opposite of that! )

( also this is normal in an ancient greek family way, we prommy.

she shouldn't have to apologize, that's right, but when she thinks over everything that happened before... she felt as though she stumbled somewhere. it's not like her to make mistakes, but it does weigh on her when her brother is the target of someone's hatred. keeping her eyes off the other prevents her from seeing whatever flush may roll across his nose and cheeks, and maybe that's a good thing because she'll grow embarrassed if there's any acknowledgement. even with the arms around her waist, she's taking a deep breath before relaxing into his hold. she moves one arm so that she can touch the back of castor's hand gently, how does she explain? )

Her name is Jinx. ( she can at least give that correction even while sullen, besides shi qingxuan would have needed her name anyway. ) A young girl that looked up to us for guidance, but that wasn't the case on the day of the sacrifice.

( pollux raises her eyes to look towards the cups on the table thinking that she should take one, just so that her hands have something to hold. now she looks towards the other properly, trying her best to brighten the look in her eyes. )

She found my brother too difficult to connect with, so I thought to bridge the gap. This time, it wasn't enough.

[ There's a lot being glossed over here, Shi Qingxuan can tell that much. He can also tell that whatever is being glossed over has stung the both of them deeply, and Shi Qingxuan's expression softens with worry. Just having a disagreement with a little girl shouldn't amount to this sort of...protectiveness between them.

He wonders if it was a human that took issue with the nature of sacrifice itself, and things only spiraled from there. Regardless...

Shi Qingxuan reaches out to hand Pollux a cup, though his expression remains the same sort of pinched concern as before even in the face of her smiling. ]

Some people are hard to get along with, and children especially have a unique way of thinking that makes them hard to connect with.

[ That is to say: Some kids are just callous, don't take it to heart! ]

Even as gods, we can't expect to connect with everyone who comes to us for aid. [ Or necessarily help them. ] We still have our limitations and our specialties.

[ ...This can't really be the issue here, can it? He doesn't know Dioscuri's age, but they can't be so young they need to be told something newly ascended officials are lectured on.

He looks over at Castor. ]

Lord Castor, did you and Jinx have a disagreement?

[ He won't say fight. It'd be sad if a god of Castor's standing had a fight with a child. ]

( There's something about the way Pollux says it—there's a near imperceptible wince from Castor. She had looked up to Pollux, but it was Castor's fault, wasn't it? At the end of the day, the source of his sister's sadness...

At least with Shi Qingxuan speaks, Castor is quick to set right that misunderstanding. )

She was not a child.

( A filthy bitch, a vulgar whore, lower than the lowest scum, and most of all—a shining example of the very reason humans cannot be trusted. Not for oneself, and certainly not with someone as precious and soft-hearted as Pollux. Castor can't really call her those names aloud now though; he has calmed down from the initial heat of the moment, and he can only imagine the expression Pollux would wear if she heard those words, no matter how true they are.

So he has to settle for scowling twice as hard. )

I didn't care for her attempts to provoke me, and she decided to take offense to that.

( As far as he's concerned, it's not his fault things escalated; just because he sees no need to return a respect he has never been given doesn't mean that he's the one who is in the wrong when she was literally trying and failing to egg him on. )

Yes, Brother, you're right. She wasn't a child.

( that's removing responsibility, allowing the issue to not be under her control where children make mistakes, but what he says is true. that she tried to provoke him, and she had even came to the end tail of it. twins know each other best, and so she can feel something stit that settles worry in her stomach, but she doesn't know if that's her own concerns or her brother's. )

I understand that it's impossible to see eye to eye with everyone, even Gods and humans aren't always going go agree. That's fine, it didn't matter if they agreed to disagree, that would have been better than how it escalated.

( she pushes back the sadness in her voice in exchange to keep herself calm, allowing herself to be riddled with such emotions will only make her brother worry, blame either himself or jinx. she doesn't want to be the cause of that, and so she takes the cup from shi qingxuan with a smile as a finger rotates around the rim, before she stops to look at her reflection.

luckily for pollux, she doesn't seem ready to cry, and even her cheeks aren't puffy so that's good. really, she is more upset for what was said than the loss of them getting along, because it's such a sensitive spot, something that only them two are meant to deal with— she didn't want anyone else ever touching that fire of their mistakes, the one mishap that humans offered them. )

It'd be an understatement to call it a disagreement, I shouldn't have allowed it to seem that simple. She spoke on something she knows nothing of, and has no right to say; she told Castor that he would be my downfall, as if he were a burden to me.

( pollux closes her eyes, and with a shake of her head, she could never believe something like that. she's been with him forever, before the twelve olympians landed on earth to begin with— )

[ Pollux's face might not fall, but Shi Qingxuan's face does. The earlier flush of embarrassment fades from his cheeks as a familiar pain pricks his chest.

Without thinking, he reaches out and places a hand over Pollux and Castor's, not unlike what Pollux had done for him before.

In Shi Qingxuan's own estimation, Castor isn't any lesser than his sister; the two are both have a powerful aura about them, and he doesn't think that's faked. Even if Castor were weaker though... It's a terrible thing to say. The more precious a bond, the more it hurts when someone strikes at it.

Another unsettling thought comes to mind, seeing the way Castor holds Pollux and hearing the emotions in their voices, but he isn't sure if he should pry that far. ]

Regardless of her age, cursing Lord Castor like that is low. She really didn't have any right to say it. Even if she knows nothing, she must have known you two are siblings. [ And that's part of what makes it especially cruel to say. ] But since you know she didn't have the understanding or the right to say something like that, it really is best not to take her words to heart...

[ It actually makes Shi Qingxuan upset on their behalf, and at least part of that is because the hurt is evident between them.

That, and as someone who is lesser than his older sibling - even if he doesn't think Castor is the same - he can imagine the way those words would tear at them. ]

The two of you are devoted brother and sister and gods who have worked alongside each other for centuries, aren't you? For you two, there's no such thing as feeling burdened, is there?

Of course not. We don't need to be told something like that.

( There's conviction behind his voice. Not quite confidence, but an earnest and sincere belief—a sense of trust in what he says. As the Divine Twins who have watched over humans for millenia, there should be no room for doubt in such a statement. Even so, those kind words from Shi Qingxuan don't seem to be enough to calm the resentment that's been agitated by all of this. He still holds Pollux close. )

If anything, this proves that humans aren't worth saving. It's not us who are the problem—it's humans who lead to destruction, and they deserve what they get.

( No matter if he's kind or cold, after all, he's finding that they will always seek the same conclusion for him; if Castor changes and humans remain the same, then how is he to be blamed for their crimes? They are the ones who make the choice to wander through the dark, and there is no reason it should be Castor's responsibility to guide them with a light they hope to blot out of the sky.

And even now he can't find a reason why, but Castor finds himself believing more and more that perhaps it's the nature of humans that they wouldn't need one. Simply a worthless, ungrateful species that will destroy anything it touches; and in the end, they even destroyed themselves. He should be satisfied with that—validated.

It's hard to feel anything other than anger when the brat who made that ignorant comment is still wandering around, though. )

Then what will be left if we let humans die because of one, it's unfair, Brother.

( she's firm about this, never able to see from his perspective for its too cruel to be one she loves. pollux cares about humans too much to allow them to suffer, or even think they're anything less that doesn't deserve to be saved. he's bold for speaking up about it so easily to another person, and while she's fine with it, she feels the same every time. it's difficult to think outside of her feelings— she can think as a goddess, and she can think as someone who shares the same plain as the humans here, but she doesn't know if she wants a world where humans are nonexistent. )

It's horrible! I can't think of a human that doesn't deserve to be saved!

( and why is that, why does she thinks so deeply about it? shi qingxuan is right, they're devoted siblings and have been together since the beginning days of when men prayed to be watched over. time progressed, and her feelings grew every time, and it's an unshakeable truth when this topic comes up. they're meant to protect humans together, everything they do is meant to be together.

pollux feels a bit horrible for starting an argument, and her hand trembles underneath shi qingxuan's touch. if only that was enough mixed with her brother's hold around her waist to keep her satisfied. )

Because...

( she can't stay seated, no, she leans forward to set the cup down on the table in front of her before she pulls herself up from his lap to turn around facing them both. her expression sullen, but she manages to look castor in his eyes as she speaks. )

Because even when Father thought you weren't worth saving...! You were to me! ( she brings a hand to settle over her heart, ) If humans didn't exist, that would have meant...

( she tries her best not to say it outright, but she wants him to heat it everytime. )

I couldn't lose you, I wouldn't have been able to stand it.

( it feels like i fail you when a human dies. )

[ Shi Qingxuan is left with his hand hanging there as Pollux stands up, too stunned by this sudden change to think of anything else as he stares up at her.

His face falls, and his hand also falls over the back of Castor's. This isn't the first time Castor has said something disparaging about humans and salvation, and it isn't even the first time he's seen Pollux upset on their behalf, but to think that her feelings towards them are tied up in her own feelings for Castor...

Shi Qingxuan doesn't even know how Pollux planned to end that sentence - what it would have meant if humans didn't exist - but he can't contemplate that when the tension is so thick right now.

It's painful to watch two people who treasure each other act like this. Before things go too far, Shi Qingxuan hastily cuts in: ]

Wait, wait, wait!

[ He shifts diagonally in his seat, knees hitting Castor's as he turns to look at both of them. ]

If something needs to be said, then let's talk about it properly.

[ It's not good to lash out and argue... Seeing Pollux this visibly upset, he reaches out to take her free hand, too. ]

I'm a little lost on what's happened here. My Lords, what sort of history do you have with humans? What happened between back there?

[ With Castor's feelings towards humans, with Pollux's, with their father—those are the biggest piece of the puzzle missing for Shi Qingxuan's own, personal understanding, but for things to continue igniting like this, the scars left by whatever transpired in the past must run deep. Clearing the air and talking about it is better than letting things go unsaid until they both end up feeling hurt. So, he'll go ahead and be the clueless third party here. ]

I can't "wait"! I can't do any of that because it's happened already! ( she's upset, because it's a sensitive subject. she can't keep her feelings tempered as always as this breaks her heart, and when shi qingxuan takes her hand... she can't control her feelings and snatches her hand away. ) I remember him in my arms shuddering his final gasps of breath! It was the darkest day of my life!

( was it raining that day? it would have been welcomed to cover her choked sobs in that day and age, it could hide her tears, but she thinks it'd be better if the sky was dark, and her feelings were visible. that way zeus could see how much castor affected her, how much it stabs a blade through her chest, impaling her heart, and how it allows for the tears to run over like a waterfall. of course castor will remember everything, he remembers it all, but does he know of that moment between her and her father as his soul began to leave his body? she stomps her foot, and her hands tighten into fists as she feels nails digging into her palms. )

Do you know what I said to Father? ( do they? the hand she swiped away is now pressed against her chest, over her heart that hurts so much. at this point, she feels as though her heart has fell into the pits of her stomach as she speaks, but her eyes glance up at the ceiling because as though she remembers the exact place her father had appeared. )

...I couldn't take it, all I would know is sadness, as nothing would heal that throbbing wound of mine in my heart! So I pleaded with Father to request that I die too so I could be with my brother.

( it runs off the tip of her tongue as though she's said it a million times, this prayer is a repetition in her mind that plays nonstop. she holds back a sob, biting down on her tongue to keep herself from lashing out as she recalls her plea. her voice calm, )

I didn't want to live without him.

( her brother heavy in her arms though his soul was gone, the way she shuddered and trembled knowing there was nothing she can do. she hadn't been able to save him, it had been her request that brought them to that unfortunate end, and she had lost him. her world had ended at that moment, her will to live gone as she was ready to accept the same fate as him. why did her father save her and not him who needed protection, her father had known himself that she loved him more than anything else.

and yet, and yet what did zeus do...?

why did he strike a thunderbolt for her and not for him! )

And Almighty Zeus showed himself to me, and do you know what he said unto me?

( she looks to shi qingxuan, frustrated as her lips tremble, her eyes falling down to the ground. )

You are my son. ( plainly said, light and to the point. it's as clear as day, the truth of the matter. ) But Castor was begotten after your conception by the hero, your mother's husband, who came to her and sowed his mortal seed. But nevertheless I grant you your choice in this. If you wish to escape death and hated old age, and to dwell in Olympus yourself with me and with Athena and Ares of the dark spear, you can have this lot. ( a lot her father said, as it was the best draw she could take at the moment— how could she see that better than being with her brother? she couldn't imagine it. ) But if you strive to save your brother, and intend to share everything equally with him, then you'll live together in the celestial sky.

Because Brother was human, too! The humans took our divinity, they made me a demigoddess, but... but they made Brother a human, and then I got him killed. I won't let anyone threaten my brother, but I won't let another human die, I watched my brother go in my arms! I had to beg Father!

( Castor watches as Pollux stands—the way she wrenches her hand away from Shi Qingxuan, and the distress in her eyes—and he knows that he's said the wrong thing.

It isn't that he regrets it. He isn't sorry, and he wouldn't take it back. To him, to be a human is to be the cause of this very sadness. It's to be the cause of the ache in Pollux's heart, and the worries that continue to follow her. It's to be the reason for their downfall, and why even Pollux no longer possesses the true potential of her divinity.

If it weren't for humans, she wouldn't be this hurt right now. )

Pollux...

( She's wrapped up in her memories now. Reliving them, he imagines—no differently from the fresh feeling of the pains he himself has endured. This, too, will eventually grow to join that hatred that mires his heart. It's only one more reason that humans aren't to be trusted, if they can bring something like this to resurface. But more importantly now, even as his blood continues to boil over the fact that Pollux would be made to feel this way at all, more importantly is the fact that she needs him right now.

He's not foolish enough to think that murmuring her name alone would ground her back in the moment, but it's the least he can do, sparing a glance to Shi Qingxuan as he takes his hand back, to wrap his arms around her. To show her that his body isn't weak, it isn't shivering, it isn't cold with death. He's here, and the two of them are together—exactly the way they should be.

He pauses like this for a moment before speaking up again. It's hard to tell if the low way he speaks is out of defeat, or anger. )

Don't misunderstand—we were gods first. It's only because of humans that I fell from grace to begin with, but because of that...

( ...So did Pollux. )

[ That was a mistake.

Pollux snatches her hand away, and Shi Qingxuan realizes that both his words and actions were a mistake that only tore at his friend's old wounds. Shi Qingxuan folds his hand to his side, biting the inside of his lip.

Even if he had to guess again and again, he still would have never thought this was what the two of them endured. To experience her own brother dying in her arms... It's too cruel and too tragic. Shi Qingxuan's chest feels tight, and his face pales—It's not something Shi Qingxuan can imagine, because he doesn't want to imagine it. It's too painful to imagine, and it's all the more painful that it isn't something that his friends need only imagine.

When Pollux turns her eyes on him again, Shi Qingxuan casts his gaze down in deference.

It really, really is much too cruel...

How can someone who was born a god become human based on the whims of mortals? He understands, at least a little bit, why Castor holds his grudge against humans and why Pollux insists on protecting them instead. No god would willingly lose their divinity, but Shi Qingxuan doesn't know if he can call this only a fall from grace... It's much worse than that. That Pollux's father had a choice, too, and he chose to make Pollux pick between saving her brother or her own immortality when she was at her lowest point, only adds to the cruelty of the entire situation.

All of that, and none of it is something Shi Qingxuan can comment upon. Not when Pollux is grieving again, not when she's blaming herself for her brother's death, not when she sounds so powerless.

After Castor stands, Shi Qingxuan hesitates before rising to his feet as well, hands curled tensely at his sides. As much as he wants to reach out when they're like this, he can't risk making things worse. They need each other the most right now. ]

...You don't need to explain. [ He replies softly - to either or both of them. ] You've both suffered too much... Pray my lords remember you will always have my support.

( why did her father make her choose if she would have been able to join both his favored children in olympus? it's easy to see that he was never too fond of castor, that was the human's depiction so her brother had been alone, stripped from his godhood from the very start. he even worked so hard to train and excel in certain strengths so he could catch up with her, it should have never been like that, there shouldn't have been a gap at all. she understands why her brother stresses wanting to do things together, as equals, so that they never have to feel apart again.

even in this moment it feels as though she's showing too much, or she's not giving enough of that bright light that keeps an individual's head lifted up towards the sky. this is a horrible feeling to place before someone she cares about, both of them really, and as much as she wants to mumble that she's sorry, she can't. why had she led to his death, why couldn't father drop a lightening bolt to save him, because if she had died then she has no doubts in her mind zeus would have found some way to...

the cold shivers that rolled down her body are replaced by someone warm, and her eyes widen at the contact. she exhales, trying to remember her place is to explain, but shi qingxuan's reassurance that she doesn't only makes her heart swell. it feels full like it wishes to burst, a waterfall of emotions and words she could never admit to anyone over the passing years, but there's no need when the other must understand.

as a god with divinity, he understands how cruel the outcome is.

her hands rather than wrap around castor instead touch his elbow, his arm, and chest to confirm the beat of his heart. )

I made my choice a long time ago, and it was my brother's who was stripped from even having one. Castor has been by my side since the start, and though his attitude may be difficult, his anger too... is not a choice by him. If humans had not chose that path for him, then it would be different, but in the end... he still protects them with me.

( not many people would listen to something like this in regards to castor, and so being able to expand on her feelings and thoughts to him is a sigh of trust. a friend to confide in, someone important to share this with is how she feels with shi qingxuan. it's not as though giving this information to him is a mistake, because he's treated her brother like someone so far, and that's the most she could ever ask for. )

( There's nothing more for Castor to say as Pollux expresses the feelings that have weighed on her into words. It's as if a dam has broken, and everything she's kept so close to her chest has come rushing out at once. To find someone who would listen to her, and to find someone who would stand equal with them in such a way that perhaps their plight would be better understood. After all, how can a mere human be expected to understand the damage done by humankind? The guilt, the refusal to accept the responsibility of their kind, it's enough for Pollux's pain to be cast aside in favour of their own feelings. Such is not the case with a fellow god, it would seem. )

...

( So Castor waits, holding Pollux close in his arms as she speaks. There's no need to correct her words. It's true; from the betrayal and down to the very Servant container that he occupies even now, none of it was a choice decided by himself. The humans who turned their backs on him, the gods who left him to rot, the grail that decided his current fate; the result now is a body that reminds him of every slight and pain as if it were only moments ago, no matter the time that has passed. Filled to the brim with hatred for those who cast this fate upon him, and yet...

Even now, it's that love for Pollux that comes foremost for him.

He isn't looking for pity, so he shakes his head at Shi Qingxuan's words. It isn't as if he comes from their world, and it isn't as if he's responsible for what happened to Castor in the past. In the end, what he's doing now is more than they had been lent in Chaldea already, so as much as his heart twists in anger at the circumstances, for once, they are not projected against Shi Qingxuan. )

Thank you.

( For listening, for his support—for what seems of little importance now. It isn't the time nor the place for Castor to fuss over the technicalities. What matters is that, for all of the suffering that Pollux has been forced to bear alone by his faults, it seems that she may have someone, now, who can understand them. That, he thinks, is enough. )

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