[Palamedes sets down his mug sharply, a little stunned to have his theory so swiftly confirmed. Another time, he might have been impressed with Natsuno’s honesty, but for now he’s just too angry.]
You had your reason? Well, they better have been pretty good ones, given the distressed you’ve caused the people who care about you most.
You absolute fool, Yuuki. To be honest, I thought you were smarter than this.
[That shouldn't sting so much, but it does. It's not the first absolute foolishness he got himself into, but definitely the first he got this kind of verbal lashing before.]
I never meant to upset any of you.
[He was supposed to return the next day, not that Pal will accept this explanation. Natsuno falls silent for a moment, considering. He and Jinx have an agreement, but...]
You're a necromancer. Do you know what's it like to be haunted?
Intention is only a fraction of the meaning behind any action.
[Natsuno’s question, though, surprises Palamedes. He sits back in his chair, his eyebrows knitting together. Unexpectedly, he is reminded of the archive-grade plex box sitting at the back of his closet. Correspondence: D.S. to P.S. & C.H., 9987-9999.]
Not literally, no. I haven’t had the pleasure, not personally.
[And yet Dulcinea haunts him, through no fault of her own. As Camilla Hect once put it: Palamedes Sextus remembered everything. That was his problem.]
[He nods in stoic agreement to the first part. True enough. But he will attempt to explain his reasons anyway - Pal wouldn't come around to approve his actions, but Natsuno hopes he'll at least appreciate having context.]
One of my classmates used to stalk me. She'd hide in the bushes for hours each day, trying to see into my room. I had to leave the window closed even in the hottest summer days. Then she died, and I thought I was done with her. But it only got worse when she rose from the grave.
[He doesn't pause to explain how the girl rose. That's not the important part. Perhaps later, if Pal is curious.]
She kept coming to my window every night, watching me. I was getting sick from not sleeping, thought I was imagining things. Then one night I was staying with my best friend, and she was there. [The memory still sends shivers down his spine, even after everything he's been through. Megumi staring at him from under Tohru's bed, whispering his name lovingly as she unfolds herself into a standing position, dead limbs cracking and twisting in unnatural angles.] She killed him because, "I liked him better than her." She would've killed me too if she thought there's a chance I'd rise and become like her.
[Another awful memory: Tatsumi declaring he's all yours! as Megumi spreads her dead arms to grab him. If Tohru hadn't beaten her to it - ]
How do you think I'd feel if someone else stalked and terrorized me like this? [This is a hypothetical question, of course.] How far do you think I'd go to make it stop?
[Palamedes’ expression doesn’t flicker as Natsuno tells his story—his brows remain furrowed, a faint frown on his lips. Yet beneath it all, the story fascinates and surprises him. It only got worse when she rose from the grave..
Huh.
But more than surprise, even more than curiosity—and Pal’s curiosity is intense—what he feels is a deep well of sorrow. Natsuno always seems to be looking over his shoulder. He sleeps with one eye open, if he sleeps at all. And here, perhaps, is the original source of his perpetual vigilance.]
I’m so very sorry.
[A pause.]
I can imagine you would do anything in your power to stop it.
[Another blank nod. The sympathy is appreciated, in a distant sort of way. Natsuno never quite got used to people expressing sorry for what he's been through. It is what it is and there's nothing to be done.]
Mhm. Maybe it would reckless and stupid. Maybe I'd mess up. [Three days. Jade found the remains.] But if that person would take one moment of satisfaction over months of harassment, I might do it.
["Might."]
And I wouldn't want anyone else caught up in the crossfire.
There are any number of things one might do for the sake of one’s own sanity in such a situation. Reckless things, even.
[Pal pauses and sips his tea again, but now he looks thoughtful, not antagonistic.]
But here’s what I don’t understand. You’ve never struck me as reckless, Yuuki, not even in moments of unbelievable stress. And if such events really were repeating themselves on this ship, I don’t see how temporarily killing yourself would do anything to change the situation.
["Never struck me as reckless" just wait till you hear about the time he ran out of his safe house, at night, knowing full well there are vampires out there who want him dead, and then sassed out when they expectedly found him.]
That girl convinced herself she "liked" me.
[He clocked her right from the start: self-centered and selfish, eager to cast him into a role her personal drama. Megumi was never interested in him but in the idea of him, the new kid from the city who will bring excitement into her dull village life.]
Another person may think I wronged them somehow and try to "get even." Maybe seeing someone dead would be enough to satisfy then.
[To be fair, most people don’t call Palamedes reckless, and he decided in five minutes to blow himself up to avenge the death of a girl he never met in person. It’s the sensible people who do the most absurd things.
While Natsuno hasn’t precisely told him what happened—he hasn’t broken his pact—he has shared enough that Pal is able to piece the story together. Another person is obviously Jinx, who, as Clarke had revealed, had been harassing Natsuno for some time.]
Do you really think it will stop her? For your sake, I hope it does. [He sighs and rubs his temple] And if it doesn’t, in the name of the Emperor above, come to your friends before you resort to pyrotechnics this time.
...I think it will. She's dangerous, but not a liar.
[He doesn't fool himself into thinking Palamedes will trust his assessment or agree with his actions, but Natsuno still feels comfortable enough to voice his thoughts. Pal knows how to listen and acknowledge all sides of an argument.]
I don't want to see other people get hurt because of MY problems.
She may not be a liar, but she doesn’t strike to me as very dependable, either. She could always change her mind.
[But that isn’t the point, really. Natsuno will face other dangers, and not just from Jinx—they all will. And he won’t survive this place if he chooses to go at it alone.
Yet again, Pal finds himself thinking of Harrow, who refused to confide even in her own cavalier. He smiles in a sad sort of way. They had worn her down just a little by the end, hadn’t they?]
Too bad, Yuuki. That’s what friends are for. [He sounds almost cheerful.] Your problems are our problems now, whether you like it or not. Might as well get used to it.
[Things Natsuno Yuuki and Harrowhark Nonagesimus have in common: sad eyes, acerbic personality and a tendency to go from "don't speak to me" to "I will destroy everything I am for you because I love you" in an alarmingly short while.]
You know, you’re not the first person to tell me that.
[Palamedes thinks he has made his point well enough. His anger still simmers, but most of it has turned to something more like fond frustration. Natsuno acted like an idiot, but he has miraculously returned to them, hopefully having learned a lesson.
If Pal hasn’t been able to convince him that what he did was wrong, hopefully some combination of Jade, Clarke, Rita, and Mikzuki can browbeat him into promising not to try something like that again.]
You should get in touch with everyone else. People have been worried.
[There's the guilt again. All the anger at Pal leaves him like air out of a deflated balloon.
The others are going to hit him so hard, and that will be the least painful thing.]
...yeah.
[Natsuno stands up. All he wants is to crawl into one of the lifeboats and hide for a week, but he needs to face the music. Which will be composed of screams.]
[yeah, it's going to be really, really bad. Pal feels a little bit sorry for Natusno, honestly, but not so sorry to offer to help. Natsuno is right: he needs to face the music.]
I know. And I appreciate that. Be sure to tell the others as much--they deserve to hear it even more than I do.
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come_sailaway2022-10-03 09:51 pm
no subject
You had your reason? Well, they better have been pretty good ones, given the distressed you’ve caused the people who care about you most.
You absolute fool, Yuuki. To be honest, I thought you were smarter than this.
no subject
I never meant to upset any of you.
[He was supposed to return the next day, not that Pal will accept this explanation. Natsuno falls silent for a moment, considering. He and Jinx have an agreement, but...]
You're a necromancer. Do you know what's it like to be haunted?
[He promises this is going somewhere.]
no subject
[Natsuno’s question, though, surprises Palamedes. He sits back in his chair, his eyebrows knitting together. Unexpectedly, he is reminded of the archive-grade plex box sitting at the back of his closet. Correspondence: D.S. to P.S. & C.H., 9987-9999.]
Not literally, no. I haven’t had the pleasure, not personally.
[And yet Dulcinea haunts him, through no fault of her own. As Camilla Hect once put it: Palamedes Sextus remembered everything. That was his problem.]
no subject
One of my classmates used to stalk me. She'd hide in the bushes for hours each day, trying to see into my room. I had to leave the window closed even in the hottest summer days. Then she died, and I thought I was done with her. But it only got worse when she rose from the grave.
[He doesn't pause to explain how the girl rose. That's not the important part. Perhaps later, if Pal is curious.]
She kept coming to my window every night, watching me. I was getting sick from not sleeping, thought I was imagining things. Then one night I was staying with my best friend, and she was there. [The memory still sends shivers down his spine, even after everything he's been through. Megumi staring at him from under Tohru's bed, whispering his name lovingly as she unfolds herself into a standing position, dead limbs cracking and twisting in unnatural angles.] She killed him because, "I liked him better than her." She would've killed me too if she thought there's a chance I'd rise and become like her.
[Another awful memory: Tatsumi declaring he's all yours! as Megumi spreads her dead arms to grab him. If Tohru hadn't beaten her to it - ]
How do you think I'd feel if someone else stalked and terrorized me like this? [This is a hypothetical question, of course.] How far do you think I'd go to make it stop?
no subject
Huh.
But more than surprise, even more than curiosity—and Pal’s curiosity is intense—what he feels is a deep well of sorrow. Natsuno always seems to be looking over his shoulder. He sleeps with one eye open, if he sleeps at all. And here, perhaps, is the original source of his perpetual vigilance.]
I’m so very sorry.
[A pause.]
I can imagine you would do anything in your power to stop it.
no subject
Mhm. Maybe it would reckless and stupid. Maybe I'd mess up. [Three days. Jade found the remains.] But if that person would take one moment of satisfaction over months of harassment, I might do it.
["Might."]
And I wouldn't want anyone else caught up in the crossfire.
no subject
[Pal pauses and sips his tea again, but now he looks thoughtful, not antagonistic.]
But here’s what I don’t understand. You’ve never struck me as reckless, Yuuki, not even in moments of unbelievable stress. And if such events really were repeating themselves on this ship, I don’t see how temporarily killing yourself would do anything to change the situation.
no subject
That girl convinced herself she "liked" me.
[He clocked her right from the start: self-centered and selfish, eager to cast him into a role her personal drama. Megumi was never interested in him but in the idea of him, the new kid from the city who will bring excitement into her dull village life.]
Another person may think I wronged them somehow and try to "get even." Maybe seeing someone dead would be enough to satisfy then.
no subject
While Natsuno hasn’t precisely told him what happened—he hasn’t broken his pact—he has shared enough that Pal is able to piece the story together. Another person is obviously Jinx, who, as Clarke had revealed, had been harassing Natsuno for some time.]
Do you really think it will stop her? For your sake, I hope it does. [He sighs and rubs his temple] And if it doesn’t, in the name of the Emperor above, come to your friends before you resort to pyrotechnics this time.
no subject
[He doesn't fool himself into thinking Palamedes will trust his assessment or agree with his actions, but Natsuno still feels comfortable enough to voice his thoughts. Pal knows how to listen and acknowledge all sides of an argument.]
I don't want to see other people get hurt because of MY problems.
no subject
[But that isn’t the point, really. Natsuno will face other dangers, and not just from Jinx—they all will. And he won’t survive this place if he chooses to go at it alone.
Yet again, Pal finds himself thinking of Harrow, who refused to confide even in her own cavalier. He smiles in a sad sort of way. They had worn her down just a little by the end, hadn’t they?]
Too bad, Yuuki. That’s what friends are for. [He sounds almost cheerful.] Your problems are our problems now, whether you like it or not. Might as well get used to it.
no subject
...yeah. You don't know when to quit.
no subject
[Palamedes thinks he has made his point well enough. His anger still simmers, but most of it has turned to something more like fond frustration. Natsuno acted like an idiot, but he has miraculously returned to them, hopefully having learned a lesson.
If Pal hasn’t been able to convince him that what he did was wrong, hopefully some combination of Jade, Clarke, Rita, and Mikzuki can browbeat him into promising not to try something like that again.]
You should get in touch with everyone else. People have been worried.
no subject
The others are going to hit him so hard, and that will be the least painful thing.]
...yeah.
[Natsuno stands up. All he wants is to crawl into one of the lifeboats and hide for a week, but he needs to face the music. Which will be composed of screams.]
For what it's worth, I'm sorry.
no subject
I know. And I appreciate that. Be sure to tell the others as much--they deserve to hear it even more than I do.
[A pause]
Good luck.