There's a moment of blind panic at being trapped in a small, dark space, and Natsuno thrashes violently against the metal walls before his brain catches up with his body. He died yesterday and Friday promised to let him revive in the morgue. Now calmer, he pushes himself out of the cabinet, blinking at the harsh fluorescent light. His muscles are cramped, he reeks of stale blood and he's surprised to discover just how hungry he is - the supernatural kind of hunger, ravenous and painful and must be satisfied now.
Still, he has enough self-control to clean up first. Natsuno takes the elevator to deck one, snags spare clothes from bric-a-brac and hurries to the publish showers. From there he heads straight to the buffet to pour himself a cup of fresh blood. He downs it in two large gulps, almost sagging with relief as it pours down his parched throat and calms the empty hunger gnawing at him.
Somewhat recovered, he helps himself to some breakfast to quell the human hunger. Natsuno looks around as he eats, finally noticing the overflowing trash cans, dirty floors and days-old dished. That's... weird. He should look into once he's finished eating, maybe text Clarke or something...]
Cabin 109 (closed to established CR)
[He's so, so fucked.
In retrospect, Natsuno should've known it will be an ugly, painful mess. That's how it went the other times: he let himself die so Tohru wouldn't, and instead he turned into a monster and Tohru kept existing in torment until he was butchered with all the other shiki. He killed himself to bury the shiki's plan for good and finally free, and instead a fragment of him woke up on this hell ship.
He thought this time will be quiet and quick. He took all the precautions, he was only going to be gone for a day and get Jinx off his back. But Natsuno hadn't accounted for the captain deciding to delay revivals, which in hindsight was stupid, because their captor is a capricious, cruel manchild that they can't even kill.
In the end though, none of it matters. He fucked up and upset the people he cares about.
No point in hiding from the consequences. Sometime in the morning, his friends all get a text:]
I'm back. In my cabin. Door's unlocked.
[Natsuno sits on the bed, back against the wall, and waits. Visitors are welcomed with silence and a stoic expression, not a crack in his calm mask.
[ It’s been a rough 48 hours on anyone, for sure, but Mizuki had been particularly under some kind of sick and cruel punishment. Natsuno is, perhaps, Mizuki’s best friend on this whole ship. Which is probably more sad than it is sweet, considering, but it’s true! To lose him… and then to seemingly lose Ebalon, too, just a day after and have neither of them back the next day just… breaks Mizuki. He doesn’t handle grief well. Sorry to the television in their room, Jenny, as it’s been promptly smashed to pieces. If he had the energy to do more, he might have, but the rest of the room had been spared to the despair that just made Mizuki tired. This month had started off so good.
And then it didn’t.
…
But then he gets a text, and there’s a very brief shock as he quietly stares at his phone for seconds in silence. Then, maybe Natsuno will even hear his neighbor toss himself onto the floor, half tangled in his blankets and fighting them off, then quickly making way for the cabin next door.
The door swings open, and Mizuki doesn’t even take the time to confirm that Natsuno is really there and this wasn’t a sick joke text. No, instead there’s just a very emotional jellyfish practically tripping over himself to give his friend a hug. ]
his best friend... pls get better standards mizuki...
[Thump. Natsuno can hear his friend fall off the bed, hears the scuffle followed by quick steps. 109's door swings open so hard it hits the wall, and like with Palamedes and Jade, as it will be with Rita and Clarke, the Mizuki's expression makes him wish he was still in the morgue.
Natsuno doesn't attempt to avoid the incoming hug, only letting out a small oof when he's hit with all the weight of an emotional, clinging aegir. He closes his eyes and sits quietly, letting Mizuki hug him for longer than he'd normally would, thinking of nothing in particular.
He won't break contact, but if it goes on too much, he eventually says:]
that's it. that's all he gets for the next two and a half hours of complete and total radio silence from one clarke griffin. it's petty, it's a bit vindictive, it's not a nice thought but she likes to imagine he's stewing in a pot of his own newly-resurrected sweat and anxiety in the meantime. so she dawdles. eats a very hearty buffet meal with excruciatingly slow chewing, stops by the library for a bit, goes to her own cabin and brushes her teeth.
then — then and only then — she makes her way across the hallway, pushes on the door to cabin 109, and steps just across the threshold with no announcement. it's not that dissimilar to the way she'd scanned the room after getting past jade 48+ hours ago, only this time her gaze is drawn to one thing and one thing only. he's sitting on the bed in silent penance, and clarke stares and stares until he looks at her. takes in the raccoon dark circles under, and the red webbing across the whites of her eyes; observes the undoubted mess of unbrushed hair, the rumpled and unkempt clothes, the pallid white of sleep deprived skin stretched over her otherwise impassive face. expression is schooled — blank and open. but goddamn, does she radiate the furious sort of energy that almost makes her whole body shake.
after a beat, clarke'll advance. about halfway into the room before coming to a stop again, obviously waiting for him to stand and meet her on more equal footing. )
[Natsuno does not sit idle during those two and a half hours. He speaks to Jinx, deciding to tell his friends the full truth if asked. He faces Jade disappointed, vaguely-parental anger (if his dad was a recovering sociopath still predisposed to murder); Mizuki's overwhelming mixture of angry hurt and clingy grief; maybe even Rita's fiery, tearful fury. The common theme here is anger, everyone he's come to care about lining up to give him the worst smackdown of his life - the first one of any of his lives, really. No one's been quiet so... vehement about his miserable life choices before, and there's not much time to stew over the Clarke Griffin shaped reckoning, though he stew he does in those moments when no one chews him out.
By the time Clarke enters the cabin, Natsuno is emotionally exhausted, but he makes an effort to keep the mask on. He's not the one who spent three days searching, panicking and grieving. Every hard word is deserved and the least he can do is absorb it. No one gets a break from facing the consequences of their actions.
Still, when he sees the state Clarke's in, his entire expression crumples into utter misery before he can get it back under control. Is this how he looked to Tohru, when he opened the window to the sight of his undead best friend? He can almost understand why Tohru ran away from such tired, bloodshot eyes, why all he could do was beg when Natsuno threw the stake away, shaking with frustrated rage.
Natsuno doesn't run or beg. He rises to meet Clarke halfway, almost obediently. Still mostly stoic, but with distinct dull unhappiness in his eyes, saying nothing.]
[For quite some time, Natsuno's messages to Rita go unread. It's not actually intentional on her part; with no idea when (or even if anymore) Natsuno's life will be restored, she throws herself into something else--maybe it's tinkering with Wilhelm, letting herself get lost in focus on blastia for hours, just like she used to do (or days, weeks, months, years...). Her phone is forgotten and ignored. Besides, it's not like she wants to hear from anyone.
Why does caring for people have to be so painful? This was why blastia were always so much easier, and better, before she knew about the problems associated with them... She didn't want to go back to those times, but maybe...
Well, anyway, she's finished with whatever changes she was making with Wilhelm. She only has two blastia here, so it's not like devoting all her time to an entire collection anymore. Eventually, she takes a passing look at her phone--oh, whatever, who cares if someone sent her a message, even if it was--
Natsuno?!
It feels both too long and too soon, like she was only shouting at Friday just a couple of hours ago, yet also like an eternity has passed since he vanished. She doesn't know how to deal with it so soon, even though she wanted him to be restored so much it hurt, and here he is and she just feels too wrung out to be angry right now--
Oh, she's crying again, dammit. Why do her friends keep giving her reasons to do something so embarrassing?! She hasn't even seen him for herself yet! But she can't just go straight over to his cabin like this--ugh, this is stupid... She never used to cry so much (until she had people to cry over)...
So while Natsuno's messages are finally marked read, they're left like that for a while, before...she texts back instead of visiting him.]
[By the time Rita finally picks up her phone, Natsuno is absolutely wrung out. Pal's disappointment, a scathing talk with Jade (he never realized how awful it feels to let down an adult you trust), Mizuki's overflowing clingy grief - and Clarke, whose words hurt more than any slap her hurricane-like fury could deliver.
Natsuno tells himself that fuck-ups don't just get a break from consequences, but he doesn't try looking for Rita as his message to her remains unread. He doesn't look for her even when he checks his phone and sees she read it. He could knock on her door, but... he should probably give her space.
(The truth is that he's both anxious and exhausted, and every time he looks at his phone to see you weren't supposed to disappear on me his insides twist with guilt.)
So he lies on the bed, staring at the ceiling while thinking of nothing in particular. He only snaps out of his unhappy stupor as his phone beeps.
What happened? The thought of explaining (again) is tiring, but Natsuno replies immediately - if only to ask her to come over.]
First, there had been the revelation that, at least according to Skulduggery and the Captain, they could never go home again. Pal might not believe that to be true, but seeing it written down in black and white hadn’t been a pleasant experience. Then Natusno had disappeared. Then they had found the site of his death, which had brought up all sorts of fun memories, and then Pal had been forced to stop Clarke from killing the person responsible with her bare hands. In some ways, finding Natsuno’s body whole had been in a relief, but it had also opened up all sorts of other unsettling possibilities.
Palamedes had taken a very long shower after that. And then he’d sat on his bed and stared at the wall for quite some time.
The next morning, Palamedes is looking a little paler than usual as he sits at a table in the buffet. The circles under his eyes are a little darker, too, and he grips his mug of tea a little more tightly than necessary. He may still be in mourning, but he has work to do. Whether temporary or permanent, the usual cycle of death and resurrection that has become expected on the ship has broken, and they need to spread the word before anyone else gets hurt. He is staring at a page of his notebook, trying to find the best way to word such a dire message, when he sees someone out of the corner of his eye.
Pal looks up sharply and for a long moment he just stares. When he speaks, it's with a discomforting sort of blankness.]
[Natsuno must still be out of it, since he doesn't notice Pal until he speaks up. The tone? Utterly blank. The look?
A teacher who isn't mad, just disappointed, and oh how you wish he was mad. For now though, Natsuno mostly looks confused, clearly not understanding what he's done to earn such ire.]
Join... what?
[He didn't look at his phone yet, still convinced it's been six hours and not seventy-two.]
[Natsuno sends that text out to his friends, eventually, but there's one person that's already in cabin 109 before he arrives himself.
Not as if it's hard, after all. Not as if Jade slept a single minute, the entire night before this particular morning. He'd stepped out in the dark earlier hours only to grab a small bite of food, appetite nonexistent since yesterday, and even then he'd brought it back to the room to continue worrying distractedly at his notes for the next few hours or so after that. ...Yesterday Natsuno was in the morgue, after all--a body waiting for a soul to be returned. The possibility had still remained that perhaps, perhaps, the delay might yet come to an end...even as six o'clock comes and goes without event. Even as he barely manages more than a paragraph, in his own notebook, before Jade realizes he's just staring blankly at the page for chunks of time more than anything else. At length, eventually--the leaden thing in his chest grown to an unbearable thing, in the waiting--he's just starting to muse on the merits of visiting the morgue again today, as utterly fruitless and entirely useless as the endeavor would probably be...
When a text message shows up, on his phone.
...
It marks as read, on Natsuno's end, but Jade never answers it. Still, when he does finally push open the door to cabin 109, there's somebody already sitting on the couch--an instance of deja vu, perhaps, to be found in how this is exactly where Jade was once sitting when Natsuno had returned from the battle royale countless months ago. ...But now there's no wrecked television in the corner, and Jade has neither a book nor drink in hand. Arms folded, posture ramrod straight, the dead silence in the room at quite a contrast to meticulously compressed tension that's practically tangible in the air.
A tension that razors the edge, in the sharpness of the look Jade's leveling directly Natsuno's way the moment he's visible in the doorway. There's absolutely no expression on his face, but for once--quite notably--there sure is something bright and piercing in the red of his eyes. And it's not happy.
[Thanks to Pal, Natsuno is not completely clueless as he makes his way back to cabin 109. He's already bracing himself for the fallout - a futile attempt, as he can't being to imagine how thoroughly he's about to be obliterated - but at least he's under no illusion this will end quietly. He can smell Jade inside, so Natsuno pauses with his hand over the handle and takes a deep breath before letting himself in.
The silence is heavy, the tension is palpable and Jade's acidic opening strike is almost physically painful. Natsuno is sorely tempted to look away from those red eyes, but forces himself to meet Jade's gaze. He deserves this, the least he can do is suck it up and face the consequences of his reckless stupidity.
He closes the door and leans against it.]
Yes, [He says quietly.] I met Palamedes.
[So no need to catch him up, just let him have it.]
[Natsuno spent the rest of yesterday in his cabin, after his friends ripped into him - verbally and quite possibly physically, an onslaught of disappointment, anger and tear that made him wish he was still dead. Still, he absorbed every word, because he deserved it for being a fucking idiot.
(It's almost like killing yourself ISN'T the solution to everything, or something)
On the morning of the 5th, he finally ventures outside. The ship looks worse than yesterday - maintenance really has stopped altogether. Natsuno is vaguely aware he should be seriously worried, should come up with some contingency plan, but can't bring himself to feel much of anything right now.
He passes through the promenade, pausing briefly to examine the remains (smells like the Moon Freak, gross) before making his way to the sports deck. The supply closet is still in ruins, full with explosive's residue and stale shiki blood, reddish-brown and still wet. Natsuno stares at it for a while, trying - and failing - to see himself in it. He turns to leave after a while, but exhaustion strikes before he can get very far. It's the same exhaustion he felt after the battle royale, a heavy numbing blanket that has nothing to do with physical condition.
Natsuno lies on his back in the middle of the court, arms spread, eyes closed. It almost looks like he's asleep, but if anyone gets close, his eyes immediately snap open, head turning to see who's coming. He's still lying down expressionless, though. Just another passenger going through an existential crisis, though his isn't related to the information share.]
October 6th, Pool deck
[Some passengers surely have become familiar with Natsuno's occasional movie binges. Maybe they even joined them. This one, however, is different from several reasons: there's no food on nearby chairs, and Natsuno is staying in his seat for 18 hours straight, only getting up to change movies.
He's also avoiding the movies with excessive blood and gore, which renders about half of them unwatchable, so there are a lot of replays. Still, people are welcome to join, and at some point he turns to state blandly:]
I got new ones.
[He's watching Galaxy Quest.]
October 7th, Various bars
[With the ghosts no longer enforcing the drinking age, it's no surprise the youth are taking advantage of it. This particular 16 year old, however, doesn't seem to be engaged in the usual bad, drunk life choices. In fact, Natsuno doesn't drink at all - he simply reads the labels, methodically scanning each and every one. Every so often he grabs a bottle and stuffs it into a large bag.
That's an awful lot of very strong alcohol you've got there.
[ The voice comes from the other end of the bar, and the man who says it only looks up long enough for cat eyes to flash in the dim lighting before he goes back to staring at his drink. ]
Make sure to get something to mix it with too. Disguise the taste so it's easier to drink more.
[Natsuno glances at the man. The cat eyes are noted, but shrugged off for the most part. Another passenger with strange attributes is nothing new - Natsuno's own eyes occasionally flash red in the dark.]
[ Fio shows up at the pool deck, plush dragon flying up in the air, while her teddy bear stays clutched in her arms. Today she has the urge to hold one of them today, perhaps due to how unsettled she feels over the lack of maintenance across the ship. What's going on anyway...
Staring wide-eyed at the screen, she takes a seat in a chair next to Natsuno. She's never been around when anyone was playing movies on the large screen. (Battle royale footage doesn't count... and she usually hid in the library then.) ]
...Yuuyu. Do you have any Pokémon movies? [ Thanks, Pratt! ] Or The Year Without a Santa Claus? It's "stop-motion". [ Thanks, Sparkles! ]
[He pauses the movie just as Alan Rickman cuts off an alien attempting to say "By Grabthar's Hammer." So far it seemed mild enough, but Natsuno isn't sure if the rest of it is child-friendly. He rifles through the pile of DVDs on the deck next to him.]
I don't have the second one, but I have... "Pokémon the First Movie."
[He's before Pokémon time, and it's a cartoon, so he hardly bothered to give the case a second look. If Fio is around, though... a dumb cartoon should work just as well to numb his brain.]
[Number 6 sees the teen laying there in the middle of the sports deck and, well, he can't resist going to investigate that. But, because it's Nastuno, he has to be somewhat sassy about it.]
( she'd never quite been sure if anyone ever really got one aspect of her home world. the frequency and viciousness with which people she'd trusted ended up betraying her, and she the same back to then. lexa leaving her at the side of mount weather versus falling into bed with and grieving her death. the way raven had looked at her after murdering finn versus the way she'd looked at her after they burst into becca's lab in hazmat suits on a mission to save her life. bellamy shouting in her face about abandonment and betrayal versus bellamy taking the pen out of her hand and writing down her name on the list of those who'd survive. bellamy after being sent into mount weather to die versus bellamy who squeezed her so tight at the end of the world that it'd practically reignited hope in her chest. the abby griffin who told her she'd never be able to wash the blood off her hands versus the abby griffin who'd cupped her sweaty cheeks and bid her go save us all... again.
but relationships are weird and complex, and at the end of the world — staring death and destruction in the mouth with every sunrise — they're really flexible. and the ones you want to fix can be mended without much thought, and a lot of compartmentalization. which natsuno yuuki is about to get a first hand account of.
it still takes a day. one whole day from having likely hit him in the face a few times for clarke to get it under control. fury and rage are tampered down, relief and the logical awareness that she'd been scared out of her mind more than angry settle in. and when they cross paths on the sports deck — way too close to the supply closet, with the understanding that anywhere on this fucking level of the ship is too close to the supply closet after what she'd seen in there — everything's mostly fine. like it always is. like she has to be.
approaching him is easy, and even when his eyes snap open and he stares up at her from the ground, clarke's stride doesn't stumble. she's neatly settling herself into a seated position beside him, and after a moment's consideration, reclining back on the sun-heated ground. looking up at the sky from this vantage point, one could almost imagine they were anywhere in the universe but here.
she doesn't have anything kind or good or constructive or angry or weepy to say anymore. not yet, at least, and so — silence reigns. )
[Natsuno didn't try to contact Clarke or seek her out after she stormed out of cabin 109, and he hadn't seen her on his tired trek from deck 2 to the promenade and the sports deck. Even a day without talking to her was enough to make his miss her, but... he didn't want to push.
He's relieved when he hears the familiar footsteps and opens his eyes to see his best friend standing over him, even more relieve when she takes the spot next to him. Things aren't comfortable yet, but Clarke's still reaching out. Natsuno closes his eyes, soaking in the fake sun. They lie in silence for a couple of minutes before he speaks up, eyes still close.]
Wonder when Mr. Smith will come to say we're "being a nuisance."
[The ship's status-quo broke. Revival is delayed, damage lasts, the ghosts are on strike and Friday's not around. The buffet still provides food, but who knows when that will run out of well. Throw in a ship-wide existential crisis in the wake of the information sharing meeting, and Natsuno is certain it's only a matter of time before something truly terrible happens.
He was a fool for taking certain things for granted, and a fool to think he can recklessly disregard his well-being to settle personal grievances without consequence. He has to stay sharp and make sure his friends will survive whatever hell is coming. He needs to be stronger, and he needs more allies.
The Dioscuri's offer is certainly more tempting now.
Natsuno texts Pollux, asking the twins to meet him by the muster stations at night. No one goes there unless there's an excursion. Other than the time and place, the message is short:]
( at the beach, had she seen or heard these words, she would have been ecstatic by his willingness. this time, it's a serious notion, one that ensures his protection from the amount of chaos that has befell the ship in the past few days. she can't allow her regrets to interefere with their agreement, but she can't help but fret that had he agreed sooner they could have avoided what happened; as age-old gods, they could have prevented it with ease. she offers one look to her brother, a mutual understanding, and it doesn't take long for them to depart.
...
...
...
she keeps her steps light, ensuring that there's no click of her heels against the floor as she stops next to the ship's railings. leaning against it, she looks to her brother before casting a glance towards the shadows opposite of them. )
( Castor, meanwhile, is leaning against the railings with an appropriately irritated look on his face. He doesn't appreciate Natsuno's disappearance for those few days, and even less the worry that it had caused for Pollux. Rather, much like Pollux's own feelings, it's a source of frustration that this acceptance had needed to wait for such a thing to happen before it could be extended to them.
Following Pollux's gaze, he offers Natsuno a scowl. )
[They had three day to come up with something to stop Rita from ratting "Tear" out. Since they couldn't just murder her again - a genius mage's body would be prime real estate for some of their friends - the only option was to use Natsuno's powers to take control of the narrative.
Honestly, he's not thrilled about it. It was never his style and using someone's body to taunt their loved ones is underhanded. But this is war, and he'll do whatever it takes to win.
With the door blown off its hinges, it's easy to sneak into the cabin before Rita wakes up. He puts the door back in place - presumably to hide the blood and give the corpse a semblance of privacy - then sits by the bed and waits.]
[She hadn't wanted to die, and especially not like that: unable to breathe, her friends in danger, some freak in control of a familiar face, the possibility that she might never come back, Natsuno--
It's with those dying thoughts fresh in her mind that Rita revives with a choking gasp--then sucks in more air, she can breathe again and not just choke on her blood, coughing and thrashing with the blankets.]
Jade--Yuuki-!
[She doesn't know how long it's been; adrenaline and renewed panic coursing through her brain make it hard to stay calm and think, and she doesn't yet notice Natsuno there as she just thinks about--warning them and preventing this from turning into a bigger mess, and she nearly rolls right out of bed onto the floor, ready to go looking for either her phone or her friends.
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come_sailaway2022-10-03 09:51 pm
October 4th (closed)
[He wakes up.
There's a moment of blind panic at being trapped in a small, dark space, and Natsuno thrashes violently against the metal walls before his brain catches up with his body. He died yesterday and Friday promised to let him revive in the morgue. Now calmer, he pushes himself out of the cabinet, blinking at the harsh fluorescent light. His muscles are cramped, he reeks of stale blood and he's surprised to discover just how hungry he is - the supernatural kind of hunger, ravenous and painful and must be satisfied now.
Still, he has enough self-control to clean up first. Natsuno takes the elevator to deck one, snags spare clothes from bric-a-brac and hurries to the publish showers. From there he heads straight to the buffet to pour himself a cup of fresh blood. He downs it in two large gulps, almost sagging with relief as it pours down his parched throat and calms the empty hunger gnawing at him.
Somewhat recovered, he helps himself to some breakfast to quell the human hunger. Natsuno looks around as he eats, finally noticing the overflowing trash cans, dirty floors and days-old dished. That's... weird. He should look into once he's finished eating, maybe text Clarke or something...]
Cabin 109 (closed to established CR)
[He's so, so fucked.
In retrospect, Natsuno should've known it will be an ugly, painful mess. That's how it went the other times: he let himself die so Tohru wouldn't, and instead he turned into a monster and Tohru kept existing in torment until he was butchered with all the other shiki. He killed himself to bury the shiki's plan for good and finally free, and instead a fragment of him woke up on this hell ship.
He thought this time will be quiet and quick. He took all the precautions, he was only going to be gone for a day and get Jinx off his back. But Natsuno hadn't accounted for the captain deciding to delay revivals, which in hindsight was stupid, because their captor is a capricious, cruel manchild that they can't even kill.
In the end though, none of it matters. He fucked up and upset the people he cares about.
No point in hiding from the consequences. Sometime in the morning, his friends all get a text:]
I'm back. In my cabin.
Door's unlocked.
[Natsuno sits on the bed, back against the wall, and waits. Visitors are welcomed with silence and a stoic expression, not a crack in his calm mask.
He knows what's coming.]
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And then it didn’t.
…
But then he gets a text, and there’s a very brief shock as he quietly stares at his phone for seconds in silence. Then, maybe Natsuno will even hear his neighbor toss himself onto the floor, half tangled in his blankets and fighting them off, then quickly making way for the cabin next door.
The door swings open, and Mizuki doesn’t even take the time to confirm that Natsuno is really there and this wasn’t a sick joke text. No, instead there’s just a very emotional jellyfish practically tripping over himself to give his friend a hug. ]
his best friend... pls get better standards mizuki...
Natsuno doesn't attempt to avoid the incoming hug, only letting out a small oof when he's hit with all the weight of an emotional, clinging aegir. He closes his eyes and sits quietly, letting Mizuki hug him for longer than he'd normally would, thinking of nothing in particular.
He won't break contact, but if it goes on too much, he eventually says:]
...can you let go?
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( and
that's it. that's all he gets for the next two and a half hours of complete and total radio silence from one clarke griffin. it's petty, it's a bit vindictive, it's not a nice thought but she likes to imagine he's stewing in a pot of his own newly-resurrected sweat and anxiety in the meantime. so she dawdles. eats a very hearty buffet meal with excruciatingly slow chewing, stops by the library for a bit, goes to her own cabin and brushes her teeth.
then — then and only then — she makes her way across the hallway, pushes on the door to cabin 109, and steps just across the threshold with no announcement. it's not that dissimilar to the way she'd scanned the room after getting past jade 48+ hours ago, only this time her gaze is drawn to one thing and one thing only. he's sitting on the bed in silent penance, and clarke stares and stares until he looks at her. takes in the raccoon dark circles under, and the red webbing across the whites of her eyes; observes the undoubted mess of unbrushed hair, the rumpled and unkempt clothes, the pallid white of sleep deprived skin stretched over her otherwise impassive face. expression is schooled — blank and open. but goddamn, does she radiate the furious sort of energy that almost makes her whole body shake.
after a beat, clarke'll advance. about halfway into the room before coming to a stop again, obviously waiting for him to stand and meet her on more equal footing. )
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By the time Clarke enters the cabin, Natsuno is emotionally exhausted, but he makes an effort to keep the mask on. He's not the one who spent three days searching, panicking and grieving. Every hard word is deserved and the least he can do is absorb it. No one gets a break from facing the consequences of their actions.
Still, when he sees the state Clarke's in, his entire expression crumples into utter misery before he can get it back under control. Is this how he looked to Tohru, when he opened the window to the sight of his undead best friend? He can almost understand why Tohru ran away from such tired, bloodshot eyes, why all he could do was beg when Natsuno threw the stake away, shaking with frustrated rage.
Natsuno doesn't run or beg. He rises to meet Clarke halfway, almost obediently. Still mostly stoic, but with distinct dull unhappiness in his eyes, saying nothing.]
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cw: suicidal ideation
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Why does caring for people have to be so painful? This was why blastia were always so much easier, and better, before she knew about the problems associated with them... She didn't want to go back to those times, but maybe...
Well, anyway, she's finished with whatever changes she was making with Wilhelm. She only has two blastia here, so it's not like devoting all her time to an entire collection anymore. Eventually, she takes a passing look at her phone--oh, whatever, who cares if someone sent her a message, even if it was--
Natsuno?!
It feels both too long and too soon, like she was only shouting at Friday just a couple of hours ago, yet also like an eternity has passed since he vanished. She doesn't know how to deal with it so soon, even though she wanted him to be restored so much it hurt, and here he is and she just feels too wrung out to be angry right now--
Oh, she's crying again, dammit. Why do her friends keep giving her reasons to do something so embarrassing?! She hasn't even seen him for herself yet! But she can't just go straight over to his cabin like this--ugh, this is stupid... She never used to cry so much (until she had people to cry over)...
So while Natsuno's messages are finally marked read, they're left like that for a while, before...she texts back instead of visiting him.]
what happened?
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Natsuno tells himself that fuck-ups don't just get a break from consequences, but he doesn't try looking for Rita as his message to her remains unread. He doesn't look for her even when he checks his phone and sees she read it. He could knock on her door, but... he should probably give her space.
(The truth is that he's both anxious and exhausted, and every time he looks at his phone to see you weren't supposed to disappear on me his insides twist with guilt.)
So he lies on the bed, staring at the ceiling while thinking of nothing in particular. He only snaps out of his unhappy stupor as his phone beeps.
What happened? The thought of explaining (again) is tiring, but Natsuno replies immediately - if only to ask her to come over.]
I did something stupid.
Can we talk in person?
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The last seventy-two hours.
Have been…a lot for Palamedes Sextus.
First, there had been the revelation that, at least according to Skulduggery and the Captain, they could never go home again. Pal might not believe that to be true, but seeing it written down in black and white hadn’t been a pleasant experience. Then Natusno had disappeared. Then they had found the site of his death, which had brought up all sorts of fun memories, and then Pal had been forced to stop Clarke from killing the person responsible with her bare hands. In some ways, finding Natsuno’s body whole had been in a relief, but it had also opened up all sorts of other unsettling possibilities.
Palamedes had taken a very long shower after that. And then he’d sat on his bed and stared at the wall for quite some time.
The next morning, Palamedes is looking a little paler than usual as he sits at a table in the buffet. The circles under his eyes are a little darker, too, and he grips his mug of tea a little more tightly than necessary. He may still be in mourning, but he has work to do. Whether temporary or permanent, the usual cycle of death and resurrection that has become expected on the ship has broken, and they need to spread the word before anyone else gets hurt. He is staring at a page of his notebook, trying to find the best way to word such a dire message, when he sees someone out of the corner of his eye.
Pal looks up sharply and for a long moment he just stares. When he speaks, it's with a discomforting sort of blankness.]
How very good of you to decide to join us.
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A teacher who isn't mad, just disappointed, and oh how you wish he was mad. For now though, Natsuno mostly looks confused, clearly not understanding what he's done to earn such ire.]
Join... what?
[He didn't look at his phone yet, still convinced it's been six hours and not seventy-two.]
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the passive aggressive tea breaks are *chef's kiss*
My work here is done :D
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Not as if it's hard, after all. Not as if Jade slept a single minute, the entire night before this particular morning. He'd stepped out in the dark earlier hours only to grab a small bite of food, appetite nonexistent since yesterday, and even then he'd brought it back to the room to continue worrying distractedly at his notes for the next few hours or so after that. ...Yesterday Natsuno was in the morgue, after all--a body waiting for a soul to be returned. The possibility had still remained that perhaps, perhaps, the delay might yet come to an end...even as six o'clock comes and goes without event. Even as he barely manages more than a paragraph, in his own notebook, before Jade realizes he's just staring blankly at the page for chunks of time more than anything else. At length, eventually--the leaden thing in his chest grown to an unbearable thing, in the waiting--he's just starting to muse on the merits of visiting the morgue again today, as utterly fruitless and entirely useless as the endeavor would probably be...
When a text message shows up, on his phone.
...
It marks as read, on Natsuno's end, but Jade never answers it. Still, when he does finally push open the door to cabin 109, there's somebody already sitting on the couch--an instance of deja vu, perhaps, to be found in how this is exactly where Jade was once sitting when Natsuno had returned from the battle royale countless months ago. ...But now there's no wrecked television in the corner, and Jade has neither a book nor drink in hand. Arms folded, posture ramrod straight, the dead silence in the room at quite a contrast to meticulously compressed tension that's practically tangible in the air.
A tension that razors the edge, in the sharpness of the look Jade's leveling directly Natsuno's way the moment he's visible in the doorway. There's absolutely no expression on his face, but for once--quite notably--there sure is something bright and piercing in the red of his eyes. And it's not happy.
It's furious.]
Took longer than expected, did we?
the angry dad energy is too powerful
The silence is heavy, the tension is palpable and Jade's acidic opening strike is almost physically painful. Natsuno is sorely tempted to look away from those red eyes, but forces himself to meet Jade's gaze. He deserves this, the least he can do is suck it up and face the consequences of his reckless stupidity.
He closes the door and leans against it.]
Yes, [He says quietly.] I met Palamedes.
[So no need to catch him up, just let him have it.]
:^)
unlocked the omnious opaque lenses... i'm excited
so glad to finally be getting mileage outta these icons at last
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Cw: suicide mention
Re: Cw: suicide mention
suicide cw for this entire thread tbh
October 5th-7th (OPEN)
[Natsuno spent the rest of yesterday in his cabin, after his friends ripped into him - verbally and quite possibly physically, an onslaught of disappointment, anger and tear that made him wish he was still dead. Still, he absorbed every word, because he deserved it for being a fucking idiot.
(It's almost like killing yourself ISN'T the solution to everything, or something)
On the morning of the 5th, he finally ventures outside. The ship looks worse than yesterday - maintenance really has stopped altogether. Natsuno is vaguely aware he should be seriously worried, should come up with some contingency plan, but can't bring himself to feel much of anything right now.
He passes through the promenade, pausing briefly to examine the remains (smells like the Moon Freak, gross) before making his way to the sports deck. The supply closet is still in ruins, full with explosive's residue and stale shiki blood, reddish-brown and still wet. Natsuno stares at it for a while, trying - and failing - to see himself in it. He turns to leave after a while, but exhaustion strikes before he can get very far. It's the same exhaustion he felt after the battle royale, a heavy numbing blanket that has nothing to do with physical condition.
Natsuno lies on his back in the middle of the court, arms spread, eyes closed. It almost looks like he's asleep, but if anyone gets close, his eyes immediately snap open, head turning to see who's coming. He's still lying down expressionless, though. Just another passenger going through an existential crisis, though his isn't related to the information share.]
October 6th, Pool deck
[Some passengers surely have become familiar with Natsuno's occasional movie binges. Maybe they even joined them. This one, however, is different from several reasons: there's no food on nearby chairs, and Natsuno is staying in his seat for 18 hours straight, only getting up to change movies.
He's also avoiding the movies with excessive blood and gore, which renders about half of them unwatchable, so there are a lot of replays. Still, people are welcome to join, and at some point he turns to state blandly:]
I got new ones.
[He's watching Galaxy Quest.]
October 7th, Various bars
[With the ghosts no longer enforcing the drinking age, it's no surprise the youth are taking advantage of it. This particular 16 year old, however, doesn't seem to be engaged in the usual bad, drunk life choices. In fact, Natsuno doesn't drink at all - he simply reads the labels, methodically scanning each and every one. Every so often he grabs a bottle and stuffs it into a large bag.
There's an awful lot of Everclear there.
It's probably fine.]
7th, Hurikane
[ The voice comes from the other end of the bar, and the man who says it only looks up long enough for cat eyes to flash in the dim lighting before he goes back to staring at his drink. ]
Make sure to get something to mix it with too. Disguise the taste so it's easier to drink more.
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I'm not going to drink it.
[The only cocktail he thinks about is Molotov.]
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6th
Staring wide-eyed at the screen, she takes a seat in a chair next to Natsuno. She's never been around when anyone was playing movies on the large screen. (Battle royale footage doesn't count... and she usually hid in the library then.) ]
...Yuuyu. Do you have any Pokémon movies? [ Thanks, Pratt! ] Or The Year Without a Santa Claus? It's "stop-motion". [ Thanks, Sparkles! ]
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[He pauses the movie just as Alan Rickman cuts off an alien attempting to say "By Grabthar's Hammer." So far it seemed mild enough, but Natsuno isn't sure if the rest of it is child-friendly. He rifles through the pile of DVDs on the deck next to him.]
I don't have the second one, but I have... "Pokémon the First Movie."
[He's before Pokémon time, and it's a cartoon, so he hardly bothered to give the case a second look. If Fio is around, though... a dumb cartoon should work just as well to numb his brain.]
Want me to play it?
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5th sports deck
Is this a new type of sport I'm not aware of?
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Yeah. It's called "how long before someone asks a dumb question." Current record is...
[His right hand moved lazily to get his phone.]
Fourty-six minutes.
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double tap for the 5th
but relationships are weird and complex, and at the end of the world — staring death and destruction in the mouth with every sunrise — they're really flexible. and the ones you want to fix can be mended without much thought, and a lot of compartmentalization. which natsuno yuuki is about to get a first hand account of.
it still takes a day. one whole day from having likely hit him in the face a few times for clarke to get it under control. fury and rage are tampered down, relief and the logical awareness that she'd been scared out of her mind more than angry settle in. and when they cross paths on the sports deck — way too close to the supply closet, with the understanding that anywhere on this fucking level of the ship is too close to the supply closet after what she'd seen in there — everything's mostly fine. like it always is. like she has to be.
approaching him is easy, and even when his eyes snap open and he stares up at her from the ground, clarke's stride doesn't stumble. she's neatly settling herself into a seated position beside him, and after a moment's consideration, reclining back on the sun-heated ground. looking up at the sky from this vantage point, one could almost imagine they were anywhere in the universe but here.
she doesn't have anything kind or good or constructive or angry or weepy to say anymore. not yet, at least, and so — silence reigns. )
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He's relieved when he hears the familiar footsteps and opens his eyes to see his best friend standing over him, even more relieve when she takes the spot next to him. Things aren't comfortable yet, but Clarke's still reaching out. Natsuno closes his eyes, soaking in the fake sun. They lie in silence for a couple of minutes before he speaks up, eyes still close.]
Wonder when Mr. Smith will come to say we're "being a nuisance."
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October 9th (closed to the Dioscuri)
He was a fool for taking certain things for granted, and a fool to think he can recklessly disregard his well-being to settle personal grievances without consequence. He has to stay sharp and make sure his friends will survive whatever hell is coming. He needs to be stronger, and he needs more allies.
The Dioscuri's offer is certainly more tempting now.
Natsuno texts Pollux, asking the twins to meet him by the muster stations at night. No one goes there unless there's an excursion. Other than the time and place, the message is short:]
I decided. Accepted.
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...
...
...
she keeps her steps light, ensuring that there's no click of her heels against the floor as she stops next to the ship's railings. leaning against it, she looks to her brother before casting a glance towards the shadows opposite of them. )
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Following Pollux's gaze, he offers Natsuno a scowl. )
I take it you're done playing games now?
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LOOKS AWAY
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closed to Rita (~Oct. 21st)
Honestly, he's not thrilled about it. It was never his style and using someone's body to taunt their loved ones is underhanded. But this is war, and he'll do whatever it takes to win.
With the door blown off its hinges, it's easy to sneak into the cabin before Rita wakes up. He puts the door back in place - presumably to hide the blood and give the corpse a semblance of privacy - then sits by the bed and waits.]
somewhere natsuno is transcending broodiness
It's with those dying thoughts fresh in her mind that Rita revives with a choking gasp--then sucks in more air, she can breathe again and not just choke on her blood, coughing and thrashing with the blankets.]
Jade--Yuuki-!
[She doesn't know how long it's been; adrenaline and renewed panic coursing through her brain make it hard to stay calm and think, and she doesn't yet notice Natsuno there as she just thinks about--warning them and preventing this from turning into a bigger mess, and she nearly rolls right out of bed onto the floor, ready to go looking for either her phone or her friends.
Warn them first, hate the thing afterwards.]
he hates everything
even more than usual! also CW: mind control times happening
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