come_sailaway | My fuck rations are depleted [October catch-all]

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My fuck rations are depleted [October catch-all]

Who: Natsuno and you
What: Monthly catch-all
When: October
Where: All around
Warnings: Discussion of murder, violence and suicide, will add as needed

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You may not understand, but I am rarely in danger because of my brother. He takes every hit for me, on his own, putting himself in danger and I remain with nary a scar.

( it's always been like that, her brother blocking weapons and fists, even beams of light that comes from casters alike. he'd get so beat up, covered in blood, and breathe heavily as he tries to catch his breath and there pollux stands like some goddess who is meant to support without getting harmed.

truth be told, she wouldn't mind being hurt, feeling pain with her brother if it means she miscalculated an enemy. if castor's hurt, then pollux will get hurt for him, it's perfect for how they are as well as how they live— he shouldn't be the only one going out of his way as though it's okay for him to suffer and not her.

at the end of it all, her heart is what hurts aside from her body and core. )

Watching someone that you care for get hurt and being unable to stop them is an experience, but... I won't ask for you to cripple his fighting style.

( castor's only saving grace as she looks to natsuno. )

You should think about yourself too, Master. ( her words are lighter now as she thinks about it, frowning slightly, but she knows better than to be visible in her twin's eyes. )

What happened to you?

[Natsuno nods. It's good that Pollux won't truly ask him to cripple Castor. AS he's a Master, he should give them power to be stronger and better protect themselves, but their fighting style is their business.

As for Pollux's other question:]

An explosion.

( Castor is already bristling from Pollux's joke, and even if he's started to lower his hackles, as she speaks, the fact of the matter is that a half-assed answer like that just gives him something to take it out on as he puffs back up. Natsuno knows damn well that she was looking for more understanding than two words can offer her. )

Answer her question properly!

( Or not at all, but it's too late—Natsuno didn't take that option. )

Master.

( it still doesn't make sense to her, and even castor getting upset proves that it isn't enough for him either. how should she word this? )

How was an explosion something stupid that you did?

( that's better, she finds, because how do those two pieces connect? )

[He didn't take the silent option, because he's forever whipped by wise kind blondes, and now it's just awkward.

Might as well. Maybe they wouldn't want to be contracted to a person who fucks up like this, in which case they deserve to know.]

Someone was threatening and harassing me for months because I survived a death game and they didn't. Eventually they said they'd leave me alone if we got "even."

I figured being out for one night was better than constant harassment. So they gave me a bomb.

I didn't think it'd take three days to wake back up.

( Who the hell chooses dying over being kind of annoyed sometimes? If anything, that would be a better opportunity to teach them a lesson about being annoying, but—well, it's an option that Castor couldn't actually take himself, seeing as Pollux wouldn't appreciate it. Maybe the situation is similar with Natsuno.

That would just make it even worse though, knowing how Pollux would feel if he threw his life away that way. So what it all comes down to in the end seems to be... )

You're right. That was stupid of you.

( she could ask for names, but that won't change what's happened. what they have to live with is knowing that natsuno did that, that if it was in his mind once that it could happen again. the ship has a safety net that revives those that lose their lives, but even then... )

What were you thinking? It doesn't matter how many days it takes for you to come back, but to let yourself die willingly... when there's a chance you wouldn't come back. It's unfair.

( throwing away his life to get even with someone? no, it shouldn't be like that, as people shouldn't have to hurt each other. while it could have been prevented, it only puts certain individuals in unavoidable situations. )

If someone was bothering you, agitating you. Then allow us to help you, even your friends if you don't wish to give us that title. Your life to us is something precious, and we would do anything to keep you out of harm's way.

( keeping her thoughts to herself would do no good, but someone has to hear this... he's probably heard it millions of times, but... there's reason for it. )

[Who the chooses dying over being kind of annoyed sometimes? A kid who died twice already and thinks his life means less because he's a monster.

Still, he nods in solemn agreement with both siblings.]

I wasn't thinking straight. And I'll never do something like this again.

[His life may not mean much to him, but it does for others. He never wants to hurt his friends like this again.]

That's also why I decided to accept the contract. To do things differently.

We will be your sword and shield, so if anything ever arises Master, please do tell us.

( she means that, even now, she feels as though her heart is heavy with concern for natsuno— it does sting that she wasn't able to save him before, but if this is his new lease on life... then she wants to help him. his life is precious, the people around him even so. )

Your existence can bring both happiness and pain, but... it feels empty when you aren't there.

( and not having anything at all is the worse outcome. she turns to look at castor now, her solemn expression gone as it would do better to not have a bleeding heart around him. pollux already knows that he's able to get upset himself. )

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