come_sailaway | My fuck rations are depleted [October catch-all]

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My fuck rations are depleted [October catch-all]

Who: Natsuno and you
What: Monthly catch-all
When: October
Where: All around
Warnings: Discussion of murder, violence and suicide, will add as needed

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[...alright, guess he's being squeezed. For once, Natsuno doesn't argue.]

You're right, [He agrees softly, staring at a point beyond Mizuki's shoulder.] That was cruel of me.

[It was never his intention, but that hardly matters now. He messed up and made everyone think he was gone forever.]

I'm sorry I upset you.

[Will it mean anything to Mizuki? Natsuno doesn't know, but it needs to be said regardless, his own anxious hurt be damned.]

I-If… [ Sniff. ] If you're really sorry, you're never gonna do anything like that again! You can't. You can't you can't you can't you can't…

[ Mizuki still doesn't know what happened, in the end. He's still blaming Jinx more than Natsuno, but at this point he just wants this to be fixed, or to have some sort of prevention, or… something. He doesn't know what he wants here, but it's something. ]

E-even if you do go away, it can't be like that. I-it… it just can't. [ When someone else disappears, after all, they've left without a trace. Like when poor Gummy disappeared. And that still hurts, don't get him wrong, but it would've been ten times more heart-wrenching to walk into her room with her guts smeared on the walls. ]

Promise?

[He'd seen Mizuki grieve before, both the eerie calm of torturing La Pluma to death and the broken sobs that came after. Still, Natsuno isn't sure how to handle that when he's the cause, doesn't know what to do with this explosive pain that lashes out in all directions like Mizuki himself doesn't know either.

He doesn't like it. Mizuki is too much, repeating himself like a child throwing a tantrum.

Natsuno sucks it up and absorbs it regardless.]

I promise.

[Sincerely. He doesn't want to hurt the ones he cares about like this ever again.]

[ Mizuki is too much, it's true. He's a constant emotional storm, be that a positive or negative thing really depends on the situation. But it's that very same overabundance of emotion that keeps the elder god in his brain at bay, so being "too much" is really what he's got going for him.

…

But at least he's satisfied with this much. He lets go of Natsuno to sit next to him now, reaching his hands up to his face and wiping some of the tears from his eyes. There's a solid moment of this while he attempts to pull himself together. ]

… I'm sorry. I shouldn't have hugged you when I know you don't like that. I-I just missed you so much. A-and I thought you weren't coming back— [ Sniff. ] And then Ebalon died, too, and-and I've just been sort of a wreck about it…

[Natsuno shakes his head at the apology. He's hardly in a position to tell anyone how to grieve "properly" right now, and Mizuki isn't the one who should be sorry. He might have even said as much, but his friend keep talking and -

Ebalon died?

In another situation, Natsuno would think good riddance and I hope he stays dead. Now though, he doesn't feel much of anything about it. Only the rational part of his brain is still working, wondering how it happened.]

So it happened all at once. [His rational brain says he should mind his tongue, because Mizuki still loves the Moon Freak for some reason.] Is he back yet?

[ Mizuki shakes his head, giving another sniff before he speaks again. His fingers idly tug at the ribbon on his hat. ]

Happened after. A day after. And we… [ … He can’t really say we here. He can’t speak for everyone. And, besides, he’s very aware that there’s a very small pool of people that’d actually care if something happened to Ebalon. ] I thought I lost you both for good. A-and…

…

I have a lot of fun hanging out with you. Even if I’m a bit annoying sometimes, it’s real fun. And you really listen to me a-and I feel like I can just talk to you about stuff and have it be okay and… and you’re just really important to me.

I don’t want to lose you.

[A day after. So Ebalon should be back tomorrow. Natsuno does feel bad for Mizuki who suffered an unfortunate coincidence, but it's distant and short lived because, well, fuck Ebalon.

Moving on.]

You're important to me too. [Clinginess, weird thoughts and all.] I can't control whatever makes people disappear, but... I'll mind what I can control. No more stupid stunts.

[ He should probably ask why he did it, what happened, you know… the whole shebang. He doesn't, though. If that means he's going to continue to think that Jinx is still mostly at fault, then that's another hurdle he has to cross, but for right now, he doesn't really care. He's just happy Natsuno didn't actually disappear forever. ]

I… even if you did disappear… [ He frowns, looking at… basically anything that isn't Natsuno. ] I'm not one to be much phased of such a bloody scene like that, but to know it's what's left behind of my friend, and to, at the time, believe he wasn't even coming back…

…

That was way worse than if you had just disappeared.

[Palamedes already gave him the grisly details, which were further confirmed by Jade. They spared nothing, positively vindictive in how they wanted to make sure Natsuno knew exactly what he made them go through, how much he hurt them.

Mizuki's words don't have the same venom, but it's still awful.]

...I know. I never wanted that. [No one was supposed to know.] I'm sorry you had to see it.

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