[OTA] All My Demons Greeting Me as a Friend

[serialskiller]

Who: Murderbot and You
When: Post Info Meeting, Post Muppets
Where: All over the place!
Summary: Critical failure to cope
Warnings: Discussion of slavery, exploitation of sentient beings, capitalism, death all likely here.


1. And I was runnin' far away [STELLAR DINING ROOM]
With no food being served in the dining room, there's no reason anyone is going to be there, so it's where a Murderbot hides while breaking down, while breaking apart internally. Those who regularly check in on it will find their messages returned unopened, because...look. It's too much. It's all too much.


2. Would I run off the world someday? [ANYWHERE PUBLIC]
As sense returns, Murderbot realizes others will be in similar broken states, emotionally. For the first time since Jinx expanded its drone fleet, it's going to be flying them all at once, trying to seek out those who have hidden away, those who need company but not people. Don't be surprised if a drone just comes and hovers near your character, listening and saying nothing. It means well, really it does.


A few of the drones do have speakers, though, so if you attempt to engage it in a conversation, you'll get that.


3. Nobody knows, nobody knows [ADULT POOL]
While not the same sort of Event the Muppets showing, there's a couple times early in October that the projector over the Adult Pool will inexplicably be showing episodes of The Joy of Painting with Bob Ross. If someone looks for the source of this, they'll notice MB up by the projector itself, its media player auxed into the projector.

You know. Good calming relaxing material. Right?


4. And I was dancing in the rain [SAND DOLLARS]
Finally, coming back to itself, trying to figure out a path forward, Murderbot...it finds itself wanting to having something to hold onto of its crew that it now knows it'll never see again. Find it hiding in a closed cafe, where no one will look for company, surely. Find it with the one photograph it has of the PreservationAux survey team and its watercolors, trying desperately to capture the faces it has in memory and the personalities that go with it. A young woman with black hair and sharp eyes, looking like she's arguing about something. A motherly older woman with deep skin, smiling like she's proud of the viewer. A man with pale eyes and visible augmentations along one side of his face, his eyes narrowed in suspicion. Another man, a man too pretty for his own good, reaching out a tentative hand, compassion written across his face.

The paintings, they aren't enough to capture the personalities, but it has to try, it has to do something, it has to hold onto these people. Memories can be erased, but it wants the people it loves down on paper, for others to see.


5. I felt alive and I can't complain [WILDCARD]
darkersolstice or darkersolstice#9463 to plot

Comments

[serialskiller]

The drone is quiet for a long moment.

Then: "Because if it did, you'd break, right?"

[littlefairytale]

She has to take a deep, deep breath before she answers, giving a nod. "...yeah. I think I'd have just fallen apart. And I couldn't do that." Pause. "You— get that, don't you."

[serialskiller]

"I'm still there right now, I think."

[littlefairytale]

"I don't... think I'm out of the woods yet, either. Not really. It's hard. Once you give in..."

How do you pull yourself back out again? She certainly doesn't know.

[serialskiller]

The drone hums quietly.

"How about we make a deal? When it gets to be all the way too much, you come to me. The prime, not a drone. And we just. Break down together, so we're not doing it alone."

[littlefairytale]

Another breath, as if steeling herself, then a firm little nod. "...yeah, yeah okay. That... that would be better." Not being alone. "Deal."

[serialskiller]

"Don't try to stay strong to avoid inconveniencing me. Alright? If you need it, you need it, and I already need it."

[littlefairytale]

Why is it that she so often feels like she needs permission or some other excuse to let herself have these things? She's starting to see the answer to that question now, actually, but it doesn't make the combination of being told not to worry about inconveniencing it and it already needing it hit her any less hard.

There's a sudden mistiness in her eyes. "A-Alright. I won't. I'm— not. Where uh— where is it easiest to find you, after...?"

After just all of this.

[serialskiller]

"I'm in the dining room right now. It's empty because it's not serving food anymore."

[littlefairytale]

Extremely concerning nugget of information there for someone who hasn't been paying attention to the state of the ship, but she doesn't have the mental bandwidth to process any possible implications right now.

"Stellar? Okay." It honestly takes a lot of will to get her legs under her, enough that there's a solid thirty seconds where it's unclear if she's going to move right now at all, but she does.

[serialskiller]

The drone follows for a bit, before breaking off a bit before she enters the dining hall, where Murderbot is sitting stiffly still at a table, staring at nothing in mid-air.

[littlefairytale]

There the briefest moment before she actually steps inside where she almost chickens out, but she doesn't. She slips in and over to the table, standing behind the other chair. Her eyes are decidedly still misty.

Not flickering, though. She half expects that, after before.

Swallow. "...hey."

[serialskiller]

"Hey, Ruby."

It doesn't look toward her yet, its attention still on its swarm of drones for the moment.

[littlefairytale]

She very carefully pulls the chair out so it doesn't scrape across the floor and tucks herself up on it, knees up under her chin. She breathes deep, rubs at her face a little, tucking her hair back only for it to fall forward again.

She tries and utterly fails to keep her voice steady when asking, "Attention split over the whole fleet, huh?" with it cracking half-way through.

[serialskiller]

"I'm about to bring them all in. Won't be able to concentrate on them if we're...y'know." Breaking down. Giving up. Taking some time to fuck right off, mentally.

[littlefairytale]

"Mmhm. Yeah. Y'know." Is that part of her that aggressively puts others above herself emotionally protesting a bit right now? Possibly, but for once she's just going to tell it where to shove itself.

She needs this. It needs this. The rest of the ship can deal for now.

So she just watches for it to bring the drones back in, blinking back tears but keeping it together as if literally waiting for the cue to let go. Because... she is. Let's be honest, she is.

[serialskiller]

The Stellar Dining Room is a formal dining room, still set for a formal dinner. Which means that when the drones are safely tucked in Murderbot’s pocket, it can lift the tablecloth of the table it’s been sitting at, like it’s a ready made blanket fort, inviting Ruby down into a darker, more private space.

“So…”

[littlefairytale]

Ruby follows it under without needing much prompting at all, tucking her cloak around her for extra comfort. In the darker space, there is the faintest sign of silver light behind her eyes.

"S-So," there's almost a note of awkward laughter, because Gods, how do they actually do this? But though she's quiet, the tears have already started rolling down her cheeks, so one way or another...

She angles her head to glance up at it, no real eye contact but a clear sort of acknowledgement.

[serialskiller]

And Murderbot? It just rolls over to lie on the floor on its back, looking up at the underside of the table before covering its eyes with its arm, pressing the coming tears into its sleeve.

"...so." The word is wobbly.

[littlefairytale]

A part of her still feels ridiculous, another part scared, but they're both far outweighed by the same sense of safety, lack of judgement and some sort of understanding that's brought her to its side more than once now in the first place.

She just hopes she's giving it as much as she can in return by being here.

Any flickering from her eyes is quickly hidden in her knees as she gives in. A long, shuddering breath followed by sobs that are smothered to near-silence by the real weight of her own emotions, right now. Because for once, she just lets herself feel all of it. Grief old and new, fear of letting people down and what's to come, guilt from outliving others and not making all the right choices and for the twinge of relief that she doesn't have to do that anymore. All of that and everything in between.

Figuring out how to handle it after... is a problem for future her.

[serialskiller]

Murderbot cries quietly, its shuddering, halting breaths shaky but unvoiced. It's never really let itself have a crying breakdown before, not even in its cubicle on the worst days back home--that'd be a waste of water, of energy, of time.

[littlefairytale]

It really is better than being alone.

For all that Ruby has sometimes been unable to help tears, it's never been like this. She's never really cried herself out the way she does now, until she's not sure she's got any tears left in her and her head is that horrible kind of achey it gets after crying and the total mental exhaustion. There's no time for that.

Except now, suddenly, there is. There's nothing but time.

At some point, she ends up sliding until she's laid on her side on the floor, vaguely facing Rin. The glow behind her eyes is pulsing steadily when they open, like energy trapped behind stained glass, and the edges of her vision are blurred by both it and tears. She's not sure when she'll regain the ability to do words.

[serialskiller]

Who needs words? Not this bot, who curls in on itself slowly the more it cries, as if trying to defend its vital parts against some invisible inevitable attacker.

[littlefairytale]

Yet somehow, despite the inherent danger of their entire situation, they're safe under here. No one comes to bother them, stop them, attack them when they're vulnerable.

Her head is full of stuffing but there comes a point, as they lay there and let themselves have this, where she gets enough of her faculties about her to do one thing. Unfastens her cloak and, careful as anything not to be startling, drapes it horizontally so the hood end is over her torso and the bottom is there for Rin.

It's certainly no weighted blanket and it's far from actually big enough to properly share, but... the cloak makes her feel safe, right.

With that, she just lies there, breathing ragged even when she's out of tears.