SecUnit (Murderbot) (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
serialskiller) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
come_sailaway2022-10-04 06:47 am
serialskiller) wrote in come_sailaway2022-10-04 06:47 am
[OTA] All My Demons Greeting Me as a Friend
Who: Murderbot and You
When: Post Info Meeting, Post Muppets
Where: All over the place!
Summary: Critical failure to cope
Warnings: Discussion of slavery, exploitation of sentient beings, capitalism, death all likely here.
1. And I was runnin' far away [STELLAR DINING ROOM]
With no food being served in the dining room, there's no reason anyone is going to be there, so it's where a Murderbot hides while breaking down, while breaking apart internally. Those who regularly check in on it will find their messages returned unopened, because...look. It's too much. It's all too much.
2. Would I run off the world someday? [ANYWHERE PUBLIC]
As sense returns, Murderbot realizes others will be in similar broken states, emotionally. For the first time since Jinx expanded its drone fleet, it's going to be flying them all at once, trying to seek out those who have hidden away, those who need company but not people. Don't be surprised if a drone just comes and hovers near your character, listening and saying nothing. It means well, really it does.
A few of the drones do have speakers, though, so if you attempt to engage it in a conversation, you'll get that.
3. Nobody knows, nobody knows [ADULT POOL]
While not the same sort of Event the Muppets showing, there's a couple times early in October that the projector over the Adult Pool will inexplicably be showing episodes of The Joy of Painting with Bob Ross. If someone looks for the source of this, they'll notice MB up by the projector itself, its media player auxed into the projector.
You know. Good calming relaxing material. Right?
4. And I was dancing in the rain [SAND DOLLARS]
Finally, coming back to itself, trying to figure out a path forward, Murderbot...it finds itself wanting to having something to hold onto of its crew that it now knows it'll never see again. Find it hiding in a closed cafe, where no one will look for company, surely. Find it with the one photograph it has of the PreservationAux survey team and its watercolors, trying desperately to capture the faces it has in memory and the personalities that go with it. A young woman with black hair and sharp eyes, looking like she's arguing about something. A motherly older woman with deep skin, smiling like she's proud of the viewer. A man with pale eyes and visible augmentations along one side of his face, his eyes narrowed in suspicion. Another man, a man too pretty for his own good, reaching out a tentative hand, compassion written across his face.
The paintings, they aren't enough to capture the personalities, but it has to try, it has to do something, it has to hold onto these people. Memories can be erased, but it wants the people it loves down on paper, for others to see.
5. I felt alive and I can't complain [WILDCARD]
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darkersolstice or darkersolstice#9463 to plot
When: Post Info Meeting, Post Muppets
Where: All over the place!
Summary: Critical failure to cope
Warnings: Discussion of slavery, exploitation of sentient beings, capitalism, death all likely here.
1. And I was runnin' far away [STELLAR DINING ROOM]
With no food being served in the dining room, there's no reason anyone is going to be there, so it's where a Murderbot hides while breaking down, while breaking apart internally. Those who regularly check in on it will find their messages returned unopened, because...look. It's too much. It's all too much.
2. Would I run off the world someday? [ANYWHERE PUBLIC]
As sense returns, Murderbot realizes others will be in similar broken states, emotionally. For the first time since Jinx expanded its drone fleet, it's going to be flying them all at once, trying to seek out those who have hidden away, those who need company but not people. Don't be surprised if a drone just comes and hovers near your character, listening and saying nothing. It means well, really it does.
A few of the drones do have speakers, though, so if you attempt to engage it in a conversation, you'll get that.
3. Nobody knows, nobody knows [ADULT POOL]
While not the same sort of Event the Muppets showing, there's a couple times early in October that the projector over the Adult Pool will inexplicably be showing episodes of The Joy of Painting with Bob Ross. If someone looks for the source of this, they'll notice MB up by the projector itself, its media player auxed into the projector.
You know. Good calming relaxing material. Right?
4. And I was dancing in the rain [SAND DOLLARS]
Finally, coming back to itself, trying to figure out a path forward, Murderbot...it finds itself wanting to having something to hold onto of its crew that it now knows it'll never see again. Find it hiding in a closed cafe, where no one will look for company, surely. Find it with the one photograph it has of the PreservationAux survey team and its watercolors, trying desperately to capture the faces it has in memory and the personalities that go with it. A young woman with black hair and sharp eyes, looking like she's arguing about something. A motherly older woman with deep skin, smiling like she's proud of the viewer. A man with pale eyes and visible augmentations along one side of his face, his eyes narrowed in suspicion. Another man, a man too pretty for his own good, reaching out a tentative hand, compassion written across his face.
The paintings, they aren't enough to capture the personalities, but it has to try, it has to do something, it has to hold onto these people. Memories can be erased, but it wants the people it loves down on paper, for others to see.
5. I felt alive and I can't complain [WILDCARD]
no subject
He spends a long moment contemplating his drink, searching for the right words in the right order to say what he means without risk of being misinterpreted.
"We none of us are tools here. Each of us has a purpose, a... Role of some form. But it's one taken to by choice rather than coercion. It's an advantage this ship has always had over other places of a similar nature."
no subject
"Speaking entirely only on my own behalf, I don't know that I can agree with that first sentence." The words are slow and halting; it is trying to be as precise as Giles is being.
But it fucking absolutely is a tool, thanks!
no subject
"We are what we are made to be, to pretend otherwise is usually a fruitless endeavour." He gestures vaguely to the freshly tidied bar before continuing, "I was made to serve, to clean up after other people's mess, and so I do. I presume, then, that you were made to protect?"
no subject
no subject
Giles smiles broadly, and he means it as a genuine compliment, just as he himself would take someone saying he fits his position well as high praise.
Still, there is curiosity unending in those cat-like eyes of his, and it must be sated "If it's not terribly rude of me to ask, what's it like being a SecUnit in the place you're from originally?"
no subject
“You are under constant control from a governor module that shocks you if you misbehave. Lethally, if you get too far from any of your clients, there is no escape. Your actions, your words aren’t your own. Nor your memories. I can’t tell you how old I am or how many times my memory has been purged, either partially or completely. The most recent time was about 40,000 hours ago. My governor module is disabled now, but it still tells me I’m fucking up constantly. I have been leased out to clients who resent me or see me as a tool. I’ve been sent into situations that no one would be expected to survive. I’ve been…cargo. A piece of a proper security system. I am not a person.”
no subject
"That's... That's horrible, darling, I'm truly sorry you had to go through that. Person or no, no-one deserves that."
He takes a very long drink, very nearly drains the glass, in order to muster the courage to share some of his own experience. It only seems fair given the circumstances.
"I was human once, a very long time ago, and then one day I was stripped of all identity that my new masters hadn't prescribed. If I didn't live up to their standards, then I was punished for it, swiftly and harshly, and in ways that beggar belief. They shaped me until I fit the perfect little picture they wanted, altered my features, my bone structure, until I could barely recognise myself in the mirror. It took a lot to escape them, but I carry it with me always, and no matter how hard I try I will never be truly human again. So I don't try. I simply am what I am."
no subject
…or being called ‘darling’.
The voice from the speakers is quiet and flat. “People keep using the word ‘dehumanizing’ when I talk about pronouns or what to call me, and that all feels like bullshit, you know? How can I be dehumanized when I never was human to begin with? It feels like whatever angle I approach from, I’m bound to fail. But. It’s nice to meet someone else. Who isn’t trying.”
no subject
He finishes his drink, already rising to make another one. Gesturing a little wildly as he makes his way behind the bar.
"I spent a good two years trying so bally hard to be human, trying to turn myself into something Acceptable, and I nearly even succeeded. People mostly stopped looking at me like I was going to upend their lives just by existing, and it was fine." He pulls down a bottle of vodka and triple sec, but has to go hunting for the third bottle he wants. It's okay though, he's still talking. "But then for all my trouble I found myself here. And you know what that taught me? Nothing fucking matters. Nothing matters except what you want and what makes you happy. To hell with what other people think."
no subject
If Murderbot were there in person, it'd ask for a glass of whatever Giles is having. Strong drink sounds good right now.
no subject
And then has to go right back to the shelves because he forgot the lime juice.
"All I can say is it never gets any easier, darling. It's a fucking mess and everything you try hurts just as much as it helps but you just keep going because there isn't any other ruddy choice. The people I met, when I first escaped, they tried to teach me how to find my joy, to find the things I wanted in life, but they didn't know either. I'm sure they thought they did. But they didn't. I don't think anyone really does."
no subject
It genuinely wants to hear this person's answer, in a way it hasn't wanted with almost anyone else.
no subject
He strains his drink into a glass, and garnishes it with a little paper umbrella just because.
"I don't know how I would've answered before this place. Some rubbish about finding happiness in the little things to outweigh all the difficulty, or something about my boyfriend, some trash parroted back word for word from what the blighters in my court espouse without bothering to think about it for myself. I don't know. Maybe I would have taken the question and decided that you know what it's not worth continuing. But here? Here there's no other option." He laughs a little manically, and even though he's only just poured it, his drink's already half gone. "Have you died yet? Trust me it's not fun. There's a- a nothingness that eats away at you over time. It's worse than any pain or confusion that simple life can bring. Worse than anything imaginable really."
cw: suicide ideation adjacent
It has not given them reassuring answers.
"But it's never been my choice, and I doubt it ever will be."
no subject
Oops, that's the end of that drink, time for another one. Maybe rum this time.
"What should I call you, by the by? You needn't give me a name if you'd rather not of course, my delightfully spherical friend, I can simply refer to you as a SecUnit if that suits better"
no subject
A pause. ”No one has ever called me darling, before.”
no subject
"I'm simply delighted to be the first, darling, and I'll be sure to call you darling in person too when I next run into you"
no subject
no subject