[CLOSED] I Need Some Sleep

[sixthdeadliest]

Who: César Salazar and Six
What: Six has been struggling to sleep in the aftermath of the possession incident. There are certain kills that always give him nightmares.
Where: The Drunken Sailor
When: November 6th
Warnings: Six is a former mercenary assassin who only recently quit the business from his own perspective thanks to losing six years of his memory. He's also never had a vacation before and has quickly decided that they're overrated. Stuff to do with the possession plot.


It was risky drinking alone. Once Six got started, he found it extremely difficult to stop. However, right now a nightcap or four was the only way to get to sleep. Particularly to stay asleep given if he got drunk enough, he didn't dream.

He didn't typically carry any guilt in killing others, but killing kids always gave him nightmares.

He poured himself another beer from the pitcher. This was his second one of the night, him having arrived just past eleven thirty after giving up trying to sleep. A glance at his watch told him it was a quarter past midnight. At this rate, he was going to be sleeping in the booth.

He didn't care as he picked up the glass and took his first sip. He had a small buzz going but if he was going to get a nap in before training, he needed to pick up the pace.

Comments

[pineapplesalmon]

Sometimes you get late night inspiration for a project and need to go rip something off the wall of an eating establishment. That's normal, right? What do you mean, only César really does that?

It's actually when he's gauging what would be good for his project that he realizes he's not alone and turns around to find Six a few tables down.

He's a bit surprised to find anyone in here so late, much less Six drinking at a table alone, and he looks genuinely confused. "... Six?"

[sixthdeadliest]

Six lowered his glass, giving a neutral "Doctor" in response.

He wasn't sure how the other man would react to his presence. Particularly once he found out Six had killed a child. (One of, sadly, far too many.)

[pineapplesalmon]

César furrows his brow, tensing up a little at being addressed that way. "... why are you back to calling me that again still?"

[sixthdeadliest]

"Because at this point I'm not sure what else to call you," Six said with the bluntness of one who was already a bit tipsy. "Particularly after you considered that trade."

[pineapplesalmon]

"Considered—?" César trails off to recall, then his eyes widen. "What, no!"

A beat. "Wait, is that why you were short with me after??"

[sixthdeadliest]

"Why wouldn't I be?" Six snapped. "Seemed like a fair trade. Give up someone else's body so you could have one of your lovers back. All that talk that you'd care if I died was cheap in the end. Not shocking in the least bit."

Six got up from his seat to head towards the bar. The beer wasn't working. He needed a hit of something stronger if he was going to get any sleep. Particularly now that his blood was up due to Dr. Salazar's arrival. It took him forty-five minutes to get through a single beer anyway.

[pineapplesalmon]

César just stands there with buzzing in his ears for a moment. What? Just happened.

Then he's instantly walking after Six, although calmly. "Do you really want to know what was going through my head? Because I can tell you right now!"

[sixthdeadliest]

Six turned so quickly that he held up his hand to prevent Dr. Salazar from walking right into him. "And why would I believe you?" Not even the sunglasses could hide his glare. "Holmes made you an offer to get Dr. Watson back by giving up my body for him to take over. And your reaction was to stop and think about it.

"You, Dr. Watson, and people like both of you are the worst. You act like you care, even go so far as to invite people like me to things like your wedding, but the second you might be able to get something out of me or anybody else, you either take it right away or consider it.

"The saddest part is that I knew better and I still almost bought it."

[pineapplesalmon]

Good thing he did, because otherwise, César would've run right into him.

He stares at the mercenary as if he's spouting nonsense, because from César's perspective, he is. "You really think that's who I am? Because I forgot to verbally dismiss the idea as I was already thinking through alternatives?"

César sounds legitimately offended.

[sixthdeadliest]

"Why wouldn't I?" Six growled. "Spent most of my life getting used and discarded, so I decided I might as well get paid for it."

And that was getting dangerously close to Issues He Didn't Like Sharing. Omori was the only person who knew something about it because it had helped get the kid to trust him. After all, here was an adult who understood.

[pineapplesalmon]

César looks surprised, absorbs that, and the anger visibly drains from his face. He looks tired.

"I suppose after a life of that, it'd be hard to see this as anything otherwise." César looks incredibly apologetic, at least. "I'm sorry. My mind was so immediately focused on the clone alternative that I didn't even realize what it looked like to you."

cw: Omori's fate and dark themes

[sixthdeadliest]

Six turned away and walked around behind the bar, looking at the selection of hard liquor with a hard enough glare it was a miracle the entire thing didn't burst into flames. Then he braced his hands on the counter, keeping his back to Dr. Salazar and the rest of the room, a dangerous position for him to be in but he didn't want to show his face to the man.

"You want to know how I got Omori to come quietly? By knowing first-hand just how awful people truly are. Did you know Summer wanted to exorcise him? Probably helped push his decision to die at the end because he was in the way of getting Rich back."

He glared at a bottle of Johnnie Walker in particular as if it had personally offended him.

"And speaking of your oh-so-charming husbands, Dr. Watson is lucky there isn't any sort of money on this damn ship because if he wanted to order me about like a soldier again, he'd never be able to afford my fee."

[pineapplesalmon]

César stands awkwardly where he is and doesn't move. He has to digest all of those facts. The parts about Johnny and Omori are enough to drain the color from his face.

"I... I didn't know." He stammers, uselessly. "I'm sorry, I didn't... know."

[sixthdeadliest]

"Of course you didn't. Why would you? Everything always works out one way or another."

That Johnnie Walker was supposed to be a top shelf brand. It being closer to the bartender meant this particular label probably wasn't as high-end, but that was fine. Liquor was liquor. The good stuff was wasted on Six who was used to cheap swill designed to get one drunk as quickly as possible.

He grabbed the bottle and stared blankly at the black label for a moment, lost in his head.

"You really should pray that Rex never gets his memories back, just focus on helping him make new ones whenever you see him again. His power over machines probably made it easier to get by, but...The streets aren't kind to kids. He had power so he wouldn't have to do the worst things, but there's probably a lot there that once he remembers it, he'd give anything to forget again."

He snatched up an extra glass and walked it and the bottle back to his table. He poured himself a generous measure, choking a bit at the burn. But, damn, that heat felt good right about now.

[pineapplesalmon]

Paging a therapist for mercenaries. Paging. Paging. Nope.

César's far out of his element. The comment about Rex catches him off-guard. He had read some of the reports, but until this moment, he hadn't conceptualized Rex as being on the streets. Being homeless. Having to defend for himself.

It makes him swallow back bile. Rex had needed him. And César had waiting until the very last second to leave, losing five years in the process. How different would've it been for Rex if he had found him soon after the Nanite Event?

Quietly, he follows Six with a drink of water (can't drink, not with Rich) and follows Six numbly back to the table, sitting across from him.

"I can only imagine what he went through." César states quietly. "And even then, it's likely not close to the truth."

[sixthdeadliest]

Six didn't want Dr. Salazar sitting with him but he couldn't bring himself to waste energy telling the other man to go to hell. Instead, he took a long drink, tipping his head back just enough that Salazar could likely catch a glimpse of dark rings mostly-hidden behind the darkened lenses and the slight tremor in his hand that had nothing to do with alcohol.

He set the glass down with a heavy thunk. "Lucky you."

Because Six knew. He knew what it was to be a little kid with no powers to protect him, no kindly adult to take him under their wing and protect him from the worst of it.

Nothing but compromise after compromise after compromise until that longing for a single kind word and gentle touch was tempered by harsh reality that such things weren't meant for him.

[pineapplesalmon]

César is quiet. Which isn't like him. But his mind is whirling, because this has to be addressed.

Six is a stoic man. But, clearly, this has messed with his head. He can't know the other thing on Six's mind, of course.

Although part of him may suspect. Omori's life was ended professionally. Quick and clean.

"Do you really think I'm that different than Rex?" He asks after a short silence, staring at the glass of water held on the table between his hands. "I left the Nanite Event alone. To protect the world from the Consortium. When all I wanted to do was die alongside my family. And I haven't been hiding who I am from you since you've arrived. Quieting my personality at times, but never hiding."

[sixthdeadliest]

Six's head snapped up from where he'd been staring into his drink. "Yes." His voice was tight with tension, trying to rein back in his emotions. "Because there's a difference between an adult making a choice and a child having it forced on them.

"The Nanite Project in its original form would've done a lot of good. But you, your parents, Meechum, Rylander...you all didn't stop there. When the Consortium offered you funding to push it farther after what happened with Rex, you could've said 'no'. But you didn't, and you weren't the only ones who had to pay the price."

Six's grip tightened on his glass.

"Leaving out everyone else who suffered because you didn't take a moment to think 'maybe trying to code God isn't a great idea', Rex had to pay the price for being the proof of concept for furthering your work. You want to know what Rex likely paid with? What I hope he never remembers? I can give you an idea. I can tell you how filthy he likely felt when he had to choose between survival and morality, choosing the former every time. Doing things you cannot possibly imagine a child capable of just because as much as he might want to die he still had that drive to live. Fighting against the very adults that should have protected him because nobody cared." His hand shook as he kept squeezing the glass. "If he'd died in the gutter, nobody would've even noticed until the smell got too bad to ignore."

[pineapplesalmon]

César goes still.

He listens to it. Every damning word of truth. Guilt that he had buried comes bursting free again. How his hubris had blinded him to really consider the dangers the second portion of the Nanite Project. And new guilt, too.

Five years is a long time. And César tried not to think about how much Rex had suffered in his absence. How Rex might've not had to suffer much at all if César hadn't waited until the last second to leave.

So he lets Six punish him for his hesitation and hubris both. Quietly accepting it, head bowed, defeated. Staring at his water.

"You'll break the glass if you squeeze it much harder." Is the only interruption César will give to Six's justified anger. "Please, continue."

[sixthdeadliest]

"What else can I say at this point?" Six asked bitterly. "Other than pointing out how it was someone ranked among the most ruthless people on Earth who ultimately pulled him off the street. Made the kid into a weapon to boot."

He glared at his own drink, not caring that he might end up shattering the glass at this rate. He was exhausted: mentally, physically, and emotionally.

"And yet you thought he 'belonged' with me. I made sure he'd never have a chance at normal. Just like -- "

He cut himself off and shook his head. No. Bury it. Bury it deep, deep down until he can't take it anymore and snaps. He took a sip of his drink.

[pineapplesalmon]

"You." Not condemnation; pieces coming together.

[sixthdeadliest]

Six lowered his glass, clinging to his stoic mask like a drowning man to a lifesaver. "What about me?"

[pineapplesalmon]

"You were turned into a weapon." Quietly. "And that's why you fought alongside the other adults to make sure he didn't lose his last shreds of childhood. Like we're trying to do for Rich, now."

That glass is going to shatter, and César knows another warning won't be appreciated.

He closes his eyes, grieving for a moment. "It's why you were so protective of Omori."

[sixthdeadliest]

Six gave a derisive snort. "Nobody turned me into a weapon but me. One just refined my technique." He took another sip of his glass. "I had a pretty decent body count before I hit puberty."

Among a myriad of other terrible sins. Maybe that's what One had seen in him: that the streets had already removed the majority of his sense of mercy.

[pineapplesalmon]

Once more, silence. César doesn't know what to do here other than make sure that Six isn't drinking alone.

"I'm sorry." What else does he say to that?

[sixthdeadliest]

"Don't," Six snapped. "You didn't cause it, and I don't need or want pity. That's the most useless emotion of them all."

Six finished his glass before pouring himself another. He took a sip, desperate to feel exhaustion overtake him, but the adrenaline in his system denied him that. As if his brain constantly replaying the footage of killing Omori didn't already make sleep difficult...

[pineapplesalmon]

The response is expected. It gives César a moment to catch his bearings. Strange, how being snapped at doesn't cause fear, although he doesn't have time to examine that.

"Pity is useless in this situation, yes." He takes a sip of water. "But that's a philosophical debate for sobriety."

César looks Six over, a thought bubbling up as thoughts connect with Six drunk, Six drinking angrily, Rich's father. "... I do have one request, a side note that's important. Can you make sure that Rich never sees you like this, ever?"

His voice is steady and clear when he asks.

[sixthdeadliest]

Six's voice was frosty as he said, "It's almost one in the morning in what should have been an empty bar. In case you didn't notice, Doctor, I'm not one for social drinking to begin with."

The alcohol wasn't sweetening Six's temper, but...honestly he was mad at the universe. He couldn't remember a time when he wasn't mad at the universe on some level. Maybe his older-minded self had managed to make peace with their inner demons, but he certainly hadn't.

[pineapplesalmon]

Yeah, he's angry at the world, all right.

"Rich sometimes stays up this late." César states firmly then sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. "You're having trouble sleeping?"

[sixthdeadliest]

"Rich shouldn't be wandering in here anyway," Six snapped. Then came something almost like a sneer. Fine. Salazar wanted to play that game? Game on. "And why would I be?"

[pineapplesalmon]

He's just going to drop the Rich thing. César drops his hand, sees the sneer, and shakes his head at it. No, he's not going to start something.

"Six, we have medication here that'll impair you far less."

[sixthdeadliest]

"At least I know what it's doing to my body unlike whatever cocktail you or Dr. Watson might prescribe," Six countered. Regardless, like hell he was handing over what went into his body to someone who might decide to use it to drug him into complacency. "And you didn't answer my question: Why would I be lacking sleep anyway?"

[pineapplesalmon]

"Something would have to be bothering you." And César just looks at him, utterly exasperated. "... Six, the side effects and dosages are listed on the bottles. The medications were designed by corporations who want minimum side effects for maximum profit. I'll even take one from the same batch and you can watch how it affects me if you're that paranoid."

He'll literally go the fuck to sleep with Six watching him for this.

[sixthdeadliest]

"And what could possibly be bothering me to cause it?" Six pressed.

Say it. Say his name. Acknowledge that kid existed.

"Pass. I'll take my chances with destroying my liver." To spite Salazar, Six took a long drink of the whiskey.

[pineapplesalmon]

They're having somewhat different conversations, César realizes. He wasn't going to pry, but now Six wants him to say it.

"We couldn't save Omori." César states quietly. "And a lot of us are burying that. Pretending like things are okay again in order to keep our own sanity when nothing's okay."

César rolls his drink around. "... But we're also planning to get married before it's too late because of it."

[sixthdeadliest]

"You're halfway there," Six said as he glared into his drink. "But you had to have seen his corpse. You have to know how he died."

And who caused it. It had been a mercy kill -- the boy's attempt would've dragged out his death -- but that didn't stop the nightmares.

"But congratulations. You're getting married to put it all behind you and forget. Then again, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. Kid didn't have a choice in wearing someone you actually cared for's face."

Something he was intimately familiar with.

[pineapplesalmon]

César needs a moment to deal with the mod whiplash. Exasperation, which he pushed aside, back to tiredness, and now to utter heartache. All movement stills as Six's anger washes over him, not able to rise up in kind to the accusation.

"I had hoped it wasn't your blade." César's eyes slide closed against the grief. "I haven't forgotten Omori."

Maybe Six will be able to sleep if he gets this rage out.

cw: Suicide

[sixthdeadliest]

"Who else would it have been?" he asked bitterly. "You want someone dead quickly, you go to a professional. Because I knew I couldn't talk the kid out of it. The kid was going to stick himself right in front of me. Holding it all wrong. Would've taken several minutes for him to die."

He took a drink, finishing off the glass and pouring another.

"You said so yourself that a lot of you are burying what happened. That is forgetting."

He took another drink.

"Bury it, pretend it never happened. Out of sight, out of mind. Well, not everybody has that luxury." He lifted his head just enough to glare up at Salazar. "Did you know Omori was twelve? Not the youngest kid I ever killed, but definitely in the top ten." He glared back down at his drink. "The youngest one was during those six years I can't remember, and I'm amazed my older-minded self didn't just slit his own throat and be done with it at that point."

cw: Suicide as well

[pineapplesalmon]

"Oh, Omori...."

César doesn't answer about the wound. The facts he doesn't know what everyone is capable of on the ship or what weapons they have don't matter to this conversation.

"I knew his age. I knew he wanted to have the chance to be good. But it was all he could do to not go along with the plan. I-I hope we can figure some way to save them someday."

César understands some if not all of the pain. "One of my the 'specimens' was brought in from a para-military force killing a kindergartner that had just gone EVO shortly after Rex disappeared. The parents are too scared to claim the body, so... so I'm holding it until the mutation can be reversed. Black Knight finally stopped bugging me to get rid of the body, too wrapped up in the money rolling in and their greater plans."

He rolls his water glass around. "... your older self didn't slit his throat for the same reason I didn't slit my own after returning and after creating the control system. There's still more suffering we could minimize."

cw: Generator Rex's dystopian hell world

[sixthdeadliest]

"According to the report it was two years after the Event. Two years before they...I...found Rex. No cure. Just death. They died on the battlefield or were dragged back to Providence for molecular disassembly so Dr. Fell could study the nanite bonds, but he hadn't made any progress since the early days."

Six took a drink, remembering staring at the report that somehow his older-minded self had written with almost clinical dispassion.

"She was six months old when she went EVO."

A literal death sentence.

[pineapplesalmon]

César stiffens as his eyes drift shut. Six months old. In that moment, he can feel the weight of the world settle on his shoulders once more.

Rex was that small, once. "Most babies know how to laugh by then. Can roll onto their backs. Take turns making noises with you. Among other milestones."

Clinical dispassion. Something César had to mime when Black Knight made him write up an incident report with her hovering over him, looking for one wrong move.

"All I know of Dr. Fell is that his research was a worthless waste of life, and he was finally abruptly fired. The Consortium wanted to bring his technology back solely for disposal purposes as the holding pens filled up. The Consortium knew."

[sixthdeadliest]

"Why am I not surprised?" Six muttered.

Six had done a lot of reading old reports to try and get caught up. He knew what Fell's methods had been. It'd made him physically ill.

[pineapplesalmon]

César lapses into silence at that, opening his eyes and taking a drink again before finally speaking. "We both know the answer."

[sixthdeadliest]

It had been meant as a sarcastic rhetorical question, but, yes, they did know.

"Go back to bed, Doctor. I'll be up for a while."

[pineapplesalmon]

"There's nothing I can do to help, is there?" César asks, practically rhetorical of his own.

[sixthdeadliest]

"Not really, no."

That tentative line of trust had been broken. It'd take time to build it back up again, assuming Six would let him.

[pineapplesalmon]

And the worst part, César hadn't even done anything but think quietly.

"... And you still really think I would have traded bodies after all the sacrifices I've made back home. I'm overworking myself to death. I left my family's side when I wanted to die beside them instead."

[sixthdeadliest]

Unfortunately, Six was an "actions speak louder than words" sort of person. And in that moment, the message that he'd gotten from César's pause had been the worst possible one.

"And you currently have a chance to do it over. You're getting married. You're raising a child." He gazed dispassionately at César. "You don't think that'd incentive anyone to do whatever it took to make sure such a loss never happened again?"