come_sailaway | The Law Of Nature Is Named Wasp [OPEN + Closed]

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The Law Of Nature Is Named Wasp [OPEN + Closed]

Who: Erin Peters and YOU, plus some closed threads
What: Erin tries to settle back into life as December starts
When: First like, ten days of December?
Where: Various
Warnings: CW Lost shit, possibly Erin's general deal, use of a hurdy-gurdy

1. The world is beautiful [Tauva and/or Drunken Sailor]

Erin's nightly drink routines have changed subtly. Find her in Tauva or the Drunken Sailor of an evening, nursing a drink very slowly with a slate and stylus to hand, practicing her braille. If it's in Tauva, the scents of her cigars have changed! The smoke has a variety of alluring fruity scents, and she retrieves them from a wooden box stamped with a stylized map of Cuba ringed by thorny vines; at the Drunken Sailor, she nurses a beer with pretzels. Either way, the televisions in the bars are playing the Muppets if no one stops her, and Erin sings along to every.

Single.

Musical number.

Under her breath, at least until she spots you and waves you over.

2. The flower that never fades [Fight Club]

Since returning to fight club Erin's mostly kept her head down; she's most active in tactics class, though she's still taken a bit of a step back (this week's theme is Don't Stand In Front Of The Fucking Gunline), but otherwise she's been doing a lot of drilling, and a lot of observing how other people fight. Maybe she's approached you to ask about a technique unfamiliar to her, or you've noticed her imitating your style and incorporating it into her own. She's also taken to bringing, though not wearing, her armor. Every now and again when she's taking a break she sits on the ice mail, her ass slowly going numb, and just watches the way everyone moves, looking thoughtful.

Of note as well is the second sword, sheathed above her saber on the small of her back. For almost all of December's first fight club that blade stays in its sheath, the only visible part of it being a pommel made of kaleidoscopic glass. As class starts to wind down though, Erin steps back into the area set aside for sword drills and pulls it free, revealing a blade of stained glass that depicts mighty battles between gods and giants.

She's stanced up to run drills, but Erin can't quite seem to start. She's lost in her own head, staring at the blade.

3. Midnight at noon [Bellona Theater]

Erin's late-night theater visitations have moved into the afternoons; find her there with a hurdy-gurdy connected to an amp, trying to shake the rust off. There's a lot of false notes and good-natured swearing. It's been a hot fucking minute, after all, but when Erin can let herself drop into the zone pirate shanties and ominous music float from the theater for quite a distance. She's oddly happy to get walked in on, even to take requests.

The first person to ask for Wonderwall is getting a nickel thrown at them, though.

4. A study in scarlet [Spas]

She's finally biting the bullet, going 'fuck it, we ball' on seeing if her hair will take dye, but Erin needs a friend to help with that one. If that friend is you, she's looking to turn it a deep red color and has given you a stern warning not to wear clothing you don't want to get stained. She intends to try it without making her hair more human, at first, and that means the front seats might just be a splash zone. Have fun explaining those scarlet stains to everyone on your way back to your room to change your clothes.

5. Cave paintings [Closed to April]

Hey so I forgot in all the you know everything from the back half of last month but I have a portrait of myself thoughtfully provided by Peter Smith. He even knows I intend to use it for a bit of an experiment though I did not of course name any names or provide any details. You ready to do dark science?

6. There is only one stage of the life cycle, and it is... [Closed to Crabb]

Torturing Crichton with the knowledge that he missed out on the Peter Jackson adaptations of The Lord of the Rings has Erin on a bit of a fantasy kick, and she's decided to continue introducing Crabb to the genre by skipping all of its foundational authors and going directly from Stardust (a feature of previous reading dates when it was Erin's turn) to Howl's Moving Castle. Sat on Erin's bed, there on the pillow, is a little wooden box with a hinged lid. It's been there for the entire date, and Erin's not said a word about it. It'll keep.

7. Chaos reigns [Wildcard]

Have a different idea, a missed connection, something to slip in later in the month? I'm available on Discord!

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Klaus frowns at that slightly. "Hey now. That's my emotional support coping mechanism." Downplaying shit is a fucking skill.

But the hand is like...totally not expected. But does he really count as a man anyway? It's a very non-binary whatever going on here. Still, they're just gonna casually take her hand since it's a touch with permission situation.

"I never know where to start this stuff. Uh...I guess my powers. I used to be able to see ghosts, talk to them, control them, use them in fights or whatever, and apparently banish them, but I never knew how to do that till like when I found out about dying over and over being a power." There's a shrug. "I see them how they die. I never actually liked it. Dad used to lock me in a mausoleum when I was little. To get me used to the ghosts and make me stop being...you know...I guess a scared little bitch. It didn't work, though."

Obviously. "Now I'm claustrophobic. And still scared of ghosts, so. Woops." He shrugs. "So like that trope of 'the two people won't talk to each other until they're locked in a room together' is basically my nightmare. In case something ever happens. Like...please don't. Small spaces I can get out of? I can deal. I know I'll get out of them. If I'm trapped? Bad deal. Even worse when you're tied to a chair and shut up in a closet and the drugs are wearing off and there's ghosts vying for your attention and you're having a panic attack." They shudder as they think about it.

"But that wasn't Dad for once. That was just...these guys Five used to work with that kidnapped me and tortured me for like 10 hours." A beat. "It's fine, though. I popped a boner while they were strangling me and they got uncomfortable real fast." He'd say that's free advice, but...probably not useful to anyone else.

Erin laughs at the unexpected end to that description and immediately looks guilty for laughing. This does not stop her from laughing again as she remembers the famous comedy routine that goes the same way, which Klaus just. Did. For real. In his actual life. She covers her mouth with her other hand and does her best to get back to an appropriately grave expression.

"Well. Good news, locks don't work on me one way or another, so if you can contact me or I'm in there with you we're getting out. I'm not a fan of confinement myself."

"...Damn that's grim reassurance but I guess we're at the grim reassurance store."

Klaus can't blame anyone for laughing. Like if it hadn't been his entire life, he'd definitely have laughed more. He laughed at that, though.

"That is good news. I'm really anxious about that shit." They smile brightly. "But thanks...I'll make sure to keep my head enough to message you if something happens." They really hope they think about it if they could.

"Ehhh. You got anything you need to share? I swear, it gets more depressing the longer I talk about myself."

Edited 2022-12-06 02:35 (UTC)

"Pick your poison: equally grim, funny, wondrous, or personal gossip?" The offer is casual, but the tilt of Erin's head is watchful. What will Klaus pick out? He seems like a deeply silly person, but even if that's true...he's also a survivor.

Somewhere under this fluff is knife-sharp flint.

Klaus considers the options. There's good options in like...fucking all of it. "I mean, I feel like it's fair to get to share something grim if you want to, but I'm not gonna make you, so if you prefer the gossip, that's also good with me. I know it's hard to talk about the shitty stuff."

"Eventually the shitty stuff gets numb enough that you don't notice," says Erin, person moved to tears multiple times by the bare fact that people chose to listen to her story before judging her, with the approximate self-awareness of a stoned squirrel. "But perhaps the gossip..."

What to share though, what to share, what to -

Erin chooses violence immediately.

"Y'know Valdis made a wish to a god to find love?"

"Yeah. I get that. Eventually, it's kind of like...what's a little more trauma, honestly?" Klaus shrugs. "But Pratt says that sometimes you hit a point where it fucks you up real bad, but I guess I haven't hit that point yet." But if like...she prefers the gossip, that's fair. They're not gonna judge her.

Klaus snorts softly. "Did she? Which god did she make that wish from?"

"Yato! New passenger, self-described god of fortune. He's bound to fulfill her wish." Erin's smile is a goblin thing, nearly physically composed of mischief. "He seems to need to grant wishes by hand, so surely spreading the news can only help...?"

"Oh." Klaus looks down for a moment, trying not to be obviously awkward about this current information. There's been a lot of vibes because of the whole...boyfriend wanting to become a weapon for a god thing that Erin almost definitely doesn't know about.

"Guess that's one of those things that happens? I guess." They clear their throat. "Nobunaga's in talks to become his weapon." It's not not obvious how he feels about it, but he's trying to temper that a little bit with humor. "Guess he gets around, huh?"

"...Like his vassal or...?"

"Like sell your soul to be a weapon. I don't really get it. I've never wanted to be anything less. I've already been a weapon sort of. Not a great one, obviously. My powers aren't that impressive. But Dad kind of made weapons of all of us anyway." They shrug. "I think he'd be an actual weapon? Or whatever. Warned me he could be called on possibly in the middle of sex if it happens and I am so not into that. I mean, sure...danger can happen all the time, but Jesus."

There's a long pause before. "I'm supposed to talk to the guy before a decision is made, but I don't know. I guess I'm sorting through it."

"His shiki!" Erin looks both comprehending and relieved. "The afterlife thing Yato was talking about - but does that even work here? We get back up..."

Erin trails off in thought before she realizes she's being an ass. She gives Klaus's hand an apologetic squeeze. "...He do that kinda shit a lot, buddy?"

"I don't know. I know that emotions affect him and I know you've met Nobunaga." By which they mean he has big emotions and it's a concern.

"I didn't know about the Siffleur thing until after it happened. So at least we're talking about this before it happens." He frowns. "I love him, but we're both pretty dumb at relationships. I mean, I usually stole from my exes to buy more drugs, so..."

You know that look people get when they're thinking about doing something they really don't want to do? That concentrated look that's just pained enough that it seems like they might be constipated? Erin has that look on her face. She has that look on her face for several minutes.

At last, with severe regret and hesitation: "Can I offer you some advice from the perspective of the person who is being the Nobunaga in my own relationships? Specifically with regard to repeatedly doing wild-ass dangerous shit?"

Klaus really is not sure what that look means entirely in this moment, but he’s almost certain whatever it is, she’s gonna hurt herself if she keeps doing it.

And then she compares herself to Nobunaga and he feels like that had to hurt her. “…Yeah. I guess so.” A beat. “It’s not just let him do wild shit and learn to live with it, is it? Cause…” They’re pretty sure that’s not gonna work. Even if they do normally just drink about their problems and never face them.

"No, god no, do not do that, worst possible idea." Erin has to take a drink at that idea, jesus - if Cass and Crabb didn't have her back...

"...No, it's. Like, it's not on you to manage his emotions or anything, that's a bit fucked as an idea, but...firm reminders that when he's his own enemy, he's hurting the people who care about him? Those might get you far. Like, y'know, you don't gotta shout or bully unless that's something he's into, but." Erin sighs. "...Let's say that after getting here I got hit in the face several times with the wet fish of how worrying it is that I don't know how to care if I get hurt. I'm working on that not just because it'll make my love happy but because like, I will be more happy once I succeed, but an external reason to care's a good start."

“Oh, good.” They didn’t want to do that anyway. Klaus is pretty sure that managing Nobunaga’s emotions is impossible anyway. He acts so much like he doesn’t care about things he so viscerally does and like it’s proof that he’s evil and it drives Klaus insane by default. But maybe he needs to take a little accountability for his shit sometimes too.

“Oh.” They nod. “I guess that’s fair. We’ve had talks. A lot of talks about him not understanding why I think he’s a good person. Cause he can’t stop seeing himself as evil after everything that happened. Not my everything to tell, but it’s a lot. It weighs on him a lot. And I get it happened. I understand. I’m not telling him it can’t fuck him up. It was a bad situation. But he’s more than that. And then anytime he does something that hurts me, it’s like he makes it more proof that he’s right and everyone else is wrong. Probably the most exhausting part of everything. But I love him so much.”

This draws another painful noise from Erin, something like 'hnnnnnn'. "I can. Tell, but you're playing his game and that's not the right move, Klaus. Good, evil...those are distractions. Especially if he comes from the kinda culture that does the dipshit Christian move of 'failures stain you forever and successes are fragile'. Whether he's a good person, a bad person, a dumb person, a smart person...he's a person. A person who was forced to survive in a bad place, in a bad situation, to become something he doesn't love in order to die another day."

(Sound like someone we know?)

I am very aware that we are quoting the people who helped us, yes.

"Slip at it sideways. He doesn't have to be good to deserve care, and rest, and beauty. The law of the living world is that wasps lay their eggs in living things that are eaten alive by their emerging young, and yet the wasp is still beautiful, and necessary, and has a place in the world. You won't convince him to love himself by argument or in a single, shattering moment. He's got to start caring for himself and do the death march to self-love in the same fucking trudge as the rest of us."

Klaus is used to the idea that he’s not always right so this doesn’t really surprise him terribly. It’s good advice.

Doesn’t stop a deep down part of him from eventually hearing the words itself. A part of them that wants to know if this is some universal truth, then why didn’t they seem to deserve it when they needed it the most? From the person they most wanted it from. Why didn’t he seem to find him deserving of it now.

It rings back to their conversation with SecUnit. How it’s hard to accept that people can see good things about you when no one seemed to see those things before. How it can be hard to not wonder why you didn’t deserve to be seen that way then. If it was true, then why couldn’t they see it?

Maybe two things can be true. They deserved love and that the person that should have given it to you couldn’t. Probably cause they were a shitty person.

They’re aware in that moment that they’ve been sitting completely still and said nothing, so they clear their throat and hope that the strain in their voice isn’t as obvious as it feels. “I…I’ll try that. Yeah.” He sighs. “I hate the journey to self love. It’s a real bitch.” This deserves a drink for sure and he’s not sorry for chugging the whole thing and then ordering another drink.

"Didn't call it a death march on accident," Erin agrees. "...But I'm told the juice is worth the squeeze. And you don't need to do it alone, either for yourself or helping the people you love. It's easier all together. Where one falters, because of life, or backsliding, or because they're lost...the others whose stride is still steady can hold them up."

Klaus makes a small noise, leaning forward quietly for a moment. "Are you always this violent?" Because he feels like he's been attacked now. "I want to make a joke about 'fortunately I can't die' but like it's not as easy here as it was back home. I haven't died here, but I could come back in minutes back home. Before I lost all my powers."

Okay. Enough dramatics, they guess. "Ugh. Anyway. Um. Thanks for like the other stuff, though. So I can like...try that." Because they did want Nobunaga to get to a point where he could love himself, too. The Muppets were a weird backdrop for all of this. "I'm not sure I'm great at it in general, but...I guess I'll have to. Can't tell someone to give themselves a chance and not give myself one, too. Gross. Hate it."

"Yes, well, you did hit on the problem," Erin teases, a small grin playing on her face. "But you've got solid people around you, I suspect. You're easy to like. The hard part is going to be dropping all that very funny armor you keep around to let people at your actual problems. I've got my rage, and dropping that sucks too."

Klaus wants to laugh for a moment out of sheer discomfort, but they force themselves not to. “I think mostly I’ve just tricked everyone into thinking I’m easy to like because all my usual bullshit doesn’t exist. I can just take drugs from the infirmary and I don’t need money for my bad habits, so I don’t steal from everyone and wreck everything.” He shrugs. “But I dunno. Are you sure morbid humor and making light of my years of trauma isn’t the right response? Cause…it seems to work for me. Makes me like…relatable or something.”

A beat. “I feel like this whole ship is like the year of realizing stuff all over again.” Will Erin understand what the fuck they are talking about? Probably not. Still…

“And the year of talking about things I haven’t before. Like the whole gender shit. Well, I guess it’s non-binary shit, but still gender shit.” There. Not the most awkward way to bring it up probably, but still pretty awkward. “I’m exhausted already.”

"Oh hey, neat. Congrats on finding that out about yourself." Erin sounds genuine, even a little mildly surprised, but it's very much a 'not that shocked' situation; routine shapeshifting will do things to gender in a society. "But...listen. I'm the discount therapist at best, Klaus. Humor's not a bad tool? I think? But the question comes...when do you sit down and be genuine? Nobunaga seems to have the opposite problem, he strips his problems bare for everyone to see so he never has to confront his relationship to those problems."

(...Peters...)

YEAH I'M NOTICING WE'RE GETTING HELP ON THIS SHIP IT'S OKAY

"But hey, I don't gotta give you the third degree here. I didn't even really mean to catch you in the backswing, though if I've helped at all...glad to have been able to. Our fellow passengers are all we've got here. Y'know?"

She raises her beer. "But sometimes that does still mean that I'm about to chug this and start quoting every Statler and Waldorf line for the next hour in an effort to see how long it takes you to be horrified that I know. Them. All."

"Yeah. I mean, I knew it, I just...never mentioned it to anyone ever...cause I thought they'd just figure it out on their own...and that it was obvious to everyone, so if they just assumed differently, that was on them." Cue the awkward laughter. That's the best way to deal with things, right? Totally. Best coping. As for the rest of it. “There’s probably more than the humor as deflection to unpack on that one, but…yeah.” Maybe he should unpack that on his own. Or with someone else who won’t maybe fight him about making her think about Nobunaga’s problems.

“Yeah. I have made an art of avoiding my problems. Probably that splatter art guy. I don’t remember his name. Or like…I dunno. Abstract art. Looks like a mess up close and far away, but it’s art.”

They are happy to just drink and ignore their problems for now, though. And then go demand both affection and attention from their boyfriend after this. “I’m hard to horrify, buddy, so you have your work cut out for you. And I’ll be even more drunk by then, so like…basically anything goes.”

And scene?

crushed_pearls - 2022-12-09 03:22 (UTC) - Expand

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The Law Of Nature Is Named Wasp [OPEN + Closed]

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And scene?