come_sailaway | [Closed] If I'm a sinner

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[Closed] If I'm a sinner

Who: Max Maximum, Murderbot (I.E. Security), Valdis, potentially a doctor
What: Backdated aftermath of Max playing with a cougar [NSFW!]
When: Backdated to.... whenever this was in January
Where: Max's shared cabin + library
Warnings: NSFW, discussion of sexual topics, violent kinks, blood, violence, biting, injury--ya boy's a mess

[Closed to Murderbot]

Once he's finally strong and coherent enough to stand and dress himself, he attempts to do so without getting too much blood on his clothes. That's tricky, especially with a significant wound on the back of his neck. It should probably worry him how numb to it he feels, but he can't summon much in the way of regret. That mark is gone. His master's mark. It's... going to hurt later he's sure. He can worry about it then. For now, he needs to sneak back to the cabin and clean himself up in more ways than one. His pants and suit jacket should conceal most of it until he can get showered. That's what he's counting on as he swiftly, if tenderly, walks out of the Tommy Bahama and back to his cabin. There's just one problem with that plan... he hasn't noticed the drone that's tailing him. He thinks he's gotten away with it right up until he opens his cabin door to step inside.

[Closed to Valdis]

He's trying to lay low while his love bites heal. Which means he hasn't been going to his usual places in the morning. Working out on sore muscles with fatigue from blood loss is a bad idea, he knows that much. And he can't exactly go swimming with that big bandage on the back of his neck, either. He tried to sleep in again but he couldn't keep himself in bed past seven. He needs something to do, so he wanders to the library, hoping to find it quiet in the morning so he can just pick a corner and skim through something in peace. Unfortunately, he doesn't realize that when he bends his head forward to read, it causes that bandage on the back of his neck to stick out from the collar of his shirt enough for anyone to see.

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Spending time in the library is what she's been doing most of the month, though she's given up researching the Captain. Natsuno's notes led them in the right direction at least. But she feels a warmth wash over her when she scents Max is here. Valdis doesn't quite sneak up on him, but she doesn't announce her presence until she's closer. The smell of a bandage and the sight of it peeking out over his collar causes a frown to form. It's not a small bandage either.

"What happened to your neck?"

"Huh?" Max startles out of his reading at the sound of her voice. The usual joy that accompanies seeing her is entangled with guilt and anxiety today. Shit, he was hoping he'd have a little more time to let it heal before she found it.

"Uh..." he really should have thought up a lie for this before now. "I, um, it's nothing. Just a cut."

"Liar," she quips, trying to keep her tone even, "Let me look."

She's not going to wait for his permission, too fast for him to have much time to react, but she is gentle when she pulls on his collar to fold it down. He's taller so she has to rise up on her toes to get a good look at it.

And Security is waiting, holding out a bottle of Aleve.

"You have two choices. Only two. Either you let me call Doctor Watson to come here, or I'm taking you to the infirmary. Which will it be?"

Busted. Mega-turbo-hyper busted. And yet, it doesn't sound angry. Not really. Disappointed, maybe. Frustrated, maybe. Worried? Fuck yeah.

He flinches less this time. Her use of speed is so similar to something his master's done that he freezes up completely the way he would if it had been Erik instead. But that doesn't stop him whining.

"Valdis, please try not to be too upset. I... I said he could do it."

If she peels back the tape holding the gauze in place, she will discover that the skin at the nape of his neck where that brand used to sit is now stripped off completely, as if the flesh has been flayed from the muscle. Because it has.

Well, fuck. His expression drops the moment he sees his roommate there waiting with a bottle of pills already in hand. So much for keeping this secret.

"Can I at least shower first? I don't want him to see me... um. Covered in...you know." He doesn't think Security really wants him to say it out loud.

His words do not help her feel better when she sees the injury that he apparently consented to. Valdis shoves down the remembered fear in favor of an icy cold anger.

"Someone wanted to skin you and you let them?"

"Do you think it's anything he hasn't seen before?"

There's a distinct eyeroll here.

"Besides, you've already walked home in that state. But go ahead, shower. Be gentle with it, though. And call me if you start to feel weak. You're losing blood."

"Not on me, he hasn't." That sounds childish even to his own ears.

But this is probably the only concession he's going to get, so he shouldn't push it. Shouldn't. And yet.

"I'll be fine. I've handled worse blood loss than this."

Security's eyes lift to meet Max's very directly, for a moment of unmasked...something. Okay. Maybe now it is angry.

"That is utterly irrelevant. You weren't losing blood while I was around to worry about you, then. Shower."

How does he begin to explain that? Siffleur saw that mark of ownership and offered to rip it off and claim Max instead. In that moment, it sounded like rebellion. It's something he's been so scared to do himself. Of course, horny brain made it seem like a much better idea than it actually was.

"I know how this is going to sound but it was a... romantic gesture."

Her hand drops away from his collar and she takes a step back.

"Romantic?" She's struggling to keep her tone calm, to squash her emotions into a bottle so she can throw them away. "Mutilation is not romantic."

She knows he likes it rough, that he thinks pain is pleasurable and what he wants. But she's not sure he's even known anything else. She may have only been in love once, but once is better than never and whatever his vampire master did, it wasn't love and neither was this. No matter how much he wanted the mark gone, this wasn't the answer, was it? Perhaps it was, perhaps she would have done the same to herself, but to call it romantic is disgusting.

Max can only meet that gaze for half a second before he shrinks in on himself, looking like a guilty puppy with his tail between his legs. He nods and shuffles into the bathroom before the prickles of wetness can show in the corners of his eyes.

Tempting as it is to linger under the hot water to hide from the consequences of this, he knows he can't get away with that. He's quick, scrubbing the dried mess of blood and other fluids from himself gently so he doesn't tear any of those bites open wider. It's a much different experience to still be wearing them when usually his master would have healed them over now. But the sight of red running down the drain is familiar and... morbidly comforting. When it finally runs mostly clear, he turns off the tap and steps out.

A minute later, he will emerge from the bathroom wearing just a towel around his hip, all those bites and scratches now on full display along with the raw skin on his neck. Still without a word, he walks to the bed and sits. He doesn't see the point of getting dressed since the doctor is probably going to want to see all of this anyway.

Security offers the bottle of painkillers again. A glass of water. And then moves to sit on the couch, staring at nothing. Saying nothing more. It's already texted Watson.

He takes the bottle and water and obediently swallows a dose before setting both aside on the night stand. But now, with nothing to do but wait, he's feeling so fidgety. Security is mad at him and he... can't handle the silence.

"I'm sorry for worrying you."

"I'm not mad that you chose to...engage with Siffleur. That's not what this is about. I would rather have been told about this, though. I wouldn't have stopped you, but I want to be here to support you. If you had gotten killed, I'd need to be here when you woke up. You're part of my crew, Max. I know I can't protect you from everything, and it's clear you didn't want to be protected from this. But."

It lets out a long, hissing sigh. "Being Security is as much about trying to take care of you after something happens as trying to stop things from happening. This cruise, it's not safe, it's never going to be safe. I get that. Just. Let me support you afterwards. Please."

"I..." he doesn't know how to answer. He hugs his arms to himself, feeling the motion tugging on some of those other, smaller, wounds hidden beneath the shirt. He doesn't hate that sting of pain, even now. Even when he knows he should.

"I'm sorry."

Not just for upsetting her now, but for knowing he wants to do it again. Against all better judgement. Unless she orders him not to. But he can't and won't ask her to do that.

"No, you aren't." It's not fair that with that simple motion, him closing himself off from her, makes her melt and try to gather her anger and shove that away too, "You're just sorry I found out."

Valdis can't even look at him, acting like a puppy she's just been scolding. His eyes, his posture. It genuinely causes her pain. Her voice softens and so does her expression.

"Where else are you hurt?"

It's not? Max looks up in surprise. He was sure, somewhere in the back of his mind where his own common sense goes to be ignored, that Security would have stopped him if he'd said he was going to do it ahead of time. In his stupid haste, he forgot to consider this side of things at all. He's so used to the way his master would react, he just assumed...

You're part of my crew, Max.

He's...part of a crew--part of a family. He can't get away with acting like he's just a Thing anymore, can he?

"Can I lean against you?"

"I am sorry for upsetting you," he insists "I'm sorry for not telling you. I should have..." He was just so afraid of disappointing her, of possibly losing her.

He turns around in the chair to face her, his big brown eyes pleading wordlessly for her forgiveness. He's too afraid to verbalize it. Too afraid he doesn't deserve it.

"It's just some scratches and bites. On my... back and legs."

It blinks a couple times, then nods, moving to sit on the bed, where Max can lean on it. "Of course." Because that's supporting the human, too, a little more literally.

He leans heavily against it, his own exhaustion finally starting to catch up with him. With his face turned to be half buried against Security's shoulder, he murmurs, "I do want to do it again. I'll tell you next time. I promise."

So it was Siffleur. He's probably the only one on the ship who would act with such consensual violence. Valdis is tempted to call that out, but the look in his eyes, so sad and even scared for some reason, means she can't, even if she wanted to. Max has her wrapped around his finger and she will never admit it to anyone. Her gaze drops to the ground, unable to meet those large eyes.

"I know I'm not enough for you. That you have needs and desires and wants that I can't offer you. And that's fine, but don't hide from me. Let me feel these complex feelings...please."

She won't order him to not see Siffleur, or to not be reckless or pursue his needs. She doesn't have that right and she's not going to exert control over him like his master did.

"That'd be nice. I know Erin visits him regularly. Not to...interface. Just to challenge herself. I've considered it, too. There's been times when the possibility of dying is almost the temptation by itself."

Hi, Max, did you think you were the only one here with a fucked up sense of priorities and danger and life and all that jazz?

"If you do you'll tell me first, too?" He's still got his face pressed to Security, and there's a very distinct feeling of wetness there now. It's both terrible and a relief to know he's not the only one.

"So I can be there when you wake up? I don't want you to feel...alone."

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[Closed] If I'm a sinner

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CW: suicide ideation, non-graphic.

CW: suicide ideation, non-graphic.