I get the feeling any minute I could break [OPEN & CLOSED]

[hadnoright]

Who: Daisy Tonner & you!
What: Daisy fucking snaps and gives into the Hunt
When: Closed prompts on February 16th, opens either side
Where: Many places on the ship
Warnings: Graphic violence, people being hunted, death, possible references to police brutality, themes of (supernatural) addiction, (metaphysical) starvation etc.
Notes: Hunt Sense Permissions, what does your character smell like? Feel free to flip me to brackets I am comfortable with either style.


1. I don't wanna need it [OPEN, windjammers, decks, library]

Daisy doesn't go to the carnival.

There's a handful of reasons, ranging from still not trusting excursions not to end in bloodshed to the one person she thinks actually likes her being busy with her girlfriends to just feeling generally like shit. She's so weak these days. Eighteen months without really feeding the Hunt, eight buried alive and six at the Institute and another four on the boat, and she truly feels like she's wasting away. And the worse she feels, the worse her attitude is.

Most of this time she's holed up in her room, but she can still be found ducking out to get food from Windjammers, or wandering the decks to get some fresh air, or dropping by the library to get a book she probably won't even read.

She won't bite if you bother her. But she might glare.

2. But I just can't leave it [CLOSED, headers in comments]

The thing is, of course, that in the end something was always going to have to give. Eighteen months is a long time to starve, even if that starvation is technically metaphysical. Eighteen months is a long time to fight back what is essentially an addiction with no actual treatment. Eighteen months is a long time to spend telling yourself that this is for the best whilst also feeling worse and worse every. Single. Day that goes by without giving in.

Eighteen months is how long it takes for Daisy to finally snap.

There's no one thing that does it. No final push. Nothing besides the gnawing sensation of need and the sound of blood pumping in her ears, in the depths of her mind, in the air all around her.

It's all but out of her hands, after that.

3. I know I went and got complacent [OPEN, cabin 122]

When all is said and done, Daisy feels worse than ever.

Not physically, no. Physically, at least once whatever Valdis did to her wears off, Daisy feels better than she has since before she went into the Buried. She even looks better, no longer so scrawny that she looks malnourished and instead appearing a healthy weight. But mentally?

She feels like the monster that she is. Angry at herself for losing it and hurting people. Disgusted at herself for the way a part of her wants to get right back out there and do it all again. Horrified by her own capacity for violence and harm. Ashamed of being so weak she couldn't stop herself. Exhausted at the idea of going back to letting herself starve. Terrified of the idea of facing the rest of the ship after she gave such a display of Old Cruise Pride. Hopeless in the face of a life she barely even wants to keep living. Absolutely certain that she will never be anything but a monster, because that's all people will see her as.

She's not going anywhere. Erin's probably not going to let you kill her, but she's not going to stop you talking to her. And Daisy doesn't have it in her to tell people to go away, not really.

If you have something to say, come say it.

4. But I know that I can save this [wildcard]

Find me at bluecitrine or at artisticblueteam#5757/in the discord.

Comments

[not_the_last]

She shudders all over, but it's a shudder of something like relief, with the terrible thing spoken aloud.

"Nothing is safe," she whispers again, and it's hoarse but it isn't choking her anymore. "Nothing is -- I thought I learned that before, but I keep, I keep forgetting."

She leans into Erin again, clutching her hands, rocking a little with the rhythm of her words.

[crushed_pearls]

"I know love," Erin murmurs. "...We're not safe here, I know, it fucking sucks. I'm sorry she hurt you. I thought...I expected a relapse but...I thought it'd be contained faster, she'd get her face beat into the floor, learn firsthand that shit doesn't fly with us. I'm sorry."

[not_the_last]

"I tried," she whispers. "She, she kept healing."

[crushed_pearls]

"...Hrm. I see." Erin files that away for later. "I know she can still die, she bitches about it all the time, but...still. You did the best you could in a bad situation."

Erin doesn't know yet that Cass couldn't follow her advice not to run.

[not_the_last]

For a long moment she doesn't say anything, just burrows against Erin with eyes shut.

Finally, in a low gulp: "What ... happened to her?"

[crushed_pearls]

"I promise I'm not being a smartass love, but...do you mean what stopped her, what started it, or why she's like that?"

[not_the_last]

A pause.

"What started it." No louder. "And what stopped her."

The first is what she meant to ask; the second is what she now also wants to know.

[crushed_pearls]

"Second part is easy enough, if mildly horrifying. Valdis hit her in the soul, couldn't walk it off." Erin makes a soft sound, frustrated, worried. "...Daisy's been starving. The god that took her changed her, and even though it's gone, she's still...as it made her. She'd been starving for months, trying to fight off becoming something worse, and then she got here and kept starving. I think...she planned on getting back to the nothing. But I'm not sure she's very good at dying."

[not_the_last]

Cassandra's silent.

But she reaches up to lightly tug one of Erin's wings a little closer, trying to keep the silence from feeling like a rejection.

[crushed_pearls]

Erin answers with a tighter embrace, wings folding closer. Poor Cass...

"...Don't get me wrong, I'm pissed," Erin whispers. "She hurt you. She hurt a lot of my friends too. Wouldn't surprise me if on some level she was trying to burn her bridges. That fuckass god likes lone wolves, hungry and afraid, more human idiocy...but..."

"...I'm not ready to give up on her either." The barest whisper; almost a plea. Please understand.

[not_the_last]

"Oh," almost a sigh, "I know that."

She doesn't look up.

And then she does, with slow belated misgiving rising in her eyes. "... Who else did she hurt?"

[crushed_pearls]

"...Peter. Phil. Some man I've never met, dude with big hair, suppose I've technically had worse introductions. Dimitri and Dedue got taken down, but Dedue lived it. And I know Valdis took some hits before she finally ended it." Erin cups Cass's cheek with the lightest of touches. "...You might notice a bit of a theme."

Erin kept trying to apologize. Cass will put it together.

[not_the_last]

Cassandra straightens up, still holding Erin's hands, the misgiving in her face scaling up to alarm.

"Is Crabb all right?"

(Yes, she's spotted the theme.)

[crushed_pearls]

"Crabb and Helena are fine, they were in their rooms." Despite herself a fond smile breaks through the worry. "She's gonna be pissed."

[not_the_last]

Her mind is rapidly running through other names -- Helena yes, Ylva, who else? -- but she thrusts down the alarm. Erin would have mentioned anyone else by now.

"Dimitri and Dedue ..." Slowly, as the memory comes to her. "Might not have been planned, on her part. I sent them a message when I knew what was happening. I'd just been talking to them, before, and ..."

[crushed_pearls]

"Mm. Love, you have to know they would have fought regardless. Not because it's you but because they're warriors. This is their job." There is. Just. The deepest sigh. "I had no idea she could go that hard. Dimitri could slap my mother's ass in front of me and you still couldn't pay me to give him an honest fight."

[not_the_last]

The turn of phrase gets an unexpected choke of laughter out of her, quickly fading back to somber quiet.

"They would have fought regardless if they'd encountered her." Unspoken: they might not have, if she hadn't called them in.

[crushed_pearls]

"You gave them a better chance than they would have had. Even when she's not losing her shit Daisy's got an incredible sense of smell, and it hunts down magical things something fierce. Dimitri wouldn't have been tolerated to live." It's cold comfort, but it's not no comfort.

[not_the_last]

She breathes out quietly, not contesting the point, and leans her head back against Erin's shoulder.

Very soft: "What are you going to do?"

[crushed_pearls]

"...Be there for her. Ask Ylva and Siffleur if they're willing to help. See if I can't get Daisy to let me into her dreams so I can burrow into them and see what the fuck is going on exactly. Probably cry a lot." The gentlest squeeze. "After that, I dunno. She needs love and support but like, hugging it out and learning to attend parties ain't gonna cut it on its own. She's been changed, she needs...treatment. And until I know more I can't help plan that."

[not_the_last]

She nods, slowly.

"All right." Barely a whisper.

[crushed_pearls]

"...I need to go guard her door, love. But breakfast is here, and...I'll be right out there, if you need me for anything."

Unspoken: if you decide to face her.

[not_the_last]

"Guard her ... ah. Yes, of course."

She lifts one of Erin's hands, brushes a kiss over it.

"Please be careful."

Wrap?

[crushed_pearls]

"As much as I can be," Erin promises softly. "I'll...I'll see you whenever you're ready, my lady."

Wrap!

[not_the_last]