Murderbot Memshare Time [MARCH]

[serialskiller]

Starters will be in the comments; please pay attention to the number of people for each prompt, as I don't want to overwhelm myself.

For the sake of ease, those entering memories will be assumed to not be noticed until they choose to take significant action in a memory. If, for example, in the kitchen memory, if someone wanted to clean up the mugs and meal packets or read over Ratthi's shoulder, they won't be noticed, but if they decide to stab Mensah, that'll be a notable alteration to the memory, and people are going to freak out.

Full crew depiction here, for visual reference, thanks to tenowls

Comments

[serialskiller]

Everything feels wrong in this moment, but it can’t continue. The SecUnit, Murderbot, it knows it needs to carry out its duty and keep clients safe.

“Close your eyes and count to three.”

It will make it swift, a single shot to the head; it’s plan is to fire as she says the word “two”, so there’s even less anticipation. This is the most kindness it can offer, while balancing its cold equations.

[decrypter]

She thinks that she closes her eyes for its sake, and not her own. Inhale, and a silent, quick prayer before she counts.

Please. Let me wake up on the ship. Please.

It is painless, and that's all she could ask for.

[serialskiller]

It is six in the morning. She is in a bed, under a very heavy blanket. It smells like lavender and chamomile. There is the sound of another person in the room, breathing quietly, staying very, very, very still.

It does not hurt. Nothing hurts. Waking up from death is refreshing, on the ship. Almost terrifyingly so; it could be a relief, almost.

[decrypter]

When consciousness returns, there is fear that lasts for the briefest moment in time. Because this is not the manor, it is not that forsaken place. Because some things she's grown accustomed to are the same, and others are ones she associates with happiness, with security. With Security.

Breathe, and focus. Everything that happened, she remembers. On some level, it happened - what took place needed to. Why is still beyond her. But the important thing is that she's here now, in this place, on the ship.

One hundred and twenty three days. That's not a bad number at all to reset from.

Slowly, she opens her eyes, and sits up.

[serialskiller]

“Good morning, who do I need to kill?” It should come as no surprise that the presence in the room was Security. It might be jarring, hearing the difference in its voice, warm and snarky and concerned and so…not human, so many non-humans have this level of expression. Colorful, perhaps. In the habitat, Murderbot’s voice was gray. Now, it’s not.

It’s been sitting up beside her bed for hours, but there was no way sleep would be possible given the givens.

[decrypter]

"Good morning, Security." That's the voice she remembers, filled with so many distinct parts, another very real anchor to here, and she smiles - bright and without a single trace of blame or upset, merely delighted for its presence.

"It's rather early to ask that question, isn't it? No one's had a chance to do anything worth killing them over."

Does it know, in some way, what happened in that other place? Do the dreams of one echo into another? If not, how to break the news?

[serialskiller]

“You died, Helena. Whoever killed you needs to be destroyed. Or at least threatened violently to ensure it never happens again. Also, I’m never letting you leave my sight again.”

That last bit isn’t serious. All the rest is, though.

[decrypter]

"...No. No, they don't. I would strongly prefer you didn't do that."

The smile dims some, and she lays her hand on the blanket, a silent request to touch. Usually, she lets it be the one to take that initiative, but right now, she needs to ask.

"It was perhaps the most merciful out of any death I've gone through. Swift, without pain, without fear...it could have been so much worse, and I'm grateful it wasn't. And believe me when I say my death was necessary."

[serialskiller]

It takes her hand in both of its own, and then its breath catches.

“Necessary? How…how do you mean that? How could your death be necessary?” It’s a foggy uncertain thought, like deja vu or when you have a song stuck in your head but you can’t remember the words and certainly not the title.

[decrypter]

"Because it was to protect others in a place where I did not belong."

It doesn't know, and she doesn't want to be the one to tell it. She doesn't want it to question itself here, when the Security there would have enough questions rippling across time, when perhaps her words would offer clarity at some point.

[serialskiller]

“Protect others? Didn’t belong?” There are a few agonizing moments of silence, then it pulls its hands back.

“No? No. No. No. No no no. No!”

It’s performance reliability is rapidly dropping, as it discovers and tries (and fails) to reconcile the memories. Something is wrong. Everything is wrong.

[decrypter]

"Security."

She won't touch it, she knows that's the wrong thing to do, and instead grips the fabric of the blanket, understanding coming over too quickly. So it remembers, which means...what then? That it happened to it? But if that's the case, then it means a dozen other things are true and not true at the same time.

It had been easy to distinguish it as an other. Not the same. But is it the same? It feels like it does if she starts to think too hard on what happened with Orpheus - that blurred, piecemeal sensation, all spaces between the lines of nets. Confusing, misaligned.

[serialskiller]

It lapses into silence, unable to reconcile everything and unsure what to say. Because regardless of the weird memory shit, one thing is demonstrably true: she died.

She died and it killed her.

It doesn't know how to forgive itself for this.

[decrypter]

"...I don't know what you're thinking right now. But I want you to know, no matter what, I do not blame you or hold a single piece of unhappiness about my death. I do not."

The words come after some silence, after allowing it some space and herself some room to theorize. Because there's a part Security won't know, not unless she tells it one day. That in her heart, there was still that chance she'd go back, even further. And even so, what other option would there have been?

"It was necessary, beyond protecting others. If I lived, I don't know what would have happened. I'd be in a different realm with a you who isn't the you I know and surrounded by nothing I recognized or could begin to make sense of. Death brought me back."

It had freed her, back to this realm. To the Security she knows. But it doesn't answer why this one remembers.

[serialskiller]

"You couldn't have been certain that it would." Its voice quivers like a plucked guitar string. "What if you just...died and I didn't know what happened to you? I don't know what I'd do."

[decrypter]

Her hand twists in the fabric of the blanket, because there's no good answer to that. It had been a gamble, in the end. That she keeps cheating death is never a certain thing, no matter how many times it happens. If it hadn't worked, it would look very much like she disappeared to the Nothing. There's arguments she can make, but what comes out is the truth, simple as it is.

"...I'm sorry. I didn't know what else to do."

Other than live and hope somehow she got thrown back out in the right direction, but that hadn't felt possible.

[serialskiller]

"I...I wish you hadn't seen me, back then. I was not...in a good condition." It was not yet anywhere near being a person.

Hesitantly, fingertips brush against the back of her hand. A request? An invitation? It wants to hold her properly, but it doesn't know how to ask for that.

[decrypter]

She feels the touch, and her hand relaxes, stops trying to take her stress out on the blanket in favor of slowly turning back over. Contact, but only as much as Security can handle at the moment.

"You were scared, weren't you? Of being found out."

Whatever they do to SecUnits with broken governor modules, she doesn't want to know.

[serialskiller]

"Of course I was. I thought the most likely scenario if I was found out was that my memory would be purged again." It entwines its fingers with hers. "That wasn't what happened, though."

[decrypter]

"You've mentioned them before...what did happen, if I can ask?"

The contact keeps her breathing, steady, but it is also proof she's alive. Warm, not corpse cold.

[serialskiller]

"We went to check on one of the other survey teams on the planet. Their SecUnits had been infected by malicious code, a combat override. They tried to install one in me, and nearly succeeded. I shot myself to stop the code from making me a danger to the survey team. And that's how they learned I'm a rogue unit."

A pause.

"I...Helena, may I hold you, please?" It wants to wrap itself around her, close to her as armor.

[decrypter]

"Yes, of course."

An override - it sounds terrifying, if it was threatening enough to require that solution. Something to make it turn from a protector to a hunter, Helena reasons, to force its hand again and do harm. The why of it, she wonders after, as well as if the team managed to save it, but its question she can answer first, and to be held will reassure her as well. More can come when they're both breathing.

[serialskiller]

It moves to sit on the bed, pulls her into its arms gently and just. Holds on. It just holds on. She's here and warm and alive and here and it holds on.

This is the most precious thing it could ever hold.

[decrypter]

This is what Helena had wanted to do for the Security there, when she'd heard the tiny, tiny glimpse at its fear. Hold it close, except with the Security she knows, she can get away with tucking herself very near, with touching and holding back. No hesitation - no fear, even after what occurred. She does not view it as her murderer.

For a bit, they can just do this, until the unspoken tension she'd been holding onto pulls back. This time, she won the gamble, and that has to be enough.

"...Did they bring you back, after you shot yourself?"

Quietly said, so it knows it isn't required to answer. But she wants to know what it went through, what parts of the past it feels comfortable to share.

[serialskiller]

"Of course. And then discussed what to do with a rogue unit while they thought I wasn't listening and couldn't move." Nevermind the fact that memory's getting fucked up soon after this.