then I found a place, it's dark and it's rotted [memeshare - open]

[teethoftherisk]

Who: Siffleur and you
What: Memory sharing & an opt-in
When: throughout March
Where: various
Warnings: Body horror, medical gore, cannibalism, death, suicide, suicidal idealization, child neglect, possible discussions of past sexual assault in first prompt, unreality



1) The River

On the banks of a newly defrosted river, a young women who looks to be in her mid-twenties kneels by the ice cold waters. The snow has melted, but there's a chill in the air that can't be shaken. Her hair is dirty and matted, and she's wearing a stained dress that's too big for her. Beside her is a freshly birthed baby, half-transformed between human and cougar, screaming in pain.

The woman isn't handling it well. Siffleur is about 10 minutes old and he's also not handling it well either.


2) The Forest

In an old growth forest in the height of summer, a small cougar kitten has left the den where his mother sleeps to play in the grass and chase the large dragonflies that dart around. Siffleur is very young and very curious, and though he usually avoids other people, today he's feeling brave enough to investigate anything new and novel. He's climbing a old fallen log in pursuit of a particularly shiny dragonfly that's resting on the end.

But he loses his grip when he sees someone new in the clearing, falling back and going head over heels, rolling back a few times before landing paws up.


3) The City

In a rundown city just across the Canadian border, a teen boy sits outside a convenience store. His clothing is dirty and stained, and he hasn't washed in at least two weeks. His stomach growls and he watches carefully as people slowly trickle in and out of the store. Siffleur's shaggy hair hangs in his eyes and he doesn't ask for help - he just watches each person as they exit their car.

There's someone here who wasn't there before. His yellow eyes snap to them, quickly looking them up and down.


4) The Small Town

In a place with a population of less than a 1000 people, less than six half-paved streets and one bar, Siffleur sits at the bar with a beer. His cellphone buzzes now and then but he's left it laying face down, not bothering to check it. There's plenty of empty stools around him - less of an invitation and more of a warning.

On the TVs, Ottawa is playing Anaheim, but from the dour mood of those folks watching the screens, it's clear that a Canadian team isn't going to win this Stanley Cup. Occasionally, Siffleur glances back, looking for someone who isn't here yet.


5) Killing Myself In Front Of You To Change The Trajectory Of Your Life Forever (Opt-In, TW: Suicide)

This isn't Siffleur's memory - it's one of yours.

Perhaps it's something personal, something traumatic and private, the kind of thing you would hate to have seen by anyone. Perhaps it's of better times, good days, drinks, laughter, that kind of thing. Maybe it's just another quiet mundane day.

It doesn't matter. The moment he realizes he's in your memory, Siffleur acts instantly and decisively, and kills himself. There's no hesitation. If there's danger he can use to do it, he does - throwing himself against the obvious monsters, picking a fight with something that's ready to rip him to shreds. Or, if not that, then he'll do the job himself with a kitchen knife if available, or anything sharp.

And in the most dire of circumstances where there's nothing for him to use at all? Well... here's your front row seat to a memory of a complete stranger looking around, grabbing his head between his hands and snapping his own neck.

He'll be back on the ship the next day, carefully avoiding the cracks as he attempts to shuffle away from his cabin and over to the buffet to eat breakfast. Feel free to ambush him for an answer then.

Comments

[redlightgreenlight]

It's not fear, or hatred, or even really disgust that tightens her chest. She's not even sure it's her that feels so much of this something in this moment. But the instinct is hers, somehow, in some way. Not quite Valdis', maybe Meira's, but hers. It's why Amos tore her heart out, and why the angels are so afraid. The power to kill gods. But this poor, sad, broken creature is not a god as Valdis knows them. She is not even an abomination.

It's pity.

She feels pity.

And she still thinks the woman needs to die.

A god cannot anchor inside a mortal without causing some kind of damage.

But Siffleur will not let her, and she cannot kill Siffleur enough to make him stay dead on the Eterna, nor does she want to.

"Siffleur," she replies, "It goes against my very nature to allow this."

Allow. How prideful it sounds, but she feels it deep inside, how wrong it is to let this stand. She can't even come up with another word for it. The deep instinct to destroy this sad remnant at any cost.

"But as long as she does nothing to hurt you or anyone else, I will leave her be."

[teethoftherisk]

Siffleur does not react much, not until Valdis has a chance to finish her thoughts. Then he lets some relief flood into him. He's seen Valdis at work - he knows he has little chance of beating her, and he would hold a terrible grudge if she ripped his mother out of him. But her terms are fair - though it will take some work on his part to eventually make her understand that he doesn't care if he's harmed or eaten alive or anything.

That's fine though. He'll have time.

"Thank you Valdis." Siffleur's tone is solemn, so she knows that he understands the weight of this. Valdis does not seem like someone whose mind is easily swayed from the path she feels is right. He feels his mother trying to sit up and he helps her into an upright positions, brushing dirt off her jacket. "No more stories, no more memories."

She grumps, thumping her head into his arm. "Well either I tell you now or I tell you never, and it's safe to tell you now. No one's here to follow us or take us back-"

He just pats her back a little harder and then distracts her. The past doesn't matter to him. He just wants to enjoy his time with her while he can. "Do you like Jack? And Max?"

"Good boys, for once. Oh god, the people you have dated, the people you've slept with, Fleur I swear- and for once, it's not my awful taste you've inherited! I'm blameless, even if only on this." She giggles to herself, rubbing her face on her sleeve. "I like them though. Be sweet to their hearts, no matter how it goes. And! And you take care of that Nepeta, she's strong but she's still young! A-and you should all start thinking about the future. Your robot friends are going to need maintenance and parts, so- so you should start working on a machining shop too, because you can use that to repair the things you add to the ship! And-"

"I will. I'll look out for my friends." Because that's what this is all about: keeping his friends alive and fine. He nods to Valdis. "We'll look out for everyone we care for. I promise."

"And stop- stop thinking you look like him." She lifts her head and grabs Siffleur's face in her hands. "You look like my father. You never looked like that fucker. Okay? You look like my family, and you're mine mine mine, all mine. You're my son." She turns his face to look at Valdis, and the little kitten in her arms that's worn himself out and is just occasionally chirping. "My son. Only ever mine."

He just nods, a lump in his throat.

Siffleur's mother lets go and rises to her feet, slowly approaching Valdis. She holds her arms out to take him back. "I'll take him. I've made you hold him for long enough, and I thank you for bringing him to me. I promise you, I would never do anything to hurt him."

[redlightgreenlight]

Siffleur may not want to hear more, but Valdis certainly does. His mother has moved on though and she's an intruder upon a moment between family. When the woman reaches for the kitten, Valdis doesn't hand him over.

"Promising to not hurt Siffleur is not the same as promising to not hurt anyone else."

She's not holding the kitten hostage, merely compelling the woman to actually address the other piece of her terms.

[teethoftherisk]

That gets a thin little giggle from her and she brings a knuckle to her mouth to bite. Her smile wobbles and her eyes dilate a little. "oh oh oh, oh oh oh, you're right, you're right-"

Siffleur strides over the moment he hears that sound, stepping up to her back and setting a hand on her shoulder. That seems to ground her, and she drops the hand from her mouth. He gives her shoulder a squeeze. "Mom. You don't need to hurt anyone here."

"Oh, I'm sure I do. I'm sure I would. If I was me still, all of me, I'd gobble everyone up like popcorn, just to be sure, just to be so so sure they'd never threaten me." She twitches slightly, but there's no more giggles or biting. She just rubs her face on her sleeve again and straightens up. "If someone comes in here and tries to hurt Siffleur, I'll kill them. But I won't hurt anyone who comes here peacefully, and I'm never ever setting foot outside of him, ever. I've had enough of out there. It's safe here... it's quiet here. So. I promise not to hurt anyone else out there, or in here, unless they try to hurt him. That's fair."

Then she holds her arms out again.

[redlightgreenlight]

Valdis still doesn't hand the kitten to the woman.

Allowing an entity that shouldn't be there to interfere, no matter how hypocritical it may be...this creature can't be called sane, she can't be trusted, if Valdis could tear her own monster out and survive, she would. Leaving this be goes against every single instinct she has. The amount of sympathy she possesses for Siffleur is so much smaller than the urge to destroy this lost shard of a soul.

Something this insane can't differentiate between actual harm and perceived harm. If Max, or Jack, or anyone else ere to hurt Siffleur by accident...Valdis does not trust this woman, but she trusts Siffleur.

"Knowing the games you enjoy playing, and the reality of our situation on the Eterna, do you find that fair, Siffleur?"

[teethoftherisk]

"Yes." There's no hesitation in his answer. His hand stays on his mother's shoulder but his body language has shifted from concerned to defensive. Siffleur knows his mother is broken fundamentally, knows she is capable of terrible things, and he still trusts her entirely when she says she'll only attack intruders who come in here with ill intent. "My memories were dangerous before we knew my mother was here, and my games require an agreement. If someone wants to barge into my mind and hurt me, then death is a small price to pay on the Eternia."

Siffleur's mother has her eyes on the baby, hands still outstretched. After a long and lingering moment, she looks up at Valdis. "He's my son. You can play all the violent games you want to out there, but I won't sit by quietly and watch someone tear his mind into confetti in here. I know that's fair. I know it is."

[redlightgreenlight]

Yet the woman hadn't said that before, she'd said she would defend him in general, not just his mind. His mother keeps trying to change the offered rules and Siffleur is just letting her. But Valdis can sense that Siffleur is potentially running out of patience.

"Defending his mind I have no issue with, I never did."

And yet the woman has still not promised to avoid harming people in the physical sense. Still, she gently places the kitten in the woman's arms.

"I want to leave, Siffleur."

[teethoftherisk]

She takes the baby and pulls him to her chest, holding him tight and cooing softly to him. Her body relaxes some and she nuzzles the kitten, then slides him in her jacket so only his head is out. "There we are... that's my boy. That's my little man."

Siffleur knows they can't stay, but he doesn't want to go yet. Even knowing she's in his mind, he doesn't want to leave. What if he never sees her again? What if he never hears her voice again. His hand moves to her shoulder. "You can leave-"

"You both have to leave." His mother says, turning to look at him. "You can't stay here. I love you too much to let you do something stupid. And she hates it here. She hates it and me, and she'll gobble me up in a heartbeat if I throw one more fit. I can taste it."

"Mama-" Siffleur's voice is small. He feels like a child again, like the first time she had to leave him. He draws her near, holding her tight - and holding himself as well. Siffleur can't remember this moment in time and he wishes he could so he could remember what it was like to be so safe in her arms.

"Say you love me, and give me a kiss, and then go. I can feel another breakdown coming, and I need to be out of this skin." She turns her right cheek to him. "Don't make me humiliate myself again, please."

"Sorry. I love you." And he bends down to kiss her cheek, like she wants. He squeezes her tight, and she pats his side, resting her head on his chest. "I miss you so much."

"I'm here. I'm always here, and I'm safe. I love you so much. Now, go have your fun." She thumps her forehead into his chest a few times, and when she squirms back, he lets go of him. His mother shoos him with one hand and shoos Valdis as well, before she turns and bolts into the woods with the baby.

And after a minute or so, the memory comes to an ending, both of them ending back on the ship.

Siffleur stares at the crack for a long moment before he slowly sits on the floor, bringing his knees up to his chest.

[redlightgreenlight]

Valdis watches the exchange, fury building in her chest the longer it drags on, but it ends and then Siffleur is sitting on the floor, miserable. She can't even bring herself to feel sympathy for him.

"I would like you to stay away from Max," she says quietly, "I can't make you, and I won't make him stay away from you, and I'm not going to make threats. But I just...need you to stay away from him for little awhile."

So she can figure out how to control the tightness in her chest, the disgust she feels when she looks at him. She knows it's not him and she knows how incredibly hateful and hypocritical it is, but she can't stop the feelings. Sifffleur's mother is a threat to Max in her mind and she can't fight it right now, and she's going to have to.

"Please."

[teethoftherisk]

Siffleur's still processing everything, so Valdis' request catches him off guard and his head snaps up to look at her. It's obviously unfair to ask that of him that she has to qualify it - and then she has to add 'please' to it.

"Sure." He says, voice flat. Siffleur has too many other things to digest that he doesn't have energy to fight about something this stupid and petty and ultimately pointless. Why everyone still acts like death means anything here will never make sense to Siffleur. But why his friends could leave that fucking brand on the back of Max's neck also doesn't make sense to him either. "Make sure to tell Max too."

[redlightgreenlight]

Death might not mean anything to Siffleur, but if he had to feel it every time someone he loved died...if he had ever had to walk for hundreds of years and feel death and grief and fury in every single step, perhaps he would have a little more empathy, like she does.

"You do realize that the only reason I did not tear her out is because I know how much you love her and how happy you were to see her and I would never take that from you, no matter how much every instinct screamed at me to do otherwise. You always claim to never want to deny your nature. You delight in it, you live your nature to the fullest you possibly can.

I just denied mine for you, remember that."

Unless he tries to stop her, Valdis will leave Siffleur to his thoughts.

[teethoftherisk]

Siffleur raises his eyes to stare flatly at Valdis. He doesn't react to her emotionally - he learned a long time ago when to control his feelings, when to sit on the other side of a door and to wait patiently for the screaming and the anger inside to stop before carefully calling out.

So despite Valdis stating once more how much she wants to kill his mother, he doesn't react. He does this for her - because Valdis has been a friend before now, because she took him to see his mother. And he does it for Max, who likes them both very much and who would be the one most hurt by this escalating.

He turns his gaze away and back to the crack in reality, to the place where his mother lies in his mind. And that's where he stays for a long time after Valdis leaves.