come_sailaway | then I found a place, it's dark and it's rotted [memeshare

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then I found a place, it's dark and it's rotted [memeshare - open]

Who: Siffleur and you
What: Memory sharing & an opt-in
When: throughout March
Where: various
Warnings: Body horror, medical gore, cannibalism, death, suicide, suicidal idealization, child neglect, possible discussions of past sexual assault in first prompt, unreality

1) The River

On the banks of a newly defrosted river, a young women who looks to be in her mid-twenties kneels by the ice cold waters. The snow has melted, but there's a chill in the air that can't be shaken. Her hair is dirty and matted, and she's wearing a stained dress that's too big for her. Beside her is a freshly birthed baby, half-transformed between human and cougar, screaming in pain.

The woman isn't handling it well. Siffleur is about 10 minutes old and he's also not handling it well either.

2) The Forest

In an old growth forest in the height of summer, a small cougar kitten has left the den where his mother sleeps to play in the grass and chase the large dragonflies that dart around. Siffleur is very young and very curious, and though he usually avoids other people, today he's feeling brave enough to investigate anything new and novel. He's climbing a old fallen log in pursuit of a particularly shiny dragonfly that's resting on the end.

But he loses his grip when he sees someone new in the clearing, falling back and going head over heels, rolling back a few times before landing paws up.

3) The City

In a rundown city just across the Canadian border, a teen boy sits outside a convenience store. His clothing is dirty and stained, and he hasn't washed in at least two weeks. His stomach growls and he watches carefully as people slowly trickle in and out of the store. Siffleur's shaggy hair hangs in his eyes and he doesn't ask for help - he just watches each person as they exit their car.

There's someone here who wasn't there before. His yellow eyes snap to them, quickly looking them up and down.

4) The Small Town

In a place with a population of less than a 1000 people, less than six half-paved streets and one bar, Siffleur sits at the bar with a beer. His cellphone buzzes now and then but he's left it laying face down, not bothering to check it. There's plenty of empty stools around him - less of an invitation and more of a warning.

On the TVs, Ottawa is playing Anaheim, but from the dour mood of those folks watching the screens, it's clear that a Canadian team isn't going to win this Stanley Cup. Occasionally, Siffleur glances back, looking for someone who isn't here yet.

5) Killing Myself In Front Of You To Change The Trajectory Of Your Life Forever (Opt-In, TW: Suicide)

This isn't Siffleur's memory - it's one of yours.

Perhaps it's something personal, something traumatic and private, the kind of thing you would hate to have seen by anyone. Perhaps it's of better times, good days, drinks, laughter, that kind of thing. Maybe it's just another quiet mundane day.

It doesn't matter. The moment he realizes he's in your memory, Siffleur acts instantly and decisively, and kills himself. There's no hesitation. If there's danger he can use to do it, he does - throwing himself against the obvious monsters, picking a fight with something that's ready to rip him to shreds. Or, if not that, then he'll do the job himself with a kitchen knife if available, or anything sharp.

And in the most dire of circumstances where there's nothing for him to use at all? Well... here's your front row seat to a memory of a complete stranger looking around, grabbing his head between his hands and snapping his own neck.

He'll be back on the ship the next day, carefully avoiding the cracks as he attempts to shuffle away from his cabin and over to the buffet to eat breakfast. Feel free to ambush him for an answer then.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Siffleur tips his head to the side, trying to decide if this guy is lying. If he is, he's super bad at it. Everything about him screams sheltered - or like, stuck eternally with little kid brain. "Guess not. Job's a job."

But fuck it. Enough time spent on this. They're far enough out now and he comes to a stop. He pulls down the zipper on his hoodie and takes it off, dropping it on the ground. "Too bad about getting lost and all that. Does your master even know where to start looking for you?"

Underneath, he's got a dirty t-shirt on. There's dark stains on the front. Siffleur just grabs the back of the collar and yanks it off, dropping it with his sweater.

Oh. Shit. That fear was only a tingle in his brain before but now it's an electric shock of adrenalin. He finally realizes what a bad idea it was to follow Siffleur out here.

"W-wait! Don't... don't turn into a cougar! Please, just hear me out?"

There was a casual menace to him before, tinged with the kind of arrogance found most reliably in teenagers. But the very moment the word 'cougar' leaves Max's mouth, Siffleur freezes up, going still as a statue. His eyes are wide and he's left unmoving, staring at Max as he realizes that his mother's paranoid ramblings might have been right after all. There really are people who know about them - who are looking for them - and who will do worse than just kill them.

Max has a few moments to speak while the shock has him incapacitated.

Okay. He's got maybe thirty seconds to make this good, or he's probably a dead man. He'd really, really like not to have left this kind of imprint on Siffleur.

"I know this is going to sound really fucking crazy, but I wasn't lying when I said I was lost. I really am. But, it's complicated. I'm... from your future. I know you when you're older. We're friends. I didn't recognize you at first. It took me a minute. But now I do and that's why I know what you are. But I like you. I didn't come here to hurt you."

They're friends. He likes Siffleur.

It's such an obvious lie that it snaps Siffleur out of his shock. Nobody who looks like this guy is going to be anything to somebody like Siffleur. He's not fucking stupid. His jaws start to shift-

"Fleur." The voice comes, soft and lilting and Siffleur nearly turns himself whipping around. It's mother with a smile on her face, hair box-dye black, wearing that coat he stole for her when they were in Spokane. She looks good, and when her eyes meet his, he can see her actually looking at him, not through him.

"Mom?" His voice cracks, and when she nods, when her scent reaches him on the breeze, he runs to her. "Mom!"

She barely manages to catch him. He's bigger than her now, but he hugs her like he's forgotten it. The relief that runs through him is so intense that he feels himself tear up. He missed her so much that it hurt and he's been numbing himself to that feeling but it's back in full force. "Oof, you're getting big. Those growth spurts are really working you over. We need to get you new clothes."

Then she looks at Max and gives him a kinder smile. "Sorry, I really was trying to stay out of it. But he's going to be upset if he kills you in here, and I don't think we need that."

Siffleur lifts his head, brows knitting together. She just smooths her hand over his hair. "Don't worry about it. I'm just being me, okay?"

Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit! Max is starting to back away when... what?

Siffleur's mom?

Suddenly, he feels like he's intruding on something far too intensely private. Watching Siffleur run into that hug makes his own heart ache. He's so happy for his friend, but he'll never get that kind of hug from his own mom, will he? Or his dad, or sister... or even his master. He shouldn't be jealous, but part of him still is.

Then she looks right at him and he startles. There's something weird about it. Like she knows him already... "How do you know--? I mean...thank you?"

She smiles, broad and bright, and she ruffles Siffleur's hair. "It's fine. I'm about to be very selfish and ask you to stay around a little more. I haven't eaten at a restaurant in ages, and I want to treat my favorite boy, and his future friend."

That gets a baffled look from Siffleur who's confused by everything, but especially this. "Mom?"

"I know. I'm being weird. A little scary." She lets go of him and shrugs off the right side of her jacket, holding up her arm - and the ugly, jagged scar along it. "It's me. I'm going to be very, very weird for a bit, but it's really me. You gave me this by accident, and you cried so hard that you threw up all over the base of that stupid gopher statue, and then I laughed so hard that I nearly threw up too, and there was just blood and puke everywhere."

He purses his lips, but it's the right story, so he doesn't run. He just turns his head to look at the guy. "... you don't like men."

"I don't like men who are dangerous, or who might be dangerous. This one's just a big puppy though." She pulls her jacket back on and gestures for Max to come with them. "Come on, back to civilization. Let's have some classic small-town chinese food. I'm dying for some lemon chicken."

Max has been standing here simply gaping like a largemouth bass the entire time. That story... that scar. This is all happening so fast he, barely knows which part to be most concerned with. Is this real? This is really Siffleur's mom? She's strange but...nice.

"Oh, um. Thank you, ma'am." He will follow along beside them, still unsure of how to feel about this. She stopped him from getting eaten alive, so he should try to show his gratitude in some way. "I'm glad you came when you did. I'm just a little confused how you know me?"

"Oh god, ma'am. A shudder runs through us all. When a man in a suit starts off with 'ma'am', he usually ends with 'you need to leave the premises now'." She giggles, high and tittering, slightly unnerved by it all. But it doesn't last. She keeps her arm on Siffleur and walks them away from the killing grounds. "Names, names, name... hmm, it would be far too much to ask you to call me mom too, that just gets strange and we don't need your friend thinking I'm trying to prey on you too. So uuhhhhh... oh! You know what? You can call me Devon. That's where the Siffleur starts."

'Devon' tips her head, giving Max a conspiratorial grin. "I know you because he knows you, because you're on that terrible ship together, and I came along as an accidental passenger. It's a long story though and it tends to make me throw a fit and I don't want to scare you anymore than I already am. You ask Siffleur to explain it all later, or Valdis too, she knows about me. Doesn't like me much but that's fine, I always have been tricky to stomach."

Siffleur is very unsure and uncomfortable, but he just sticks by mom and doesn't ask questions. Sometimes this stuff happens and he's learned to just go with it. Mom says he knows this guy, somehow. Maybe the future stuff is real? It just feels... wrong. He hunkers down in his hoodie, just staying close to his mom.

"Okay, Devon." He's a little relieved she didn't want him to call her Mom because he's got enough hangups about not having a mother of his own already.

"I'll um... remember that for later." His eyebrows do shoot up when the woman mentions Valdis. She really does know about the ship and everything. But... Valdis knows about her too? And didn't say anything?

He's almost afraid to ask more because Siffleur already looks so freaked out about all of this. Max feels like he's intruding on their private reunion now worse than ever.

"Devon... do you know how I can get home? I feel like you and Siffleur deserve to catch up without having me around in the way, you know?"

The cheery air over her slips, her face collapsing into obvious dismay. She digs one of her boots into the dirt, and then crouches down, squatting and pulling the coat over her head.

Siffleur is instantly by her side, touching her shoulder. "Mom..."

"I'm fine." She says, clearly not. Her voice stays muffled and she doesn't pull the coat off. "It's okay. I'm okay. I'm just sad. I really wanted time with you. I wanted to eat again. I wanted the lemon chicken..."

"We're going to get the chicken-" Siffleur squeezes her shoulder and turns his eyes on the strange man. The tone in his voice shifts from comforting to threatening in a second. "You're no going anywhere."

"No. We're not keeping him here. He's right, he's uncomfortable, I've made him nervous. He needs to leave or Valdis will think I'm a threat and she's going to eat me." She leans back and lands on her ass. When she pulls the coat up, her face is still miserable, but she's able to point away from them. "Walk in that direction. As soon as you're far enough away, the memory will end. I'll say bye to Siffleur while you do that. Bye Max. You're a nice boy. I'm glad I got to meet you."

Siffleur looks ready to go over and grab Max and drag him around if he must, but 'Devon' just wraps her arms around Siffleur's legs and squeezes, leaning her head against his knee. It's enough to make him freeze up, and to give Max the chance to leave this memory.

Edited 2023-04-29 09:05 (UTC)

Max freezes in place. Oh, God, he shouldn't have said anything. He has to shut his mouth tight to keep apologies from spilling out while she squats and covers her head. Finally, it dawns on him that if he leaves this memory then it means it ends for them too. He changed things. She wasn't supposed to be here, was she?

He staggers back a step as Siffleur addresses him in that threatening tone. Who does he listen to? Who should he listen to? Devon. Ultimately, she's the one who knows what's happening. Max's face is just as miserable as hers as he nods.

"I'm really sorry I have to go. I'm glad we got to meet, too. Thank you for saving me."

While she holds Siffleur, Max turns and sprints away in the direction she points. Just like she said it would, the memory fades around him, until he finds himself back on the ship, panting from the run, tears leaking down his cheeks. He really wants to go find Siffleur now, so he heads straight for the Tommy Bahama, not even bothering to wipe his face.

The changed memory washes over Siffleur while he lies in one of his dens, his head coming up as he realizes that someone's been in his memories - and that his mother was there too. He feels a little soft longing in him at having gotten to see her again, even if it was only a memory of her. That had been an awful point in his life, alone for the first time and missing her desperately always. The warmth of that hug is so soothing...

But it was Max who was there, who was very nearly Siffleur's memory dinner. Shit. No wonder his mother showed up.

So when Max arrives, Siffleur's waiting up on the front checkout counter. He couldn't be totally sure Max would come, but he was fairly certain. The tears on Max's face are enough proof to make Siffleur hop down and trot over to meet Max. "Everything's okay."

His mouth was already opening, the first of a string of apologies hanging from the tip of his tongue, but Siffleur preempts them. So, what comes out instead is a stuttered, "A-are you sure?"

"I'm sure." He starts rubbing on Max's legs, purring for him. "I didn't eat you, and I got a hug from my mom. It was the best outcome, especially when I was such a monster at that age. I thought the worst of everyone."

Oh, that rubbing and purring are so nice... and distracting. He instinctively reaches down to scratch behind Siffleur's ears.

"I wouldn't have held it against you, you know? If you had eaten me. It would have sucked but I'd forgive you. I... yeah, it didn't seem it was that good of a time for you. That's why I wanted to help you so much."

Oh yes, that's the spot. He closes his eyes for a moment, really enjoying Max's fingers at work.

"I know. You are a very forgiving person, and that is a wonderful quality. But I am still glad I did not eat you in my memory. If I eat you, I will do it on the ship when you ask me to." His tongue sticks out of his mouth a little as he really enjoys that scratch, and he turns his head to reach out and gently bite Max's thigh, careful not to put a hole in his pants. His thigh is so deliciously meaty...

But it's not all flirting. Sometimes, you have to talk about other things. He nudges his nose against Max's leg. "Your heart was in the right place but that time is long passed. I am no longer that boy and he cannot be helped. If it brings you any comfort, I was never hurt in any way that mattered, and mother came back for me in a few months time. I ate well and I ate often."

Oh, he likes that? Max scratches a little harder.

"I'm still am too, don't get me wrong. I'm not sure I'll ever want you to go that far on me even if we do come back the next day." The biting is great, the pressure on his thigh right now sends a shiver of lust right through him, but he does have to draw the line somewhere.

"That does make me feel better, actually. I hated seeing you like that, so I'm happy to know it didn't last forever. And... meeting your mom was a little stressful but, yeah, I'm glad I did get to talk to her. Now I can put a face to her name."

Siffleur is trying to talk but it's very hard when Max has his fingers in the right spot. His tongue stays fully out as he really savours those nice hard scratches, right until he gets a little too into it and nearly tumbles over. He quickly straightens up and gives his chest a few licks as he recomposes himself.

"Of course. Not everyone finds it fun to die, and I think you deserve to have fun." Max has suffered enough in his life, it's time to enjoy himself. This is the same for Jack and for Siffleur, and all the others who suffered where they came from. They deserve something wonderful here. And he's also glad that he's managed to ease Max's mind - and he does let out a rueful chuckle.

"If you would believe it, that was my mother on a very good day. I'm afraid Valdis met her on a very bad one, so she was even more stressed by her presence." There's no insult here. It's just how it is. Siffleur loves his mother dearly but he is fully aware that people struggle with violent mood swings - and his mother has some of the worst around. And still... "I'm glad you know what she looks like. I was afraid that I would be the only one to ever really see her. But you did too. And you saw her happy, which is a special treat."

Siffleur presses his nose against Max's thigh and gives him a good sniff. He smells nice... and impulsively, he finds himself saying- "I usually kill myself to leave memories. But if I knew which ones were yours, and if they had your father in it, I would go in with my camera and take a video for you."

"Oops, ha ha," Max is almost overwhelmed by how cute Siffleur is when he's in cat mode. Look how he almost flops over! Adorable. Max is not gonna make it.

Hearing that about Siffleur's mother is sobering, however. She seemed to be struggling so much and that was a good day?

"It felt like an honor to meet her. I got the impression she doesn't take a liking to people so easily. But she said she likes me. That really did feel special."

And, ah fuck, he can feel the sting of tears gathering in his eyes when Siffleur goes on to say that about meeting his dad. Struck by that same impulsiveness, Max finally admits to something he's been keeping to himself since this whole thing began.

"I wish I could take you to one of those but... I haven't been able to find one like that. The memory people keep showing up in for me is one where I'm already living with my master. And we are at a vampire party. That hasn't been very fun to relive. I... I'm jealous that some people have gotten to see their homes again. Doesn't feel fair. I really..." His breath hitches and he can't bring himself to finish vocalizing it. But he really wishes he could go back just one more time to see the life he had before vampires. He barely remembers what he was like back then. Back before he was Max.

"Yes, it was very special. I'm glad she feels the same way about you." Max is sweet and kind, and he is harmless (or as harmless as anyone can be). That his mother had wanted to actually have a meal with Max was amazing.

He rubs his face against Max's leg, doing his best to soothe and support him. It truly is unfair that what they've seen is Max after he was changed, and not before. The ship seems to like to be the most cruel to the people who deserve it least. "It's not fair. It's the most unfair thing. They should have given you that memory. I would have visited that one and stayed for it, and enjoyed meeting your family, and seeing the before-you."

And... and he bunts his head into Max's thigh. "Erin gave me a thing you can drink, and for an hour, you can change any part of your body into another part. I used mine to change my voice to my mother's, and I recorded myself talking as her, so I can hear her when I need to. I have a dose left, if you would like to do the same."

"It would have meant so much for me to get to show them to you. I hate that I don't even have any pictures of them. I don't know... maybe the ship is trying to tell me I don't deserve it." Typical Max, more willing to blame himself for the unfairness of the world than to blame anyone else.

The headbutt gets him to laugh again, and then he makes a sound of recognition too. "Oh. Huh. Erin actually gave me something really similar. It's a thing I put under my pillow when I go to sleep and wish for a change to happen. Uh... I was actually planning to ask you if you wanted to help me with it. But for different reasons than um... that."

Siffleur gives Max's leg another soft nip. "The ship only wants to be cruel. If it chose not to let anyone see your family, that is the reason why. You do not deserve what happened to you anymore than what happened to me. Terrible things happen in our worlds, sometimes to bad people, sometimes to good people, but always without any true reason. It is the inevitably of life that we are hurt along the way."

Max was hurt for the reasons all are hurt. There is no such thing as moral god who punishes the wicked and rewards those who are good. There is only justification to make a senseless world make sense.

"Oh?" It's very nice that Erin gave things to others to enjoy too. He tips his head at Max. "What were you going to use yours for? Erin gave me mine to turn my body into things to eat." He doubts very much Max was going to eat anything from his body.

The nips feel both like admonishment and tease, possibly by design. Max is trying hard to take Siffluer's words to heart. It isn't the first time he's been corrected on this kind of negative self-talk. Deep in his gut, he knows that what happened to him was a terrible case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Somehow that hurts more, because it didn't have to happen and yet it still did. He's better off not dwelling on it. He's here now and he won't be going back. There are so many new things open to him now. Speaking of...

"Uh..." a flush creeps into his cheeks. As horrifying as it is to hear Siffleur talk about eating himself, he's past the point of being surprised by it. Can't be after the faire.

"We were talking and I mentioned how I've always been curious what it would feel like to have a clit or even a vagina. I don't really want that, like, on a normal basis but I mean everyone has to be curious about that sometimes, right? So, she gave me that doll and told me I could use it to find out for myself for an hour if I wanted."

Well that gets a surprised ear perk from Siffleur and an amused chuckle. What a nice gift from Erin to Max - and also to Siffleur as well. She truly is a great friend.

The flush on Max's face is very nice and Siffleur goes ahead and rubs against Max's legs, purring with delight. "I understand. Erin has also given you something for me to eat. I would be more than happy to help you enjoy that hour anyway you'd like."

then I found a place, it's dark and it's rotted [memeshare - open]

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