Who'd want to be human anyway? [Open]

[yourexoduslaughing]

Who: Flan, Wayne, April - and you!
When: Mid-August
Where: Room 160!
Warnings: Various cursed objects, preying on fear/insecurities, possible drug use


1) like freaks of nurture, isn't it funny?

Early in the morning, close to 9am, an obnoxiously cheery voice comes on over the ship's intercom.

"Hellllooooooooooooo this is your friendly neighbourhood Flan! Do you currently share your room with an item that makes you nervous or scared? Did Sundries give you something dangerous and you don't know what to do with it? Bring it to room 160, and me and Wayne will store that item safely and securely for you! All items are guaranteed to be kept according to industry standards and you can check them back out at any time! All we need from you is some basic information on what your item does, and how we can meet it's storage needs! I'll be outside the room every day at 1pm, or feel free to text me if it's an emergency! Thanks all!"





2) I doubt that you would even if you could change

Though it isn't 1pm yet, anyone who comes around to Cabin 160 early will hear construction noises from inside, and the occasionally whoosh of air. A knock on the door will be quickly answered with a grin - and the view behind Flan is various shelves and decorative chests from the Tommy Bahamas that have been repurposed and are being used to build the storage room. Wayne, with his new textured hand upgrade, has been given the task of securing the shelves to the walls so they won't tip over.

"Hiiii! How can I help?" It is early? Yes, but of course Flan is more than happy to let folks skip the line if they need to.



3) you think it makes you special, but it makes you strange

Come 1pm, the door to Cabin 160 is wide open and ready to receive items. Flan's got a sheet of warning label stickers she's made and Wayne's standing by with all kinds of padding and wrapping materials for items who need a little more protection.

There's also a stranger standing by the door with a clipboard, clipboard up to cover part of their face, ready to take down information. All three of them are clearly ready to help, you just have to decide who you want to talk to.

Comments

1) well not ha-ha funny, but-

[tempingainteasy]

Immediately, pounding on the door, and behind it a familiar unfamiliar face.

"YOU RAT BASTARD SON OF A BITCH!" greets April. "YOU MOTHERFUCKER! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

[yourexoduslaughing]

Flan screams with laughter as she opens the door, throwing her arms in the air with glee. "I'm being helpful!!! Oh my god Wayne was having Gil hold a bottle of poison so I was holding it now, and then I was making sure it was safe so it wouldn't break and we had the BEST idea, the very best idea!"

[tempingainteasy]

"FUCK your idea, Flan!" April retorts, the frowning drama mask to her smiling one. "This is MY happy place, Flan, my VACATION, and you're dragging our fucking WORK INTO IT?!"

[yourexoduslaughing]

"You can stay on vacation! It's totally cool, me and Wayne are handling this one!" She gives April's shoulder a pat. "You know me, I just like a 9-5 so I feel like my weekends are weekends! But you totally don't have to do this, okay? Like, for realsies!"

❤!

[ablativeholopleather]

An additional voice over the intercom, that damned moon-shaped fellow with the monotone voice and professed reluctance for marching back into danger, a stark contrast to Flan's exuberance.

"And like, you don't ever have to feel obligated, or tell on anyone else that has something that makes you nervous. We're not in this to police what you do with your dangerous artifacts. Nah man, we just wanna give some peace of mind."

He's satisfied with that, and just like her, he would fully sit and discuss with anyone that came by to see them to drop something off, or otherwise figure out how to contain something specific. He's actually starting to feel pretty confident about this whole endeavor, even with the sudden volume increase that came with Flan's coworker barging in to give her an earful about "bringing work on vacation".

Wayne is actually getting into this, a construction project that he actually seems pretty adept at. He'd explained to her when they started the project that this is the kind of thing that he'd once been slated for on his world, so being able to actually fulfill that purpose in some capacity is a comfort. He's got his jumpsuit buttoned up properly, and the very lightly altered bowling gloves that are improving his Texture stat have come in extremely handy for holding things in place as they made proper holding and display modules.

If someone arrives that recognizes him but not her, he'll happily chat with them!

3.

[astrogator]

[Ari heard the announcement. It's a better use of the communications system than the irritating music broadcasts, at least. Still, the location leaves something to be desired. While the construction is going on, there's a faint echo of music from cabin 159, drumbeats and electronic rhythms. When it's done, and 1pm rolls around, Ari Tayrey slips out of her cabin, and stands looking at the results.]

You know, if a collection of miscellaneous dangerous objects was being stored directly opposite my cabin on my own ship, I'd expect hazard pay.

[The young lieutenant tilts her head, not entirely serious in that remark. The next one, however, is more in earnest.]

Tell me you've got proper containment and security protocols, at least.

[ooc: open to any of the three, or all! whatever you like :D]

[yourexoduslaughing]

Gotta take the location up with Friday!

[Flan just gestures for Ari to look inside at the work that's been done already.] Better than what people have in their cabins, plus we've all got experience with storage in our home universes! April's got the paperwork under control, and me and Wayne are bonking our heads together to decide on what kind of labels each item needs, what to pack 'em in if they're fragile, and then who they'll be willing to sit with without causing a fuss!

[astrogator]

[She holds back from pointing out that 'Friday said so' isn't an excuse to do... anything, really, because the truth is that she doesn't care enough to object any further. If something's going to explode, being down the hall probably won't help much. If something's going to collapse this entire bubble universe? She's all in favor. Liberty or death - she'll take either at this point.

Ari peers in at the storage options, intrigued.]

Alright, so what's to stop me from going in there in the middle of the night, taking one, and causing havoc with it? And it's not just regular humans like me you've got to worry about, it's the ones who can teleport, or phase through walls.

[Her tone isn't overly critical so much as curious, because she's hoping that if they all have experience of this from home, there will be an answer that assuages her concerns.]

[yourexoduslaughing]

The same thing that stops you from doing that right now! You don't have the key to get in, and you can't teleport or phase through cabin walls! Watch me try to get into your room!

[And as a display of this, Flan falls straight through the floor, and then falls from the ceiling right in front of Ari's door. At this close distance, you can actually see Flan in two places at once - sorta, kinda, technically it's just one Flan but it sure looks like two for half a second. She lands easily on her feet and then walks back over.] See? They won't let me in if I don't have permission to be there! So anybody who can get around that could get around everything!

3., up for anyone!

[decrypter]

And at that time, a passenger comes tapping down the hall, with questions of her own. Flan's voice isn't one she's unfamiliar with - she's directly across from Max and Security's cabin, and Helena spends a decent portion of nights sleeping in there anyway, but she hasn't truly been associating with the woman.

"Good afternoon - is this where the item storage is happening?"

[tempingainteasy]

Oh good, it's one of the blind people. As a visual horror and walking face-blindness, that's going to be - well, whatever, who cares, there's potential paperwork to be done, so:

"Yep!" Says a customer service-friendly voice, the platonic ideal of a front desk worker, even though it's not Flan's voice. "Got something to check in?"

[decrypter]

"Potentially - I did have a question before I brought it over."

Blindness occasionally grants her some advantages on this ship, one of which being that April's entire deal slides off her like water down the slide that may or may not exist.

"How are you defining items that are dangerous? Those with specific properties, or just things that we truly don't wish to have around?"

Because what she's thinking of, it's not going to harm someone if she leaves it where it is. But it's been under her bed since she got it, and she isn't going to use it any time soon if she can help it, and it would be nice to not have it there.

The extremely cursed art in her cabin? That can stay, though. It, like April, only registers to those with working vision.

[tempingainteasy]

"Are you concerned about it hurting you or someone you care about? Are you worried about someone from the wrong time period picking it up and accidentally hurting themselves with it? Do you just want it out of your hair so you're not tempted to use it?" April lists off, maintaining front-desk neutral tone even if their words aren't wholly professional.

"Stuff like that is basically our criteria. If you hate having it around and want it out of the way without losing track of it, we're your stop."

3 (Flan) (hi roomie!)

[yournewsidekick]

Okay. She's got a phone that's supposed to unlock room 120, which is apparently where she woke up before all the stuff with the dumb safety lecture happened. The room's... back over this way? She thinks? Trying to keep track of where the Big Creepy Invisible Force was herding her was pretty low on her list of priorities when she also had to worry about where am I, what's going on, and I'm like 99.5% sure I just got blown up, what gives.

But it's cool! There's only so many places you can walk on a giant ship. How hard can it be to find one room?

Nimona rounds the corner, starts to pass the open door to Room 160 -- then pauses mid-step, swings her leg backward, and pivots smoothly to lean against the doorframe. The lady with the clipboard doesn't even get a second glance; whatever's going on inside looks way more interesting.

"Hey. What's all this?"

[yourexoduslaughing]

"Hey! Cursed or dangerous item storage! People can check in the stuff they don't want in their cabin anymore and we'll keep it safely stored for 'em so nobody accidentally trips over something and kills half the passengers in a whoopsie!" Flan cheerfully greets the new person and comes over to offer a hand to shake. "I'm Flan! Did you just get out of orientation?"

[yournewsidekick]

Oooh, cursed and dangerous? It's not even Nimona's birthday!

"Sweet." She slaps her hand into Flan's for a shake, but she's already craning her neck to see what, if anything, is sticking out of those boxes so far. "You mean the whole 'here's a necklace, here's a life jacket, here's now not to die if you fall overboard' lecture? Yeah, it was pretty boring. Anyway! I'm Nimona. Anybody brought in anything cool yet?"

[yourexoduslaughing]

"Yep, that's it! Also nope, not yet! Just got a bottle of poison so far. I don't think we'll get any of the really cool stuff - people usually keep those ones! We're just going to get the really annoying ones, y'know, stuff that'll fuck you up if you use it, stuff that screams, stuff that makes your life hard." She motions for Nimona to step in and take a look around. Like Flan said, it's just empty shelves at the moment, except for one bottle on the far side secured in place and with a poison label on the bottle.

"The ship just regularly hands out shit, if you're here for long enough, you'll get some presents too! They're all kinds of random stuff - sometimes cool things, sometimes superpowers, but also sometimes stuff that hurts you, or reminds you of bad shit you did! It's a real mixed bag!"

2

[hadnoright]

"Wow. You're really doing this."

Said with the tone of someone who thinks this is a completely fucking insane idea, and the look on her face to match. She had to come and check, after that announcement, because surely, surely, someone can't actually be creating the equivalent of artefact storage on this ship right now. That cannot be a thing that is happening.

And yet, here it is, happening.

[yourexoduslaughing]

"Yep! Sure are! We're-" Flan is mid-sentence as she turns to see who's come by, and by complete instinct, she jettisons herself through the floor and off the starboard, right to the edge of the walls.

It takes about two minutes to calm herself down and come back in, falling through the ceiling and landing by one of the in-progress shelves. She laughs nervously. "Soooorrryyyyy, haha, just uh, wow! You've got a vibe! Anyway yeah, we're doing it!"

[hadnoright]

Daisy blinks. Wow, been a while since she got that kind of reaction—for broad definitions of 'that kind', no one's ever vanished through the floor before. Also: she has never felt such strong Vast vibes onboard this ship, what the fuck?

It's the sheer confusion that keeps her there the whole time it takes Flan to reappear.

"—yeah, I get that a lot. Part of the package: teeth, claws and a murderous vibe. Your vibes aren't so normal yourself." Her voice is so very flat. Her arms cross loosely under her chest. "Seriously: why? Putting all this stuff in one place seemed like a recipe for disaster last time I saw it done. Seems like even worse an idea on this hellhole."

[yourexoduslaughing]

"Oooooh yeah yeah, y'know, pact with Mother Abyss, ability to fall, all the fun stuff!" Flan says, and though she's nervous, it comes out of her with restless movement, hands moving in and out of her pockets. "But! I totally get your concerns, but don't worry, we're professionals! Wayne was trained to do this, and me and April have both been doing it for years with zero breaches since I was brought on and April reassigned to the area! We'll be running a proper system here, everybody put in the proper place, no setting the guns where the sentient puppets can grab them!"

3 - Wildcard me baby

[theweakhavepurpose]

[Once upon a time Pratt had a cursed object. A very cursed object. But he let Ava burn it for him because he needed to get rid of it after Friday refused his request to put the soul of Pickles in it. But he's still pretty curious about that creepy thing.

He struts up to the door, cop-walk evident from a mile away.]

You got a permit for this public event? [Oh he's got jokes.]

[yourexoduslaughing]

[Flan lets out a gleeful sound when she hears Pratt shaking them down and heads over to play along.]

Deputy Praaaaatt! Gosh, we sure don't have a permit! We're just throwing a cursed-item party in a public area!

[theweakhavepurpose]

Well well well. [Don't mind if he just tucks his thumbs into his belt loops right now.] Unlawful assembly. Loitering. Public disturbance. That's quite a rap sheet you're going to have.

[yourexoduslaughing]

Ooooo, you're right, we're really causing a scene over here! [Flan leans forward and grins, tucking her own thumbs into her pockets.] Just racking up those charges! I guess a warning won't be enough this time!