you say the hill's too steep to climb [closed]

[prince_of_beasts]

WHO: Dimitri & CR
WHAT: flower hour aftermath
WHERE: around the ship, the cottage
WHEN: early September
WARNINGS: discussion of codependency, self-destructive behavior, & psychosis; violent nightmares

you pick the place and i'll choose the time (dedue)

Dimitri needs a few days of his own to recuperate; to let the worry bleed away, to let his mind settle back into shape and place.

But then -- well -- he misses Dedue. Not out of any fear; Dimitri just ... misses him. Misses the textured silences, the way his forehead pinches at the buffet food, the sound of his voice when Dimitri can provoke a laugh. Misses all their little rituals and rhythms.

He catches Dedue on the Promenade, calls out to him, and then has to do an uncomfortable half-jog up to speaking distance (how close should he stand? Oh, this is awful).

"I wondered -- would you like to eat together? And perhaps watch one of the documentaries?"

They've both seen the whole sequence half-a-dozen times by now, but if Dedue minds that's news to Dimitri.

and i'll climb that hill in my own way (ossie)

In a text sent to Ossie:
I'm sorry
About everything
Can I talk to you
?
In sand dollars or where ever you prefer

Dimitri just wants to offer neutral ground.

and as i rise above the treeline and the clouds (giles)

For his first few nights in the cottage, Dimitri sleeps dark and deep. He's exhausted beyond dreaming, grateful just to crumple into a real bed, to breathe air not thick with salt. It's a shallow respite, though, and it can't last.

Dimitri's nightmares are quiet, and still. It's for the best. Thrashing in his sleep would quickly prove destructive, if not lethal. So there's no outward disturbance when they start again - only, in the small hours of the morning, a pulse of abject terror from the guest room.

Comments

[glassaxolotl]

Dedue tentatively moves a hand over to rub against Dimitri’s knuckles. “As did I,” he says.

[prince_of_beasts]

Dimitri's breath catches at the touch. A shiver runs down his spine, and he shuts his eyes briefly.

"I like you," he says. "I cherish the time I get to spend with you. Your smile, your hands, the sound of your voice ... your kindness, and your patience. I would listen to you talk for hours about your passions. I am comfortable being quiet with you when nothing needs to be said. I care for you, not our traumas or the fears we share." He pauses for breath, and takes the moment to lace his fingers with Dedue's. "I won't forget that. And I want to be sure you know it, too."

[glassaxolotl]

Dedue squeezes Dimitri’s hand. “I do know it. And I feel the same.”

[prince_of_beasts]

"And you're beautiful." Dimitri doesn't like to front it -- he doesn't want to give the impression that he's only attracted to Dedue's body -- but even Dimitri can recognize that worry as absurd. And he is attracted to Dedue. "The most beautiful person I've ever seen. The most beautiful person in the world. I want to be with you."

He coughs. His face turns pink.

"Be ... with ... you."

[glassaxolotl]

At the praise, Dedue looks flustered and turns his head away. Then, at the final statement, he glances back at Dimitri in surprise. “What... do you mean?” he asks.

[prince_of_beasts]

Dedue is very cute when he's flustered. It's the encouragement Dimitri needs to press on.

He lowers his voice as best he can, so he won't broadcast this across the whole promenade. "I want to take you to bed. To lie with you, a-as a -- as a husband would." He turns his hand so he can lace their fingers, and softens his voice even further. "I want to touch you for pleasure, not out of fear."

[glassaxolotl]

Dedue squeezes his hand.
“Are you certain? You did not feel ready before, and then with what we just went through... I would not want you to push yourself.”

[prince_of_beasts]

"I'm certain." Dimitri cracks a faint smile. "I couldn't ask you for it if I didn't. My body is my own again, and I ... " He clears his throat again. His flush crawls up into his ears. "I think about you."

[glassaxolotl]

Dedue opens his mouth. Closes it. Opens it again.

“Let’s take our meal to go.” He gestures at their sushi plates.

[prince_of_beasts]

Dimitri hadn't expected this to go poorly, but it has definitely gone better than he'd expected. Sooner or later -- probably sooner -- his nerves are going to catch up with him. For now, he kisses the back of Dedue's hand and slides from his seat. "Happily, if you're that eager."

Little a teasing. As a treat.

Probably NSFW Ahead

[glassaxolotl]

“Dimitri...” Dedue grumbles, trying to ignore the goosebumps that raise on his arms.

Or the way his heart beats on their way back to his bedroom.

Once Dedue closes the door behind them, he mutters, “What... do you wish to do?”

[prince_of_beasts]

Ah, there are Dimitri's nerves. As confident as he was about the proposition, he's been so preoccupied with asking that he never actually thought about what to do once he got there.

"Um." If he doesn't do something about his startled-deer expression soon Dedue's going to think he's changing his mind and that is absolutely not the case. "Um. I could kiss you, and ... we can work things out from there?"

[glassaxolotl]

The thought does occur to Dedue, but the worry is quickly discarded when Dimitri speaks again.

“Yes,” he nods, still feeling the same nerves himself.

He cups Dimitri’s chin in his hands and leans in to kiss him gently.

[prince_of_beasts]

-- and Dimitri's nerves are gone again.

He rests his hands on Dedue's waist, and kisses him back. Dedue is gentler with him than he deserves, gentler than Dimitri can stand, but if Dedue wants to be gentle with him then that must be right. Everything is right, and Dimitri is exactly where he belongs.

[glassaxolotl]

Dedue’s arm similarly wraps around Dimitri’s waist, with his other arm reaching for the wall to steady them both. Their bodies press closer together, and Dedue hums into the kiss, letting his mouth open wider in hopes of receiving Dimitri’s tongue.

[prince_of_beasts]

Dimitri's shoulders hit the wall. He has to wrap his arms around Dedue's neck as their balance shifts. It takes him a moment to realize what Dedue is asking; Dimitri hesitates, brushing his tongue across Dedue's lower lip for permission.

He hopes he's doing this right.

[glassaxolotl]

Dedue opens his mouth further and lets Dimitri in with a soft moan. He rolls his hips against Dimitri’s.

[prince_of_beasts]

The friction against Dimitri's crotch makes him gasp and shudder. He melts, pulling Dedue down and closer to grind back against him -- and, consciously or not, flattening his back against the wall, inviting Dedue to press closer and pin him there.

[prince_of_beasts]

Dimitri curls up by Dedue's side, knees tucked up, head on his chest where Dimitri can listen to his heartbeat. It's warm; sweat-sticky skin clinging to skin. Dimitri fits, here. It's where he belongs. Where he was made to be.

He tilts his head up, and asks, "Was it good? Did you like it?*

[glassaxolotl]

Dedue nods. “I did.” He squeezes Dimitri tighter. “Being this way with you... it feels natural,” he says.

[prince_of_beasts]

Dimitri makes a small, pleased sound, and nestles closer. "It does," he agrees. "It feels right. Being with you always feels right."

He pauses, thinking of a desire that is decidedly unnatural. He swallows. "I want to tell you something, but I fear it will sound strange."

[glassaxolotl]

“It cannot be much stranger than our time on the Serena,” Dedue chuckles.

[prince_of_beasts]

Can't it? Dimitri thinks. His breathing catches. He spends a long few moments fighting for control of his throat before calling it a lost cause.

"Tell me to say it," he says. "I -- I can do it, if you tell me to."

[glassaxolotl]

“Say it,” Dedue says, looking at him fondly.

[prince_of_beasts]

The line of Dimitri's shoulders relaxes again. He releases a soft sigh.

"After the lap-cat conversation, some time ago ... you told me that you were e-excited by the thought of me sitting in your lap." Dimitri's voice stays quiet, even, calmed by the safety of a command, but even so his face heats to a burning crimson. "I was more excited by the idea of ... being ... your ... pet."