come_sailaway | Whatever it Takes

Entry tags:

Whatever it Takes

Who: Valdis and Open with Some Closed
What: Valdis does stuff around the Serena Eterna, feel free to join her
When: November
Where: All over
Warnings: In each starter

I’m a Product of the System | Open | CW: None

She’s mostly been forgiven for Tiamat’s actions, but it’s still all out there for people to look at on the photo wall. Valdis remembers some of these, but thankfully Ash’s death isn’t on there. There are other photos since the last time she was here, with other passengers, which is of course why she is here, to see what everyone else has been up to. She’s not the only murderer on the ship, they all play their parts when needed.

“When was the last time you killed someone,” she asks absently to the next approaching person.

A Catastrophe | Open | CW: None

Part of her no longer cares about dying, and with the daggers out of the way and the important people having their names to protect them, Tiamat has no more power. Or at least not enough to scare her. She has the twin blades out and practices with them, slashing with a speed that would terrify most. Valdis isn’t afraid to show off her power and skill, they are necessary to survival. With a single, swift slash one of the dummies falls into two pieces and she turns on the other, prepared to ruin that one as well.

And Yet a Masterpiece | Max and Ash | CW: Probably gonna be NSFW

Being in love with three people isn’t fair, but it is wonderful that she has found them all at the same time. Valdis had gone from no one, to so many she doesn’t want to ever leave the Eterna and lose them, but that might not be something that is up to any of them, and all good things eventually end. Still Ash’s emotions upon hearing that she knows when he and Max are together shows her a very missed opportunity. So she will text both.

Max, I still haven’t properly made it up to you after Tiamat and I think we need to talk to Ash about how all this is going to work. Dinner at 8?

Ash, we’ve been dating for a bit now, and I know you are also dating Max, and I am also dating Max. We should discuss this, don’t you think? Dinner at 8?

But I’m Half-diseased | Open | CW: Blood

Valdis sits in Sand Dollar, sketching scene after scene, person after person. Some are passengers and others people from her past. One might be familiar to those who went on the excursion, Fenrir. Occasionally she’ll close her eyes and hold her breath until something passes, other moments she is paler than usual, and some of the drawings have red splatters on them. She has several empty cups of coffee on the table and several red stained napkins. Anyone looking at her would know she is clearly unwell, but she’ll greet anyone who approaches with a smile and a polite greeting.

Wildcard | PM or just go for it

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"I mean, for one thing. I would have straight up killed you had our positions been reversed. Without hesitation. You're big enough and strong enough that I couldn't afford to mess around. If Max had been the one possessed...I would have killed him too."

That's not what he had asked though. She sighs and shakes her head.

"But say I didn't do those things...I would tell you I loved you, and that I forgive you and that we'll work through it together."

"I thought about it. I knew I could change forms and tear you apart faster then you could crush my soul. What I also knew was that you were killed and when you woke up Tiamat was in control. I didn't know what might happen if you died again. I need you to believe that I thought through every option. More importantly I want you to believe me when I tell you I have not ever thought it was you that killed me. It was your body, that's it."

Standing behind her he presses his lips to the top of her head. She had been in incredible amounts of pain because of Siffleur's mother when he told her he forgave her. That didn't matter he would keep telling her again and again until she believes him.

"I love you and I forgive you. And we'll work through it together. You gotta talk to me for that last part to work, sweetheart."

"I think you underestimate the power of death, but thank you for not tearing me apart. I could still feel physical pain, I just wasn't physically in control."

Valdis still doesn't know what he wants her to tell him.

"Killing didn't used to bother me. Even in my life before here, I could kill without much guilt or a second thought. But on the Eterna I actually started to feel things, real things, and I opened myself up to believing them, to caring about people. Then Tiamat targeted those people and I couldn't stop her, and no one could hear me screaming at them to stop her."

"Maybe I do underestimate death. Maybe everyone underestimates me. I just know that I couldn't help her continue to violate you and your body and that's what she wanted."

He doesn't want anything specific. She said they could work through it together and that's all he's trying to do. And failing. Max would know what to say. Erin too. He struggles to find the right thing with her.

"She targeted those people because she knows we make you stronger. Strong enough to contain her. Of course she came after us. Valdis, your best defense against her is the love you have for us and that we have for you. She attacked that. She did not you."

"I know that."

She sighs, her fingers that had balled into fists relaxing at her sides.

"I'm not looking for logic, Ash. I have talked myself in circles with logic. You wanted to know how I felt, right? What happened?"

"I was going for...understanding. Not logic. I do want to know. I want you to be able to tell me everything. I'm more concerned though about what is happening with you now though."

He noticed her hands and at first wanted to reach out and take hold of them but he held himself back. Ash didn't want to further upset her or to have her pull away from him.

"Are you pissed at me because I'm not upset with you over what happened?" He's a little irritated but not over Tiamat killing him.

“Oh Ash, no. I’m not angry with you. Not in the slightest.”

She turns to face him taking his hand.

“I borrowed a ring from Erin that blocks my empathy. I can’t feel anyone right now, so you don’t need to worry about that.”

"Okay. Sometimes I think it would be easier for you if I were mad. If I yelled and got angry over Tiamat killing me. I know you think I don't like to dwell in the past and that's true to a point. I don't ever want to move on just to move on and ignore something important that we need to work through. I'm sorry if I have ever made you feel like you need to keep things to yourself."

He brushes his thumb along her jaw.

"To block Siffleur's mother?" Ash looks down at her. "I worry about you, Valdis. About the guilt you're carrying. What you said about being a killer and your powers. I love you so damn much. I hate that I can't help you."

"I don't think it would be easier, it just...feels like it would make more sense than forgiveness. And I am a killer. Have been since my home was burned and Fenrir took me from Eden. Hundreds of thousands of dead humans, angels and demons can speak to that. I even killed my own father and two of my packmates."

She meets his gaze steadily.

"And you do help, just by being here. It's not that I'm purposefully keeping things from you, it's just that...it's difficult to talk about things that show weakness. Especially right now, when I can't tell how you feel about any of it. Sometimes that makes it easier, to be alone with my own feelings, but it also feels terribly empty."

"Is there anything about the way I love you that makes you think I put conditions on my love? You accept me for what I am and what I have done. Why don't you deserve that?"

Ash shakes his head at her.

"I think it takes a lot of strength to be open and vulnerable. That isn't weakness. And I don't think you need empathy to know how I feel. I can't imagine how hard it is to process your own emotion as an empath."

“No. Yes. I don’t know.”

To answer his questions in order.

“It’s really hard to stay myself sometimes. When everyone around me is feeling things, it’s hard to keep track of my own emotions. It’s hard to feel how they feel about me and I can never tell if I deserve the hatred or not. Then there’s you and Max and Erin, and the same question exists, but as an opposite. But at the same time, this ability has kept me alive. It’s allowed me to shift and morph how I act to fit in, to make people react in certain ways, it gives me an advantage in conversations and in life. It’s wonderful to know when people are happy, But it also hurts, because people everywhere are in pain and I can’t help them. And right now, with all of that cut off…I just feel empty.”

Right then he was thinking how beautiful she was when she was raw and open like this. Vulnerable. Seeing this other side of her made him feel even more love for her. He hated feeling like that when she is feeling empty.

"But you aren't cut off from your own emotions, are you? Maybe you need that every now and again. Time to feel how you feel, not anyone else. How would you ever know if how you feel about other people is real or not? Or some kind of feedback loop. You feel that I love you and mirror that emotion. Don't you want to know if those emotions are really you?"

"No...I."

She knows that feedback loops happen, it's the worst with Arthur, and Flan also impacts her ability to differentiate. But her love for Ash is real. If it wasn't, she wouldn't feel so comfortable with him now. She wouldn't be able to be vulnerable if she didn't trust him.

"They are me. I'm just used to not being alone in my own head. The quiet is strange. I always thought my empathy made me...different from who I used to be. Being able to feel others meant that I couldn't fall into old habits and become more like Tiamat."

"So you aren't empty just alone with how you feel. Empathy or not those of us you are close to? You know how we feel. That doesn't change just because you can't feel it. You can't be like her because you have love. You feel it and you give it."

He always feels himself being drawn to her. She is his heart. Ash gets closer, His hands curling around her shoulders. The way he looks at her it's so obvious how he feels. A man deeply in love.

"Let's get out of here. Go somewhere. Can think of a few things we can do so you don't feel so alone in your head."

No. Not completely empty, just lonely. Maybe it's crazy to want it back when she's probably better off without it. How many times has she imagined not having to care so much about what other people feel, but the look in his eyes is so grounding.

"What kinds of things," she asks softly.

"Well," A smile starts to form on his lips. "We could do something perfectly innocent. I could take you up to the sports deck and teach you to ride a skateboard. Grab some edibles from Bobby B's and a mountain of ice cream. Grab my laptop and go watch a Disney movie in the theater and maybe make out. Totally PG-13, I swear. Cuddle in the pillow pit and listen to music. Hot tub with drinks. Bowling. I bet you look cute in bowling shoes. The spa, I can paint your toes and rub your feet."

Ash gives her a quick, soft kiss. "I have some not so innocent ideas too."

"I could go for a Disney movie. I have the complete Disney Princess collection, minus Aladdin for some weird reason."

She's not sure what the not so innocent idea would feel like without her powers, part of her is tempted to see, but worries it would just be awkward.

"Alright. Disney movie." He scoops her up into his arms and spins them around. "Think Beauty and the Beast sounds perfect."

Valdis isn't sure how he's so good at making her feel better, but he is.

"Remember that the Beast was actually a prince," she quips as he scoops her up. "Are you also a prince in disguise?"

Though the Beast had been selfish and had to learn selflessness, and Ash already is selfless.

"Probably why he was a selfish shithead." Ash sets her back down. Smiling down at her he holds her face in his hands. "I clean up pretty good when I need to but I'm no prince. And you are certainly not a princess who needs a prince to save her."

Taking her hand he looks down at the skateboard he had been riding down the halls. "Hop.on. I'll hold your hands, teach you how to ride on our way to grab the movie. Look, you just put your feet like this, bend your knees a little, push with your toes or heels in the direction you wanna go."

"If I recall correctly, Belle never needed saving."

She steps up onto the skateboard. It's funny that he thinks she's never ridden one, but then again, she'd never been good at it and it had only been once or twice while dating a rich guy. So not unlike now.

"It would be faster to walk," she laughs, trying to balance on the board and keep a hold of his hand.

"Exactly. She didn't. He did."

He grins as she steps on the board.

"It's not about the destination...or the speed at which we get to the destination. It's about the journey. About being together and enjoying that time."

Ash starts walking and using his hands to get her rolling.

"There is never a destination here," she quips, finding her balance on the board as the wheels start to move. "The ship doesn't go anywhere."

He presses a finger to her lips. "Shush. We're moving right now, going somewhere."

"Ha," she laughs. "Fine, we're going somewhere. if it gets dangerous, I'll rescue you. Ok?"

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject