exile [closed & open]

[prince_of_beasts]

Who: Dimitri, CR, and you
What: Reunions; aftermath
When: Dec.23rd onward
Where: Around the ship
Warnings: Survivor's guilt, PTSD, delusions, suicidal ideation

1. you've got sucker's luck (Darcy, cabins)

Mornings, every morning, Dimitri paces outside the cabins. It can't really be called 'patrolling'; he's too agitated, too sunk into himself. He starts at the fifth hour, and goes until the seventh, just in case, just in case.

When Darcy wakes in her bed, Dimitri's already pacing tight circles in front of her door.

2. oh you meant so much; have you given up? (Ossie & Giles, the cottage)

He's asleep on the doorstep when the latch of the gate clicks. An ear twitches. Dimitri's up and running before he's fully registered the sound, streaking down the path with a desperate yowl.

A few moments later, a fluffy yellow cannonball slams into Ossie's chest.

3. does it trouble your mind the way you trouble mine? (Okie, Playback)

Okie's already left his cabin by the time Dimitri gets to it. Any thought of his ship phone is buried under three weeks of compounded exhaustion and hysterical grief, but a string of frantic questions leads him to Playback.

"Okie?" he calls, flinching as the flickering lights rake across the back of his skull. There's a shape, a familiar silhouette, Dimitri's heart breaks -- "Okie!" He bursts into a run and does not bother slowing down; he launches himself into Okie with a rattle of thunder, and kisses him on the mouth.

4. did you fall for the same empty answers again? (positive CR)

Dimitri searches for the people he knows. Anyone, everyone, any name he recognizes from that accursed signup sheet, desperate to know they made it back, that they didn't slip into some pocket of void on the journey between wherever-it-was and here. He knocks at cabin doors, paces through familiar haunts, occasionally remembers his ship phone long enough to send Are you back? Are you safe?

If he spots someone around the ship, though, he freezes in place, mouth open, eyes wide, face a marbled blotch of exhausted bruising, tear-stains, and bloodless terror. His throat works, but the most sound he can manage is a choking rasp.

5. oh, you're thinking too fast, you're like marbles on glass (open; pick a location or throw me your own!)

Eventually, the frenetic energy driving Dimitri has to run out. His spring unwound, he stutters to a stop wherever it leaves him:
- at the buffet, midway through reaching for a serving-spoon;
- in a stairwell staring blankly at the landing;
- in the showers on the sports deck, shoulders red from too long under water running too hot;
- in Sand Dollars, hands wrapped around a steaming paper cup;
- at night, at the edge of the upper deck, hands white-knuckled on the railing.
Always standing, wherever he comes to rest. His expression is hollow, his skin waxy, his hair greasy and limp; if he's called out to, he might look up, but his eyes are bleary and don't focus.

does it feel like a trial? (wildcard)

HMU in DMs here or bird1312 on Discord!

Comments

[prince_of_beasts]

Dimitri leans into Dedue. He doesn't relax, but his wheezing gasps come a little less frantic. His shaking eases, less coiled to bolt.

He's making sounds that might be attempts to explain, but nothing intelligible is coming out.

[saltwaterlungs]

"Hey-" Darcy says, and puts herself on the other side of Dimitri.

"We've got to stop meeting like this. He was freaking out- thought I was dead, and when I calmed him down from that he started freaking out about not being on the excursion."

[glassaxolotl]

“He has been upset about this for some time,” Dedue tells Darcy quietly.

“He... We... were concerned that you would not return. Moreover, Dimitri feels responsible for the suffering of the excursions after destroying so many hourglasses. He has wanted to participate in each excursion as a result. I was the one who discouraged him from attending this one.”

cw mild self-injury

[prince_of_beasts]

Dimitri rakes his nails down the back of his neck. Blood beads around the scratches. A deeper heaving breath draws some air into his lungs.

"I s-swore," he gasps, "that -- t-that He'd never t-touch another soul -- "

He flinches like he's been struck, and hunches back in on himself.

[saltwaterlungs]

"Oh, Miti," she says softly.

"It wasn't just your fault. We all did it. You wouldn't force Erin to go on every excursion, you shouldn't..."

She reaches for his hand, to try and give it some other job than drawing blood.

[glassaxolotl]

Dedue had been planning to do something about Dimitri’s scratching, but fortunately Darcy gets there first. Dedue gives an appreciative glance.

“Who is He?” He asks Dimitri cautiously.

[prince_of_beasts]

Dimitri raises his head to meet Dedue's eyes. His face is still blotchy, his eyes bloodshot. His voice rasps in his throat. "I wasn't be there for you," he croaks. "I swore I-i'd burn that House and salt the ashes if I ever, if He -- "

-- but he wasn't there. Again, he wasn't there, this time after he'd sworn an oath to be. Again, he can't even find any retroactive vengeance. And this time there is no help or comfort he can offer.

[glassaxolotl]

Dedue’s stomach churns, and he grips Dimitri’s shoulders. “They did not go to Arcadia,” he says bluntly.

He has tried so hard to forget. Thinking about that place, it makes him sick. So when Dimitri brings it up, there’s always a surge of anger that he has to clamp down.

It’s not Dimitri’s fault. He was just as much a victim as Dedue. They’re just responding differently.

[saltwaterlungs]

"He was just a regular shitty human guy," Darcy tries to soothe, "he's dead, we killed him, we burst his little bubble and burned his dumb fucking village down. It's okay, Miti, it wasn't Arcadia."