Regrets Collect like old Friends

[redlightgreenlight]

Who: Valdis and Open with Some Closed
What: Valdis does stuff around the Serena Eterna, feel free to join her
When: January and aftermath of the village
Where: All over
Warnings: In each starter



And all of the ghouls come out to play | Erin | CW: Discussion of the Village

The one person she hasn’t seen since early on is the one person she’s most ashamed to see. With a small knock on her lover’s door, Valdis almost hopes she doesn’t answer, it would give her more time to actually figure out what to say, but she’d apparently been avoiding everyone for three days, and Erin deserves better than that.

“Erin?”

And every demon wants his pound of flesh | Pool | Open | CW: Discussion of the Village

It’s quiet under the water. No one to bother her. No feelings to overtake her own. She can be alone with her thoughts and how her actions at the village had hurt others. For a time it had been fun, and in the end they had won by killing him, but she still feels like she lost. She lost because she stopped paying attention to what mattered.

She releases bubbles from her mouth, watching them rise up to the surface. She’s lost count of the minutes she’s been sitting on the bottom of the pool, but she can see a figure looking down. Probably time to go up for actual air. She pushes off the bottom and swims up to the edge. It’s not that far.

“Hey,” she says after she breaks the surface. “The water is pretty nice.”

But I like to keep some things to myself | Pillow Pit | Open | CW: None

Valdis sits in the pillow pit, leaning on one hip with her feet curled up next to her. She’s reading Sherlock Holmes again, the books she always goes back to. The books she’s read three or four times since she first arrived over a year ago. It’s funny how finding comfort in the small things helps so much.

“You are welcome to come join me,” she says without looking up from her book when someone walks in. “Just no pillow fights.”

I like to keep my issues drawn | Sand Dollar | Open | CW: None
Behind the counter at Sand Dollar, Valdis is perfecting the art of foam. Like actually trying to create hearts and flowers from the foam in the espresso machine.

“Drawing is so much easier than this,” she signs, setting aside something that looks more like a skull than a heart.

“Here,” She shoves it across the counter to whoever happens to walk in. “I promise it tastes better than it looks.”


It's always darkest before the dawn | Wildcard | CW: None
Pm to discuss or just go for it

After the Launch

And I’m Damned if I do, and I’m Damned if I don’t | The Library | CW: None

The Bible, a book of demonology and some script covered in runes lie on one of the tables in the otherwise empty library. Valdis mutters to herself as she reads from another version of the bible, leaning over the other and comparing the two versions before making more notes in some sort of dead language. More pages, absolutely covered in runes and sketches cover every single surface.

“No need to stare,” she says, not looking up to see who has entered.

So here's to drinks in the dark at the end of my road | Stan the Man | CW: None

Unlike the last several times she’s been in this particular mood, the only thing in her glass is water. The water glass is the only thing she’s even made use of, the bottles of alcohol on the shelves and behind the bar are untouched.

Revelations hangs on her hip, the first time she’s seen fit to carry the sword in months. Somehow it seems the better weapon to use should an attacker show up, a weapon tied to her and her soul in a way no one could possibly understand. Maybe she needs to lean more into who she should be instead of who she wants to be.

With a long sigh, she takes a drink of water, then picks up a small knife and flings it at the mirror behind the bar sink. It shatters into hundreds of shining, reflective pieces, but the tip of the knife stays buried in the wall about half an inch deep.

“Wasn’t even trying that hard.” She says to herself, taking another drink from the glass.

Looking for Heaven, Found the Devil In Me | Wildcard
PM to Discuss or just go for it.

Comments

And all of the ghouls come out to play

[crushed_pearls]

There's a shock of fear and rage followed near-instantly by the wall next to the door bending out; pain, then, and a sob of agony that floats through the steel.

"...Who is it?" Erin manages through the steel. Her voice is quaking, dazed.

[redlightgreenlight]

Valdis breathes in sharply at the sound and feel of Erin's pain. She reaches into her pocket and pulls the ring out, she hadn't had a chance to return it and now she needs it, so she slips it on.

"Erin, it's me, Valdis."

[crushed_pearls]

A thunk, against the door. The mechanisms start to engage, and then they stop.

Start.

Stop.

"...I can't open it," Erin manages. Raising her voice is an effort. "I'm sorry. I. I can't. Tell me I bought you the time you needed. That I did something."

"That it meant anything."

[redlightgreenlight]

Even though she can no longer feel her lover's pain, she can still hear it in her voice.

"Because of you, Number 2 set his own destruction in motion. He was betrayed by one of his people. Ava tore out his eyes, his heart. He will never rise to power again. His realm is gone and his soul was forfeit the moment he crossed us."

Crossed her. Crossed Fever. She still wishes she had been the one to kill him, but eating his heart was enough.

[crushed_pearls]

"Good."

...

.....

.......

"....It was like being taken, all over again. I thought...I thought...but no. I was just the same little girl trying to summon demons."

[redlightgreenlight]

"I'm sorry, Erin. I promised I would protect you and I failed."

She rests her hand against the door.

"I'm so sorry."

[crushed_pearls]

That gets a laugh. Long and low and bitter. "You did, though. Can you guess who they put in charge of me, love? Of making sure I complied? It's a fun guess. Give it a guess."

[redlightgreenlight]

"I don't want to play games, Erin."

[crushed_pearls]

"...Arrayer Victoria Reeds of the Distant Thunder. Number forty fucking four. She played at it, for an hour or three. Every grievance she had to spit in my face. And then she said, big can't even protect me from your cunt girlfriend, and she cut my bonds and walked away."

[redlightgreenlight]

It's something like relief that fills her lungs with her next breath.

"I..." Her insolence had helped Erin. Even if Ash had been hurt, at least she hadn't been the cause of Erin's pain too. "It's because of her that Fever and I were able to destroy the device that kept our powers suppressed."

She taps on the door again.

"Please let me in, Erin."

[crushed_pearls]

The door moves just slightly; weight, on the other side. There would be silence, if Erin's breathing wasn't so loud that it can be heard through the metal.

"I'm scared. I'm scared that if I open this door of my own will, I won't be able to shut it again."

[redlightgreenlight]

Valdis removes her hand from the door, though she suspects they may not be talking about it at all.

"Why would you need to shut it again?"

[crushed_pearls]

"To prove I can. That I have. Any power here when I know I don't."

[redlightgreenlight]

"You think cutting me out will give you some sort of semblance of control over your life?"

Valdis could break down the door, but that would simply cause Erin more distress and further harm her mental health.

"I know I'm one to talk, but isolating yourself won't help you feel safer."

[crushed_pearls]

"I'm not trying to cut you out!" The fear in Erin's voice, shaking, desperate. "I'm not, don't, don't think that..."

"...This cabin was the home that shit heel gave me. My...my home. It's mine, I -"

The mechanisms work again. Clicking, thunking. Unlatching. Erin comes spilling half-out, wings wedged in the crack, face miserable. Her Mantle gutters and sputters, its gunpowder soaked through.

Her voice is a tight whisper: "This nightmare is more of a home to me than Earth. And I still. I don't. It's not really mine."

("For something to belong to you, you have to be able to willingly relinquish it. If you can't, it belongs to whoever forced it upon you.")

[redlightgreenlight]

Even without feeling it, she can see it. The wildness, the fear, the flooding of emotions that Erin can no longer control. She could tell Erin that fear is what is taking her power, that she survived Number 2 because she did not fear him. Yet both those things undermine the trauma her friends went through, they are unfair thoughts that judge people she needs to care for.

"I'm yours." She says. "My love is yours. My strength is yours when you need it. So is my fire. The moments between us belong to you just as much as they do me."

She holds out a hand.

"If I have learned anything, it is that the arms of the people I love are where my home is. Let me be your home, Erin."

[crushed_pearls]

There's a tremor in Erin's body, a hesitation. She gathers herself visibly, and then comes spilling out of the room and into Valdis's arms, sobbing quietly at the impact.

"Shut the door behind me. Carry me away. I...not now head voice - no -"

Pause.

"Okay fine. I can. Get smaller if it'll help."

[redlightgreenlight]

It's not like Erin is too heavy when Valdis catches her, but carrying her could be awkward.

"How about a piggy back?" She says, holding her close. "I don't think you should have to change yourself to make things easier for me."

[crushed_pearls]

"I want to change. I'm still not happy, and, and I want, to be happy when I'm by myself too. I need to change..."

Getting on for the piggyback might be a minute.

[redlightgreenlight]

"What would make you happy, Erin?"

[crushed_pearls]

Erin delays answering to get onto her girlfriend's back, nestling her cheek against the back of Valdis's neck. She goes limp, relaxing entirely.

"I don't know," she murmurs. "You make me happy. Crabb, Cass, Ylva, Daisy...my sisters here, and my friends, but I don't know how to be happy by myself. Never have. When I'm alone...you know what I feel like when I'm alone."

[redlightgreenlight]

Oof. Eris is heavy when she goes limp like this, but luckily, Valdis is a lot stronger than she looks. She gives a little jump to balance her girlfriend a little better and then starts walking down the hall.

"I'm not sure mortals are wired to be happy by themselves."

[crushed_pearls]

"Not like that." Erin makes a Noise, unhappy and pathetic, like a pet in its carrier. "I'm not trying to be sovereign, just. Have a hobby that isn't only to stave off existential depression. Read a book by myself without feeling afraid. To just...to just be, the way other people are."

A sigh. The smallest kiss against Valdis's neck. "It's not exactly an original complaint. Fairest...my kinda Lost get like this. We need people, more than most. But I can fucking dream. It's not fair. I've taken it lying down my whole life and it's not fair..."

[redlightgreenlight]

"I don't think that's exclusive to you, Erin. I think wanting to be content in yourself is a very common desire."

She continues carrying Erin, without any destination mind.

[crushed_pearls]

Silence, for a bit. Erin's breathing still isn't calm, so she can't be asleep, but...

"Valdis, did Vickie hurt you?"