redlightgreenlight: (calm 4)
Valdis ([personal profile] redlightgreenlight) wrote in [community profile] come_sailaway2023-12-30 05:37 pm

Regrets Collect like old Friends

Who: Valdis and Open with Some Closed
What: Valdis does stuff around the Serena Eterna, feel free to join her
When: January and aftermath of the village
Where: All over
Warnings: In each starter



And all of the ghouls come out to play | Erin | CW: Discussion of the Village

The one person she hasn’t seen since early on is the one person she’s most ashamed to see. With a small knock on her lover’s door, Valdis almost hopes she doesn’t answer, it would give her more time to actually figure out what to say, but she’d apparently been avoiding everyone for three days, and Erin deserves better than that.

“Erin?”

And every demon wants his pound of flesh | Pool | Open | CW: Discussion of the Village

It’s quiet under the water. No one to bother her. No feelings to overtake her own. She can be alone with her thoughts and how her actions at the village had hurt others. For a time it had been fun, and in the end they had won by killing him, but she still feels like she lost. She lost because she stopped paying attention to what mattered.

She releases bubbles from her mouth, watching them rise up to the surface. She’s lost count of the minutes she’s been sitting on the bottom of the pool, but she can see a figure looking down. Probably time to go up for actual air. She pushes off the bottom and swims up to the edge. It’s not that far.

“Hey,” she says after she breaks the surface. “The water is pretty nice.”

But I like to keep some things to myself | Pillow Pit | Open | CW: None

Valdis sits in the pillow pit, leaning on one hip with her feet curled up next to her. She’s reading Sherlock Holmes again, the books she always goes back to. The books she’s read three or four times since she first arrived over a year ago. It’s funny how finding comfort in the small things helps so much.

“You are welcome to come join me,” she says without looking up from her book when someone walks in. “Just no pillow fights.”

I like to keep my issues drawn | Sand Dollar | Open | CW: None
Behind the counter at Sand Dollar, Valdis is perfecting the art of foam. Like actually trying to create hearts and flowers from the foam in the espresso machine.

“Drawing is so much easier than this,” she signs, setting aside something that looks more like a skull than a heart.

“Here,” She shoves it across the counter to whoever happens to walk in. “I promise it tastes better than it looks.”


It's always darkest before the dawn | Wildcard | CW: None
Pm to discuss or just go for it

After the Launch

And I’m Damned if I do, and I’m Damned if I don’t | The Library | CW: None

The Bible, a book of demonology and some script covered in runes lie on one of the tables in the otherwise empty library. Valdis mutters to herself as she reads from another version of the bible, leaning over the other and comparing the two versions before making more notes in some sort of dead language. More pages, absolutely covered in runes and sketches cover every single surface.

“No need to stare,” she says, not looking up to see who has entered.

So here's to drinks in the dark at the end of my road | Stan the Man | CW: None

Unlike the last several times she’s been in this particular mood, the only thing in her glass is water. The water glass is the only thing she’s even made use of, the bottles of alcohol on the shelves and behind the bar are untouched.

Revelations hangs on her hip, the first time she’s seen fit to carry the sword in months. Somehow it seems the better weapon to use should an attacker show up, a weapon tied to her and her soul in a way no one could possibly understand. Maybe she needs to lean more into who she should be instead of who she wants to be.

With a long sigh, she takes a drink of water, then picks up a small knife and flings it at the mirror behind the bar sink. It shatters into hundreds of shining, reflective pieces, but the tip of the knife stays buried in the wall about half an inch deep.

“Wasn’t even trying that hard.” She says to herself, taking another drink from the glass.

Looking for Heaven, Found the Devil In Me | Wildcard
PM to Discuss or just go for it.


decohere: (Default)

[personal profile] decohere 2024-01-17 12:40 am (UTC)(link)
She closes her eyes, frustration prickling wetly at the corners at being so fundamentally misunderstood. It's not at all what she wants. It's not what she's spent her last two years struggling and supporting to achieve. That's why she specified in past tense, a former inclination to save herself first. That she can easily imagine others turning to, because she's never seen much cooperative efforts through any of the challenges they've faced. Except from the Lieutenant whose interests align and conflict with her own in the most unfortunate ways.

But she's running out of options. And ideas that nobody will listen to. So all she can hope for is a death that will mean something, even just a little, to somebody.

Ava pushes away from the stool with a wobbly scrape.
decohere: (Default)

[personal profile] decohere 2024-01-19 02:30 am (UTC)(link)
She's unaware of the ring and its effects, unaware that Valdis is unable to read her as easily as usual. It's difficult to even voice all the jumbled ways that she feels anymore.

"So do I," Ava rubs a bit at her face as if it might wipe away her low mood too. "Just for once I'd prefer to be wrong." But she feels forever cursed to be right about all the wrong things.
decohere: (Default)

[personal profile] decohere 2024-01-21 03:24 am (UTC)(link)
"I asked him. To send me elsewhere," but she's clearly still here so it's obvious how that went.
decohere: (Default)

[personal profile] decohere 2024-01-23 03:57 am (UTC)(link)
"Hide. As backup. Seemed a better tactic. Than all us getting wiped out at once."
decohere: (Default)

[personal profile] decohere 2024-01-23 11:07 pm (UTC)(link)
"Not within any of these realms. Outside here," but there's no point arguing a plan that's already been shot down by the one person who could make it happen.

The problem with together is Ava already knows she's outmatched even amongst the powerful here. She stands no chance against whatever is to come. She'll fight alongside them if that's what it comes down to, and she'll easily be taken out like the fodder she is. It's not that Ava is unwilling, but such a worthless death for the sake of expressing her loyalties one last time is a complete waste of her actual capabilities. Her being there just to die doesn't increase anyone's odds of survival at all.

But that's what they want of her. So be it. She hopes those actually capable of surviving at least remember her fondly.
decohere: (Default)

[personal profile] decohere 2024-01-25 03:23 am (UTC)(link)
"I..." she already feels judged, honestly. By those on both sides of the ship. For not being able to fulfill any of her promises nor objectives. For always faltering and stumbling under the pressure. But Valdis asked and she knows she cares, so she breathes out and tries to put it all into shameful words.

"It sucks that I've finally found something worth living for, and now I'm having to come to terms with dying again while having to also live up to the expectation that I can't give up or be scared. I finally have people that mean so much to me, and I can't do anything to protect them. I want to. I want to stay strong and fight back against everything threatening us, to come up with a plan that gives us any sort of chance. But I won't succeed and trying to fool myself otherwise hurts more and I'm so tired. I feel stupid and weak every fucking day, but I keep dragging myself through the steps because I'm terrified of everyone realizing how useless I am in their last memories of me. I'm terrified they already know but they..." Ava's voice hitches with a sob that she forces down.

"But everyone is already so sick of me feeling sorry for myself like it's another way I'm letting them down that I just have to keep it inside all the time and all it does is make me feel even worse. Because it's my responsibility to deal with my own messes. I hate myself, Valdis. So much. I hate that I was never able to prove myself wrong about myself. I hate that I put myself through all these shitty situations and made myself feel even more worthless. I hate that I'm complaining about things I willingly signed up for knowing the stakes. I hate that I'd do it all again because I had to."

She presses her palms tightly over her eyes, her entire form faded and trembling out of focus. "I just want it all to stop hurting so much."
decohere: (Default)

[personal profile] decohere 2024-02-02 11:33 pm (UTC)(link)
"No matter how insignificant I feel, I want to believe that there's something I can do, to make a difference. To help change the course of our fate. So yes... there's a lot of pressure. The stakes of failing are so high. Because how is my soul supposed to rest peacefully knowing that my friend is in danger of being enslaved at the hands of some... unknown power? How am I supposed to offer any comfort..."