i'm like a bird, i only fly away

[decohere]

Who: Ava & OTA
When: End of December
Warnings: Village discussions likely

i. you're beautiful, that's for sure

Do Not Disturb.

The sign is posted outside their cabin door the day they return and remains through the end of the year, to discourage any well-meaning visitors from bringing any extra stress. She takes great care in securing an environment that Peter can feel safe to recover in, until he's ready to face anyone else.

(text if needed -ava)

ii. you'll never, ever fade

Though she doesn't leave the room much herself, she does occasionally convince herself of the need for fresh air, to walk off the anxiety around the sports deck. She isn't paying much attention to where she's going though, eyes fixed on the stars.

iii. you're lovely, but it's not for sure

She can be found sometimes at the cafe, staring into her cup of tea or preparing a platter to bring back to the room.

iv. that i won't ever change

Toward the end of the week she's got a large pile of dirty clothes she's sorting through in the laundry room, separating the lights (mostly hers) from the darks (mostly Peter's). She has a small pile of things she's pulling out of the pockets, after making the mistake of having washed her pens one time too many. She finds the number badge, and clutches tightly to it.

v. and though my love is rare

And in the middle of one afternoon she's completely passed out in a library armchair, too many late nights watching guard over her husband sleep catching up with her. Jurassic Park lays open on the floor by her feet.

vi. and though my love is true

wildcard me

Comments

[redlightgreenlight]

Valdis peeks around a bookshelf to look at Ava when she speaks, stepping out to look at the back of her wrist a teasing smirk on her face. She is not wearing a watch.

"Depends on what you feel like doing."

[decohere]

"Not much," Ava admits, her head flopping back against the cushion as she stares up at the ceiling.

"Wasn't sure how long I was out..."

[redlightgreenlight]

"I'm afraid I won't be much help on that, I haven't been in here very long."

Valdis abandons her search to go to Ava's side.

"I'm sorry," she says. "That I wasn't around during the excursion. I should have kept a better eye on my friends."

[decohere]

"I don't..." Ava pauses. Her eyes drift from the ceiling over to Valdis, and then down to her lap as she fiddles with her sleeves. "Want to keep blaming ourselves like this." Because she very much means herself too.

[redlightgreenlight]

"Then we won't."

She slumps into the other chair. She hasn't forgotten what Peter asked, but she doesn't need to discuss the Village to support Ava.

"So you like Dinosaurs?"

[decohere]

"Yeah," Ava embraces the change in topic, picking up the book to trace her fingertips over the title. "One of my favorites. I saw the movie with my dad when it came out. And Bill got the book for me later..."

[redlightgreenlight]

"I've met the dinosaurs you know."

[decohere]

"That truly upsets my scientific worldview," Ava jokingly sulks. "But I'm also jealous."

[redlightgreenlight]

Valdis laughs.

"No, sorry, Ava. I'm old. But I'm not that old."

She reaches over to pick up the book.

"I always found these books interesting. Science fiction in general. How science is first born from art."

[decohere]

"Oh," it was a joke, and Ava would feel slightly embarrassed that she didn't pick up on it, but she is a bit out of it and forgives herself. She's become far too used to other versions of Earth having wildly different histories that she was willing to believe that the one Valdis came from was similar enough to those Creationist museums where Jesus is depicted riding around on dinosaurs. Or that Flinstones cartoon. "Too bad. I used to hope that'd be one of our excursions. Volcanic island where we get chased by velociraptors..." she does sound slightly disappointed.

"It is fascinating we have an entire genre of speculative fiction about the morality of rushed scientific advancements warning how everything could easily go wrong, and the hubris of mankind just goes ahead and does it anyway. Like Tony fucking Stark creating Ultron. Or the experiments leading to the Hulk. ..." Ava trails off, uncomfortably aware that she indeed comes from some such fictional work, comicbooks shoved away in her dresser drawer.

[redlightgreenlight]

"There's still time. Maybe a character in that book will have their own realm where dinosaurs rule."

"Having been around awhile, I have seen humanity do both great and terrible things. I used to look down on humans because of it. They seemed fated to destroy themselves and I couldn't understand why the world was given to them. Why they were favored. But then I fell in love with one and I realized that maybe the great things could outweigh the terrible ones, even if the great things were just small gestures of care."

[decohere]

"Don't think I'd want to go anymore. Think I prefer it as just fiction," she sighs out.

Which circles them right back to that topic she was avoiding. It's difficult to escape.

"I don't know. All I have is proof how terrible we are."

[redlightgreenlight]

Valdis shrugs.

"I am not surprised by the violence we wrought upon each other, though I know some are. I know some forgot that I am not human. Some forgot that we were once weapons. Some forgot that a monster can wear their face or the faces of those they love. I feel no shame for for deaths I caused, nor the actions I took against that man. And neither should you."

[decohere]

"I don't regret killing him," Ava confirms. It was with her husband's blessing. Whatever anyone else might think of her methods, she doesn't particularly care. "Nor ending that realm." And subsequently the lives of all those trapped inside it. Maybe there was a way to save them. Maybe, but nobody else had made any attempts to do so, had they.

[redlightgreenlight]

"I suppose I don't understand what you are feeling when you say you now have proof of how terrible we are."

Perhaps it's the fact she isn't human and cannot see the world as they do.

"For me, I feel like I simply have more proof of how much better we are. We are capable of great violence, but we don't turn it against each other at our own will."

[decohere]

"Two years, and this is the best we've done. For all the suffering and struggle. We... we haven't gotten anywhere, have we. Improved anything. Two years and I haven't changed at all." She hangs her head heavily. "I don't know, Valdis. We aren't any better than all those that failed before us. I really hoped that maybe we were different somehow. But we're just... the same assholes that cause all the same problems that humans always have."

[redlightgreenlight]

"You're wrong."

Valdis reaches out to brush Ava's hair out of her face.

"Only the most exemplary individuals can teach an Immortal to feel something again." Herself and the Captain. "Besides, everyone I have spoken with, Daisy, the people from the Village, they all say this voyage is different. The Captain is different. He could have just discarded us all, or he could have left us in the Village when it was destroyed. He brought us back, plus a few extras, even though it's a strain on the resources. People don't change in a bubble, Ava."

[decohere]

"He... he changed. Not us. And it matters not one bit to anyone, they hate him all the same because it's not enough. I killed that man with no regrets, as if I'm not some hypocrite for asking everyone else-" she crosses her arms over her chest, worrying at her lip, finally turning her gaze back to Valdis. It's full of shame.

"I'm an awful friend."

[redlightgreenlight]

"You're talking about the Captain."

She still disagrees with Ava's assessment. In her opinion, it's about the choices they all make.

"It comes down to choice, Ava. You chose to be his friend when no one else wanted to be. You chose to support him when it was hard. Yes, you chose your husband over Kevin, but that was a no brainer, and if the Captain is your friend, then he would never make you choose between him and Peter."

[decohere]

"He's never asked anything of me. Nothing at all." Well, outside of truth or dare. But that's different, a game.

"I think that's the part people don't understand. That everything I've done has been my own choice. He's never- all of this. Every time things go wrong. It's because we did it. We signed up. We participated. Our actions have caused our misery. Not his."

[redlightgreenlight]

Valdis watches her friend in silence, considering why Ava is telling her this and not someone who might argue with her. She's not certain of the point.

"You recall when Tiamat took over? When I came back I took the daggers that Harvey used and I asked the Captain to hold onto them. I was fully prepared to make a deal, to offer something in exchange. He didn't ask for anything, just took them."

She takes a breath.

"No one except you and Arthur know that, so please don't tell anyone else."

[decohere]

Because she knows her views only upset others. She knows Valdis has a greater perspective. Won't try to deny the truth of it all to make Ava feel better.

She listens, a worried frown. And nods. "I won't. Won't tell." She knows there's a room built for dangerous artifacts, and the whole idea makes her uneasy. Having all that in one place for the wrong person to access. She trusts the Captain far more.

[redlightgreenlight]

"The Captain created this place knowing the cost, Ava. Just because you choose to pay it, doesn't mean everyone here does. Those left behind pay the price too."

She had missed Max's birthday.

"I have questioned why I was able to turn on Kevin, but still have empathy for the man who brought us here. The answer is simple. I had no empathy for him, and he crossed me personally, I don't stand for that. Also, I find the Captain funny, that helps."

[decohere]

"Despite the parallels, comparing the two... The Captain has never dragged any of us away for brainwashing and torture. He doesn't gaslight nor blackmail us. He hasn't promised anything in return for our compliance. He's always allowed us our own actions, and the consequences of. It's just most people don't like taking accountability for our role in all this. They want change but they never want to do what's necessary to bring it about. I get. That it's UNFAIR. But we all have a fundamental responsibility to take action for our own wellbeing. And all I see is..."

[redlightgreenlight]

"I agree with you, Ava."