come_sailaway | i'm like a bird, i only fly away

Who: Ava & OTA
When: End of December
Warnings: Village discussions likely

i. you're beautiful, that's for sure

Do Not Disturb.

The sign is posted outside their cabin door the day they return and remains through the end of the year, to discourage any well-meaning visitors from bringing any extra stress. She takes great care in securing an environment that Peter can feel safe to recover in, until he's ready to face anyone else.

(text if needed -ava)

ii. you'll never, ever fade

Though she doesn't leave the room much herself, she does occasionally convince herself of the need for fresh air, to walk off the anxiety around the sports deck. She isn't paying much attention to where she's going though, eyes fixed on the stars.

iii. you're lovely, but it's not for sure

She can be found sometimes at the cafe, staring into her cup of tea or preparing a platter to bring back to the room.

iv. that i won't ever change

Toward the end of the week she's got a large pile of dirty clothes she's sorting through in the laundry room, separating the lights (mostly hers) from the darks (mostly Peter's). She has a small pile of things she's pulling out of the pockets, after making the mistake of having washed her pens one time too many. She finds the number badge, and clutches tightly to it.

v. and though my love is rare

And in the middle of one afternoon she's completely passed out in a library armchair, too many late nights watching guard over her husband sleep catching up with her. Jurassic Park lays open on the floor by her feet.

vi. and though my love is true

wildcard me

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

A text reaches Ava quickly after they get back.

im sorry he got me i said id be careful but he got me im sorry im sorry

no no no okie. what that sick man did, none of that is your fault. he took so many... peter and darcy and you and phil. i was so scared. but it's over now and he's gone, okay? you're safe and you're going to be okay.

but i said id be careful

A moment passes.

is pops upset with me?

and weren't you? careful doesn't mean invincible, okie. even if there was something you could have done differently, there was no way to know the outcome beforehand. you were targeted.

of course he isnt. why would you think that

bc im upset with me can i come see you later? i wanna see you

not going to tell you that isnt a valid feeling. im always mad at me too. always feel too weak to handle what im up against, that im always failing the people i love. but the truth is, none of us will ever be capable of preventing everything bad that happens to us or around us. it's so unfair that others can have so much power over what becomes of us. but hating ourselves for it is doing the dirty work for them. don't let number 2 have you believe he's anything less than awful by taking that feeling on for yourself.

yes. yes, please do.

thanks. ur right. love you

He'll find her, later. When she's had time with Peter, and him with Dimitri. His sky is gray, but calming, except one stubborn patch of dark storm across his left temple. "Hi, Ava. You get back okay?"

She knows from experience that agreeing is an easy way of... avoiding the issue further, and not necessarily acceptance. But she also knows not to push. It's not as if she's completely managed to process how to forgive herself either, and the conversation is a reminder.

When he tracks her down, she does her best to smile in greeting. She is genuinely glad to see Okie, to have a chance to check in with him in person. But, it's clear by her swollen eyes that she's spent the better part of the day crying. It's why she usually keeps hidden away after excursions, she doesn't really like being seen like this. But it's better to put that aside than to block out somebody that needs her.

"Yeah, safe in bed. Just glad it's over. Everything else aside." A pause. "You?"

It’s hard to see he’s been crying, with his Mask down, but she can smell it. Wheat after rain.

“I think so? My head doesn’t hurt anymore, an’ I can tell what bits I agreed with over there that I shouldn’t’ve, so I think my mind’s clear. But-“ He puts a hand up to the side of his head, right over that dark patch. “I’ve been hearin’ wind on this side ever since. An’ I know there ain’t any, so.”

She carefully cups a hand over his against the side of his face, expression concerned as she searches his. In some ways he's harder to read this way, in others he's easier.

"Does that... has it happened before?"

"No, never. Even back when I was stormy all the time, I never heard it." His own expression is confused, a little scared. Like he's still figuring out how worried to be. But the hand on his, the care on her face, they make him feel just that little bit safer.

"It started when Ruby got through to me, back in that shit stain's control room, like the stuff he did to my head splintered when I tried to break it."

Other than an intuitive sense of symbolism, Ava isn't sure how worried to be either.

"Splintered..." she repeats, a deep frown as she peers closer, trying to listen for the whistling. Like a residual of the brainwashing? An indicator of the lingering trauma...? She's afraid to voice any of her guesses into reality.

"Maybe you should... have somebody. Check it out?"

"I don't even know who I'd ask. Dr. Watson? Erin, maybe?"

He lowers his hand, tries to block out the noise from that side.

"It's annoying, but it could be worse, I guess. Anything to be back here with y'all again."

"Erin might have some insight," Ava encourages. Somebody more familiar with this sort of thing that can give Okie more of an answer than worry. Because the only condition that Ava can think of that's remotely similar is tinnitus, and that doesn't feel quite right.

"I'm glad we've made it all back... I don't think I can handle going through that again so soon."

"I'll ask her then. I'll let ya know if she's got any better idea what's happenin'."

He puts on a smile, tries to put aside the worry for both of them.

"Hopefully we won't have to for a bit. In the meantime, I'm just gonna keep up with the people I love." That's you, Ava.

"Good, and let me know if you find anything out." Not that she can do much, but...

"Hope it's not just the meantime," she nudges him lightly. An open invitation to keep up always.

"Course, course, way more than the meantime. So much you'll be sick of me." He returns the nudge. Invitation accepted.

"Speakin' of, whenever you an' Pops feel like bein' out an' about again, wanna all go for dinner?"

"Yeah, I'm sure we can arrange that. He's... not... doesn't have much of an appetite right now. But. I'm working on it. Slowly." A little at a time. The way she had to recover from her inability to keep anything down after the ship sinking excursion. She didn't eat much of anything during her time at the Village either, but that had been a deliberate choice to avoid anything being drugged.

"Doing anything for Christmas?"

"Take your time, really. I can wait on a dinner." He knows they'd rather stay inside to destress, knows he's the weird one for not being able to stay in place.

"I don't think I've got any plans, no. Almost forgot it was gonna be Christmas that quick."

"I didn't think we'd be gone so long." So she understandably has nothing planned. Nothing that showed up at the sundries for her to gift like last Christmas. Nothing for her from sundries at all, in a long time. But she knows others still have recently, so the Erda must still be functioning. She wonders what that says about her.

"But the... fuss this year, might be too much. If you want to stop by, though. I think he'd enjoy some company."

"I think I'd enjoy the company, too." He grins.

"Been way too long since I've had a quiet family Christmas."

i'm like a bird, i only fly away

i.

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