César Salazar (
pineapplesalmon) wrote in
come_sailaway2022-09-05 12:40 am
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5th Contraption || Just Another Day on Horror Cruise
Who: César Salazar and YOU
When: Early September
Where: Around the ship (Calgona to Cabins, Atrium Lounge, Laundry to Cabins, Closed: 102)
What: César is Jinx's new canvas after falling asleep post workout, César says hello to CR in the atrium, César says hello while carrying laundry in a horrid basket, and a backdated morning after zombies for the Triad and Boy
Warnings: None but will add them to threads as needed
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Tagged, You're It [OTA, Walking between Calgona and the cabins]
César sometimes falls deeply asleep for a nap on one of the Calgona's massage tables post after-workout shower. Look, he can sleep on his face and stomach, can you blame him?
Nor can we blame Jinx for what she does when she finds him. A fresh white t-shirt and light gray lounge pants make an excellent blank canvas and a good way to deliver a hint that she's missed talking to him. By the time she's done, César's clothes are far more... colorful.
On the seat of his pants are two smileys that compliment the stars on either of his cheeks. Down the legs and arms of the shirt are more stars, zig-zags, and swirls. On the back of his shirt is a brightly colored:
JINX WAS HERE
... someone should let him know as he walks back towards the cabins. Please?
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Say Hello [Established CR, Atrium Lounge]
The atrium lounge is a good place to run into others and stop himself from hermiting like he has in the last handful of months. When he spots someone he knows, César stops what he's doing on his tablet and stands, waving.
"Long time no sea!" The worst part about the pun isn't that it's not noticeable but that his player typed it by accident and died inside.
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What's in the Bag? [OTA (see options), Between Laundry and Cabins]
It's César's turn for Laundry Day. Which means he's carrying back neatly folded laundry in a fabric basket made from various Tommy Bahama Shirts with handles from a tote bag. This means that César's made an absolute monstrosity of a laundry basket. Yes, it was done on purpose. Yes, César thinks he's funny.
When he sees someone, he stops walking and smiles warmly.
A. If he knows that someone, he'll great them in a time of day appropriate greeting ("Morning!" "Afternoon!" "Evening!" "Hello!") and ask, whilst meaning it: "How are you today?"
B. If he doesn't know that someone, he'll still greet them appropriately ("Morning!" "Afternoon!" "Evening!" "Hello!") but change it up, instead asking: "Oh, are you new? I'm César Salazar. Are you settling in okay?"
((OOC: The image was done in Paint so liberties were taken as it was made from various Tommy Bahama Shirts.))
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The Morning After Zombie Apocalypse [CLOSED, Backdated, Rich, Johnny, Watson]
The triad dads could've lost Rich. They didn't, but it could've easily gone another way. So all four of them are crammed together into one bedroom, the bed (with Watson and Johnny) and the couch bed (with César and Rich) shoved alongside each other.
César startles awake when Rich kicks him in his sleep sometime in the late morning hours. "Mmmfph?"
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Message Received [Closed to Jinx]
César seeks Jinx out once he's gotten a new t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants. He knows where she lives, so he'll walk right into the theatre and call out:
"I got your message!"
When: Early September
Where: Around the ship (Calgona to Cabins, Atrium Lounge, Laundry to Cabins, Closed: 102)
What: César is Jinx's new canvas after falling asleep post workout, César says hello to CR in the atrium, César says hello while carrying laundry in a horrid basket, and a backdated morning after zombies for the Triad and Boy
Warnings: None but will add them to threads as needed
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tagged, You're It [OTA, Walking between Calgona and the cabins]
César sometimes falls deeply asleep for a nap on one of the Calgona's massage tables post after-workout shower. Look, he can sleep on his face and stomach, can you blame him?
Nor can we blame Jinx for what she does when she finds him. A fresh white t-shirt and light gray lounge pants make an excellent blank canvas and a good way to deliver a hint that she's missed talking to him. By the time she's done, César's clothes are far more... colorful.
On the seat of his pants are two smileys that compliment the stars on either of his cheeks. Down the legs and arms of the shirt are more stars, zig-zags, and swirls. On the back of his shirt is a brightly colored:
... someone should let him know as he walks back towards the cabins. Please?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Say Hello [Established CR, Atrium Lounge]
The atrium lounge is a good place to run into others and stop himself from hermiting like he has in the last handful of months. When he spots someone he knows, César stops what he's doing on his tablet and stands, waving.
"Long time no sea!" The worst part about the pun isn't that it's not noticeable but that his player typed it by accident and died inside.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's in the Bag? [OTA (see options), Between Laundry and Cabins]
It's César's turn for Laundry Day. Which means he's carrying back neatly folded laundry in a fabric basket made from various Tommy Bahama Shirts with handles from a tote bag. This means that César's made an absolute monstrosity of a laundry basket. Yes, it was done on purpose. Yes, César thinks he's funny.
When he sees someone, he stops walking and smiles warmly.
A. If he knows that someone, he'll great them in a time of day appropriate greeting ("Morning!" "Afternoon!" "Evening!" "Hello!") and ask, whilst meaning it: "How are you today?"
B. If he doesn't know that someone, he'll still greet them appropriately ("Morning!" "Afternoon!" "Evening!" "Hello!") but change it up, instead asking: "Oh, are you new? I'm César Salazar. Are you settling in okay?"
((OOC: The image was done in Paint so liberties were taken as it was made from various Tommy Bahama Shirts.))
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Morning After Zombie Apocalypse [CLOSED, Backdated, Rich, Johnny, Watson]
The triad dads could've lost Rich. They didn't, but it could've easily gone another way. So all four of them are crammed together into one bedroom, the bed (with Watson and Johnny) and the couch bed (with César and Rich) shoved alongside each other.
César startles awake when Rich kicks him in his sleep sometime in the late morning hours. "Mmmfph?"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Message Received [Closed to Jinx]
César seeks Jinx out once he's gotten a new t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants. He knows where she lives, so he'll walk right into the theatre and call out:
"I got your message!"
no subject
[How does César even handle them? How does he stop himself from checking and testing every boundary like some ever-expanding experiment? How has he not just... started ignoring Rich to see if he'll still love him? Started yelling at him, maybe even...
He feels his tears finally breach the dam he'd been trying to keep them below, and he hiccups. His voice squeaks, and he cringes angrily.]
You... you already know Rich Goranski should have died when he was stupid enough to play with fire. Why does it matter, I-I mean... you know I'm not real. I'm just some fucked up clone for the Captain to fuck with, right?
[He grits his teeth, but he can't keep the words from stumbling out.] I'm not real. You're not fucking real either. Every single person in this stupid fucking ship doesn't need to even bother fighting if we're never going back.
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César wants to hold Rich tightly. But Rich isn't ready yet. They're digging in deeper, exposing the festering wounds to the air before debriding them. Healing will still have to happen, but this is a start.
... so Rich knows, then.]
The intrusive thoughts discussion can come later. I'm going to focus on the more important issue for you.
We're real. Cogito, ergo sum. "I think, therefore I am." In the multiverse theory, we've already got an infinite number of copies of ourselves. So what if we came into existence in a weird way? We're molecular duplicates, which is totally possible; some version of myself has even done it by accident, almost certainly. We have minds, hearts, and, somehow, our own souls.... and I have you and your other dads.
[He can't help it. César reaches up and gently brushed a strand of bed head up without touching Rich's skin.]
The love I feel for you is too strong to be fake. It can only be real. The Captain doesn't understand love. But I understand love... and I think you're starting to understand it, too.
And I refuse to think of that as anything other than real. Tú eres mi hijo, and there's no way I'll let whatever way we came into being take you away from me. Te amo, Rich.
cw graphic description of abuse
He almost gives in. Almost starts accepting it, but suddenly, in the corner of his eye, he sees César's hand move up towards his face. Like a dozen other hands that have reached for him a dozen different times, but this one isn't gripping a beer bottle or a smouldering cigarette butt but it could still hurt, god, he could almost admire his old man's creativity some nights-
He flinches, a whimper caught in his throat as he leans backwards, eyes wide and mindlessly searching for danger.
He wants to love César back. He wants to prove he's more than capable of all the things never shown to him before. He wants it so badly, to say it, to share an embrace and wrap everything up in a pretty little bow.
Instead, he starts crying, reaching up to hide his face from view as he finally falls the rest of the way backwards, a defeated lump on the bed.]
cw: Just assume it's all rough from here on out tbh D: RICH BABY
So he doesn't. César sits still as a statue next to Rich, afraid any move might scare Rich worse while refusing to also leave his side, no matter how ugly and awful this moment is.
There's no judgement, as his heart falls into his stomach, aching, and his throat tightens. This would happen someday. César knew that. And now it's happening.
This moment is just a moment, as terrible as it is. This, too, shall pass. César stays.
But the sound of Rich's whimper and wide-eyed look of terror Rich gave him will remain with him always.]
too many cws to even write out all the cws at this point.
His father has his trauma by the neck, shaking his brain around in its cage. There's no escaping his wrath now, no pretending it's just his way of dealing with stress, no denying the harm being done as it screams in his face that he'll get something to cry about if he doesn't shut up.
He remembers the excuses he used to make. The black eye from 'running into a wall in gym'. The cuts from 'dropping a knife in Home Ec'. He never made an excuse for his broken wrist. He just asked Jake if he could make a splint at home and, when that failed, to drive him to the ER and to swear to never tell a soul.
In the face of a father who doesn't need those excuses, though? Rich is lost. Even as he starts to get back to the present day, starts to take in where he is properly, he can't seem to think of what else he needs to say.]
'm sorry... 'm so so sorry...
Even the CWs need therapy holy shit this poor kid
Rich had been denying his trauma. Pretending everything was all right now because he had three new fathers that loved him. Even if he wasn't ready to love them back.
But emotions and trauma weren't like that. Life was messy. Recovery was messier.
Listening to Rich sob and not being able to hold him tears at his very soul. It's what needs to happen more than anything else in this moment. To show Rich that César won't hurt him for this outburst, that it's okay to cry, and that he's safe.
The lesson might not stick this time, so it must be taught every time, even after it's learned. Forever. Such is the covenant of parenthood. The strength of it keeps César's own emotions and tears in check, even if a few slide down his cheeks.
His voice and gaze are soft and sad and worried, understanding. Not angry. Not upset. Just sad and worried.]
You have not a thing to apologize for, Rich. I'm sometimes a messy crier, too.
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And he's just not patient enough for that right now. If only César would do something to him to make him quit this... but he doesn't. He stays sitting and watching. He doesn't let Rich apologize, he doesn't move to grab him, he doesn't even walk away. Rich wipes his eyes, which doesn't really help him see much, but the steady action, the touch only his own and no one else's, help ground him just a bit more.
He even chuckles softly, in between his sobs.]
I was always such a pussy about crying. Never knew how to turn it off. SQUIP did for me... for a while. And now when I cry it feels like it's just e-extra long. Guess it built up or something.
no subject
César's hands are back in his lap, arms loose, posture relaxed. He's looking at Rich but not directly, more of a side-long glance. Enough to read his expression without laser-focusing on it.]
You're not a pussy. That type of long and messy crying only naturally ends by letting the emotions burn themselves out. Our emotions are stronger, so of course we cry harder. Especially when we've been through something traumatic. It does build up, it really does, and then it seems to take forever to get it all out.
[ He shrugs vaguely, a faint smile on his face. ] Whenever it happens to me, all I can really do is cling to my nearest boyfriend until it's over and try not to ruin his clothes.
[ No embarrassment. It just is. ]
no subject
He wipes his eyes, staring up at César while his fingers carefully tiptoe over to the tissue box.]
You... think that's what it is? It's just... the way my head works? It's just hard to remember how much I cried before everything.
[It's so easy to second-guess himself.]
I guess... at least I didn't cry on you. [He sniffles into a tissue, finally sitting up.]
'm sorry. I'm such a mess.
no subject
It's likely a huge part of it. Especially if you can't remember the last time you had a proper cry.
[Then, he looks at him a little more seriously, his voice growing quieter.]
It's okay; I don't mind. And I don't think you're a mess, Rich. You've been through hell. This was bound to happen eventually, and I expected it. Now was just the moment the stopper got kicked out.
no subject
I-I wish you didn't think it was bound to happen... even if it made it a little easier for you. I wanted to be better already.
no subject
Nothing about this is easy, mijo. Working through whatever this is—delayed processing?—I'm not a psychologist—isn't going to be easy. Sitting here and now was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. But you're worth it.
[There's no gap between any of those sentences. No hesitation. But afterwards, he takes a moment to simply smile sadly.]
It can't be rushed. But I got through it and so will you. And just like me... you won't have to do this alone. An unconscious part of you understands you're finally emotionally safe. Eventually, the rest of you will feel safe, too.
no subject
[He bites his lip, but in the end, César had already said it.]
It's just that I feel safe enough to actually process this shit now. With you and Dad and Pa.
[He still ends up finding his face heating up, and he rubs at his eyes for a few moments, trying desperately to compose himself.]
no subject
It makes sense. [A pause.] I'm going to lie down to make it easier to talk without lording over you.
[And he does, laying down on his back so he's not looking at Rich directly. Oh, he's got a pillow.]
You feel safe enough to feel unsafe in a way that's... safe to experience.
no subject
When you put it like that, it sounds extra stupid... but yeah. I'm so used to not being safe, so... there were a lot of walls I put up, you know? Guess they finally came down.
no subject
Crashing down. Same like mine. It's not stupid... it's how our brains are. We notice the things others don't and thus we end up more vigilant, so it takes us longer to stop doing that, which means we hold it in longer and they burst out stronger.
[César chuckles, looking at Rich knowingly.]
... The emotions you're feeling at this very moment have all but entirely shifted, haven't they? In neurotypical people, feelings supposedly linger and shift more slowly. But it's like we just stop feeling an emotion once we're mostly done with it, unless it's an intrusive one. Just let the emotions wear themselves out."
no subject
[He searches César's face carefully for another confirmation. Another clarification as to why his brain acts this way.
...At least until César calls him out like that, leaving him nearly laughing in his shock.]
I, um. Sometimes, when I'm really pissed off, or really sad, and it feels like the world is ending... I just get bored of it, I guess. It's like, 'okay, Goranski, we get it, you're a drama king, you can knock it off...' and then I just do."
no subject
Then he chuckles at Rich nearly laughing.]
Yeah, most people's brains don't work that way. Their brains also try to eject those facts as extraneous. But ours do.
[César flops his hand down near Rich, but still on the bed.]
Speaking of which. If you are still feeling iffy about being touched, now's a time to safely confront it. Exposure therapy. Do whatever you want with my hand, and I won't resist.
no subject
[It's hard for Rich to know whether or not that upsets him anymore. At this point, César has made being weird... so much less awful than it used to be. He kind of wishes he had met him years ago... though he supposes that wouldn't have fixed anything now.
...Still, it's nice to be understood. He glances down at César's hand, then back up at his adoptive father... before bringing his eyes back down. Carefully, he reaches over, traces an index finger around César's knuckles, one by one.]
TWISTS.... KNIFE
[César does have thoughts about how things could have been different. About how he would've loved to raise Rich from a young age alongside his parents. When Rich still would've been small enough to carry.
What's most important, though, is that Rich is his son now, and that he can help him now. César loves him. Rich isn't sure that he's ready to say that he loves him back, yet. But that's okay. César knows. And even if he didn't, Rich would still be allowed the time he needs.
So he lies there, relaxed and still. Watches patiently as Rich looks to his hand and then up to him (which earns a reassuring smile). César's eyes grow half-lidded and lazy as he feels more than sees Rich tracing his hand.
The one thing that Rich hasn't had in so long is safety. César will fight with all his being to give him a measure of it in this very moment and in all the moments that follow.]
The scars are from making things with my hands, mostly. You'll see more on the inside of my hand.
;A;
[Maybe it's okay to have so many mixed up thoughts in his head. Maybe it's okay that he's learning to accept himself, even while so many others are accepting the version of him they see clearly.
Maybe it's okay to have a family now... one that he loves dearly, even if he's still working on showing it.
He very carefully picks César's hand up, looking over the scars with quiet interest.]
You have a ton of those...
[He places his palm against César's, measuring how large the man's hand is compared to his, frowning softly.]
no subject
[For Rich, it's a revelation. That his family is okay with him being different and with him needing time to recover from his trials. He's worthy of love.
Which is what's in César's eyes now as he looks up at him, calm and relaxed.]
My world's tech is advanced enough that I chose which ones to keep. Not for sentimental reasons, but for extremely nerdy ones. [A little laugh.] I know the exact measurements between my scars so it saves me from having to pick up a ruler approximately 87% of the time.
... I've never told anyone until now. Not even my boyfriends. Just you.
[There's also the faint scar on his palm he got when he killed Pirate Jenny to fulfill her quest of demonstrating the revival mechanics.]
no subject
[Rich looks up in surprise, licking his lips as he tries to find the nerves and the vocabulary to ask the right question.]
You kept them for measuring?
[He meant to ask why would you only tell me? but... there's still plenty of anxiety present.
Trying to diffuse it, he takes his hand away, folding César's thumb across his palm and then placing the index, ring, and pinky finger over it.
Of course, the middle finger stays proudly raised.]
no subject
I really should have known that was going to happen.
[ Then, as to answer the unsaid questions. ]
... I haven't told anyone because I didn't want to be teased about it. Even your other dads probably would. It's deeply nerdy. Too nerdy, really.
no subject
I mean, I'm a nasty hormonal teenager. Of course you should have known.
[He then, naturally, raises César's hand up to insert that finger in his nostril. He does pause in his torture then, though, and shakes his head.]
I don't think it's nerdy at all. It's... nice that you got to keep the scars you want.
...When I got here, there was a lady who said she could get rid of my burn scars, if I wanted. I didn't actually know what to think about that. Got in my head for quite a bit about it.
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