[For quite some time, Natsuno's messages to Rita go unread. It's not actually intentional on her part; with no idea when (or even if anymore) Natsuno's life will be restored, she throws herself into something else--maybe it's tinkering with Wilhelm, letting herself get lost in focus on blastia for hours, just like she used to do (or days, weeks, months, years...). Her phone is forgotten and ignored. Besides, it's not like she wants to hear from anyone.
Why does caring for people have to be so painful? This was why blastia were always so much easier, and better, before she knew about the problems associated with them... She didn't want to go back to those times, but maybe...
Well, anyway, she's finished with whatever changes she was making with Wilhelm. She only has two blastia here, so it's not like devoting all her time to an entire collection anymore. Eventually, she takes a passing look at her phone--oh, whatever, who cares if someone sent her a message, even if it was--
Natsuno?!
It feels both too long and too soon, like she was only shouting at Friday just a couple of hours ago, yet also like an eternity has passed since he vanished. She doesn't know how to deal with it so soon, even though she wanted him to be restored so much it hurt, and here he is and she just feels too wrung out to be angry right now--
Oh, she's crying again, dammit. Why do her friends keep giving her reasons to do something so embarrassing?! She hasn't even seen him for herself yet! But she can't just go straight over to his cabin like this--ugh, this is stupid... She never used to cry so much (until she had people to cry over)...
So while Natsuno's messages are finally marked read, they're left like that for a while, before...she texts back instead of visiting him.]
[By the time Rita finally picks up her phone, Natsuno is absolutely wrung out. Pal's disappointment, a scathing talk with Jade (he never realized how awful it feels to let down an adult you trust), Mizuki's overflowing clingy grief - and Clarke, whose words hurt more than any slap her hurricane-like fury could deliver.
Natsuno tells himself that fuck-ups don't just get a break from consequences, but he doesn't try looking for Rita as his message to her remains unread. He doesn't look for her even when he checks his phone and sees she read it. He could knock on her door, but... he should probably give her space.
(The truth is that he's both anxious and exhausted, and every time he looks at his phone to see you weren't supposed to disappear on me his insides twist with guilt.)
So he lies on the bed, staring at the ceiling while thinking of nothing in particular. He only snaps out of his unhappy stupor as his phone beeps.
What happened? The thought of explaining (again) is tiring, but Natsuno replies immediately - if only to ask her to come over.]
[He did something stupid? Does that mean he caused his own death? There's no point speculating if he could just tell her, but...she chews her lip for a moment. She both doesn't want to see anyone right now yet also does want to see that he's okay...which she can only really do in person...]
i guess
just
not yet
hang on for a bit
[Which is a totally fine and normal series of messages, right? Rita's just going to sniffle and wipe her eyes and splash water on her face--anything to get rid of the obvious signs of crying--as well as give it some time. Or...that's the intention, but ultimately she's not that patient a person when it comes to just waiting around at a time like this.
So it's still sooner rather than later when she opens the door to room 109 and steps in uncharactertiscally quietly, eyes still a little red-rimmed. Huh...he's really here. Somehow, seeing him makes her immediately blurt out the first thing to come to mind.]
So--what do you have to say for yourself?
[Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry--get just a little mad instead; that should work just fine, right?]
[He texts back a short confirmation, tosses his phone aside and goes back to staring into nothing until Rita steps into 109. When Natsuno notices her red, still-puffy eyes, Clarke's words come back like a lash: Rita cried her eyes out. You absolute asshole, we did it for you.
For a moment he just looks at her from his seat on the bed, back leaned against the wall and knees pulled to his chest. He didn't cry since he was three and he isn't going to cry now, but his throat feels tight.
What does he have to say for himself? Nothing good. But he'll say it anyway, because Rita deserves the truth, and she deserves to know what kind of person she was shedding tears for.]
Jinx decided I ruined things for her by "winning" the battle royale. She's been harassing me ever since and I was sick of it. I thought that if I let her "get even" once, she'll leave me alone.
[He looks so exhausted as she stands in front of the door with crossed arms. Seeing him back should be a good thing, and--yeah, a part of her is internally sagging in relief, but...it doesn't remove the pain, either.
Soon, though, his explanation has her staring at him like he's grown an extra head. It's so nonsensical, it takes her a moment to absorb the details--Jinx bugging him was that personal? Natsuno let her "get even"--
He let her kill him. She's so tired, but that realization sparks the flames of her anger all over again.]
You did what?! Are you stupid?!
[She's stalking across the room before she even realizes it, and finally, here's the expected Rita Reaction: a clenched fist aimed furiously at his chest.]
What happened to being less resigned?! I thought you were--
[She's abruptly cuts it short, clamping her mouth shut and crossing her arms again. Sure, he probably knows now thanks to the texts she sent, but she doesn't want to say it again.
Oh, and this close to Natsuno? He might see that wooden cat carving peeking out of her pocket. Yes, she's had it with her.]
[She wishes it made her feel better, but it doesn't. It just feels futile, yet she doesn't know what else to do with her hands besides clench them stiffly at her sides, which she does--she doesn't want to keep hitting him, but she itches to do something, just doesn't know what, so...this is all she's doing.]
--This is why people are--they're too much to deal with, but--I can't just forget them, either!
[Stupid Natsuno making her hurt and stupid her for remembering how stupidly nice his stupid company was and--yeah, there's the tears again.
Dammit.]
I--I can't even hate you for this!
[And that sucks?! She thinks?! How does she deal with emotions like this?!]
[It was so much simpler when she didn't care, when all she had were blastia. It was just...empty, too, no matter how much she tried to pretend otherwise.
Is filling that emptiness worth all this?
She doesn't know.]
Of course I don't. But you're still an idiot.
[...She places her hand over his. It feels weird, but...not awful.
Natsuno was never good with physical contact. He reached on a whim, wanting to comfort her like Tohru would comfort him, a lifetime ago. He's a little surprised when she reaches back, but it's... nice. Weird, but not awful.
Her hand is warm. He curls his fingers around hers, slow and careful.]
[Although she gently tugs his hand from her head to make it less awkward, she continues holding it—-tightly, as if hanging on could keep him from vanishing forever…which could still happen someday.]
Just—-don’t pull anything like that again. What if you hadn’t come back at all?
[The unknown factor of when and whether or not he’d return had been a crushing weight, one that might be gone now but not easily forgotten.]
[If he hadn't come back, they he would've gone to where he was supposed to go all along. He's been living on borrowed time anyway, a snapshot of a boy who once lit another bomb and said I've died long ago.
Natsuno doesn't voice that thought. First, because it'll be cruel to Rita, and second - he doesn't want to return that borrowed time, not anymore. Without realizing it, Natsuno Yuuki has much to lose now, like the warm hand squeezing his.
So instead he just holds onto Rita, fingers interlocking.]
[She focuses on the grip of his hand, just...relishing the fact he's here and not gone forever. For now, anyway... She wishes she could make him promise to never disappear. If only it were actually up to them.
...She isn't crying anymore, but tt still hurts, knowing that could happen at any time, especially after the past couple of days. If they don't do something, figure something out, they will disappear, sooner or later...
She still doesn't get how Natsuno thought he could just trust the captain to revive him with no problems and walk right into death--
Wait, that's right. With everything else (namely, Natsuno being here and alive), she'd forgotten what else he'd said. She looks at him, fury quickly clouding her features.]
Hang on... You said all this was Jinx's fault, didn't you?
[It was a sweet, tender moment between two messed up teens just trying to make sense of the world.
And now back to your regularly scheduled revenge.]
Rita, don't.
[His hands move to her shoulders like he's trying to physically stop her from storming out of the cabin with a fireball ready. If he can get one thing out of this whole damn mess, it's that Jinx was as sick of it as him and agreed to leave him alone regardless of what he told everyone.
Natsuno is not going to let Rita put herself in the line of fire.]
[She is...kind of listening to him, at least, in that she isn't running off to find and blast Jinx.
Still, something about the way he words that makes her a different kind of upset-]
On your--hey, what's that supposed to mean?! Of course I--if she messes with my friend, she messes with me! And if she ever tries to start something with you again...
[She does note that use of we over I, which--good. She still doesn't like it, and she still thinks Natsuno's an idiot for gambling with throwing his life away permanently (even temporarily was still stupid), but--he already promised to never do it again, and as long as she won't be left out of the loop in the future...she'll leave it be.
Jinx will just be getting some ver dirty looks next time Rita sees her.]
...Fine, but...
Fine.
[A sigh, and then she tries to push it out of her mind. It's hard, though, after thinking he was gone, then knowing he was dead, after finding his body with Jade--]
--And what about you? Are you sure you're okay? You were--three days, I mean...
[Can he really be okay after being dead that long?]
[Death really isn't any different from a long sleep. Natsuno already knows how it feels. He did wake up hungry, but that was the easiest thing to deal with.]
...Well, physically.
[He wouldn't usually admit that out loud, but he's exhausted. Natsuno does make a point of not sounding upset, because he brought it on himself so while he can state the fact, he shouldn't whine about it.]
But. All of you had it way worse.
Edited (Shhh i can fix typos 4 hours later) 2022-10-19 18:47 (UTC)
[She doesn't shake her head, just bites her lip and glances away instead, since she can't exactly refute what he says.]
It's...I won't say it was fine, but--you're here, and that's what matters now.
[And he's physically fine, though mentally and/or emotionally not-so-fine...yeah, that checks out. She's relieved he isn't hurt, but still--physical wounds are so much more clear-cut.
...He does look beyond tired, though. Maybe that's one thing a bit of time will help--if they have much time, considering the state of the ship right now...]
[Natsuno looks down at their joint hands. He doesn't want her to leave just yet, but... he can use some rest. He feels like a piece of wet cloth wrung out over and over.]
[When he lets go, she curls her fingers into her palm, trying to retain the memory. He...should really rest, no matter how much she wants to hold on and make sure he doesn't disappear again.]
...Y-yeah. Just...try to rest, but...don't leave it too long, okay?
[She'll start worrying again if she doesn't hear from him--which is probably silly, surely he wouldn't vanish the moment she leaves his cabin or anything, but--
Rita is actually something of a worrywart when it comes to close friends.]
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come_sailaway2022-10-03 09:51 pm
no subject
Why does caring for people have to be so painful? This was why blastia were always so much easier, and better, before she knew about the problems associated with them... She didn't want to go back to those times, but maybe...
Well, anyway, she's finished with whatever changes she was making with Wilhelm. She only has two blastia here, so it's not like devoting all her time to an entire collection anymore. Eventually, she takes a passing look at her phone--oh, whatever, who cares if someone sent her a message, even if it was--
Natsuno?!
It feels both too long and too soon, like she was only shouting at Friday just a couple of hours ago, yet also like an eternity has passed since he vanished. She doesn't know how to deal with it so soon, even though she wanted him to be restored so much it hurt, and here he is and she just feels too wrung out to be angry right now--
Oh, she's crying again, dammit. Why do her friends keep giving her reasons to do something so embarrassing?! She hasn't even seen him for herself yet! But she can't just go straight over to his cabin like this--ugh, this is stupid... She never used to cry so much (until she had people to cry over)...
So while Natsuno's messages are finally marked read, they're left like that for a while, before...she texts back instead of visiting him.]
what happened?
no subject
Natsuno tells himself that fuck-ups don't just get a break from consequences, but he doesn't try looking for Rita as his message to her remains unread. He doesn't look for her even when he checks his phone and sees she read it. He could knock on her door, but... he should probably give her space.
(The truth is that he's both anxious and exhausted, and every time he looks at his phone to see you weren't supposed to disappear on me his insides twist with guilt.)
So he lies on the bed, staring at the ceiling while thinking of nothing in particular. He only snaps out of his unhappy stupor as his phone beeps.
What happened? The thought of explaining (again) is tiring, but Natsuno replies immediately - if only to ask her to come over.]
I did something stupid.
Can we talk in person?
no subject
i guess
just
not yet
hang on for a bit
[Which is a totally fine and normal series of messages, right? Rita's just going to sniffle and wipe her eyes and splash water on her face--anything to get rid of the obvious signs of crying--as well as give it some time. Or...that's the intention, but ultimately she's not that patient a person when it comes to just waiting around at a time like this.
So it's still sooner rather than later when she opens the door to room 109 and steps in uncharactertiscally quietly, eyes still a little red-rimmed. Huh...he's really here. Somehow, seeing him makes her immediately blurt out the first thing to come to mind.]
So--what do you have to say for yourself?
[Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry--get just a little mad instead; that should work just fine, right?]
no subject
For a moment he just looks at her from his seat on the bed, back leaned against the wall and knees pulled to his chest. He didn't cry since he was three and he isn't going to cry now, but his throat feels tight.
What does he have to say for himself? Nothing good. But he'll say it anyway, because Rita deserves the truth, and she deserves to know what kind of person she was shedding tears for.]
Jinx decided I ruined things for her by "winning" the battle royale. She's been harassing me ever since and I was sick of it. I thought that if I let her "get even" once, she'll leave me alone.
no subject
Soon, though, his explanation has her staring at him like he's grown an extra head. It's so nonsensical, it takes her a moment to absorb the details--Jinx bugging him was that personal? Natsuno let her "get even"--
He let her kill him. She's so tired, but that realization sparks the flames of her anger all over again.]
You did what?! Are you stupid?!
[She's stalking across the room before she even realizes it, and finally, here's the expected Rita Reaction: a clenched fist aimed furiously at his chest.]
What happened to being less resigned?! I thought you were--
[She's abruptly cuts it short, clamping her mouth shut and crossing her arms again. Sure, he probably knows now thanks to the texts she sent, but she doesn't want to say it again.
Oh, and this close to Natsuno? He might see that wooden cat carving peeking out of her pocket. Yes, she's had it with her.]
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...I meant what I said in the meeting. I don't want to go back to being dead. But I thought, a couple hours in exchange to being left alone -
[Natsuno sees the carving in her pocket and the rest of the sentence burns to ashes in his mouth. What is he even saying?
He closes his eyes, sigh, opens them again to look at her.]
I'm sorry, Rita. I was stupid, and cruel. I never wanted to hurt you.
no subject
--This is why people are--they're too much to deal with, but--I can't just forget them, either!
[Stupid Natsuno making her hurt and stupid her for remembering how stupidly nice his stupid company was and--yeah, there's the tears again.
Dammit.]
I--I can't even hate you for this!
[And that sucks?! She thinks?! How does she deal with emotions like this?!]
no subject
But he does. He's attached now, for better or worse, and he can never go back.]
...I'm sorry.
[A moment of hesitation. Then he reaches out carefully to rest a hand on the top of her head, if she lets him.]
But I'm glad you don't hate me.
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Is filling that emptiness worth all this?
She doesn't know.]
Of course I don't. But you're still an idiot.
[...She places her hand over his. It feels weird, but...not awful.
He's really here.]
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Natsuno was never good with physical contact. He reached on a whim, wanting to comfort her like Tohru would comfort him, a lifetime ago. He's a little surprised when she reaches back, but it's... nice. Weird, but not awful.
Her hand is warm. He curls his fingers around hers, slow and careful.]
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Just—-don’t pull anything like that again. What if you hadn’t come back at all?
[The unknown factor of when and whether or not he’d return had been a crushing weight, one that might be gone now but not easily forgotten.]
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Natsuno doesn't voice that thought. First, because it'll be cruel to Rita, and second - he doesn't want to return that borrowed time, not anymore. Without realizing it, Natsuno Yuuki has much to lose now, like the warm hand squeezing his.
So instead he just holds onto Rita, fingers interlocking.]
I won't. Promise.
no subject
[She focuses on the grip of his hand, just...relishing the fact he's here and not gone forever. For now, anyway... She wishes she could make him promise to never disappear. If only it were actually up to them.
...She isn't crying anymore, but tt still hurts, knowing that could happen at any time, especially after the past couple of days. If they don't do something, figure something out, they will disappear, sooner or later...
She still doesn't get how Natsuno thought he could just trust the captain to revive him with no problems and walk right into death--
Wait, that's right. With everything else (namely, Natsuno being here and alive), she'd forgotten what else he'd said. She looks at him, fury quickly clouding her features.]
Hang on... You said all this was Jinx's fault, didn't you?
That girl...is so dead!
no subject
And now back to your regularly scheduled revenge.]
Rita, don't.
[His hands move to her shoulders like he's trying to physically stop her from storming out of the cabin with a fireball ready. If he can get one thing out of this whole damn mess, it's that Jinx was as sick of it as him and agreed to leave him alone regardless of what he told everyone.
Natsuno is not going to let Rita put herself in the line of fire.]
Don't start another fight. She's not worth it.
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She's in no way happy about it, though.]
Isn't she the one who started it all?! It'd be her own damn fault! For going after you so much that all this happened-!
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Which is why I don't want anyone else on her radar. As long as she honors our agreement... please don't start something on my behalf.
[Of course, if Jinx ever fucks with Rita, or anyone else he cares about, the agreement is null and void.]
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Still, something about the way he words that makes her a different kind of upset-]
On your--hey, what's that supposed to mean?! Of course I--if she messes with my friend, she messes with me! And if she ever tries to start something with you again...
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["We", not "I." Earlier conversation made their scathing mark, at least.]
But for now, she agreed to leave me alone. If my stupid decision is the last of it, I'd rather let it go.
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Jinx will just be getting some ver dirty looks next time Rita sees her.]
...Fine, but...
Fine.
[A sigh, and then she tries to push it out of her mind. It's hard, though, after thinking he was gone, then knowing he was dead, after finding his body with Jade--]
--And what about you? Are you sure you're okay? You were--three days, I mean...
[Can he really be okay after being dead that long?]
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[Death really isn't any different from a long sleep. Natsuno already knows how it feels. He did wake up hungry, but that was the easiest thing to deal with.]
...Well, physically.
[He wouldn't usually admit that out loud, but he's exhausted. Natsuno does make a point of not sounding upset, because he brought it on himself so while he can state the fact, he shouldn't whine about it.]
But. All of you had it way worse.
no subject
It's...I won't say it was fine, but--you're here, and that's what matters now.
[And he's physically fine, though mentally and/or emotionally not-so-fine...yeah, that checks out. She's relieved he isn't hurt, but still--physical wounds are so much more clear-cut.
...He does look beyond tired, though. Maybe that's one thing a bit of time will help--if they have much time, considering the state of the ship right now...]
Why don't...you get some rest?
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...yeah. I probably should.
[He lets go of Rita's hand.]
Talk to you tomorrow?
no subject
...Y-yeah. Just...try to rest, but...don't leave it too long, okay?
[She'll start worrying again if she doesn't hear from him--which is probably silly, surely he wouldn't vanish the moment she leaves his cabin or anything, but--
Rita is actually something of a worrywart when it comes to close friends.]
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[That's a promise! For the next several weeks, he's going to make sure his friends know he's around and alive.]
...thanks, Rita. You rest too.
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[She starts for the door, pauses, takes another step--and then whips around.]
Actually--I'll just crash here for a while! Jade's not here, anyway.
[Which is clearly...the only reason, right?]
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