come_sailaway | We're wide awake now, our eyes are wide open. We're running this world, we keeping it turning

[It takes Natsuno exactly two seconds to realize she's not following him.

He isn't the least bit surprised but oh, how he wishes he would be. Natsuno lets out a quiet, annoyed huff and turns back to catch up to Clarke. This time, the hand on her shoulder is meant to stop her as much as it's meant to steady.]

That's a bad idea.

( just like the last time, clarke allows the hand on her shoulder to stay her. to steady and to stay, even if it does nothing to sway her away from stupidity. )

It's not like he'll answer.

If he won't answer, then there's no reason to go there in the first place.

[He doesn't say that if the captain does answer, she doesn't want to challenge him when she's in this state. She'll just take it as another reason to kick the door down.]

( does she have a good reason for trying this right now? no, not really. maybe running on the leftover high of winning a few rounds of blackjack against a robot who didn't want to use her soul as a stress ball. maybe drunk and finally working up the nerve to visit the sports deck after almost falling over the side during hurricane jenny. maybe curious if god tier powers left any lasting damage, where as everything the passengers attempted was resolved the second they blinked. or maybe just feeling a little nostalgic on this boat she hates to call home — she'd basically slept outside the bridge door a few times in that first week, waiting for it to open.

a handful of half-baked reasons, and no patience to put them into a logical or compelling argument. so natsuno just gets a bit of a shrug and clarke's best attempt at a reassuring smile. )

I just want to go look. You can wait here if you want, I'll be right back.

No need. I'll go with you.

[He stares at her flatly. This is clearly not a sudden change of heart, but a challenge - give up or get him involved. And unlike their argument after Clarke's revival, this time Natsuno isn't backing off. If by some miracle the door does open, no way in hell he'll just wait on the other side.]

( is it wrong, and oh so terribly selfish that she glad he isn't? it feels like it — especially when she's insisted to others that she hadn't been trying to make friends here, only to cling to the notion she needn't do everything alone. )

Everything's going to be fine.

( like it always is. like it always has to be. clarke has one last nod and smile for natsuno before turning back in the direction of the bridge. galvanized and with an end goal in mind, she manages to reign in the absolutely sloppy walking pattern and at least doesn't run into anything else while approaching the door.

true to form for at least a moment, all clarke does is look at it. like the wheel handle and bolted lines of the bulkhead aren't carved into her retina and plainly remapped every time she closed her eyes. like it's some sort of monument, instead of the usual obstruction that's just between her and what she wants. like maaaaybe if she squinted hard enough, whatever magic held it sealed would become apparent, or some long-hidden keyhole would manifest.

but then she's leaning in to knock. politely. three times in rapid, solid succession. )

[Well, at least she walks a little straighter now. Still, Natsuno is close by in case she trips. He may be against it, but if she's so set on trying to get in he's not going to let her look sloppy.

There's no reply. Not a muscle moves in Natsuno's face, but he's relieved.]

You were right, he won't answer. Let's go.

( meanwhile, clarke's face contorts a little. for all the assurances she'd offered him, there's always — always that part of her that hopes today would be the day she made some actual, tangible progress on confronting and defeating the captain. it's just harder to button up her disappointment when absolutely wasted.

and much, much harder to resist the urge to lash out and just hit something.

natsuno bids her to take leave, but all clarke takes is the opportunity to slam the sole of her foot against the bridge door over and over again until the reverberation of impact makes her shin ache. )

You're a coward! ( oh neat, it's time to start yelling at an immovable object. ) Why hide behind steel and magic if you're not scared of us, huh?!

Clarke -

[No, wait, now she's literally kicking and screaming like a toddler. Natsuno's lips purse as he waits impatiently for the metallic reverberations to stop.]

Stop that. You're giving him what he wants - he wants to make you feel out of your league, remember?

( look, sometimes toddlers have the right idea. but at least toddlers don't have guns.

...don't worry, natsuno. that's not coming into play yet, but feel free to absolutely notice the butt of her oh so trusted glock in the waistband of her shorts while clarke's going absolute ham on the door. just because her leg hurts doesn't mean she's done screaming, but at least gives her companion a wild, fiery sidelong glance before continuing. she hears you, natsuno, just doesn't think it matters all that much. )

Yeah, and imagine how insufferable it'd be if he were to come out and say that to my gOD DAMN FACE!

( useless or otherwise, this is cathartic as hell. )

[Yes, that sure is a glock, and he sure carries his own, as well. For all the good it'll do if the door does open, eventually.

Seems like nothing will convince her, so might as well wait for her to let it all out. Natsuno puts his hands in his pockets and takes a step back. Have at it.]

( she realizes pretty quickly that this is useless. the stories of rita and yuri assault included an unprecedented amount of damage doled out by magic, and two teenagers with guns doesn't measure up. even with on being a blood soaked, vicious, feral creature — and the other being a vampire.

but the frustration of failure understood spurns her on regardless. it's a good three more minutes of clarke alternating screaming at the wall, and beating the door with closed fists. it's all done measure of insult or challenge — all goading, and all flirting with the edge of the breakdown she's been staying off since waking up from death. but eventually she loses steam.

the pounding loses gusto. the accusations become repetitive barbs about cowardice. and eventually, when both hands and one leg ache from fruitless attempts at clawing her way through the bridge bulkhead, clarke eventually stands still. shoulders squared, breathing heavily.

the pleasant escape of being absolutely drunk off her ass is undercut by a cold brewer fury, and she's not having fun anymore. it's not cathartic, it's just sad. )

...okay. ( with no sign of progress, she'd done. taking a step back, looking at natsuno, and thankfully still too consumed in anger to feel a shred of embarrassment. )

Now I'm tired.

[Even if she was embarrassed, Natsuno would keep any judgment behind his usual stoic expression. He doubts there's anything he can say she won't tell herself when she sobers up. All he does is nod.]

You're going back to the cabin?

[It's fine if she doesn't. If Clarke still wants company, he'll be there.]

I don't know —

( tired as she may be, that's also pretty much her constant state. odds are still up in the air as to if she'd be able to sleep off what promises to be a terrible hangover. the only thing clarke knows for certain is she doesn't want to go back to the party. )

...I've dragged you all over the place tonight. ( an admission, a poorly formulated apology. yet not a release from her company, because the only thing that sucks more than failure is being alone. ) D'you wanna pick where we go next?

[Natsuno rarely spends the wee hours in his cabin, since he doesn't really sleep. Most of it isn't particularly interesting (brood, kill time in the arcade or library, brood, shoot something, brood), but... he's not bad company if you're angry-sad.]

Pool deck? [The party assaulted his sense and he needs open air.] You can show me how to cheat in blackjack.

( sometimes buddies just gotta brood together.

she doesn't particularly want to teach him blackjack — couldn't eloquently regurgitate the rules if she tried, so natsuno's going to get a great deal of oh, um and just don't do this and you'll win. and beyond that, doesn't want him to be able to throw his hat in the ring if events ever led them to the same fate as pirate jenny had met.

but. she had given him the reigns.

and has to take a minute to snort. choke back a (particularly self destructive) giggle before digging a hand into her pocket and pulling out a loose deck of cards. it's almost like she'd been planning on playing someone cards. they definitely had the resources for a shitty card lesson, if not the motivation. so why not. )

Yeah, that's fine. I can at least try.

[...Clarke. Buddy. The captain clearly doesn't want to talk to you, so maybe you WILL need someone else to throw in the hat.

Also, he's definitely not surprised by the card deck, but decides not to comment on it.]

You can cheat too. See if I catch you.

( don't rub it in, the fact that others have suffered and she hasn't even managed to goad him into a tête-à-tête is not so slowly eating her alive. what is she supposed to do with herself without something to sink her teeth into, an enemy to face, pr a threat to survival to tackle head on.

what is she supposed to do with herself.

...apparently neatly compartmentalize the panic of treading water just to stave off an inevitable drowning. take a deep breath, keep going, and at least in this moment — forget to feel horrible about (making a friend) roping her friend into another risky endeavor with little payout. so sure, they're going to go to the pool deck and play cards. and she's going to seek that numb relief of the alcohol in her system, even if disappointment has really harshed her vibe. )

I've had a bit of practice, and I won't go easy on you. So if you're still up for it —

( a loose sweeping gesture with the hand clutching the deck of cards — let's head to the pool deck. )

[Natsuno isn't oblivious - he knows she's a mess, frustrated and bitter, and a stupid card game won't make it any better. Still... he's surprised to realize he doesn't feel like being alone either.

Perhaps two months on this ship aren't a long time, but it's longer than his shiki existence back in Sotoba. Night after miserable night, killing time in mindless activities, ruminating or just staring at nothing - it's exhausting.

So yeah, he's still up for it and, without giving the bridge another look, heads back to the elevators.]

We'll see. Losing to you when you're drunk would be embarrassing.

( add it to his slapstick tracker...

but anyway, this is the closing moment of this particular novel. the epilogue features both teenagers eventually making their way down to the pool deck, dragging a pair of deck chairs together and spending the next few hours playing a loose version of blackjack. every few hands they switch roles — the dealer and the player, the house and the predestined loser. clarke's first few attempts at dealing from the bottom of the deck are clumsy and uncoordinated, easily spotted and don't net her any wins anyway.

there comes a point where this exchange even surpasses simple practice. clarke inevitably sobers up a bit, and the air of competition takes root. at some point she persuades natsuno to abandon blackjack in order to play a few rounds of war, then crazy eight's. both slightly more aggressive, both likely to get the blood pressure and hope up, but neither designed to be betting games. the evening almost dips into teenaged ridiculousness before clarke remembers they've an end goal in mind.

then it's a gentle prod back to blackjack.

he wins, she wins, they both bust over the 21 threshhold. and a while later, the sun starts to creep over the artificial horizon line, and her head splits directly down the center of her skull as the hangover hits full force.

eventually, clarke will recline in the deck chair. pretending she's waiting for natsuno to make his next move, but covertly closing her eyes and absolutely dead to the world a few seconds later. and, honestly? it's the best sleep she's had in a while, even if waking up in the sun with a splitting headache and cotton mouth almost makes her wish she'd drank the entire pool instead of playing cards alongside it. )

[At some point Natsuno realizes it's gone from distracting Clarke from being a drunk idiot to... well, fun. As much as Natsuno is capable of experiencing "fun", anyway. He is genuinely annoyed at losing, genuinely invested in beating the next round.

He's vaguely surprised to realize he needed this teenaged ridiculousness.

Once Clarke passes out, he drags a pool umbrella over her chair and heads off to wherever it is teen vampires go. Enjoy the hangover!]

We're wide awake now, our eyes are wide open. We're running this world, we keeping it turning

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject