Well, the world might cut you down again [OPEN]

[pointofhonoria]

Who: Honoria Crabb & you!
What: Crabb comes back from being possessed
When: Second weekish of November on, mostly
Where: Many places on the ship
Warnings: Discussion of possession, death, etc.
Notes: Feel free to flip me to brackets I am comfortable with either style.


1. And your best might not be good enough [closed to Johnny]

You don't realise how much you take the ability to sleep for granted until it's abruptly ripped away from you. Maybe if she could go right from closing her eyes to dreaming, skip over the quiet, the dark, the almost-nothingness of drifting off, Crabb could bring herself to get more than a handful of hours over as many days, but she can't. So, she hasn't.

She's exhausted. She's terrified. She's still not actually left her room since she woke up, equally desperate for human contact and scared to face the aftermath of everything she missed.

All of this finally comes to a head when she almost passes out standing up in the bathroom, while trying to splash herself with water to wake herself up no less. She barely catches herself before she cracks her head off the sink and the sheer panic that hits is enough to simultaneously startle her awake and realise she really needs to sleep.

Sliding down to sit on the floor, back against the shower cubicle, she texts Johnny: Almost killed myself by falling asleep on my feet. Think I need an assist, here.

2. But just know you're not alone [cabins]

Eventually, she knows she has to brave the rest of the ship. Struggling with such a simple thing as stepping outside her door for more than a few minutes at a time is frustrating enough as it is, but the problem with getting more sleep and thus more energy is the stir craziness that follows.

So, eventually, she bites the bullet. Gets dressed in actual clothes again (pants and one of the assortment of flannels she apparently got delivered at some point) and tells herself she's not going back inside for at least an hour. That's doable.

Still, it's... hard. Harder than it should be. (She's getting kinda a brand new perspective on Johnny's issues, let her say that much...) So maybe you catch her before she's actually managed to leave, on any particular day, standing in the doorway of her cabin awkwardly.

3. And if you slip and lose your way again [food places, calgona, library, photos at sea]

One way or another she does, finally, start trying to get back into a routine again. Stopping by Windjammer for most of her meals in the morning, afternoon and evening—though she'll occasionally stop by Sand Dollars for coffee or a snack. During these times she's quiet, but not hostile to company, and honestly would actually welcome it even if you'd struggle to make her say so.

She starts going to the gym again, whaling on a punching bag almost as hard as Daisy did while occupying her body except, unlike Daisy, Crabb has the sense to wear wraps and stop when she feels her hands getting too stiff. You might catch her while she's still punching away, or maybe after she's decided it's time for a break and is sat against the wall with a bottle of water.

Sometimes, she swings by the library to either sit and read in one of the chairs, or check on the Black Binder and other assorted information to see if anything changed on that front in the time she was gone. Catch her staring at the damage report and mumbling, "What in blue blazes did you all get up to in only a month...?" whilst trying to ignore the creepy drawings.

And then, once or twice, you might catch her stood at the edge of Photos At Sea, staring at the displays from a distance, trying very hard to decide if she wants to risk finding what photos were taken of Daisy throughout the month. Usually, the answer to that would be an unshakeable yes, but, well, Crabb is in fact still very shaken.

Through all of this, she still can't bring herself to use the stairs. You know. Considering being thrown down them is how she got possessed in the first place.

4. Well, I'll know that you will be all right [existing CR or people who met Daisy]

Some people, however, are going to actually get a more... direct visit, from the recently returned detective. Those who she knows that Daisy would have had to interact with somewhat to keep up the act of Being Crabb, or who reasonably might have had a conversation with her at some point in the three weeks she wasn't actually around. People she knows and feels that she can go up to and just ask, "So what in God's name did she say to you, then?"

If you don't know Crabb particularly well but had an interaction with not!Crabb... well, you'll have to approach her first, much as she's tempted she can't actually go up to every single person on the ship and ask them without feeling like an idiot.

5. You still gotta try [wildcard]

Find me at bluecitrine or at artisticblueteam#5757/in the discord.

Comments

[businessorlibation]

"Do you want a logical dismantling of that humiliation or sympathy for its existence?"

He has both on tap here, and can offer them both in as loving a manner as possible.

[pointofhonoria]

"God I dunno." She buries her face even more into the pillow before realising it's hard to breathe like that and finally turning her head just enough that she can, in fact, breathe again. "...logic? I guess?"

[businessorlibation]

"You're judging yourself by a set of standards that have not been invented here. Like, no offense to your parents, but their idea of when a person gets married isn't relevant in this space. There have never been any weddings on this voyage, and the one coming up is between three men. You're thirty-four, and on this ship, sometimes a thirty-four year old gets to learn something new about herself. How exciting is that?"

[pointofhonoria]

It takes her a second, you can practically see the cogs turning in her head as her brow furrows and unfurrows, but finally she breathes, "...guess when you put it like that... thanks, Johnny."

She rolls back onto her side properly, though she keeps her head on the pillow for easy hiding again. "Do love my parents, weren't ever bad to me or nothin', just... old-fashioned, I guess. Never told 'em about 'Broadfoot' and it ain't like I learned anything there, y'know, so. Even said to Erin, does make me feel kinda... outta step."

CW: discussion of sex and masturbation in the abstract.

[businessorlibation]

"It's alright. And we don't need to start talking about this today, unless you're up for it. Though I do want to ask: do you have any experience with your own pleasure, Honoria?"

He might be enjoying making her turn red as a cooked crab.

[pointofhonoria]

"GOD."

It's a miracle she even has any more blood to rush to her face, at this point. The flush must have retreated a little because it flares up again before she hides right back in the pillow. She's still muffled by it when she croaks out a slightly mortified, "No. Like you said, religious. Y'know?" Quiet whine. "Ugh, if we don't do this now I'll never come back around to it."

[businessorlibation]

What follows is the single most dangerous hour of Honoria Crabb’s life.

Johnny offers a soup to nuts explanation of everything from masturbation (with and without tools for stimulations) to the different methods two people with vulvas might interface to hygiene tips like using the bathroom after sex or masturbation to avoid UTIs.

He is thorough and he is mildly ruthless.

And then he hits emotional beats, like endorphin drop (thank you, Dr. Salazar) and setting boundaries. He holds very little back, if she asks questions.

[pointofhonoria]

She barely lifts her head out of the pillow the entire time. If she didn't need to take proper breaths sometimes so as not to pass out, she'd probably not have lifted her head at all.

Oh, she listens. She listens and she even takes it all in. She probably does ask a question or two, the inherent curiosity in her can't quite be killed even now. But she is absolutely mortified for every second of it, and it is apparently entirely possible to be both that mortified and grateful at the same time!

By the time he's winding down, she just... groan-laughs, peeking out from her hiding place. "...no bleedin' mercy from you, huh?"

[businessorlibation]

“The mercy is that I have no intention of telling Erin we had this talk.”

Is that really a mercy or just a lack of active cruelty, Johnny?

[pointofhonoria]

Blink, blink, blink— annnnd Crabb's going to playfully whap him with the pillow, taken from right under her head for the purpose. "You did that and I think I'd be well within my rights to bleedin' kill you, much as I'd feel bad of it. Christ."

She rolls over onto her back, covers her face with the pillow again and just laughs into it, now. Not that she sounds any less mortified.

"Gonna have to give a couple days before I say she can come over for this— this reading date thing just so I ain't a walking pillar of embarrassment."

[businessorlibation]

He laughs, taking the hit without complaint. “I only tease because I love you, and you know that. Also, the next lesson will be on polyamory. Read your textbook before I get to that one.”

[pointofhonoria]

He gets another, lighter, thwap, before she puts the pillow back under her head. "Yeah, yeah, love you too, you tormenting bastard." She sounds fond, though. "Anyway if there were bleedin' textbooks on this boat I wouldn't have half the damn issues I'm havin' with all this. She mentioned that bit to you too then?"

[businessorlibation]

“Mhm.” He nods slightly. Though her preference seems to be for something a little less structured than us. Where is your head at, with it?”

[pointofhonoria]

"It's at..." There's a noise low in her throat as she pulls words together, hands gesturing above her as she lays there on her back. "There's this tangle in my head about it, I'm tryna pull it apart now we've talked about it. 'Cause I don't mind it, when I'm lookin' at it with that all pushed to the side. Different or not, you boys are plenty evidence you can—"

She swallows. "—love, more than one person equal, right? And both times we've kissed, she squealed like a schoolgirl soon as she left, it's hard to feel like I ain't enough in the face of that. But you might 'a been right about uh. Self-esteem. Before."

[businessorlibation]

"Mmm. I'm not sure the idea that we love equally is quite right. The relationship I have with John isn't the same as the one I have with Cesar. It's its own thing. And the two of them share a bond outside of their individual bonds with me. To start comparing what you get with what someone else has...it's a recipe for madness."

He gently touches the tip of her nose. "It'd be a little like me a getting weird over Mimley and Ducky being married. What he has with her exists outside of and parallel to what he has with the me who's still in Gallery. He loves her, he loves me. But it's not the same love copied over to a different person."

[pointofhonoria]

Her nose crinkles up a little, around the scar across the bridge.

"Alright, maybe equal's not the word but— it ain't... less, for being different, y'know? But— guess that's still comparin'...? S'just that's the first logic that worked against the gut reaction of thinkin' she'd... found someone better. It ain't that, I know it ain't, but people just don't look at me this way usually. Getting used to it, still."

She's never felt so desired in her life and it's intense and wonderful and a part of her keeps waiting for the other shoe to drop, anyway.

"...to tell you the truth of it you, Bastrop and Ducky was the other example that helped. You seemed to be figurin' that out alright before... y'know, here."

[businessorlibation]

"Not without effort." A thought hits him and he lets out a chuckle before deciding to share with the class. "I can't help but wonder what Erin might have made of our dear Mrs. Bastrop. Or vice versa."

[pointofhonoria]

Oh she is in daaaaanger. Just thinking about the two being in the same space is... it's interesting. Let's call it interesting. That's a safe word that can hide many implications.

"Well. Ducks'd have Erin pegged quick as anything, 'course, that's just a given. Probably find some fascination in that way she does when she meets someone with real layers to pick apart. Wouldn't be intimidated by the size or the sword and such. Erin's... intense, y'know, but I don't think Ducks has ever seen someone with some taste of intensity to 'em and seen it as anything but— a challenge?"

Crabb continues to not be as confident in matters of people, even on her own judgement alone sometimes, but she's doing her damndest to put it in words as always. Now, Erin on Ducky... she has some frame of reference, but admitting that would be a straight line through to the bit she is trying not to say out loud.

"Erin... think she'd like her, once she figured out how to handle how piercing Ducks' ability to see you is. You're... you see people just as well, but you approach it different, y'know, Ducks can be... well, she's her own kinda intense. And they both got those kinda skills you could use to do real harm but try to do the opposite, yeah? Sure Erin could appreciate that much about her. Be bloody interesting to watch 'em try pin the other down if nothing else."

[businessorlibation]

"Yes, I'm certain you'd like to watch them pin one another down, but that's beside the point, Honoria."

He says it with the straightest of faces, instead of immediately grinning at her like the bastard he is.

[pointofhonoria]

Crabb damn near chokes on her own spit the second the words are out of his mouth. Somehow she comes out looking even more flustered than she did after the hour of literal sex talk, perhaps because that was at least informative and not a direct call out aimed right for the throat.

All she gets out is a surprisingly high-pitched, "Johnny!"

[businessorlibation]

"Yes, Honoria?"

Butter wouldn't melt in his mouth.

[pointofhonoria]

She grabs for the pillow with full intention of twhapping him again and instead ends up with it back over her face as she tries to both not have that mental image implanted in her brain and regain her composure. Neither of these endeavours are exactly successful.

"You are. The worrrrst." She loves his bastard self and he knows it but she can whine, alright! "Jeezus that's unfair."

[businessorlibation]

"But it shows you something: you're capable of imagining Erin with other women and not immediately going straight to anger and possessiveness."

Beat.

"Not that you're going straight anywhere else, either, of course."

[pointofhonoria]

"It ain't gonna be my face in this pillow in a second, mister."

You know as if a nothing straight about you joke is his worst 'sin' today. It does actually make her laugh a little despite herself and the threat.

"Ugh but you ain't wrong, that's— something, yeah. But there've gotta be ways of teaching that lesson that ain't— that!"

[businessorlibation]

"I'm sure there are. But your reaction to Ducky's name was something I wanted to poke at."

He gives her a wry knowing look.