Ava Starr (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
decohere) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
come_sailaway2022-12-31 02:55 am
decohere) wrote in come_sailaway2022-12-31 02:55 am
Don't make me sad, don't make me cry
Who: Ava Starr & Whoever (6, Maximilien, Skulduggery, and ota)
What: recovery, lowkey double birthday, possible confrontations
When: end of December, very beginning of January
Where: mostly her room, the casino, library & coffee shop
Warnings: discussions of excursion killings
i. Why, who me, why?
closed to 6
Ava wakes with an airless gasp, a phaseshift jerk right out of her own body. Panicked fingers clutch at her midsection where her clothing remains sliced through even though her body is confirmed back in one piece... A delayed reaction to getting bisected by a wall she never made it all the way through, a desperate attempt to lead the evil shadow out and away. Away from Peter.
Peter. "Peter," Ava cries out, terrified.
ii. Feet don't fail me now, take me to your finish line
closed to Maximilien
She keeps worriedly asking about Max's whereabouts, until at some point he's there. And Ava doesn't quite manage the hug she's going in for but collapses against him in greeting. Grateful for how solid and steady his metal frame is, as she continues to tremble. "Can you... stay with me for awhile?" Her voice is barely above a whisper, but she knows his hearing is good enough she won't have to raise it.
iii. Oh my heart it breaks every step that I take
ota
From the first day she awakes, to the end of the year, there's no sign of Ava outside of her cabin. All her meals, the little she's willing to eat, she has brought to her by Peter. She doesn't want to go out, doesn't want to face what's out there. Or who and all their opinions and rage and blame. But she doesn't want to be alone either, even though she's sure there's very few people that want to see her. And Undine's gone now. Gone gone, now that she can no longer lie to herself about how maybe the girl had simply chosen to stay behind as if it were part of her journey to be normal. This is no place to be normal. Not if you want to survive.
She curls up with her puzzle book with very little motivation to do much else, blocking out all the thoughts she doesn't feel emotionally capable of handling right now. And picks through her gift basket, touched at how thoughtful Sharky and Pratt were to think of her. If there's a knock at her door, it may take a moment for her to shake off the daze, shake off the nervousness of answering it.
iv. But I'm hoping that the gates, they'll tell me that you're mine
closed to Skulduggery
There's a growing crack of worry, splintering through her nerves the longer she goes without hearing from Skulduggery, the days blurring into each other and she has no real conscious awareness of how long it's actually been. Has the Captain failed in bringing him back? If so, she'd half expect reality to screech to a stop, or the ship to sink, or some tangible despair hanging in the air as she peers through the window of her room before pulling the curtains back tightly. That's the small hope she clings to.
Contact comes first in the form of a text, an apology and an offer to meet. Holding her phone is a chore, but with trembling fingers she sends a 'yes' and hopes that single word is enough to communicate how badly she needs to see him.
She's manages a shower, damp hair pulled back and dressed in a clean pair of sweats, trying to pull herself together enough that maybe he won't be able to tell how shaken up she is. And of course the earrings he'd gifted her, that did not work as advertised. But a very quiet indicator to let him know where her heart still lies, even if words fail her.
When there's finally a knock, Ava answers the door she's been nervously hovering by, after failing several times to grasp at the handle. And immediately starts tearing up at seeing the familiarface skull of her best friend.
v. Walking through the city streets, is it by mistake or design?
closed to Maximilien and Skulduggery
The timing is even worse than her own birthday after the Halloween massacre, really, but this little get together late in the evening of the 31st (Skulduggery's birthday) and the customary countdown change over to the new year (Maximilien's manufacture date) is something that she's been looking forward to all month because the timing of that is too good. And a good opportunity for the three of them to be together again, despite the circumstances. They're her best friends, and it feels more important than ever for them to stick together in the aftermath.
So she dresses in her white suit, hair styled sleek, carrying her unopened bottle of Maximilien's finest Don Rumbotico because it's finally a special enough occasion. And for the first time since returning, Ava steps out of her cabin and heads straight to the casino. "Hello, gentlemen," she joins them at the poker table, her mood subdued but still far better than it's been.
vi. I feel so alone on a Friday night
ota
For the first week of January, Ava barely ventures out of her room. When she does, it's with the energy of a stray cat hiding behind the dumpster, skitterish at every sudden movement and sound. Which doesn't seem too unusual. But anyone that's seen her around the last few months might notice a few key differences. She isn't casually floating about anymore, but feet dragging. And she's no longer taking shortcuts through the walls, stopping short of them, awkwardly fumbling through doors instead.
Back at the mutiny meeting, she had come out strong and clear on her support for Skulduggery, his plan to save everyone even if she had always felt that it was too heroic. It hadn't swayed anyone, probably only served to strengthen their resolve against her perspective, because she's never been able to convince anyone of much anything at all. She pointedly avoids the gaze of anyone in that meeting now. There's no challenge, no sneaking into any secret meetings that may or may not be occurring. No going out of her way to approach anyone, because she's sure everyone knows somebody who was killed that night and has rather strong feelings about it.
If she has any reputation at all, she's sure now it's of a fool, one that paid the price for her stubbornly held beliefs.
But she finds some comfort in the library reading and watching in amusement when people find the black binder missing. And hiding in the back corner of the coffee shop, still focused on her puzzle book.
What: recovery, lowkey double birthday, possible confrontations
When: end of December, very beginning of January
Where: mostly her room, the casino, library & coffee shop
Warnings: discussions of excursion killings
i. Why, who me, why?
closed to 6
Ava wakes with an airless gasp, a phaseshift jerk right out of her own body. Panicked fingers clutch at her midsection where her clothing remains sliced through even though her body is confirmed back in one piece... A delayed reaction to getting bisected by a wall she never made it all the way through, a desperate attempt to lead the evil shadow out and away. Away from Peter.
Peter. "Peter," Ava cries out, terrified.
ii. Feet don't fail me now, take me to your finish line
closed to Maximilien
She keeps worriedly asking about Max's whereabouts, until at some point he's there. And Ava doesn't quite manage the hug she's going in for but collapses against him in greeting. Grateful for how solid and steady his metal frame is, as she continues to tremble. "Can you... stay with me for awhile?" Her voice is barely above a whisper, but she knows his hearing is good enough she won't have to raise it.
iii. Oh my heart it breaks every step that I take
ota
From the first day she awakes, to the end of the year, there's no sign of Ava outside of her cabin. All her meals, the little she's willing to eat, she has brought to her by Peter. She doesn't want to go out, doesn't want to face what's out there. Or who and all their opinions and rage and blame. But she doesn't want to be alone either, even though she's sure there's very few people that want to see her. And Undine's gone now. Gone gone, now that she can no longer lie to herself about how maybe the girl had simply chosen to stay behind as if it were part of her journey to be normal. This is no place to be normal. Not if you want to survive.
She curls up with her puzzle book with very little motivation to do much else, blocking out all the thoughts she doesn't feel emotionally capable of handling right now. And picks through her gift basket, touched at how thoughtful Sharky and Pratt were to think of her. If there's a knock at her door, it may take a moment for her to shake off the daze, shake off the nervousness of answering it.
iv. But I'm hoping that the gates, they'll tell me that you're mine
closed to Skulduggery
There's a growing crack of worry, splintering through her nerves the longer she goes without hearing from Skulduggery, the days blurring into each other and she has no real conscious awareness of how long it's actually been. Has the Captain failed in bringing him back? If so, she'd half expect reality to screech to a stop, or the ship to sink, or some tangible despair hanging in the air as she peers through the window of her room before pulling the curtains back tightly. That's the small hope she clings to.
Contact comes first in the form of a text, an apology and an offer to meet. Holding her phone is a chore, but with trembling fingers she sends a 'yes' and hopes that single word is enough to communicate how badly she needs to see him.
She's manages a shower, damp hair pulled back and dressed in a clean pair of sweats, trying to pull herself together enough that maybe he won't be able to tell how shaken up she is. And of course the earrings he'd gifted her, that did not work as advertised. But a very quiet indicator to let him know where her heart still lies, even if words fail her.
When there's finally a knock, Ava answers the door she's been nervously hovering by, after failing several times to grasp at the handle. And immediately starts tearing up at seeing the familiar
v. Walking through the city streets, is it by mistake or design?
closed to Maximilien and Skulduggery
The timing is even worse than her own birthday after the Halloween massacre, really, but this little get together late in the evening of the 31st (Skulduggery's birthday) and the customary countdown change over to the new year (Maximilien's manufacture date) is something that she's been looking forward to all month because the timing of that is too good. And a good opportunity for the three of them to be together again, despite the circumstances. They're her best friends, and it feels more important than ever for them to stick together in the aftermath.
So she dresses in her white suit, hair styled sleek, carrying her unopened bottle of Maximilien's finest Don Rumbotico because it's finally a special enough occasion. And for the first time since returning, Ava steps out of her cabin and heads straight to the casino. "Hello, gentlemen," she joins them at the poker table, her mood subdued but still far better than it's been.
vi. I feel so alone on a Friday night
ota
For the first week of January, Ava barely ventures out of her room. When she does, it's with the energy of a stray cat hiding behind the dumpster, skitterish at every sudden movement and sound. Which doesn't seem too unusual. But anyone that's seen her around the last few months might notice a few key differences. She isn't casually floating about anymore, but feet dragging. And she's no longer taking shortcuts through the walls, stopping short of them, awkwardly fumbling through doors instead.
Back at the mutiny meeting, she had come out strong and clear on her support for Skulduggery, his plan to save everyone even if she had always felt that it was too heroic. It hadn't swayed anyone, probably only served to strengthen their resolve against her perspective, because she's never been able to convince anyone of much anything at all. She pointedly avoids the gaze of anyone in that meeting now. There's no challenge, no sneaking into any secret meetings that may or may not be occurring. No going out of her way to approach anyone, because she's sure everyone knows somebody who was killed that night and has rather strong feelings about it.
If she has any reputation at all, she's sure now it's of a fool, one that paid the price for her stubbornly held beliefs.
But she finds some comfort in the library reading and watching in amusement when people find the black binder missing. And hiding in the back corner of the coffee shop, still focused on her puzzle book.
no subject
She knows she would have figured it out quicker than most, would have been torn on wanting to handle it privately or... Ava trembles. She can imagine trying to speak up with evidence, to a room full of the unwilling and unruly, of the people that have repeatedly brushed off every word of reason she tries to present. She can imagine having to try saying it over and over again, talked over, ignored.
But instead she somehow escaped the worst of it, by dying horrifically. "Wait... too weak to do what? You broke up?"
no subject
Oh, right. But she asked him a question. "Yeah. We broke up." They sigh dramatically. "He just...just...he was gonna cut me out anyway, right? So..." More sniffles and Klaus takes a pillow to hug, pressing their face into it for a moment. "I hate it so much! Why would he...he just..." More sniffles. "He said it to Valdis, but...but he said he was gonna cut out everyone that was weak and..."
There was a sigh. "I...can't..." There was a crack in their voice. "We were supposed to get married and now we're...we're...nothing. And the Captain and Skulduggery...they were...so sad. That's what I want."
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She can't imagine the Captain having enjoyed any of it, though. Hurting somebody you love is one of the most impossibly painful things she can imagine. But the fact he went through it, set up a trial in order to do so. She's sure those against the Captain, their relationship, are more so even more than ever anyway. "I'm... I. I hope he's okay. Both of them." But she can't bring herself to leave her room, scared of what's going on out there. What mutiny is brewing with even greater fervor than before.
She reaches out a trembling hand, to pat Klaus on the back amidst the sniffling. "You're not weak," she insists softly, not understanding why Nobunaga would want to cut Klaus out over what happened. The context is confusing. It's the first time she heard about any plans to get married, and it feels sad that it's at the time it's already being called off. "What they have is... for... people that. Aren't like us, Klaus," she says quietly. "They're like... cosmically destined. And we're. We're both gone in the blink of an eye." It's not meant harshly, even if it's rooted in her own crumbled self esteem. It's going to be a long time before she can fly again.
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There's a nod there. "I hope so, too. It was so romantic...and sweet and just...sad."
There's still sniffling at that. "I feel weak." But everything feels even more sad than it did before. The wedding had started as an accident, just him proposing while he was high and obsessed with garlic bread, but he'd started to want it. Started to really be okay. "But we could be like...happily romanced and in love in the meantime and...and stuff. Not sad. Well, I guess you're happy. So just me. But I guess...I guess I knew it would happen eventually because...you know...everything." They gesture vaguely. "Saw what happened the last time the universe let me fall in love, so why would it be different now?"
no subject
She continues to lightly pat, until it turns into a gentle circling rub between his shoulder blades. "So do I," she admits, knows it's difficult to find any strength and resolve up against all these supernatural beings. Their powers might have given them an edge, back in their own worlds. But now. "He had told me, the way to kill him. Just in case. And I... never stood a chance." Skulduggery now must realize just how much he overestimated her.
"I felt like everything was over for me, when Malcolm vanished. That anyone would even be interested in me at all, beyond just... anything casual." Because at least now she can recognize at least a few people find her attractive. But that's not the same as love. "Felt like a fluke, and I still never thought I was really good enough for him. But you're right, I am happy with Peter," in a way she doesn't want to overly elaborate on in the moment because Klaus is so down. "Because he doesn't make me feel weak, or threaten to cut me out if we disagree. You deserve better than to be disrespected."
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He squirms over, lightly pulling on Ava’s arm to indicate she should lie down with him. “I hate it. People always say I’m strong and chill and good and I’m none of those things. But they just keep saying it.” Nobunaga used to say them all the time. They bet he regrets that now. Cause he could have just never been with him and been happier. “It’s dumb. We should have more power but…” They look at Ava. “It means that he’s free from that, right? He’s free now?” They mean from Lord Vile and the murderous rampage stuff.
“He’s never done that before.” There’s a frown. “And we’ve disagreed a lot. I don’t know why it suddenly changed. Did I do something wrong?” They’re asking the wrong person probably, but they can’t ask Nobunaga.
no subject
"I don't think I want more power," Ava admits. "Seems like those who have it, can't seem to figure out their problems without..." she trails off. "But I hope so." She hopes Skulduggery no longer has to worry about carrying that around.
She's uncertain about the suddenness, doesn't know enough about their relationship or what happened at the trial to give an answer with any amount of confidence. "Some people have extreme ideals or lofty morality that... those of us in the grey will never quite meet."
no subject
They understand he disinterest in more power and now that she's said that, they let out a long sigh. "You're right." There's a sigh. "Me too. If you see him, tell him um...I'm still with him." Not that he's told Skulduggery that he was on his side anyway. "If there's anything I can do to help, I want to."
That makes him sad. "I don't want to be easy to disregard or discard." A beat. "But I guess I am anyway." They are just going to move nuzzle lightly against Ava, trying not to think about Nobunaga doing the same. "I'm sorry I came and was sad when you were already sad. I just wanted to see you weren't dead still."
no subject
"I don't know how... any of it's going to go," she admits tiredly. "Maybe he's... done with me, and this was finally his going through with it. I feel like I'm supposed to be more angry. Betrayed. But none of that quite feels right, but I am hurt." She hates how complicated it feels, at least with Dr. Pym she had pure resentment that she could translate into a desire for revenge. "Because I still love him." And she closes her eyes in defeat, taking in the comfort of the nuzzling.
She hates that it has to be that way, that both of them are so beyond doomed. "No, we can be sad together."
no subject
"He shouldn't be," Klaus says quietly. "You always are the best and you have a child..." They would offer to check in on Fio, but even they know that's a terrible idea. No one should let them check on a child like this.
"Okay," he says quietly, pulling her in a little closer. "How's Peter?"
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"I thought maybe any of that counted, for something... now... now," her lower lip trembles, before she bites into it, to hold back a whimper. There's only one person that can provide her any amount of reassurance, and she doesn't even know if he's survived.
She curls up closer against his side. "He's been here, beside me. Staying in the room." But he's being so strong for her, she's not quite sure how he's actually handling it yet.
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There's a small noise to indicate he's listening. "Ooooo. Ava and Peter sitting in a tree...f-u-c-k" A pause. "Mmm. you know the rest." Maybe they aren't but like...that seems like a waste. Klaus would be f-u-c-k-i-n-g if things weren't...you know...fucking terrible right now. "Is he coming back soon? Cause I just wanna stay here. He can cuddle with us. It's fine."
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"Ohgod. You're lucky I'm not kicking you out of my bed just for that..." But she isn't, keeps rubbing at his upper arm. "If he comes by while you're napping," because that's why she's trying to encourage. "I'll ask him to get some orange juice..." for the inevitable hangover.
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"You wouldn't kick a sad, drunk person out of your bed." Probably she would, but...they're just going to hope she won't. And they are getting sleepier. "Mmm. I like naps. Do you just really like orange juice? Is this an inside joke? I don't get it."
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"And what's wrong with orange juice? It has... vitamins."
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"Nothing, but why? Just seems random is all." And who cares about vitamiiins?
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"... for hangovers?" Ava asks uncertainly. Or maybe that's not actually a thing. Back when she was drinking a bit heavier for a month, thinking it would magically loosen her up and make her stress less, she woke up feeling like trash and... orange juice seemed to help? But Klaus is more of a professional drunk than she ever was.
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Klaus wrinkles their nose slightly. "Well, if it's for that, probably aspirin and my immediate death." A beat. "That last part's a lie. But I'll probably feel that way. Ugh. I can't eat anything immediately or I'll die. But...ehhh."
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