Don't make me sad, don't make me cry

[decohere]

Who: Ava Starr & Whoever (6, Maximilien, Skulduggery, and ota)
What: recovery, lowkey double birthday, possible confrontations 
When: end of December, very beginning of January
Where: mostly her room, the casino, library & coffee shop
Warnings: discussions of excursion killings

i. Why, who me, why?
closed to 6

Ava wakes with an airless gasp, a phaseshift jerk right out of her own body. Panicked fingers clutch at her midsection where her clothing remains sliced through even though her body is confirmed back in one piece... A delayed reaction to getting bisected by a wall she never made it all the way through, a desperate attempt to lead the evil shadow out and away. Away from Peter.

Peter. "Peter," Ava cries out, terrified.

ii. Feet don't fail me now, take me to your finish line
closed to Maximilien

She keeps worriedly asking about Max's whereabouts, until at some point he's there. And Ava doesn't quite manage the hug she's going in for but collapses against him in greeting. Grateful for how solid and steady his metal frame is, as she continues to tremble. "Can you... stay with me for awhile?" Her voice is barely above a whisper, but she knows his hearing is good enough she won't have to raise it.


iii. Oh my heart it breaks every step that I take
ota

From the first day she awakes, to the end of the year, there's no sign of Ava outside of her cabin. All her meals, the little she's willing to eat, she has brought to her by Peter. She doesn't want to go out, doesn't want to face what's out there. Or who and all their opinions and rage and blame. But she doesn't want to be alone either, even though she's sure there's very few people that want to see her. And Undine's gone now. Gone gone, now that she can no longer lie to herself about how maybe the girl had simply chosen to stay behind as if it were part of her journey to be normal. This is no place to be normal. Not if you want to survive.

She curls up with her puzzle book with very little motivation to do much else, blocking out all the thoughts she doesn't feel emotionally capable of handling right now. And picks through her gift basket, touched at how thoughtful Sharky and Pratt were to think of her. If there's a knock at her door, it may take a moment for her to shake off the daze, shake off the nervousness of answering it.

iv. But I'm hoping that the gates, they'll tell me that you're mine
closed to Skulduggery

There's a growing crack of worry, splintering through her nerves the longer she goes without hearing from Skulduggery, the days blurring into each other and she has no real conscious awareness of how long it's actually been. Has the Captain failed in bringing him back? If so, she'd half expect reality to screech to a stop, or the ship to sink, or some tangible despair hanging in the air as she peers through the window of her room before pulling the curtains back tightly. That's the small hope she clings to.

Contact comes first in the form of a text, an apology and an offer to meet. Holding her phone is a chore, but with trembling fingers she sends a 'yes' and hopes that single word is enough to communicate how badly she needs to see him.

She's manages a shower, damp hair pulled back and dressed in a clean pair of sweats, trying to pull herself together enough that maybe he won't be able to tell how shaken up she is. And of course the earrings he'd gifted her, that did not work as advertised. But a very quiet indicator to let him know where her heart still lies, even if words fail her.

When there's finally a knock, Ava answers the door she's been nervously hovering by, after failing several times to grasp at the handle. And immediately starts tearing up at seeing the familiar face skull of her best friend.

v. Walking through the city streets, is it by mistake or design?
closed to Maximilien and Skulduggery

The timing is even worse than her own birthday after the Halloween massacre, really, but this little get together late in the evening of the 31st (Skulduggery's birthday) and the customary countdown change over to the new year (Maximilien's manufacture date) is something that she's been looking forward to all month because the timing of that is too good. And a good opportunity for the three of them to be together again, despite the circumstances. They're her best friends, and it feels more important than ever for them to stick together in the aftermath.

So she dresses in her white suit, hair styled sleek, carrying her unopened bottle of Maximilien's finest Don Rumbotico because it's finally a special enough occasion. And for the first time since returning, Ava steps out of her cabin and heads straight to the casino. "Hello, gentlemen," she joins them at the poker table, her mood subdued but still far better than it's been.

vi. I feel so alone on a Friday night
ota

For the first week of January, Ava barely ventures out of her room. When she does, it's with the energy of a stray cat hiding behind the dumpster, skitterish at every sudden movement and sound. Which doesn't seem too unusual. But anyone that's seen her around the last few months might notice a few key differences. She isn't casually floating about anymore, but feet dragging. And she's no longer taking shortcuts through the walls, stopping short of them, awkwardly fumbling through doors instead.

Back at the mutiny meeting, she had come out strong and clear on her support for Skulduggery, his plan to save everyone even if she had always felt that it was too heroic. It hadn't swayed anyone, probably only served to strengthen their resolve against her perspective, because she's never been able to convince anyone of much anything at all. She pointedly avoids the gaze of anyone in that meeting now. There's no challenge, no sneaking into any secret meetings that may or may not be occurring. No going out of her way to approach anyone, because she's sure everyone knows somebody who was killed that night and has rather strong feelings about it.

If she has any reputation at all, she's sure now it's of a fool, one that paid the price for her stubbornly held beliefs.

But she finds some comfort in the library reading and watching in amusement when people find the black binder missing. And hiding in the back corner of the coffee shop, still focused on her puzzle book.

Comments

[be_seeing_you]

With no other recourse but to wait, he's keeping a silent vigil outside her door, his eyes firmly glued to the watch on his wrist watching the slow march of time tick away. Second, after second, after second...

Then, he hears her calling his name.

"Ava! I'm here." He's up on his feet in a shot, practically slamming himself into her frustratingly locked door. "I'm here."

[decohere]

She almost manages to dismiss it all as a nightmare, that she's back at the resort... but the bed is wrong as she turns over, the dark corners of the room indicating a much smaller space even before the details come into focus, the rock of the... yes, it's the ship. Her vision blurs and she strains to sit up, feeling a weird numb as the initial panic subsides.

She can hear Peter calling back to her, the pounding, and she shoves her face in her palms, fingers curling into her hair, overwhelmed as she tries to work backwards through her last memories to figure out what the hell happened. But she died. That much she can guess by waking up alone in... alone? Ava's head snaps up, looks over to where Undine's pull out bed should be... except it's back to a folded up couch. And that conclusion hits hard as well.

Peter... Peter... She stumbles out of bed onto unsteady legs, hurrying toward the door, opening it. She looks lost, pleading, reaching out for him.

iii

[busball]

Klaus has been having an entirely shitty adventure. He doesn’t want to see many people, really doesn’t even want to be anything less than permanently drunk and so it should come to no surprise to the universe that when he turns up to Ava’s door, he’s drunk.

They didn’t even really mean to leave the room, but they haven’t seen Ava and the thought got them up, staggering through the halls to find her because if she’s alive, then at least one thing is good. “Aaaavaaaaa.” Cause wow. Annoying is their middle name right now.

[decohere]

Usually Ava might peek out through the door first to check who it is, but she's feeling rather sensitive about going through things. But the voice is distinct enough anyway, that Ava answers it worriedly. Her own world has been so narrowed in, to the confines of her room, and the few people that she's seen. That she hasn't fully tried to process how others are handling what happened. She hasn't wanted to expose herself much to it, because her own coping has been shaky enough.

"Klaus," she greets, and immediately picks up on the strong waft of alcohol on his breath. "You... come in," she encourages. Because she wants her door closed off again.

vi

[lightconductor]

"No more information, is that it?"

Watson frowns slightly at the loss of the black binder, and shakes his head. He's not sure he approves of that loss, but... it's hardly his decision to make, is it? Still, he gives Ava a smile, if a tired one. "How are you?"

He's heard things, of course, but he's still filling in the gaps of everything that happened.

[decohere]

"Information exists," Ava answers mildly, a gentler response for Watson than others might receive. "Anyone can go asking around for it."

She's halfway through a number puzzle, but places her pencil down out of respect for the man, to give him her full attention. "I'm back in one piece. But..." she sighs out. "Wary. Yourself?"

ii

[makesomedeals]

Maximilien had wanted to give Ava some space to recover with Peter, much as he didn't like the man. And for as little as he understood relationships, he did get that there was some special connection between the two of them and he wasn't going to interfere with that.

Still, he can't stay away for long, his last memory of her being setting two halves on the bed in a grim parody of a person laying down, her body stuck in an awful pose that looked painful even in death. There's an immediate sense of relief upon seeing her, alive, intact, her skin warm and vibrant looking again instead of pallid and cold.

He catches her as she collapses, freezing momentarily at the uncomfortable reminder of how he'd had to carry her. But then he sits down next to her so she can lean against him if she'd like.

"Of course. How..." processors firing several endings to that question. So many things he wants to know, to ask her, but not knowing if the timing is quite right. "How are you feeling currently? I'm guessing no amount of bread will be adequate."

[decohere]

She does lean against him with a tired sigh as they sit, though not too heavily, just pressed firmly enough as a reminder that he's right there. She doesn't need Max to be something he isn't, doesn't need stiff arms wrapped around her in an awkward attempt at a hug, she doesn't need him to be good at this or to string together the right combination of words. It's enough that he's here willingly, allowing her to be open in her misery. Without pushing her away.

But she shakes her head at the offer for bread, doesn't quite have the stomach for much right now. "Like... like. I," she tries, because she's not very good at this either. "I'm fine, physically." Or at least back to her regular state of unstable. There's no lingering effects from being walled, other than a small trembling around her edges. "Accepted the circumstances, as much as I... can without having spoken with him." The him being obvious. Because she's still insecure, that this was a deep desire of his, to be rid of her. That Skulduggery finally realized all along how disposable she was, finally acted upon it. But that's not a conversation she can have with Max.

"Worried? About how he's..." Even with the execution, meant to take care of Vile's influence. She can't imagine how Skulduggery is going to process all this either. How his reputation will be impacted, and all the trust he worked hard to build shattered.

She closes her eyes. "Are you? Okay?"

VI

[konpeito_aji]

It takes Nobunaga a long damn time to calm down to... not normal. But frosty.

The one person he's wanted to see, (uh and wasn't literally avoiding because pain, so much pain), but refused to text, just stuck hoping to find her eventually, was Ava.

He's... shy about it. So damn shy. Like he's worried he'll scare her off into invisibility. She has to have seen Klaus by now. And he's dying for word of how everyone who hates him he still cares about is doing. Having emotions sucks. Less when he can let them be icier than the frozen levels of hell. But he brings her a coffee, himself an extremely light tea, because it's the only way he can tell them apart now. It's hard to tell matcha apart when everything is grey.

Nobunaga had been going without parts of armor for awhile, since starting to trust. A surreal feeling. And sometimes he still does. But not today. He's as armored as he can be, but he doesn't exactly cut an imposing figure looking like a lost puppy. He's tempted to leave the coffee and just... run for it honestly. But that's too pathetic, even for him.

Oh so quietly. "Are they okay?"

[decohere]

Ava still doesn't quite understand what happened, because her only insight is Klaus's drunken retelling of Nobunaga making some sort of ill-informed stand and declaration at the trial. The trial of her best friend. Having murdered a bunch of people. Including herself. She was dead for all that, and their breakup is so low on the list of other things that she's currently trying to work through. Not that she's unsympathetic, but she is exhausted and overwhelmed and it wears heavily on her hunched posture and the downturned crease of her mouth.

Ava ducks her head, breathes out as she accepts the coffee. "Not well," she reports, not sure how much detail is wanted from either party involved. "And neither am I, honestly, so..." a small plea not to drag her through too much of an emotional rollercoaster.

iii

[sabigoe]

A majority of Fio's tears have already been shed after Peter and Maximilien delivered a light version of the news after the trial. It was Ava and Darcy's deaths that she learned of from them. Her own roommate and the rest of the murdered became noticeable on the ride back to the ship. And the man responsible for it all-- she tells herself Skulduggery would never commit those crimes on purpose...

Though she tries, she's unable to stay awake by the time the victims revive in the early morning. At the very least, she knows Peter's going to be by Ava's side by the time she returns. And she's seen a few others in the hallway, lingering around, waiting to be by their loved one's side.

About a few hours after the revivals, Fio's more awake to function throughout the day. After eating a breakfast alone in the buffet, she makes her way back to the cabins with one of her flying stuffed animals, Calcite, fluttering behind her. Chamomile in one hand and a plate of madeleines in the other, sitting upon a doily. The tea's in a cup with a sleeve, so she doesn't burn her hands. But she walks slowly, to make sure she doesn't spill or drop anything. All the way from Sand Dollars, of course.

...She should have messaged Ava first. In her exhaustion, it might have slipped her mind. Too late, now that Fio's standing in front of the cabin door. Both hands are full. She did not think this through... so she knocks lightly on the door with her elbow.

[decohere]

Peter has filled her in on the more important details of the events transpiring after the death of her and several others, but it's all still overwhelmingly difficult to process what she's meant to do with any of it. And after her rough awakening she's settled numbly on the couch to stare at the blank tv for awhile, fingers worrying at the throw blanket tucked into the gift basket from Sharky and Pratt.

It feels as if there's so many things to do despite not being able to think of a single one, people to check on despite knowing they're probably already occupied with worry from others. And that's all she has to contribute right now, more worry. But she has no energy to do any of it. No motivation to leave her room when her sense of safety is so shaken. At least Peter's reassured her that he and Maximilien had checked in with Fio, and that she was safe despite everything. And Ava wants to see her, but she's still so uncertain what she's even going to say, nothing to make any of it better. This time she can't distract her with dances and reassurances of fairy tales and...

The tap at her door is enough to pull her out of a daze, and it doesn't sound threatening... there's a hope that it's Fio based on the gentleness. And a wobbly smile in confirmation that it is, when she gets to the door. The only thing preventing her from taking the girl into her arms is that her hands are full. And a moment to recognize that it's chamomile in the mug, from the soft aroma. "Oh, Fio..." it's so like her to do something so thoughtful.

She'd turned down food earlier, but despite how uneasy she feels, the sight of the cute madeleines does trigger a slight rumble in her empty stomach. She takes the mug and plate and invites Fio in, over to the couch... the pull out bed that's now been tucked away in Undine's absence. Her hands tremble and she puts the mug down before she sloshes it on herself. "Thank you for visiting. I meant to come by earlier, but... I'm so tired."

iii. Oh my heart it breaks every step that I take

[saltwaterlungs]

Whether or not Ava's answering her texts, she gets one from Darcy a bit after noon.

hey
anything im going to ask you is probably dumb because
you know
but
how are you doing?
have you got someone with you?

[decohere]

[it takes awhile, to work up the energy to formulate a reply. and then poking at the screen and not quite getting most of the letters to push on the first try.]

not dmb
jus numb

peterand max and fio hv ben by
pete going t stay
undine is
gone.

[she almost leaves off the last part, because, everything else. but she can't see a way around it. later feels worse for darcy to find out.]

[tossmealifeline]

It was fine that she'd been hiding for a week, Yato hadn't really been able to chase people down until then. As it was, he still moved lacking some of the grace he usually did, a little stiff. It couldn't be helped. He was healing.

He offered Ava a small smile, perhaps interrupting her puzzle or coffee, because he just wanted to say something.

"I'm glad to see you." He was sorry to hear of her death.

[decohere]

Luckily she's about finished solving the puzzle in her little book, and doesn't mind the interruption. It's been helpful having something to focus on, rather than trying to solve her tangle of feelings. Gives her a flimsy sense of control over something in her life.

And at least he sounds genuine with that statement, because she's even more uncertain these days. How much anyone wants to see her around. So she smiles, closing her book with the pen between pages to hold her place.

"Figured if I survived, then hiding away about it forever defeats the purpose."

vi.

[decrypter]

She'd noticed Ava's absence, after the return. It wasn't out of the ordinary - Helena had thought it best, if she needed to heal. But it doesn't mean she doesn't worry in the process, wonder how she's doing. She has her Mr. Smith, of course (certain people keep her well informed as to the happenings of the ship), and hopefully he's been a great comfort, along with all of her other friends. That said, perhaps Helena is too inclined to dwell on a few things. Maybe she's presuming, still unable to shake the idea of Ava's awareness coming from a particular place.

So, with some time passing, when Ava's probably decided to come out again, her phone will get a message.

Hello, Miss Ava. This is Helena. Do you feel like talking right now? It's all right if not.

The voice to text leaves things a little more formal, but such is correct translation.

[decohere]

[omg what certain people!!!]

Her brief attempts at sneaking out of isolation have come with uncomfortable sorts of confrontations she's realized she perhaps isn't ready for, and so Ava has been quick to withdraw more. Back into her room, with a pile of romance novels that let her be embarrassed and uncomfortable for other people rather than tangled up in her own misery. It's exactly the right time for her to indulge in such saccharine nonsense, whisked away by fantasies that are... somebody's, not really her own.

Even if, as she told Ossie, she can't relate to any of the characters.

She's had Peter to keep her company, more than usual given her roommate's recent eviction from... life. But currently she's alone, taking a pause in her reading, to stare up dramatically at the ceiling as if she stopped thinking so hard at it the whole thing might collapse down upon her.

The ding of her phone breaks her concentration. And the ceiling indeed does not fall. Ava shakes it off, picks up the phone, and smiles lightly at the neat politeness of the message. Helena, she likes Helena. With a temperament that won't upset her own.

i could use company, if you wish to come by with some apples.

vi. I feel so alone on a Friday night

[crushed_pearls]

Here's the thing: Erin can't read the binder on her own, so she doesn't pay a lot of attention to it. She trudges right past where it belongs, tired as hell, and walks past Ava at the same time.

Hold up.

Erin visibly walks backwards and gives Ava a little wave. "Good book?"

[decohere]

"It's actually rather awful, and yet I can't put it down," Ava responds, a careful peek up from over it. And keeps her wondering what Erin is doing in a place like this to herself.

[obeyseventually]

Jack enters the library - pauses for a second, seeing the empty spot where the binder used to be - and heads back to the shelf of origin for the book in hand: a hardback collection of Tales from the Crypt comics. He knows this isn't how it usually goes in libraries, but since the pool of library users here is limited, Jack figures it's fine if he walks in and puts it right back on the shelf where he found it. Not the least because it's a great timesaver, since the next collection is right there. Jack slides it free and looks for somewhere to sit, and that's when he spots Ava.

He's seen her around lately, which is weird and concerning on its own without knowing it's because of what happened to her. If not directly, then in response.

This might be one of those things best to leave someone on their own for, but... Jack knows from Skulduggery's testimony/confession that she's got ties to him, and from other people to the Captain that she's got ties to him as well. This probably isn't a great time to talk business, either, but...

Jack wanders over to her corner of the library, figuring if she really doesn't want the company, she'll disappear.

"How's the book?" Jack asks, partly an opener, partly a tip-off if she somehow hasn't noticed the incoming conversation and wants to dodge it.

[decohere]

Even engrossed in her romance novel, Ava's sharply aware when somebody else enters the library. A part of her brain busily tracking the movement, and at first she doesn't think anything of it. People come and go from the library often enough. But the footsteps approach, and she glances up over the pages, trying not to look too embarrassed of the cover with the nearly shirtless Fabio with a buxom blonde.

"There's a lot of stupid words for penis," is her annoyed response. Not at Jack, but at the book. "How's anyone supposed to find this sexy?" Which is probably not the conversation he was expecting, but it's what he's getting.

iv. sometimes love is not enough

[light_mischief]

Skulduggery doesn't know what to expect when Ava opens the door. He doesn't know what to expect anywhere now, with the entire ship feeling like some foreign and hostile entity. Vile is gone but, just like back home, he's guaranteed that he will never be forgotten.

That much is obvious from the way Ava's eyes water at the sight of him. Today's track record for causing loved ones to cry is dangerously close to a personal record.

"Ava..." He starts to apologize, but he only gets as far as her name before he falls briefly silent. "...May I come in?"

[decohere]

She nods, hands clasping together to prevent herself from immediately grabbing at him. In case this doesn't go the way she hopes, that such a gesture might be unwelcome. And seeing him again, there is a tinge of fear that she can't quite brush away, or hide from her expression.

But she nods before backing up several steps, to allow him to enter. There's a ghostly form of her left behind in the doorway, lingering nervously before dissipating. "I..." she begins, overwhelmed by how many things she wants to say at once that she can't quite manage any of them.

vi!

[fonomena]

Jade's been frequenting the library rather more than he usually does himself; there are a variety of reasons there, one of the larger ones currently being something of an aversion to his own cabin presently. (Also, for Reasons, that he's trying not to think about too much despite overall failing.) He haunts the desks with his notebooks, lately, the contents of his writing taking up a more weirdly math-like format of late in the eyes of anyone that might happen to glance over his shoulder at them. But while it demands a fair amount of concentration, he's never entirely unaware of those who pass in and out of the area...and Ava's presence out of the way to the side is a noted one, on a certain evening where she happens to be there.

...Hmm.

Jade doesn't approach her immediately when he spots her; he has his work, and she seems immersed enough in the book between her hands. ...Really, the chances might be high that she'd prefer to be left alone. But.

A bit of time passes. At length, his notebooks are folded shut. But as Jade gathers them into his arms and stands, his steps end up angling in her direction anyhow in the end. Slow and idle and accompanied by a slight smile, offered her way.

"Interesting how some people react to a granted thing being suddenly gone, isn't it?" She isn't the only one that's noticed the way several people have paused at the empty spot on the checkout desk, where the black binder had once been. "I think I might have smelled an unusual amount of smoke coming from the casino a few days ago..."

[decohere]

Ava's aware that she's opening herself up to being confronted, in such a public space. That she could take her books back to her cabin. But she's been shut away for so long, she really needs to get used to being out again. And the library at least seems a bit calmer than most areas of the ship.

She's always had a positive impression of Jade, even if the circumstances that they continue meeting under tend not to be the most conducive to actually getting to know each other. But he has the overall demeanor of trustworthy and sensible and kind. That when he approaches, she doesn't simply disappear to avoid a conversation because she expects him capable of keeping it civil. She can guess what this might be about, something Skulduggery-adjacent, given most people don't seem interested in coming out of their way to speak to her otherwise.

"I'm doing fine, thank you," she replies to the question that few have bothered with in light of everything else they're more focused on. And closes her book, politely to direct her focus fully on Jade. Though a finger remains tucked between the pages to keep her spot. "But yes. It's peculiar how many simultaneously criticized the author and his methodology, questioned the legitimacy of the information... and are now acting as if they're deprived of something crucial."

She smiles a bit mischievously at the comment about smoke. "Ah, you should have stopped in. We were celebrating Skulduggery and Maximilien's birthdays."

v. Walking through the city streets, is it by mistake or design?

[light_mischief]

"Ah, the lady of the hour," Skulduggery says, audibly glad to see her. He's dressed in his red suit, which may be more of a statement than he'd like to make after his resurrection, but it's the only armored one that isn't in need of a wash.

The binder lies open on the poker table that Max and Skulduggery are seated at, and the felted top is already sporting a few small scorch marks. The pages within are varied, from notepad paper to napkins to the back of menus, but all paper burns at the same temperature. The only things that have been burned so far, however, are some extremely outdated notes from the second-ever information meeting. And in that vein, there are a few Tauva matchbooks scattered across the table, since not everyone can light things on fire with their fingers...

"Find the place alright? Nobody smelling smoke down the hall?"

[makesomedeals]

Maximilien is wearing his new suit, and his best cufflinks for the occasion. This reminds him a little of being at a high rollers table in an exclusive back room where he wasn't supposed to be to begin with. Clandestine meetings out in the open do have a little less of an aura of mystery around them, but there's also the confidence of them not giving a fuck that feels absolutely invigorating.

He's idly leafing through a few napkins with hasty scrawls on them, "Did they really think the Captain ate people? Did they assume he unhinged his jaw like a snake?"

He tosses one of napkins to the side to pick up some index cards, some of these older theories are downright preposterous.

"Good evening, Ava. We saved you the best seat in the house." He gestures magnanimously, as if they aren't the only people in the whole casino.