Don't make me sad, don't make me cry

[decohere]

Who: Ava Starr & Whoever (6, Maximilien, Skulduggery, and ota)
What: recovery, lowkey double birthday, possible confrontations 
When: end of December, very beginning of January
Where: mostly her room, the casino, library & coffee shop
Warnings: discussions of excursion killings

i. Why, who me, why?
closed to 6

Ava wakes with an airless gasp, a phaseshift jerk right out of her own body. Panicked fingers clutch at her midsection where her clothing remains sliced through even though her body is confirmed back in one piece... A delayed reaction to getting bisected by a wall she never made it all the way through, a desperate attempt to lead the evil shadow out and away. Away from Peter.

Peter. "Peter," Ava cries out, terrified.

ii. Feet don't fail me now, take me to your finish line
closed to Maximilien

She keeps worriedly asking about Max's whereabouts, until at some point he's there. And Ava doesn't quite manage the hug she's going in for but collapses against him in greeting. Grateful for how solid and steady his metal frame is, as she continues to tremble. "Can you... stay with me for awhile?" Her voice is barely above a whisper, but she knows his hearing is good enough she won't have to raise it.


iii. Oh my heart it breaks every step that I take
ota

From the first day she awakes, to the end of the year, there's no sign of Ava outside of her cabin. All her meals, the little she's willing to eat, she has brought to her by Peter. She doesn't want to go out, doesn't want to face what's out there. Or who and all their opinions and rage and blame. But she doesn't want to be alone either, even though she's sure there's very few people that want to see her. And Undine's gone now. Gone gone, now that she can no longer lie to herself about how maybe the girl had simply chosen to stay behind as if it were part of her journey to be normal. This is no place to be normal. Not if you want to survive.

She curls up with her puzzle book with very little motivation to do much else, blocking out all the thoughts she doesn't feel emotionally capable of handling right now. And picks through her gift basket, touched at how thoughtful Sharky and Pratt were to think of her. If there's a knock at her door, it may take a moment for her to shake off the daze, shake off the nervousness of answering it.

iv. But I'm hoping that the gates, they'll tell me that you're mine
closed to Skulduggery

There's a growing crack of worry, splintering through her nerves the longer she goes without hearing from Skulduggery, the days blurring into each other and she has no real conscious awareness of how long it's actually been. Has the Captain failed in bringing him back? If so, she'd half expect reality to screech to a stop, or the ship to sink, or some tangible despair hanging in the air as she peers through the window of her room before pulling the curtains back tightly. That's the small hope she clings to.

Contact comes first in the form of a text, an apology and an offer to meet. Holding her phone is a chore, but with trembling fingers she sends a 'yes' and hopes that single word is enough to communicate how badly she needs to see him.

She's manages a shower, damp hair pulled back and dressed in a clean pair of sweats, trying to pull herself together enough that maybe he won't be able to tell how shaken up she is. And of course the earrings he'd gifted her, that did not work as advertised. But a very quiet indicator to let him know where her heart still lies, even if words fail her.

When there's finally a knock, Ava answers the door she's been nervously hovering by, after failing several times to grasp at the handle. And immediately starts tearing up at seeing the familiar face skull of her best friend.

v. Walking through the city streets, is it by mistake or design?
closed to Maximilien and Skulduggery

The timing is even worse than her own birthday after the Halloween massacre, really, but this little get together late in the evening of the 31st (Skulduggery's birthday) and the customary countdown change over to the new year (Maximilien's manufacture date) is something that she's been looking forward to all month because the timing of that is too good. And a good opportunity for the three of them to be together again, despite the circumstances. They're her best friends, and it feels more important than ever for them to stick together in the aftermath.

So she dresses in her white suit, hair styled sleek, carrying her unopened bottle of Maximilien's finest Don Rumbotico because it's finally a special enough occasion. And for the first time since returning, Ava steps out of her cabin and heads straight to the casino. "Hello, gentlemen," she joins them at the poker table, her mood subdued but still far better than it's been.

vi. I feel so alone on a Friday night
ota

For the first week of January, Ava barely ventures out of her room. When she does, it's with the energy of a stray cat hiding behind the dumpster, skitterish at every sudden movement and sound. Which doesn't seem too unusual. But anyone that's seen her around the last few months might notice a few key differences. She isn't casually floating about anymore, but feet dragging. And she's no longer taking shortcuts through the walls, stopping short of them, awkwardly fumbling through doors instead.

Back at the mutiny meeting, she had come out strong and clear on her support for Skulduggery, his plan to save everyone even if she had always felt that it was too heroic. It hadn't swayed anyone, probably only served to strengthen their resolve against her perspective, because she's never been able to convince anyone of much anything at all. She pointedly avoids the gaze of anyone in that meeting now. There's no challenge, no sneaking into any secret meetings that may or may not be occurring. No going out of her way to approach anyone, because she's sure everyone knows somebody who was killed that night and has rather strong feelings about it.

If she has any reputation at all, she's sure now it's of a fool, one that paid the price for her stubbornly held beliefs.

But she finds some comfort in the library reading and watching in amusement when people find the black binder missing. And hiding in the back corner of the coffee shop, still focused on her puzzle book.

Comments

[lightconductor]

"In a way... yes, it was." He looks down, not quite sure what to do with his expression. "It was... very fine indeed, until it wasn't. We managed to claim a tower suite, with two floors, and balconies with a fine view. I much preferred it to the cabins here."

He had been so proud of Johnny, but that progress is probably all undone.

[decohere]

"Taints the otherwise lovely memory, huh? I guess that must be the benefit of being a... throuple?" Not sure if that's slang or an appropriate term for what they are, her tone indicating she's open to correction.

"At least they had each other to get through it. I'm sorry, though. I know it's been difficult for him." She had brought Johnny back a leaf from one excursion. Maybe she should again. She loves snagging souvenirs.

[lightconductor]

He smiles a little at the word 'throuple,' because that's a charming word he's learned lately, and it's as good as any other.

But his expression twitches a little as she continues on, despite himself. He absolutely cannot, will not discuss the finer details of whether or not they had each other. No. That isn't something he can discuss with anyone else, but it is a surprising thing to hear. "Yes. Indeed. There is... a strength the three of us give each other."

[decohere]

She doesn't recall having heard it elsewhere to refer to the trio, but she's very doubtful that she made it up. But she does wonder still if there is a more official sort of term for such a thing. Language can be rather restricting.

And she's not sure what to make of that small... something that crosses Watson's expression either, but it's forgotten by the end of his statement. "And... waking up to somebody. Awaiting your return..." Ava says softly. "I didn't really have that, after the Battle Royale. And even after the island expedition..." she had hid under her bed and within the walls for a few days before anyone consoled her. But Watson had provided some comfort then, and she's glad to share in their troubles now. "Even if it's not permanent, it still takes... a lot out of me."

[lightconductor]

"It's difficult," he says, softly. "And I can easily believe that other cruises, with people less inclined to form a community, would rapidly devolve into misery and desperation. I hope that your most recent death," oh this is a weird, weird thing to say, "was at least... more pleasant, in the aftermath, if you were not alone."

At least she better not have been alone.

[decohere]

"Undine was gone when I awoke..." she states a heavily. "Gone gone." She wipes at her eyes a bit, still isn't processing that well. But there's nothing she can do about it, or anyone else that's left. Just that reminder that anyone can be next...

"But Peter was at my door. And has been staying with me more..." she breathes out. "His roommate is gone as well. This wasn't exactly how I wanted us to have more privacy," there's a guilty sort of waver to her tone, as if she thinks she's perhaps responsible for her subconscious wishes impacting reality in the worst way.

[lightconductor]

"Ava," Watson says, frowning because he's caught that guilty tone, "it's not your fault. You must realise that. I am heartily sorry that both of them are gone, but it cannot possibly be anything you've done."

He reaches to take her by the hand.

[decohere]

"It's not the first time something like this has happened," she says miserably, clutching at Watson's offered hand. "My first roommate disappeared after I kicked him out into the hallway. And then two of my cabinmates at camp, after I kicked them out too..." her frown turns guiltier, because at the time it had seemed harmless enough to make them sleep outside. She hadn't been comfortable sharing sleeping arrangements with men she didn't know.

"And Lucy after I killed her. Now... Undine is gone when I was wanting more private time? And what about the gifts we receive at the sundries. A picture of my parents? Getting toy car replicas for Max and Skulduggery and Peter? Coincidences happen, but I think somehow we're influencing things..."

[lightconductor]

"The gifts I cannot explain. I've certainly had my share of personal gifts, a photograph of my late wife for one. Perhaps we do have some unconscious influence there." Watson squeezes her hand. "But sometimes, surely, it is just coincidence. Many people have vanished here, and that you knew some of them beforehand is not your fault. Do you also blame yourself for, oh, poor Jinx? Or Stede? You are not responsible for every terrible thing to happen on this ship, Ava."

[decohere]

"See, that's statistically impossible. And no. No. I don't mean just me. But all of us." Because she doesn't feel responsible for Stede or Jinx's disappearance. But somewhere between knowing that the Captain doesn't take any responsibility for who comes or goes... and Friday's comparison to plants not being strong enough to survive transplanting... Ava is convinced there is another factor at play. The Erda Flow? However that might work.

She frowns. "How much are we causing terrible things to happen? Because that's what we expect? Or that we... that monkey paw curse, when your wishes come true in the worst ways." That gross damn monkey paw from the temple comes to mind.

"I'm not... inclined to believe in these sorts of things. Generally. But I can't ignore... the shreds of evidence that point toward something."