Ava Starr (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
decohere) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
come_sailaway2022-12-31 02:55 am
decohere) wrote in come_sailaway2022-12-31 02:55 am
Don't make me sad, don't make me cry
Who: Ava Starr & Whoever (6, Maximilien, Skulduggery, and ota)
What: recovery, lowkey double birthday, possible confrontations
When: end of December, very beginning of January
Where: mostly her room, the casino, library & coffee shop
Warnings: discussions of excursion killings
i. Why, who me, why?
closed to 6
Ava wakes with an airless gasp, a phaseshift jerk right out of her own body. Panicked fingers clutch at her midsection where her clothing remains sliced through even though her body is confirmed back in one piece... A delayed reaction to getting bisected by a wall she never made it all the way through, a desperate attempt to lead the evil shadow out and away. Away from Peter.
Peter. "Peter," Ava cries out, terrified.
ii. Feet don't fail me now, take me to your finish line
closed to Maximilien
She keeps worriedly asking about Max's whereabouts, until at some point he's there. And Ava doesn't quite manage the hug she's going in for but collapses against him in greeting. Grateful for how solid and steady his metal frame is, as she continues to tremble. "Can you... stay with me for awhile?" Her voice is barely above a whisper, but she knows his hearing is good enough she won't have to raise it.
iii. Oh my heart it breaks every step that I take
ota
From the first day she awakes, to the end of the year, there's no sign of Ava outside of her cabin. All her meals, the little she's willing to eat, she has brought to her by Peter. She doesn't want to go out, doesn't want to face what's out there. Or who and all their opinions and rage and blame. But she doesn't want to be alone either, even though she's sure there's very few people that want to see her. And Undine's gone now. Gone gone, now that she can no longer lie to herself about how maybe the girl had simply chosen to stay behind as if it were part of her journey to be normal. This is no place to be normal. Not if you want to survive.
She curls up with her puzzle book with very little motivation to do much else, blocking out all the thoughts she doesn't feel emotionally capable of handling right now. And picks through her gift basket, touched at how thoughtful Sharky and Pratt were to think of her. If there's a knock at her door, it may take a moment for her to shake off the daze, shake off the nervousness of answering it.
iv. But I'm hoping that the gates, they'll tell me that you're mine
closed to Skulduggery
There's a growing crack of worry, splintering through her nerves the longer she goes without hearing from Skulduggery, the days blurring into each other and she has no real conscious awareness of how long it's actually been. Has the Captain failed in bringing him back? If so, she'd half expect reality to screech to a stop, or the ship to sink, or some tangible despair hanging in the air as she peers through the window of her room before pulling the curtains back tightly. That's the small hope she clings to.
Contact comes first in the form of a text, an apology and an offer to meet. Holding her phone is a chore, but with trembling fingers she sends a 'yes' and hopes that single word is enough to communicate how badly she needs to see him.
She's manages a shower, damp hair pulled back and dressed in a clean pair of sweats, trying to pull herself together enough that maybe he won't be able to tell how shaken up she is. And of course the earrings he'd gifted her, that did not work as advertised. But a very quiet indicator to let him know where her heart still lies, even if words fail her.
When there's finally a knock, Ava answers the door she's been nervously hovering by, after failing several times to grasp at the handle. And immediately starts tearing up at seeing the familiarface skull of her best friend.
v. Walking through the city streets, is it by mistake or design?
closed to Maximilien and Skulduggery
The timing is even worse than her own birthday after the Halloween massacre, really, but this little get together late in the evening of the 31st (Skulduggery's birthday) and the customary countdown change over to the new year (Maximilien's manufacture date) is something that she's been looking forward to all month because the timing of that is too good. And a good opportunity for the three of them to be together again, despite the circumstances. They're her best friends, and it feels more important than ever for them to stick together in the aftermath.
So she dresses in her white suit, hair styled sleek, carrying her unopened bottle of Maximilien's finest Don Rumbotico because it's finally a special enough occasion. And for the first time since returning, Ava steps out of her cabin and heads straight to the casino. "Hello, gentlemen," she joins them at the poker table, her mood subdued but still far better than it's been.
vi. I feel so alone on a Friday night
ota
For the first week of January, Ava barely ventures out of her room. When she does, it's with the energy of a stray cat hiding behind the dumpster, skitterish at every sudden movement and sound. Which doesn't seem too unusual. But anyone that's seen her around the last few months might notice a few key differences. She isn't casually floating about anymore, but feet dragging. And she's no longer taking shortcuts through the walls, stopping short of them, awkwardly fumbling through doors instead.
Back at the mutiny meeting, she had come out strong and clear on her support for Skulduggery, his plan to save everyone even if she had always felt that it was too heroic. It hadn't swayed anyone, probably only served to strengthen their resolve against her perspective, because she's never been able to convince anyone of much anything at all. She pointedly avoids the gaze of anyone in that meeting now. There's no challenge, no sneaking into any secret meetings that may or may not be occurring. No going out of her way to approach anyone, because she's sure everyone knows somebody who was killed that night and has rather strong feelings about it.
If she has any reputation at all, she's sure now it's of a fool, one that paid the price for her stubbornly held beliefs.
But she finds some comfort in the library reading and watching in amusement when people find the black binder missing. And hiding in the back corner of the coffee shop, still focused on her puzzle book.
What: recovery, lowkey double birthday, possible confrontations
When: end of December, very beginning of January
Where: mostly her room, the casino, library & coffee shop
Warnings: discussions of excursion killings
i. Why, who me, why?
closed to 6
Ava wakes with an airless gasp, a phaseshift jerk right out of her own body. Panicked fingers clutch at her midsection where her clothing remains sliced through even though her body is confirmed back in one piece... A delayed reaction to getting bisected by a wall she never made it all the way through, a desperate attempt to lead the evil shadow out and away. Away from Peter.
Peter. "Peter," Ava cries out, terrified.
ii. Feet don't fail me now, take me to your finish line
closed to Maximilien
She keeps worriedly asking about Max's whereabouts, until at some point he's there. And Ava doesn't quite manage the hug she's going in for but collapses against him in greeting. Grateful for how solid and steady his metal frame is, as she continues to tremble. "Can you... stay with me for awhile?" Her voice is barely above a whisper, but she knows his hearing is good enough she won't have to raise it.
iii. Oh my heart it breaks every step that I take
ota
From the first day she awakes, to the end of the year, there's no sign of Ava outside of her cabin. All her meals, the little she's willing to eat, she has brought to her by Peter. She doesn't want to go out, doesn't want to face what's out there. Or who and all their opinions and rage and blame. But she doesn't want to be alone either, even though she's sure there's very few people that want to see her. And Undine's gone now. Gone gone, now that she can no longer lie to herself about how maybe the girl had simply chosen to stay behind as if it were part of her journey to be normal. This is no place to be normal. Not if you want to survive.
She curls up with her puzzle book with very little motivation to do much else, blocking out all the thoughts she doesn't feel emotionally capable of handling right now. And picks through her gift basket, touched at how thoughtful Sharky and Pratt were to think of her. If there's a knock at her door, it may take a moment for her to shake off the daze, shake off the nervousness of answering it.
iv. But I'm hoping that the gates, they'll tell me that you're mine
closed to Skulduggery
There's a growing crack of worry, splintering through her nerves the longer she goes without hearing from Skulduggery, the days blurring into each other and she has no real conscious awareness of how long it's actually been. Has the Captain failed in bringing him back? If so, she'd half expect reality to screech to a stop, or the ship to sink, or some tangible despair hanging in the air as she peers through the window of her room before pulling the curtains back tightly. That's the small hope she clings to.
Contact comes first in the form of a text, an apology and an offer to meet. Holding her phone is a chore, but with trembling fingers she sends a 'yes' and hopes that single word is enough to communicate how badly she needs to see him.
She's manages a shower, damp hair pulled back and dressed in a clean pair of sweats, trying to pull herself together enough that maybe he won't be able to tell how shaken up she is. And of course the earrings he'd gifted her, that did not work as advertised. But a very quiet indicator to let him know where her heart still lies, even if words fail her.
When there's finally a knock, Ava answers the door she's been nervously hovering by, after failing several times to grasp at the handle. And immediately starts tearing up at seeing the familiar
v. Walking through the city streets, is it by mistake or design?
closed to Maximilien and Skulduggery
The timing is even worse than her own birthday after the Halloween massacre, really, but this little get together late in the evening of the 31st (Skulduggery's birthday) and the customary countdown change over to the new year (Maximilien's manufacture date) is something that she's been looking forward to all month because the timing of that is too good. And a good opportunity for the three of them to be together again, despite the circumstances. They're her best friends, and it feels more important than ever for them to stick together in the aftermath.
So she dresses in her white suit, hair styled sleek, carrying her unopened bottle of Maximilien's finest Don Rumbotico because it's finally a special enough occasion. And for the first time since returning, Ava steps out of her cabin and heads straight to the casino. "Hello, gentlemen," she joins them at the poker table, her mood subdued but still far better than it's been.
vi. I feel so alone on a Friday night
ota
For the first week of January, Ava barely ventures out of her room. When she does, it's with the energy of a stray cat hiding behind the dumpster, skitterish at every sudden movement and sound. Which doesn't seem too unusual. But anyone that's seen her around the last few months might notice a few key differences. She isn't casually floating about anymore, but feet dragging. And she's no longer taking shortcuts through the walls, stopping short of them, awkwardly fumbling through doors instead.
Back at the mutiny meeting, she had come out strong and clear on her support for Skulduggery, his plan to save everyone even if she had always felt that it was too heroic. It hadn't swayed anyone, probably only served to strengthen their resolve against her perspective, because she's never been able to convince anyone of much anything at all. She pointedly avoids the gaze of anyone in that meeting now. There's no challenge, no sneaking into any secret meetings that may or may not be occurring. No going out of her way to approach anyone, because she's sure everyone knows somebody who was killed that night and has rather strong feelings about it.
If she has any reputation at all, she's sure now it's of a fool, one that paid the price for her stubbornly held beliefs.
But she finds some comfort in the library reading and watching in amusement when people find the black binder missing. And hiding in the back corner of the coffee shop, still focused on her puzzle book.
no subject
Okay. He tries to just... open his mind. Divorce all feelings about it and put them into a box to deal with later.
The situation itself, was a mess. But then there's another whole box about hell, religion, magic, and sacrifices. Of which he, Yato, Valdis, and Teyrey all had complicated feelings the rest of the ship didn't have. Qui ShingXuan too, come to think.
But then why even use the words? Did the Captain truly not have any others?
There could have been a way to deal with it without killing someone, an execution.
Nobunaga rests a hand over his eyes, thinking hard. "It's difficult for me to not associate words like game, execution, sacrifice, with what my world uses them for, but I'm trying. I'm going to be brutal, because I, like the Captain, if I give him the benefit of the doubt, lack the words to do otherwise. I dont want to upset you though, so give me a keyword and I'll stop. Tate means Shield in Japanese, I don't use them, so it'll remind me to back the fuck off. Understood?"
He does his best to stay calm, but also... not as intense. Arguably the hardest parr for him. "You think the problem is, part of Skulduggery: his past, that was a genocidal magical powerful being was calling his weapons and armor here, and though his rage powered it, he couldn't get his rage under control, and Skulduggery thought you and the others could stop it, so it hunted you down individually when it had the best chance. The Captain couldn't stop it from gathering, or hunting, so after the fact, he made the game to force us to demand Skulduggery's execution, that way he wouldn't be able to wreak revenge on us, and could at least extract out the part of Skulduggery that controlled the magic, even though it wasn't under his control at the time. Correct?" Although it's almost a run-on sentence, and Oda red eyes are fiery, he does do his best to constantly search her face and wait to give opportunity to call upon the word, or question anything else.
no subject
no subject
He could use an alcoholic drink.
"He wasn't in control though. His confession wasn't that--" his teeth click shut, trying again to assemble the pieces in his head, point to all options of how it could be, the possibilities, to make sure he had the right one. "He didn't even know it was him, he thought it might be Erin."
Ugh.
Just the sheer torture of this--
"By no means," ever so slowly, "Am I trying to diminish the pain or act of love on the Captain's part, understood? Nor am I, nor would I ever think I know anything about magic, much less something he doesn't, okay?" Nobunaga wonders for the hundredth time if things could have ended better if he'd just been what? Stronger? Braver?? More coordinated?
"Earlier that day I approached him for help in finding it, because I told him, when it comes to magic, I'm utterly useless. I've spent decades stopping my country from sacrificing each other for the sake of nonexistent magical powers, and for gods who don't give a damn about them."
He holds his hand up. "I know Skulduggery is magic, that's not in question. I have and will always defer to him on it. Not my problem." A sigh.
"My problem is that--"
Maybe the problem was in the faulty belief that this loss of life and resources could even be avoided.
The pain just tears into Nobunaga all over again, though it doesn't show on his face.
Thinking of Klaus, a different cult leader than Kennyo this time, but with a similar message; begging on behalf of humanity, promising everyone deserves to be loved. A world without endless grieving and suffering, wasn't it? Where is that path now?
He just closes his eyes for a long moment. "I made Klaus kill me when I was possessed, I get it. But Skulduggery wasn't possessed. Nor was he in control. Endless death doesn't solve things, Ava. I have killed a lot of people. I have told my ex constantly that I don't deserve peace or anything good as happiness. No matter how many times I replay Skulduggery's words in my head, they will always be the desperate cries of a lost man in pain. If he's soothed by the one sacrifice of forcing us to vote to execute him, fantastic. I wouldn't be. I'd want to be executed too, and that's why I refused. Because it's not my damn right. I have to carry on the will of every person, enemy or ally, who's fallen in my battles, and see through what they wanted. To protect their families and see them taken care of. There is never enough of me for that, and even that day I couldn't be everywhere. I couldn't do anything for Maeve, Mr. Smith, Clarke's friends, even Jeff."
Easy. Calmly... "'Never again,' isn't even solved by this either. Maybe never again from him. Good. Why did it happen in the first place? Because if you don't solve that, you can't promise never again either. If it couldn't be prevented, why not? Why not change the rules then so it can be? How do you know that this was all it took, and ensures it absolutely won't happen to anyone else? Only because of his ties to the Captain? Then let us try something else. Something the Captain can't do. You act like it's intimate, but if it was, then they didn't need to have that farce of a trial. If the Captain wants to be a God, then he should act like one, instead of playing the Demon King still. Gods can't save anyone, but they can be saved themselves. So if the Captain didn't want to do it, then let us try another way. And if he did want it his way, if he just had to make sure it was all as emotional as possible, because that's how the magic works, then he can fuck right off, and expect people to throw wrenches in plans every time. People make no damn sense when they're emotional. Myself included. But that's what's great about people. They will always surprise you."
He doesn't quite smile, but ar least there's some light to the cold eyes.
"I understand you Ava, I think I do. But to me the problem isn't that Skulduggery's past suddenly made it to us here in the present. The problem is he wasn't in control, he tried to stop it, and it wasn't enough. How do I make sure me, Valdis, Yato, or anyone else," Chase, Chase was a big threat. Yuuki. Others. "Don't share the exact same fate? The problem is Maeve, Jeff, all the loved ones of those killed got nothing out of this, just more pain and forced to kill someone else they cherish and respect. Even I, for all the thousands slain, know my duty to try to make things better for those that must live on."
A respectful nod, "But thank you for trying. I know this is painful, and I appreciate you taking the time to deal with me despite the headache."
no subject
"Stop making this about other people. It's not contagious. Nobody is going to wake up an evil necromancer because Skulduggery was a mass murdering war criminal two hundred years ago. Nobody is claiming it's solving all other fucked up issues the rest of us may have. But no trial is designed to magically stop all murderers, it's to identify and prosecute the one in that specific case. Done and done. And if anyone has personal grudges with Skulduggery, that's their business to take up with him. Not yours to worry at me about."
no subject
Not contagious.
A mass murderer centuries ago.
Nobunaga was still the same Demon King, wasn't he?
But it's not about Skulduggery. It never was.
"You're very devoted. Your strength and resilience are admirable. I hope you can continue to hone it. Thank you again, for being so patient. I'm not as strong, so until I get stronger, please enjoy your reading in peace. Thank you for word of the others."
He gives her a salute and aims to head off.
no subject
She has no compliments to pay in return, sighing out as he leaves her in far too agitated a state to call peace. But she finally extracts her closed fist from the mug, shaking off the decoherence, and turns back to her book.
What did Klaus see in this guy, anyway? What a headache.