[Closed] If I'm a sinner

[maximumcake]

Who: Max Maximum, Murderbot (I.E. Security), Valdis, potentially a doctor
What: Backdated aftermath of Max playing with a cougar [NSFW!]
When: Backdated to.... whenever this was in January
Where: Max's shared cabin + library
Warnings: NSFW, discussion of sexual topics, violent kinks, blood, violence, biting, injury--ya boy's a mess



[Closed to Murderbot]

Once he's finally strong and coherent enough to stand and dress himself, he attempts to do so without getting too much blood on his clothes. That's tricky, especially with a significant wound on the back of his neck. It should probably worry him how numb to it he feels, but he can't summon much in the way of regret. That mark is gone. His master's mark. It's... going to hurt later he's sure. He can worry about it then. For now, he needs to sneak back to the cabin and clean himself up in more ways than one. His pants and suit jacket should conceal most of it until he can get showered. That's what he's counting on as he swiftly, if tenderly, walks out of the Tommy Bahama and back to his cabin. There's just one problem with that plan... he hasn't noticed the drone that's tailing him. He thinks he's gotten away with it right up until he opens his cabin door to step inside.


[Closed to Valdis]

He's trying to lay low while his love bites heal. Which means he hasn't been going to his usual places in the morning. Working out on sore muscles with fatigue from blood loss is a bad idea, he knows that much. And he can't exactly go swimming with that big bandage on the back of his neck, either. He tried to sleep in again but he couldn't keep himself in bed past seven. He needs something to do, so he wanders to the library, hoping to find it quiet in the morning so he can just pick a corner and skim through something in peace. Unfortunately, he doesn't realize that when he bends his head forward to read, it causes that bandage on the back of his neck to stick out from the collar of his shirt enough for anyone to see.

Comments

[serialskiller]

"There's a peace that washes over you, when you know it's the end and you don't have any choices left."

Those words are so, so very quiet. It's remembering back before the ship, on a hopper with the last group of people who it could have called its crew.

[maximumcake]

"Yeah I... noticed that." He reaches to his own chest and puts his hand over Security's. It's speaking from experience, he knows that. He can feel his heart breaking all over again.

"After I decided I probably wasn't going to survive it I... it stopped being scary. But then, in the end, Siffleur decided to spare me after all. He called me brave. I think when he saw my brand something changed. He hated it. After I told him what it meant, he said he wanted to rip it off of me. When he said that I realized I wanted that too."

[serialskiller]

"Next time consider having it surgically removed, or something." Its upper leg curls over Max's ankles, tucking to help keep his feet warm. "But I understand. I scratched out the logo of the company that made me, on my armor."

It is lucky, not to be a visibly branded product, except for everything about how it's built, how it 'naturally' moves and speaks and acts. Except...after its time learning to pretend to be human on the Asshole Research Transport Perihelion and almost, so very nearly a year here, no one would immediately recognize Security as a company SecUnit. It eats, it sleeps, it purrs. It wears colorful sweatshirts. It attempts to make art.

And it loves.

[maximumcake]

"I'll try to remember for next time," he says through pursed lips. He would shake his head if he wasn't explicitly told not to do that. See, he can be a good patient.

Max doesn't resist having his legs captured, his toes are kind of cold, actually. That's nice. Astonishing, too, how many ways Security has been willing to comfort him physically considering how little it likes touch. His chest swells with that realization, and more tears threaten to spill over but not out of pain this time. He doesn't dare draw attention to any of it for fear it might end.

Instead, he asks, "Is that the only place the company... branded you?"

[serialskiller]

"They built me from the ground up. Cloned human tissue, fabricated inorganic parts, coding in their favored programming language. The governor module. The data port. Even if it's not as literal as your master's mark, every bit of me is branded. And yet...there is no one here who knew what a SecUnit was before meeting me. They see everything I am as a function of my self, instead of how I was created. And my time here on this ship has changed me in many ways--some physical, some not. I received a haircut, last month. A deliberate change to my body, because I wanted to. It's...it hasn't been easy, any of it."

A pause. A smile heard instead of seen.

"It has been worth it."

[maximumcake]

"I like the way you've changed yourself." He presses down on the hand over his heart. "I like it even better that you like it. It gives me... hope." Hope that he can do the same. That it's going to be worth it, all this pain and confusion. He doesn't have to do it alone. He isn't alone anymore.

"I wasn't built the way you were but I... the way I look now is my master's doing. He shaped me, trained me. I used to be... someone else. I had a different name. I had a different life. I had a dad and a sister. It all got taken away from me."

[serialskiller]

"I knew that you were someone who had been shaped. That was...unfortunately very obvious. Especially to someone else who's been there."

Security laces its fingers with Max's.

"When I first got here, it kept hitting me in the face, that there were people who could do this sort of thing to other people. To those who had been people to begin with. Because of course something like me didn't count, I wasn't human so of course I didn't get treated like a person. But this sort of..." Call it what it is, for once "...exploitation is wrong, regardless of who it's done to."

[maximumcake]

"Yeah... you aren't the only one who noticed. Erin clocked me pretty fast, too." In his defense, it was never really a secret he had to keep at home. Everyone knew what it meant to be a Pet.

It's so hard to resist trying to look over his shoulder at Security. Clinging on tighter with their fingers entwined will just have to be enough.

"I know that it's...I know what Erik did wasn't really..." he blows out a frustrated breath. "It wasn't how I wanted my life to be. But I still... I don't hate him for it. He saved my life. I still miss him."

[serialskiller]

"I still miss Doctor Mensah." Look, it's not going to tell Max not to miss his abuser, the one who shaped him, not tonight. But it will redirect the conversation slightly. "She was in charge of the last survey team I was leased out by. The only clients I ever had who knew my governor module was disabled."

[maximumcake]

"They knew? What did they do? Did they tell on you?" He hopes not. Not if Dr. Mensa is still someone Security misses...

[serialskiller]

"No. She bought my contract out from the company and her team offered to let me come home with them."

A pause, then more quietly: "I ran away from them."

[maximumcake]

"What?" He's shocked. They bought its contract, they were going to take it home with them, and it... ran away? "Why?"

[serialskiller]

"Because I had something I needed to learn about myself. And I was afraid if I went with them, they'd treat me like a pet bot instead of a tool, and I didn't think that would be any better for me. At that point, being loved was the scariest thing I could possibly imagine. Being feared and used was safer, I knew how to endure both of those."

When had it changed? When did it reach the point where it was ready to...

It can't pinpoint when it happened, but it did.

[maximumcake]

"At that point..." But not now. He knows it's different now because he's seen how it is with Helena.

"Security... what would you say if I told you that... I love you?"

[serialskiller]

Its breath still hitches noticeably, a feat for someone with such a low rate of respiration. It tucks its chin down, forehead resting against the back of Max's head.

"Do I need to say anything? Or can I just...lie here for a bit and feel loved? And love you back, and let that be enough? You're my crew. I don't say that to everyone--just people who I love."

[maximumcake]

"Everything you just said is all I'd ever want to hear." There's a light sniffle from him that he can't quite manage to silence. Oh, but his split lip hurts from how big he's smiling.

"I'm your crew and you're my family. You and Helena both."

[serialskiller]

"Make sure you tell her that, too." Because Helena deserves to hear the kind things as well, things her world did not give her often enough. "But not right now. Right now, you're staying right here. With me. And staying warm and comfortable. And if you need to cry, that's okay. You're allowed to cry with me."

Siffleur dommed the fuck out of Max and stuck Security with the aftercare and sub drop, like an asshole.

[maximumcake]

"I will. I promise I will. She deserves to hear it." She deserves the world, and he knows Security agrees.

"I'm not going anywhere." He wriggles a fraction closer to prove it. "I... know I can cry with you. I am crying but... it's not because I'm sad right now. What you said makes me so happy I'm crying instead."