come_sailaway | then I found a place, it's dark and it's rotted [memeshare

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then I found a place, it's dark and it's rotted [memeshare - open]

Who: Siffleur and you
What: Memory sharing & an opt-in
When: throughout March
Where: various
Warnings: Body horror, medical gore, cannibalism, death, suicide, suicidal idealization, child neglect, possible discussions of past sexual assault in first prompt, unreality

1) The River

On the banks of a newly defrosted river, a young women who looks to be in her mid-twenties kneels by the ice cold waters. The snow has melted, but there's a chill in the air that can't be shaken. Her hair is dirty and matted, and she's wearing a stained dress that's too big for her. Beside her is a freshly birthed baby, half-transformed between human and cougar, screaming in pain.

The woman isn't handling it well. Siffleur is about 10 minutes old and he's also not handling it well either.

2) The Forest

In an old growth forest in the height of summer, a small cougar kitten has left the den where his mother sleeps to play in the grass and chase the large dragonflies that dart around. Siffleur is very young and very curious, and though he usually avoids other people, today he's feeling brave enough to investigate anything new and novel. He's climbing a old fallen log in pursuit of a particularly shiny dragonfly that's resting on the end.

But he loses his grip when he sees someone new in the clearing, falling back and going head over heels, rolling back a few times before landing paws up.

3) The City

In a rundown city just across the Canadian border, a teen boy sits outside a convenience store. His clothing is dirty and stained, and he hasn't washed in at least two weeks. His stomach growls and he watches carefully as people slowly trickle in and out of the store. Siffleur's shaggy hair hangs in his eyes and he doesn't ask for help - he just watches each person as they exit their car.

There's someone here who wasn't there before. His yellow eyes snap to them, quickly looking them up and down.

4) The Small Town

In a place with a population of less than a 1000 people, less than six half-paved streets and one bar, Siffleur sits at the bar with a beer. His cellphone buzzes now and then but he's left it laying face down, not bothering to check it. There's plenty of empty stools around him - less of an invitation and more of a warning.

On the TVs, Ottawa is playing Anaheim, but from the dour mood of those folks watching the screens, it's clear that a Canadian team isn't going to win this Stanley Cup. Occasionally, Siffleur glances back, looking for someone who isn't here yet.

5) Killing Myself In Front Of You To Change The Trajectory Of Your Life Forever (Opt-In, TW: Suicide)

This isn't Siffleur's memory - it's one of yours.

Perhaps it's something personal, something traumatic and private, the kind of thing you would hate to have seen by anyone. Perhaps it's of better times, good days, drinks, laughter, that kind of thing. Maybe it's just another quiet mundane day.

It doesn't matter. The moment he realizes he's in your memory, Siffleur acts instantly and decisively, and kills himself. There's no hesitation. If there's danger he can use to do it, he does - throwing himself against the obvious monsters, picking a fight with something that's ready to rip him to shreds. Or, if not that, then he'll do the job himself with a kitchen knife if available, or anything sharp.

And in the most dire of circumstances where there's nothing for him to use at all? Well... here's your front row seat to a memory of a complete stranger looking around, grabbing his head between his hands and snapping his own neck.

He'll be back on the ship the next day, carefully avoiding the cracks as he attempts to shuffle away from his cabin and over to the buffet to eat breakfast. Feel free to ambush him for an answer then.

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Siffleur is in human form at the moment, carefully walking back to the Tommy Bahamas and avoiding the cracks. He's gotten a decent amount of practice by now so he's not easily sucked in, but he's still overly cautious since he's learned the hard way that some of them like to hide behind things.

He spots movement out of the corner of his eye, the kind that makes his brain raise it's hackles and he turns quick to see what it is. It's Valdis moving with intent and he steps aside to make way for her.

Except that as she approaches, it becomes clear that she's looking for him. He raises his eyebrows. "Everything okay?"

There. Valdis moves toward him, she hasn't bothered to shift just yet, but she lowers her head as she approaches.

Siffleur. A long pause, and she decides to shift, but amongst the ugly cracking and rearrangement of her body, shadows wrap around her and she's wearing armor when she straightens to look up at him.

"I met your mother." She begins, "But it wasn't a memory."

All the expression drains out of his face. He stares at her, trying to make it make sense.

He makes the logical jump in conclusion, his voice husky as he asks- "Where is she on the ship?"

"Well, to be more precise I met a piece of her soul in..one of her memories. The memory of your birth." Or, it would seem that way. "She is aware and separate, conscious in your soul but unable to really act. She's also about as sane as a fragment of a soul can be."

Which is, not at all. And based on her words about being nearly asleep, she was now wide awake.

That pulls him up even shorter, confused by everything Valdis is saying. He doesn't doubt her - he has no reason to doubt her - but... how? He reaches a hand up to touch his temple. He doesn't feel any different. He doesn't hear thoughts. How could she even get in his mind? It doesn't make any sense.

But Valdis met her in one of her memories. Which means-

"Can you take me to the crack you fell through?"

It's not the worst reception of her words, but his response seems rather calm.

"It's not far from here. But Siffleur, she is not well and she is not all there."

But if he insists, she will lead him over to where the crack was. She's not certain what will happen if they both go back in, or if they even can, she's not sure if it is even still there, but if that's what he wants...

Of all the things Valdis has said, it's hearing that she's not well - and not all there - that makes him relax and even makes him smile a little. Something could pretend to be his mother, but would it know enough to make even something as old as Valdis worry? Probably not.

"That's my mother. She has never been well, and she has never been all there. But if she could talk to you, then I can talk to her." And he needs to talk to her. He has to understand how she's here - if she's really here, or if this is part of his own mind. Valdis says she's a separate being and he believes here, but he also wonders if she is mistaken. Siffleur is also hardly the picture of mental health. He knows this. But...

"I have to see her." He says, softly but insistently. "I last saw her five years ago, and I thought she might be dead. I need to know what happened."

"I don't think you should go in alone, but if you don't want me intruding, then I won't."

The rift is just around the corner, if it hasn't closed.

"Siffluer, whatever she's done, I'm not convinced she is alive in the way you want her to be."

Siffleur looks at the rift. He hasn't voluntarily gone into a single crack so far. It feels like a gross violation to do this - and to do it to his mother - but... but he has to know. He has to see if that's truly her.

Valdis is likely right. He can't imagine any way for his mother to truly be in his mind. But he couldn't have imagined most of the things that have happened here as well.

"I would prefer that you come with me." He says, eyes still on the rift. "If you're right, then you will be able to do what I can't."

He steps forward and touches the crack, letting himself be pulled through-

On the banks of a newly defrosted river, a young women who looks to be in her mid-twenties kneels by the ice cold waters. The snow has melted, but there's a chill in the air that can't be shaken. Her hair is dirty and matted, and she's wearing a stained dress that's too big for her. Beside her is a freshly birthed baby, half-transformed between human and cougar, screaming in pain.

The woman isn't handling it well-

The woman lifts her head and shock spreads over her face, followed by delight. She scrambles to her feet, and as she does, she changes. Her hair goes grey and she ages nearly forty year in the span of a few seconds, that dirty oversized dress replaced with good boots and worn jeans, and an oversized hunting jacket. She's beaming, tears in her eyes as she runs forward. "Fleur! Fleur!"

The moment he hears her voice, Siffleur charges forward, crossing the dirty ground and scooping his mother up in his arms, flinging her around in a spin that has her screaming with laughter, her arms tightly grabbing to his shoulders. "Mama-"

"Fleur!" She kicks her legs behind her, digging her fingers into him. "Oh my Fleur, my Fleur, my boy, oh god oh god, Fleur! You're here, you're-"

Her head comes up as she spots Valdis, and she just smiles. "You're here too! Your friend, Fleur, you have friends!"

Siffleur is out of words. He just grips her tightly, finally slowing down and staying still, holding her against his chest.

On the beach, the baby keeps screaming, unaware of anything but his own pain.

Valdis isn't sure she wants to do what he would need her to, but his mother's insanity might be easily hid. He may decide his mother is fine and choose to not listen to her, and she won't mess with his head and soul without his permission if the threat isn't imminent. With a sigh, Valdis follows him through, standing aside as his mother changes and greets him. He sounds so happy, but Valdis still feels ill.

The poor baby still cries by the river, so Valdis scoops him up from the ground, holding him against her. The armor isn't as soft or warm for him as her fur had been, but she purrs at him, bouncing him softly and continues to watch Siffleur and his mother.

The baby doesn't stop screaming when picked up, but Valdis will still be able to feel some of the worst of the fear ebb as he's held. It's just the fear of the pain that he's in, body trapped between two forms, unable to pick which direction to transform in.

"Fleur, oh my boy, my boy, my boy." His mother mummers over and over again, grabbing at him and patting him until he finally sets her feet back down on the ground. "I'm sorry I worried you, I'm sorry, I was trying to tell you but it was all mixed up, all so hard to find the threads of the world. But-but I'll never be hurt again, never ever, never ever ever! I wanted to tell you more but it hurt so badly, just- just molten iron in my veins, in my skull, burning and burning-"

"Mother." Siffleur quickly hushes her, a hand over her mouth. He can feel her lips moving, but he's stopped the words for now and slowed down the spiral. It won't last though. He can nearly smell it on her. She's at the peak of her mania. No wonder Valdis was so worried... "You don't have to tell me. I just need to know that it's you, and that you're safe."

He carefully drops his hand. She sighs, her head dropping against his chest. "... it's me. I'm safe. Both of me are safe. The... the version out there, she's untouchable. And the part of me here, I'm- I'm in the memories. It never hurts anymore. I'm just with you, over and over again, just with you..."

"Good." Siffleur kisses the top of her head. That's enough for him. There's more he'd like to know, but he's not sure she could tell him it. He can already see her grasping at the explanation and cutting herself on it. "And never in your memories?"

"Never, never never. Those are-" She gestures behind her vaguely, at somewhere further than the river. "I'm the anchor. I'm- I needed somewhere to ground myself. Somewhere safe. Couldn't be an object, you can possess an object, you can control it, mount it, keep it and use it, you could own me then and make me do things and never never never again, never again-" Her feet twist as her hands twist and quiver. Siffleur strokes her head, holding himself still as she twists and twists, and then finally collapses against him. "Had to be you... you're the only one who'd never use me."

In Valdis' arms, the baby shudders as well, and then with a crunch of tiny bones, he turns to a cougar cub, his screaming turning to squalling. Siffleur's mother lifts her head. "Oh no no, I forgot- I forgot you, I forgot you-"

"I'm fine." Siffleur turns her attention back to him, careful to keep her here - to keep her grounded, like she said he was meant to. "Is there anything you need me to do for you?"

"You're doing it already. You're- you're my shelter from the storm. Just... stay happy, stay so happy, that's all I need. I like to see your new memories. I like to see you happy." She keeps trying to glance at Valdis and the baby, but she finally gives up, patting his cheeks. "I like that you have friends now, Fleur. You're doing so good. I wish I could have given you that before..."

"You gave me what I needed." He leans down to give her another tight hug while he can. And he meets Valdis' eyes. She still looks concerned. He isn't sure there's anything he can say to change that feeling, but he'll try. "She's my mother. I'm sure of it."

"Is she- oh, of course she's worried." She giggles with her fingers patting Siffleur's beard. "She must think I'm some horrible worm here to eat you up. But I'm- I'm the shadow of God. I can't do anything but dance away from the light."

Valdis continues to purr at the baby, even after it shifts into a cub. The squalling hurts her ears, but she keeps her eyes on Siffleur and his mother.

"I know it's your mother, but that doesn't mean she should be here." She replies, "Even shadows can eventually gain enough strength to devour God."

She should know.

"A body cannot share two consciousnesses, it's not designed to do so. And she hasn't explained why she has done this either."

That just gets a shrill giggle out of his mother, like Valdis has stumbled into a very funny joke. Siffleur looks down at her, and he carefully moves a hand to her shoulder. "She doesn't have to. I accept whatever comes from this."

"Oh the dramatics. Stop stop stop, I'm not eating you, I'm never eating you. I wouldn't put myself here if I was dangerous." She gives his chest a few pats and then squats down, staring at the dirt. "I'm... trying to explain. I really am. I really really am. I need to. Because I never did before, because I didn't need to before, but I need to now."

Her arms wrap around her knees and she turns those vivid yellow eyes on Valdis, and with care, she says slowly and methodically. "I'm what your Captain wants to be. She's- she's what your Captain wants to be. She became God, kinda. Sorta. And I'm- I'm the anchor. Was the anchor. Before the chain got cut. Now I'm just- I'm just here, in the sea, watching the waters and the little fishes and the corals and listening to the whales sing. He's an ocean, do you see? I'm an anchor in an ocean, I can't replace him, because he's so much bigger than he looks like on the outside. Because we both looked into the eye of God and we were changed, and we were shaped and we became more than only meat, we became a thing between meat and God."

Siffleur very carefully lowers himself into a squat too. "Mom... deep breathes. Slow breathes."

"Shh. Later. I'll calm down later. I have to- we have to do this." She puts both hands on the ground and digs her fingers into it, slowly digging a hole. "It's- it started before I was born, you know. They dug in the dirt for years and years and years, for so many years. Old men looking to find something to make them wealthy and immortal and divine. They found so many things down there, in the depths of the old cities, the places time forgot. When they found the eye, it was closed. That's the only reason they survived. They found it and carried it to the surface, took it to a place that was clean and tidy and they opened it, they opened the eye of God, and it saw them, and it changed them. B-but it wasn't- we're meat, we're meat, so it- we just, we kept- we didn't know how to stop, we didn't have the way to stop it, so in it's gaze, in it's sight, we- we broke, we broke and broke and broke, and we never stopped breaking, never never, not until it was just meat and meat. Meat-" The shrill giggle comes back and she claws at the sand, sloshing it everywhere.

Siffleur holds his hand out against her mouth and she bites him hard, bites him deep. He doesn't flinch. He just holds his hand steady as she tears at him again and again, splattering blood in the sand, until finally her eyes clear, and she pulls her teeth out of him. Her voice is soft and broken. "No Fleur-"

"My arms grow back now, mother." He assures her, holding his mangled hand to the side. "Tell your story."

She huffs. There's blood on her teeth and she licks it off, then she licks her mouth, and then she sags backwards, flopping on her back and staring at the sky. "They found a piece of God and they wanted to know how to use it. And I helped them, until the day they put me in front of it, and made me stare into the eye too. That's the story, long and gory. I saw God, and it split me into two. A-and... and I spent years, years trying to sew myself back together. But you can't unsplit the atom. All you can do is finish the job. So... so I did. I went back. I went back. They were lesser now. They never solved it. They died off, moved on. The eye was- the eye was easier to reach. So I- so I reached it. I looked into it again, knowing what I know now, understanding what it wanted and I- I changed. One more time."

She lifts her arms up to the sky, palms flat and pointed. "I became like it. Like God. Everywhere and anywhere and all the time. Which is- it's very confusing. Being all times. You get lost. You lose yourself. It's- you're a little boat on the ocean, and then you become the ocean and it's- it's always moving, moving moving moving, everywhere and anywhere and allwhere and alltime and anytime and everytime, you see? So-so, you need an anchor. You need something to tether yourself too. It- it could have been a thing. L-like the eye was for God. But I wasn't- I can't. I can't. I can't be that. I can't- I won't! I won't be caught and kept I fucking won't I fucking won't-"

Siffleur tries to offer his hand again but she refuses it, digging her heels into the sand and then kicking at it, throwing dirt everywhere, screaming furiously and indignantly, until there's two huge tracks dug by her feet and her voice cuts out, all of her going limp like a puppet with cut strings.

"Sorry." She says weakly. "It's- the memory makes it hard. I'm s-so fucking angry here. Oh Fleur-"

"It's okay mom." He sits with her, lifting her head from the dirt and setting it against his thigh, brushing the soil from her hair. Siffleur's heart hurts. He didn't want her to ever explain anything, and he feels guilty to know any of this now. It wasn't his to understand. He wasn't owed anything. She let him live - that was enough. That was more than enough. "I want you here. I want you to be safe."

She sighs again, huffs, rolls her head to the side as he keeps brushing her off. "It's fine. You're still back there, with me and me. No matter what happens, I'm safe. I'm safe... I'm too big to hurt now."

It's not fear, or hatred, or even really disgust that tightens her chest. She's not even sure it's her that feels so much of this something in this moment. But the instinct is hers, somehow, in some way. Not quite Valdis', maybe Meira's, but hers. It's why Amos tore her heart out, and why the angels are so afraid. The power to kill gods. But this poor, sad, broken creature is not a god as Valdis knows them. She is not even an abomination.

It's pity.

She feels pity.

And she still thinks the woman needs to die.

A god cannot anchor inside a mortal without causing some kind of damage.

But Siffleur will not let her, and she cannot kill Siffleur enough to make him stay dead on the Eterna, nor does she want to.

"Siffleur," she replies, "It goes against my very nature to allow this."

Allow. How prideful it sounds, but she feels it deep inside, how wrong it is to let this stand. She can't even come up with another word for it. The deep instinct to destroy this sad remnant at any cost.

"But as long as she does nothing to hurt you or anyone else, I will leave her be."

Siffleur does not react much, not until Valdis has a chance to finish her thoughts. Then he lets some relief flood into him. He's seen Valdis at work - he knows he has little chance of beating her, and he would hold a terrible grudge if she ripped his mother out of him. But her terms are fair - though it will take some work on his part to eventually make her understand that he doesn't care if he's harmed or eaten alive or anything.

That's fine though. He'll have time.

"Thank you Valdis." Siffleur's tone is solemn, so she knows that he understands the weight of this. Valdis does not seem like someone whose mind is easily swayed from the path she feels is right. He feels his mother trying to sit up and he helps her into an upright positions, brushing dirt off her jacket. "No more stories, no more memories."

She grumps, thumping her head into his arm. "Well either I tell you now or I tell you never, and it's safe to tell you now. No one's here to follow us or take us back-"

He just pats her back a little harder and then distracts her. The past doesn't matter to him. He just wants to enjoy his time with her while he can. "Do you like Jack? And Max?"

"Good boys, for once. Oh god, the people you have dated, the people you've slept with, Fleur I swear- and for once, it's not my awful taste you've inherited! I'm blameless, even if only on this." She giggles to herself, rubbing her face on her sleeve. "I like them though. Be sweet to their hearts, no matter how it goes. And! And you take care of that Nepeta, she's strong but she's still young! A-and you should all start thinking about the future. Your robot friends are going to need maintenance and parts, so- so you should start working on a machining shop too, because you can use that to repair the things you add to the ship! And-"

"I will. I'll look out for my friends." Because that's what this is all about: keeping his friends alive and fine. He nods to Valdis. "We'll look out for everyone we care for. I promise."

"And stop- stop thinking you look like him." She lifts her head and grabs Siffleur's face in her hands. "You look like my father. You never looked like that fucker. Okay? You look like my family, and you're mine mine mine, all mine. You're my son." She turns his face to look at Valdis, and the little kitten in her arms that's worn himself out and is just occasionally chirping. "My son. Only ever mine."

He just nods, a lump in his throat.

Siffleur's mother lets go and rises to her feet, slowly approaching Valdis. She holds her arms out to take him back. "I'll take him. I've made you hold him for long enough, and I thank you for bringing him to me. I promise you, I would never do anything to hurt him."

Siffleur may not want to hear more, but Valdis certainly does. His mother has moved on though and she's an intruder upon a moment between family. When the woman reaches for the kitten, Valdis doesn't hand him over.

"Promising to not hurt Siffleur is not the same as promising to not hurt anyone else."

She's not holding the kitten hostage, merely compelling the woman to actually address the other piece of her terms.

That gets a thin little giggle from her and she brings a knuckle to her mouth to bite. Her smile wobbles and her eyes dilate a little. "oh oh oh, oh oh oh, you're right, you're right-"

Siffleur strides over the moment he hears that sound, stepping up to her back and setting a hand on her shoulder. That seems to ground her, and she drops the hand from her mouth. He gives her shoulder a squeeze. "Mom. You don't need to hurt anyone here."

"Oh, I'm sure I do. I'm sure I would. If I was me still, all of me, I'd gobble everyone up like popcorn, just to be sure, just to be so so sure they'd never threaten me." She twitches slightly, but there's no more giggles or biting. She just rubs her face on her sleeve again and straightens up. "If someone comes in here and tries to hurt Siffleur, I'll kill them. But I won't hurt anyone who comes here peacefully, and I'm never ever setting foot outside of him, ever. I've had enough of out there. It's safe here... it's quiet here. So. I promise not to hurt anyone else out there, or in here, unless they try to hurt him. That's fair."

Then she holds her arms out again.

Valdis still doesn't hand the kitten to the woman.

Allowing an entity that shouldn't be there to interfere, no matter how hypocritical it may be...this creature can't be called sane, she can't be trusted, if Valdis could tear her own monster out and survive, she would. Leaving this be goes against every single instinct she has. The amount of sympathy she possesses for Siffleur is so much smaller than the urge to destroy this lost shard of a soul.

Something this insane can't differentiate between actual harm and perceived harm. If Max, or Jack, or anyone else ere to hurt Siffleur by accident...Valdis does not trust this woman, but she trusts Siffleur.

"Knowing the games you enjoy playing, and the reality of our situation on the Eterna, do you find that fair, Siffleur?"

"Yes." There's no hesitation in his answer. His hand stays on his mother's shoulder but his body language has shifted from concerned to defensive. Siffleur knows his mother is broken fundamentally, knows she is capable of terrible things, and he still trusts her entirely when she says she'll only attack intruders who come in here with ill intent. "My memories were dangerous before we knew my mother was here, and my games require an agreement. If someone wants to barge into my mind and hurt me, then death is a small price to pay on the Eternia."

Siffleur's mother has her eyes on the baby, hands still outstretched. After a long and lingering moment, she looks up at Valdis. "He's my son. You can play all the violent games you want to out there, but I won't sit by quietly and watch someone tear his mind into confetti in here. I know that's fair. I know it is."

Yet the woman hadn't said that before, she'd said she would defend him in general, not just his mind. His mother keeps trying to change the offered rules and Siffleur is just letting her. But Valdis can sense that Siffleur is potentially running out of patience.

"Defending his mind I have no issue with, I never did."

And yet the woman has still not promised to avoid harming people in the physical sense. Still, she gently places the kitten in the woman's arms.

"I want to leave, Siffleur."

She takes the baby and pulls him to her chest, holding him tight and cooing softly to him. Her body relaxes some and she nuzzles the kitten, then slides him in her jacket so only his head is out. "There we are... that's my boy. That's my little man."

Siffleur knows they can't stay, but he doesn't want to go yet. Even knowing she's in his mind, he doesn't want to leave. What if he never sees her again? What if he never hears her voice again. His hand moves to her shoulder. "You can leave-"

"You both have to leave." His mother says, turning to look at him. "You can't stay here. I love you too much to let you do something stupid. And she hates it here. She hates it and me, and she'll gobble me up in a heartbeat if I throw one more fit. I can taste it."

"Mama-" Siffleur's voice is small. He feels like a child again, like the first time she had to leave him. He draws her near, holding her tight - and holding himself as well. Siffleur can't remember this moment in time and he wishes he could so he could remember what it was like to be so safe in her arms.

"Say you love me, and give me a kiss, and then go. I can feel another breakdown coming, and I need to be out of this skin." She turns her right cheek to him. "Don't make me humiliate myself again, please."

"Sorry. I love you." And he bends down to kiss her cheek, like she wants. He squeezes her tight, and she pats his side, resting her head on his chest. "I miss you so much."

"I'm here. I'm always here, and I'm safe. I love you so much. Now, go have your fun." She thumps her forehead into his chest a few times, and when she squirms back, he lets go of him. His mother shoos him with one hand and shoos Valdis as well, before she turns and bolts into the woods with the baby.

And after a minute or so, the memory comes to an ending, both of them ending back on the ship.

Siffleur stares at the crack for a long moment before he slowly sits on the floor, bringing his knees up to his chest.

Valdis watches the exchange, fury building in her chest the longer it drags on, but it ends and then Siffleur is sitting on the floor, miserable. She can't even bring herself to feel sympathy for him.

"I would like you to stay away from Max," she says quietly, "I can't make you, and I won't make him stay away from you, and I'm not going to make threats. But I just...need you to stay away from him for little awhile."

So she can figure out how to control the tightness in her chest, the disgust she feels when she looks at him. She knows it's not him and she knows how incredibly hateful and hypocritical it is, but she can't stop the feelings. Sifffleur's mother is a threat to Max in her mind and she can't fight it right now, and she's going to have to.

"Please."

Siffleur's still processing everything, so Valdis' request catches him off guard and his head snaps up to look at her. It's obviously unfair to ask that of him that she has to qualify it - and then she has to add 'please' to it.

"Sure." He says, voice flat. Siffleur has too many other things to digest that he doesn't have energy to fight about something this stupid and petty and ultimately pointless. Why everyone still acts like death means anything here will never make sense to Siffleur. But why his friends could leave that fucking brand on the back of Max's neck also doesn't make sense to him either. "Make sure to tell Max too."

Death might not mean anything to Siffleur, but if he had to feel it every time someone he loved died...if he had ever had to walk for hundreds of years and feel death and grief and fury in every single step, perhaps he would have a little more empathy, like she does.

"You do realize that the only reason I did not tear her out is because I know how much you love her and how happy you were to see her and I would never take that from you, no matter how much every instinct screamed at me to do otherwise. You always claim to never want to deny your nature. You delight in it, you live your nature to the fullest you possibly can.

I just denied mine for you, remember that."

Unless he tries to stop her, Valdis will leave Siffleur to his thoughts.

Siffleur raises his eyes to stare flatly at Valdis. He doesn't react to her emotionally - he learned a long time ago when to control his feelings, when to sit on the other side of a door and to wait patiently for the screaming and the anger inside to stop before carefully calling out.

So despite Valdis stating once more how much she wants to kill his mother, he doesn't react. He does this for her - because Valdis has been a friend before now, because she took him to see his mother. And he does it for Max, who likes them both very much and who would be the one most hurt by this escalating.

He turns his gaze away and back to the crack in reality, to the place where his mother lies in his mind. And that's where he stays for a long time after Valdis leaves.

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then I found a place, it's dark and it's rotted [memeshare - open]

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