★ SEP. (CATCH ALL); they say i'm dangerous 'cuz i break all the cages.

[opheliac]

Who: jinx & YOU
When: all of september
Where: all throughout the boat
What: things that will happen with her during this month. some will be open & some will be private. all jinx's top-levels, her phone texting, and her one-on-one will permanently go here for the month.
Warnings: jinx suffers from mental illness. such as the following - schizophrenia, hallucinations, PTSD, & separation anxiety. these may or may not happen in this log.

WEEK 1 (09/01 - 09/03)
█ JINX ➜ 09.01 ➜ TOP-LEVEL

WEEK 2 (09/04 - 09/10)
N/A

WEEK 3 (09/11 - 09/17)
N/A

WEEK 4 (09/18 - 09/24)
█ JINX ➜ 09.18 ➜ TOP-LEVEL (backdated.)

WEEK 5 (09/25 - 09/30)
N/A

code credit to: thisismanx

Comments

[opheliac]

I... I, uh. With this, I dunno if it's possible.

(how can she defeat her monsters that haunt her on a daily basis? how can she fight back her nightmares so she can have restful nights again? often times, she goes on insomnia streaks until finally her body gives out on her. ekko's and rin's presence been helpful but a few times she is awake shortly after ekko had fallen asleep. and jinx's been feeling terrible about it. ekko tries so hard to soothe her and she's grateful for all that he's done for her. yet a lot of times, she feels she is keeping him away from being happy or is such a burden to him.

he should be living his life to the fullest without any worries or stresses. of course, it's hard to do so here on this boat but he shouldn't have to fret over her.)

[nyktifanis]

Why would it be impossible?

( she doesn't understand that part. how could there be an impossibility that she's unable to solve. that's the thing, a god isn't meant to give answers and fix their problems for them, but give them a push in the right direction. a gentle breeze that tells her which way to go, and so what direction will pollux send this light gust? )

Rather... what is it that seems out of your reach now that's troubling you. It may not be that you cannot obtain it, but it's just too far away. You have to move your two legs further and further to see that you can finally grasp it, Jinx.

[opheliac]

I... I can't handle losses well. (her voice is so small and if pollux listens very carefully, there might be sniffling.) A lotta people who've been important to me left me one way or another. Getting abandon is somethin' I keep dealing with and I just... I just want it to stop happenin' to me.

(jinx ducks her head further; practically burrowing in hold pollux can just shield her away from her own life.)

It doesn't get easier... it just hurts more.

[nyktifanis]

( that's a painful feeling to lose someone, but to lose them over and over and over again is just as excruciating. where she could ask who did she lose, it'd be horrible to start there. jinx comes off so frail compared to what she was before, small, searching for someone to console her if only for the moment. )

Loss is a difficult subject.

( one that every person has suffered, it's unavoidable, but there's a purpose it serves. )

It's then you realize how much that person means to you.

( a hand smooths against the back of jinx's head, nails slipping between a sea of blue locks to gently scratch at her scalp. )

You're right. It's never easy, and every time it happens it's just as worse; but you have to remember they'd want you to be happy, Jinx. Those memories you have with them are something to cherish, not to mourn.

[opheliac]

But... what if the memories weren't so great but you still miss 'em a lot anyway?

(despite the conversation they're having, the scratch along her head sends little goosebumps throughout. she shudders but not out of fear or chillness -- it's a good kind which helps her relax further and even open up more.)

— My sister and I, we... a lotta bad stuff happened between us. I hate her but I love her and miss her, too. I want to see her again but I don't, either.

[nyktifanis]

Family tends to bring out those sort of feelings, it's unavoidable for some. It shows that you still have an attachment.

( a sister, pollux has many siblings too. she's never had this issue of disliking them for she's always loved them no matter what, and has even put herself in danger for them. she can't look at this from her lens, but one that she's seen when observing others. )

But the real question is... if you were to see her again, what would you do?

( she goes back and forth between missing her, hating her, loving her... which one of those feelings would win out in the end? )

[opheliac]

(what would she do if vi came onboard? jinx is practically convinced her sister would never step on foot on the boat. although, the wonderful "cupcake" is here so there is still that possibility. because where there's caitlyn, there's vi. and where they're vi, there's caitlyn. it use to be that way. it use to be the sisters going hand in hand but... that was a long time ago.

so what would she do? a part of her would run to her and sob in her arms like the first time she was here. and the other... -- a rough huff of air through her nostrils then a grumble:)

Nothing. She's on her fucking own.

[nyktifanis]

You're satisfied with seeing that she's alive, is that it?

( she's working off what jinx has said before and what she's aid now. that too could mean she's satisfied with knowing that she's around. when pollux thinks about it, she couldn't do that to any of her siblings, but jinx is more fined tuned to the more negative emotions; pain, suffering, sadness that has followed her through her life.

there's no judgement in her tone, nor in her actions as she continues the same slow scratches against jinx's scalp. )

I have trouble believing you'd leave her to crawl alone.

( jinx may not assist, but she have a vague feeling that she'd watch over her. )

[opheliac]

Don't see why. She did it with me... so it's only fair, right?

(the laugh she lets out is sad and cold. and when she turns over on her back again, her fingers comb through her bangs before letting her hand just rest over her face.)

— "And we stick together". That's what she had said to me. Funny, how actions speak soooo much louder than words.

[nyktifanis]

Sometimes Jinx, things will tear you apart from someone, but once you get them back...

( once you have them again, she should never let go. when pollux managed to gain castor back, she was dotted into sky as a star that held his hand for as long as god allows it. she never let go after that moment. )

You should take care of them for as long as you can. I'm unsure what happened between you both, but... it breaks my heart to hear that such a relationship is that frail you'd both turn away from it. Your heart is kinder than that...

[opheliac]

"Kind..."

(a word she lets dance along her tongue for a moment as she shields her hand away from her face. there's a quick glance to pollux then back at their ceiling. again, how did a topic about what book she should read turn to this?)

Haven't you figured out I'm a monster, yet? As a God, I'm sure you're able to tell a person just by lookin' at 'em, right? Make a judgement call.

[nyktifanis]

( had she said the wrong thing? did she get under her skin enough that she feels the need to retaliate? the final request that asks for a judgement call makes pollux frowns as though upset she would ask something so cruel in a blasé manner. )

I do not dictate your life. I offer guidance to the humans that ask for it. Only you can make that call, Jinx.

( as she sees it if jinx is willing to bring their conversation to this point, she finds that she no longer needs her now. she has led her down all sorts of unfamiliar roads, and metaphorically her feet may her from the gravel underneath, but there's a destination meant for her.

she allows one more stroke of her fingers. )

There is no need to make yourself an enemy of me, or anyone else; let alone act as a ferocious beast with your fangs bared. Trust yourself that you won't hurt others, that is the first step.

( her voice lowers, seemingly sad as she looks down at the other. it's evident in how downtrodden she appears that she doesn't think ill of her at all. she wishes to help her, is all. )

Think of these words in my absence, and reflect. It is my parting gift for now, but we will meet again.

[opheliac]

(her intention wasn't to upset her really but that is jinx in a nutshell. always saying or doing things to hurt the other unintentionally. and seeing the hurt in her eyes make her shrink a bit and feel apologetic. she doesn't move away quite yet -- letting pollux stroke her hair a few more times and allowing her to look down at her, too.

'but we will meet again' will they? she feels as if she just screwed everything up again.

'eeeverry time. every time she comes something goes wrong. she jinx us in every job!'

jinx frowns at those words -- once again, echoing in her mind while shutting her eyes to attempt to bat them away. "mylo" will probably hackle her about this whole thing later. he usually does when things go sideways for her. regardless, jinx mumbles a "okay, i will" to pollux before raising up to sit.)

Uhm. Thanks... for listenin' to me. A-And... for the recommendation.

[nyktifanis]

Now, don't give me that look...

( it's the way she says it as though she's seen that expression a thousand times, and the words come overfamiliar to the point that it comes across that she knows jinx personally. she should know better than to cross those lines, but pollux is empathetic towards others, and it's not as though jinx did anything wrong. it's more of a development process, an approach to help her think better, and not worse. )

You do understand that I'm not upset with you.

( the moment that jinx sits, pollux reaches out to grab her hands to give them a gentle squeeze, reassuring her that nothing is out of place nor is her feelings. if anything, she doesn't want to give the wrong impression. especially when jinx feels so vulnerable, the diety doesn't doubt that she's partially blaming herself. )

We are friends, and I will watch over you. And please, once you write the first page, I'd love to read it.

( how does she express that she loves stories about humans, and even the ones written by them. she's more than curious of what tale jinx will spin in due time, and so she puts out her request. as she thinks about it, a smile pulls at her face albeit sheepish. )

Or would that be too soon?

[opheliac]

(so she didn't upset her after all. cool, great. maybe now she can shake the nerves away. and when their hands are together, jinx squeezes right back while listening to her words very attentively. once again, she nods to them as she grows more at ease. she'll still watch over her, thank goodness.

the sheepish manner is rather contagious as a bright rosey color fill over her pale complexion. and quickly, she shakes her head with a tiny smile. )

No, no. Not too soon at all. — I'll... I'll definitely let you read it when I'm done.