come_sailaway | then I found a place, it's dark and it's rotted [memeshare

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then I found a place, it's dark and it's rotted [memeshare - open]

Who: Siffleur and you
What: Memory sharing & an opt-in
When: throughout March
Where: various
Warnings: Body horror, medical gore, cannibalism, death, suicide, suicidal idealization, child neglect, possible discussions of past sexual assault in first prompt, unreality

1) The River

On the banks of a newly defrosted river, a young women who looks to be in her mid-twenties kneels by the ice cold waters. The snow has melted, but there's a chill in the air that can't be shaken. Her hair is dirty and matted, and she's wearing a stained dress that's too big for her. Beside her is a freshly birthed baby, half-transformed between human and cougar, screaming in pain.

The woman isn't handling it well. Siffleur is about 10 minutes old and he's also not handling it well either.

2) The Forest

In an old growth forest in the height of summer, a small cougar kitten has left the den where his mother sleeps to play in the grass and chase the large dragonflies that dart around. Siffleur is very young and very curious, and though he usually avoids other people, today he's feeling brave enough to investigate anything new and novel. He's climbing a old fallen log in pursuit of a particularly shiny dragonfly that's resting on the end.

But he loses his grip when he sees someone new in the clearing, falling back and going head over heels, rolling back a few times before landing paws up.

3) The City

In a rundown city just across the Canadian border, a teen boy sits outside a convenience store. His clothing is dirty and stained, and he hasn't washed in at least two weeks. His stomach growls and he watches carefully as people slowly trickle in and out of the store. Siffleur's shaggy hair hangs in his eyes and he doesn't ask for help - he just watches each person as they exit their car.

There's someone here who wasn't there before. His yellow eyes snap to them, quickly looking them up and down.

4) The Small Town

In a place with a population of less than a 1000 people, less than six half-paved streets and one bar, Siffleur sits at the bar with a beer. His cellphone buzzes now and then but he's left it laying face down, not bothering to check it. There's plenty of empty stools around him - less of an invitation and more of a warning.

On the TVs, Ottawa is playing Anaheim, but from the dour mood of those folks watching the screens, it's clear that a Canadian team isn't going to win this Stanley Cup. Occasionally, Siffleur glances back, looking for someone who isn't here yet.

5) Killing Myself In Front Of You To Change The Trajectory Of Your Life Forever (Opt-In, TW: Suicide)

This isn't Siffleur's memory - it's one of yours.

Perhaps it's something personal, something traumatic and private, the kind of thing you would hate to have seen by anyone. Perhaps it's of better times, good days, drinks, laughter, that kind of thing. Maybe it's just another quiet mundane day.

It doesn't matter. The moment he realizes he's in your memory, Siffleur acts instantly and decisively, and kills himself. There's no hesitation. If there's danger he can use to do it, he does - throwing himself against the obvious monsters, picking a fight with something that's ready to rip him to shreds. Or, if not that, then he'll do the job himself with a kitchen knife if available, or anything sharp.

And in the most dire of circumstances where there's nothing for him to use at all? Well... here's your front row seat to a memory of a complete stranger looking around, grabbing his head between his hands and snapping his own neck.

He'll be back on the ship the next day, carefully avoiding the cracks as he attempts to shuffle away from his cabin and over to the buffet to eat breakfast. Feel free to ambush him for an answer then.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Sympathy, though perhaps not quite empathy passes through her green eyes. The woman used to be human, and if were-creatures work the same here as in legends. Valdis lowers her head again, the baby so small she could snap it up in one bite, but she very gently severs the cord, ignoring the blood.

Him...I assume you mean the father.

Cursed from birth and while his mother seems protective now, her life changed forever, perhaps in a way she will one day resent. Valdis takes a step back and around, dropping to the ground so the woman can lean against her and perhaps gain warmth from the thick, black fur.

A full body shudder rolls through her and she clenches her teeth, her eyes narrowing. The hate is overwhelming, overpowering, and it threatens to consume her.

She ends up crawling towards the wolf, burying her face in her thick black fur and she screams into it, furious bitter rage. The baby cries at the sudden sound, and she puts him in that soft warm fur too as she lets out another awful well of agony before going quiet.

"I'm fine." She says, clearly not fine even a little bit. But she stays near the wolf, stealing her warmth. "Fuck it's cold. I got lost in all of this, forgot that I still feel everything, until I feel it."

The woman keeps Siffleur pressed against the warm fur, letting it help soothe him. It soothes her too, and though her fingers and toes both twitch, she doesn't throw another fit as she speaks. "I meant Siffleur, but his father works too. Except he made me worse because I was twenty and already an arrogant shithead, and he was thirty-five and too old to be mooning after me." She sighs, eyes closed, muttering into the fur. "If I knew then what I know now, I would have killed him on the spot."

The pain Siffleur's mother feels is dangerous. Her screaming vibrates against her side and in her aura. The woman's instability cannot be good for the tiny baby currently nestled against her. Valdis breathes deeply, listening as the woman needs.

You plan to raise the child, even after being so wronged?

Valdis knows that she does to some extent. Or someone does, because Siffleur exists in her timeline. Or at least, they have a shared on on the Serena Eterna.

That gets another thin nervous giggle out of her and a nod. She finally settles with her back against the wolf's fur, and she moves the baby to her lap. Her fingers brush over his soft downy hair, listening to him whimper on and off.

"Yes. I thought about getting rid of him three times. When I first realized I was pregnant. When I felt him change shapes inside of me. When I thought about drowning him in the river just now. That's it. It never crosses my mind again." She rubs his right cheek and gives him a loving smile, her voice so soft and warm. "We gazed at the face of God together and survived. How couldn't I keep him in the end?"

This memory seems very different from others she has found herself in. Siffleur's mother loves him at this moment, but she considered killing him. At some point it was her right, but despite knowing that Siffleur didn't drown in the river after birth, Valdis is relieved she came when she did. But the way she talks, it's as if Valdis is privvy to Siffleur's history with his mother within one memory. The way she says it never crosses her mind again.

Can you also shift into a cougar?

Valdis curls about the pair as closely as she can, offering her warmth.

She sighs a little, a satisfied sound as she's warmed by the wolf, as her body finally starts to feel again. "Pins and needles." The woman mutters to herself, and gives Siffleur's little feet a shake. "Look at how tiny those toes are! Never saw those tiny little toes or fingers before. Those itty bitty nails. Like a perfect little doll."

Her hands move to his hands, wrapping his little fingers around each index and smiling at him. "Oh yes, I can be a cougar too. But it's like with him. Awful, awful change. Worse than childbirth. I still tense up every time I change, and it makes it so much worse, but I can't help it. You have to break your own bones, and you have to keep breaking them, keep tearing yourself apart. Everyone else we did it to died, and of course they did, because they didn't have a stopping point. They just kept breaking and breaking and breaking and tearing and bleeding until they died. Just a horrible mess of meat leaking out everywhere."

She grins, big, bright, leaning down to kiss Siffleur's hands. "Oh but your mother was a smart cookie, she figured out everything just in time for you and me to go through that. You had to have a shape in mind, something to become, or you'd never become anything. Never ever ever ever. Never ever ever!" The kissing becomes a little frantic, her voice a little high pitched. "You just become meat! Meat meat meat! Oh, so much meat, so much meat! We buried tons of it! Tons and tons and tons!"

The giggling gets high pitched, shrill-

And she lifts her hand to her mouth to bite it, digging her teeth in hard and making herself be still and quiet. The breathing through her nose is laboured, but it grows more relaxed in time, until she can finally remove her hand. The blood leaks from it, slow and thick, and she lets her head drop back against that thick black pelt.

"Sorry. It's just... you know. The madness." She waggles her bleeding hand at her head. "It gets better and worse. You're helping though. Very appreciated. Very warm and grounding. I've been so lost in his memories that I'd gone half to sleep in them."

Evidence of the woman's insanity simply continues to grow, but Valdis stays calm, for Siffleur's sake.

Are you a memory, or are you conscious in his memories.

Disturbing either way.

"Tragically and unfortunately conscious, my dear Valdis." She squeezes her bleeding hand into a fist, letting it drip on the ground. "It's a long and sordid story but I wasn't meant to be here like this. I wasn't meant to be anything but an anchor. Apparently, I was too good at it, and I came along for the ride when your piss-ass Captain copied my son."

Her lips curl back but there's no uncontrollable tantrum this time. She might have insults for him, but there's no real rage in her heart, not like with the others. All she does is watch the blood form a little puddle before dragging a finger through it, drawing in the bloody dirt. "You know, I've been waiting for something to come in here, but I was expecting a psychic of some kind. And when I saw you at first, I thought ah here we are, something's come to steal him from me, rip me out. But you're not of course... this is an accident, isn't it? Some kind of accident."

She finishes drawing in the dirt, staring down at a sigil she's doodled and sighing to herself. "Well, even if it wasn't, none of my old tricks work here. Can't call on something when all the phone lines have been cut. Doesn't even give the busy signal, doesn't ring, doesn't go through, just... emptiness. Terrible emptiness."

Valdis doesn't move, doesn't show anything other an a flick of an ear to acknowledge what she has heard. She breathes deeply, blowing out a long, misty breath into the cold air, considering her next words carefully.

What are you an anchor for?

"Myself. Not me-myself but her-myself. The other-me, the one left behind." She closes her eyes for a moment, and gestures vaguely in the air. "When you see God's face, when you survive it, then you can go backwards you know. You can walk the path the other way. So, I did, I cut a hole in the world and crawled through it, and and now I'm outside of it, eternally untouchable." A pause, a sigh, and her eyes open. "She's untouchable. I'm here."

Then she leans in and presses her mouth against Siffleur's tummy, blowing a raspberry on him and laughing in delight. "Oh, this is such a treat, I really have to thank you. He was never human for me. The moment he touched the water, he changed into a little kitten, and that was so good of him because it was easier to be a cat when I cared for him. But I never knew he had such tiny little features..."

Hackles stay flat, breathing stays even, eyes stay green. But the overwhelming urge to kill this broken soul who should not be here fills her with a need to act. She turns her gaze onto the tiny baby, knowing that to kill her now could compromise whatever memories he currently has. But this creature, anchoring herself to a half-life through Siffleur cannot be allowed to live.

Do you know what I am? The question is calm. So much calmer than she feels, but the woman knows her name and potentially what she is. If Siffleur actually understood their discussion.

"Hellhound. Soul-eater." She giggles a little, amused by that deliciously grim title and purpose, and she tips Siffleur forward to rest on her chest, cuddling him close. "I worried the first time you ate him up, thought that might be it for me too. But here I am. Here I stay. Safe, finally safe, finally finally safe."

"I only wish I knew if he could remember this. He worries about me so much, all the time. Poor boy. You were so good at hiding it, but now that I'm here, I see it, and I feel it." She rubs his back when he makes a soft cranky sound, making soft 'oh oh oh' sounds. "I know, I know. I'm sorry. I promise, I would have told you sooner but I wanted you to have your own life too, Fleur. I wanted you to be your own man. I didn't know you wanted your children to be like you. But they didn't look at the artifact, they didn't see God, not like you and me. They were always going to be human..."

The woman sighs again, long and wistful, and turns her head to look at the wolf. "So, did you come here for me, or for him?"

So she does know anything Siffleur knows, makes things a little more complicated for when she returns.

I crossed the river to ensure my friend and his mother stayed warm in this cold memory.

Valdis did not expect to find an insane, twisted soul existing alongside Siffleur and she's certainly not kissing Siffleur in order to remove it without taking his soul. Bad enough she may have to kiss Crichton.

Does he know you are here?

She chuckles softly, the most relaxed laugh she's had so far. "Good... good good good. He's got friends now. Always struggled with that. Makes me so happy. He's got friends... you've got friends, Fleur!"

The woman presses her nose against the side of his head and smells him. Then she shakes her head, just a little. "Doesn't know. I was going to tell him, I was, I had a whole... I had a whole plan. But the thing is- the thing is, the thing is that I got dischronolated. Time is linear, so you have to be linear to experience time, and when I became lineared I also became untimed, and I was everywhere, always everywhere, always now and then and soon and far. I had to find a point that would ground me, so I picked him, but I was still untangling myself from all the here now then whens when he got scooped up, and took a liiiiittle bit of me with him."

She holds her fingers up for Valdis to see, making a tiny little pinch. "Just this much. Just a sliver. But, if you could tell me, if you can make sure he knows I'm here, oh I'd be grateful. I can't pay you back here, but if you all ever get away and you crack through this bubble, I'm out there. And I'll know he's here, and I'll give you a lovely reward of your own naming. Once me and I chat about it, we'll be so grateful about all of this, you know. Fleur finally got a place to be happy."

The explanation, and the offer, do little to assure her that this woman will not be a threat, but she speaks the truth at this moment. And it is exceedingly difficult to lie to her empathetic senses.

I will tell him, and I hope he will be open to having you here. But if he is not, I will help him remove you if he wishes. This is all I can promise you.

She lowers her head to her paws. For now, they can both be warm in her thick fur, but she does it for Siffleur, not this half soul who calls herself his mother.

A thin giggle escapes her, and it turns into a torrent of laughter, manic and delighted and ever so amused by the very thought of asking Siffleur if he wants her removed. Her bare heels beat on the ground and she throws her head back as she cackles into the clear sky above them.

"Oh good, good good good, go ahead and ask him oh please, please do. Oooohhh good. Promise him and not me." She chuckles and then sighs, curling her and Siffleur into Valdis' warm side. "Good good good. Heh. Oooohhh, how stern! How sensible. I see why you've lived this long. You're a smart cookie too."

And chuckling softly to herself, she closes her eyes and lets herself rest there quietly until the memory comes to a quiet end, sending Valdis back to the ship.

The memory spits her back out far less peacefully than it had ended and her legs shudder as they take the weight of her Hound bulk.

Damn.

She honestly has no idea how Siffleur will react to his mother leaving part of her inside him. If she could still soul walk she could go back in and ask more questions, because she has more, but she hasn't been able to do it. It must be something the Captain didn't want to contend with, though knowing what she knows about the ghosts, and herself, well, moving her soul around would be unwise even if she did have the ability.

She needs to find Siffleur as quickly as possible.

Siffleur is in human form at the moment, carefully walking back to the Tommy Bahamas and avoiding the cracks. He's gotten a decent amount of practice by now so he's not easily sucked in, but he's still overly cautious since he's learned the hard way that some of them like to hide behind things.

He spots movement out of the corner of his eye, the kind that makes his brain raise it's hackles and he turns quick to see what it is. It's Valdis moving with intent and he steps aside to make way for her.

Except that as she approaches, it becomes clear that she's looking for him. He raises his eyebrows. "Everything okay?"

There. Valdis moves toward him, she hasn't bothered to shift just yet, but she lowers her head as she approaches.

Siffleur. A long pause, and she decides to shift, but amongst the ugly cracking and rearrangement of her body, shadows wrap around her and she's wearing armor when she straightens to look up at him.

"I met your mother." She begins, "But it wasn't a memory."

All the expression drains out of his face. He stares at her, trying to make it make sense.

He makes the logical jump in conclusion, his voice husky as he asks- "Where is she on the ship?"

"Well, to be more precise I met a piece of her soul in..one of her memories. The memory of your birth." Or, it would seem that way. "She is aware and separate, conscious in your soul but unable to really act. She's also about as sane as a fragment of a soul can be."

Which is, not at all. And based on her words about being nearly asleep, she was now wide awake.

That pulls him up even shorter, confused by everything Valdis is saying. He doesn't doubt her - he has no reason to doubt her - but... how? He reaches a hand up to touch his temple. He doesn't feel any different. He doesn't hear thoughts. How could she even get in his mind? It doesn't make any sense.

But Valdis met her in one of her memories. Which means-

"Can you take me to the crack you fell through?"

It's not the worst reception of her words, but his response seems rather calm.

"It's not far from here. But Siffleur, she is not well and she is not all there."

But if he insists, she will lead him over to where the crack was. She's not certain what will happen if they both go back in, or if they even can, she's not sure if it is even still there, but if that's what he wants...

Of all the things Valdis has said, it's hearing that she's not well - and not all there - that makes him relax and even makes him smile a little. Something could pretend to be his mother, but would it know enough to make even something as old as Valdis worry? Probably not.

"That's my mother. She has never been well, and she has never been all there. But if she could talk to you, then I can talk to her." And he needs to talk to her. He has to understand how she's here - if she's really here, or if this is part of his own mind. Valdis says she's a separate being and he believes here, but he also wonders if she is mistaken. Siffleur is also hardly the picture of mental health. He knows this. But...

"I have to see her." He says, softly but insistently. "I last saw her five years ago, and I thought she might be dead. I need to know what happened."

"I don't think you should go in alone, but if you don't want me intruding, then I won't."

The rift is just around the corner, if it hasn't closed.

"Siffluer, whatever she's done, I'm not convinced she is alive in the way you want her to be."

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