[open] dreams of you all through my head

[pinballer]

Who: Vance Hopper & (mostly) ota
What: Fixing Judith and generally being around
When: Early November
Where: all around
Warnings: eventual discussion of child torture/murder


1 / it's all right now (the drunken sailor)

[ Before the party, Vance was gifted with the mangled remains of Fio's teddy bear, Judith. One of the ghosts did it, and he feels kind of silly doing something so sentimental for a teddy bear, but he knows it's because the ghost was avenging him for Judith's previous attack. So, in a way, he feels responsible.

He chose The Drunken Sailor because it's where Knife Club is held, and also because he thinks Fio is unlikely to wander in and see Judith before it's all fixed up. There's some threads in all different colors set out and everyone is encouraged to take a different one and fix the bear a little bit at a time. That way, Fio will know how many different people all came together for her.

Vance is sitting at the table with a bit of read thread, starting to sew the arm back on. He isn't very good at it, but this is a group effort anyway. ]

[ ooc note: If they know Vance, assume your character got a text and was invited. If they don't know Vance and you want to participate, feel free to handwave that someone invited them. ]

2 / but don't give yourself away

[ Sometime after fixing Judith, Vance can be found all around the ship. He's not as devastated as he was in the aftermath of the party, but he's not entirely back to normal, either. He's...somewhere in between.

If someone saw him take down not-Friday, he's willing to talk about it. He also wants to catch up with anyone he knows who was possessed and isn't anymore.

Once in a while, too, he lifts up the corner of his white tank top and (for the first time since he's been here) takes an actual look at the knife-wound scars that were left behind. He's hated those scars since the first time he saw them and has done whatever it takes to keep them covered. After seeing Judith - all full of stitches but still wanted and still okay - he thinks, finally, that they might not be so hideous after all. ]

3 / it's only teenage wasteland (closed to clarke)

[ As much as he tries to play the tough guy, the last month weighed on him something fierce and he feels like he's about to burst if he doesn't get some of his feelings out into the world. Clarke's been trying to nudge him into sharing a little ever since they went to beach, so he just lets it slip. ]

I lied. I am scared. Of a lot of things. [ About ending up like the ghosts here and being sent to the Nothing, yes, but also of the monsters from his past even if they aren't here anymore. ]

wildcard

[ surprise me. I'm at callico or chimera#5926 if you want to plot. ]

Comments

[decohere]

Is that the look you're going for? [gentle teasing tone, because he looks the sort that tried to start a rock band in his mom's garage]

I'm Ava. What happened to Judy? This time, I mean.

[pinballer]

Hell yeah it is.

[ He would have been a rock star someday, he thinks, and now that he's dead no one can ever prove him wrong. ]

One of the ghosts didn't like her very much. [ Pause. He's also one of the ghosts and he didn't like her very much last time she got damaged. ] Not me. One of the others.

[decohere]

Mhm. I'm the one that fixed her up, last time. Heard you got knocked right out. [little grin, still pretty proud of Fio for sticking up for herself against a bully, but also happy to see said bully showing a more caring side.]

You're lucky I sent Skulduggery after you instead.

[pinballer]

Yeah, well. I would've fit right in with the last group, from the look of it.

[ Those ghosts were mean and ready to throw hands with anyone who so much as looked at them the wrong way. He could have thrived with them. And yet, he still chose this bath of softies who got all worked up over a teddy bear. ]

Sorry you guys got stuck with one extra jerk instead. [ He says as he continues fixing the bear. ]

[decohere]

[a sad laugh] That group ultimately failed, don't forget that. It's fine to be a jerk, most of us have questionable pasts.

It's not fine to be so much of an idiot that they resorted to killing each other. Every. Single. Excursion. Whether instructed to or not. Is that really what you'd prefer?

[pinballer]

No. But I'd prefer to put up a good fight against the captain.

[ Couldn't they do that and not all kill each other all the time? Teaming up against a shared enemy brings people together like nothing else, in his opinion. ]

[decohere]

Yeah? And what would you do to him? [curious, picking through some of the colored threads]

[pinballer]

I dunno. Get rid of him so he can't keep doing this to people.

[ He refrains from mentioning torture or anything like that, even if he wouldn't object. ]

[decohere]

Which part, bringing us here? Or what happens in the end?

[pinballer]

Both, I guess. I don't mind being here, because I was dead back home, but I know some people are really fucked up for it.

[ If he knew he had a life that he'd never get to go back to, he'd be fucked up, too. ]

But being tortured and killed and then sent into nothing is the big part.

[decohere]

I prefer this to my life back home, and having Fio. If the Captain goes away, doesn't all this? A lot of us have nowhere else.

... Who is being tortured? [is there something she missed?] But the Nothing concerns me too.

[pinballer]

Weren't you guys, like, made to fight to the death? And you had a bunch of zombies sicced on you? Some people have died multiple times here. Sounds like torture to me.

[ Maybe there's some distinction between torture and murder. Some people'd argue that the captain didn't technically force anything on them. But it's all the same to him. ]

I don't wanna die again, and I have friends here, but a life where he can just bat us around whenever he likes isn't much of one.

[decohere]

Ah. Made is... an interpretation of what happened. Nobody really had to, just because we were told that's what the rules were. Yet they did. And I did. Two people. Three, if you count... [herself, to get out of it] I wouldn't call that torture, but a lesson in accountability.

And the zombies were whatever, I left. People could have safely returned through the portals if they hadn't been seeking out danger by their own choice. We're usually warned ahead of time. So I wouldn't call that torture either, but a way for those hungry for action to get out some pent up violent energy.

But this is more of a life than I've ever been afforded. So I know I see it differently than some. I don't want to destroy everything, I just want it... to be better.

[she holds up a silvery thread] May I?

[pinballer]

That is a sick fucking lesson. Whether he forced you or not, he set it up so it felt like you had to. [ And he's particularly sore about that. The Grabber had a lot of little 'lessons' to teach him. ] Look, the last guy who killed me made me feel like it was my fault, too. I get it. But it's not our fault.

[ Vance has already made his choice. He'd rather die than co-exist with the captain. He can't understand why anyone wouldn't. It's hard, when you're young and angry, to see that other people have different demons. ]

Yeah, sure. [ He hands Judith over. ] ...Can't we have a life without him in it?

[decohere]

Whatever the intended purpose of it was, whether to gauge how we react or to send a message or set a certain tone. That's how I personally chose to interpret it. Even when others insist it wasn't my fault, what actions I took. I still remind myself that's not the person I want to be anymore. I killed my entire life, because I was told to. And I don't have to. The Captain isn't physically forcing me to do anything, he isn't using my health as threat to make me comply. This is his world. But I'm still in control of myself. And that's the part that's important to me.

[Ava tenderly takes the bear, inspecting the damage and the efforts to repair it. she turns it over a few times before beginning to sew up an ear with a threaded needle.]

And maybe it's easier for some. But not all worlds work by the same physical or magical principles. I'd rapidly die outside of this reality, because I'm molecularly unstable. And you probably wouldn't make it far, in a world where ghosts do not function. But without the Captain, all of this collapses.

[pinballer]

That's fine. I don't want to die again but I've accepted that it might be the best option.

[ He had all that time as a ghost to come to terms with being dead. It's not so tough to do it again here, even if he still has a glimmer of hope for freedom. ]

I hope you and Fio and whoever else wants to can end up somewhere you like, though. [ He watches her sew up the ear with some interest. She's better at it than he is. He's also never practiced. ]

[decohere]

I promised Fio I'd stay with her. Super promised, which is unbreakable. So. I have every intention of doing what I can, whatever is within my ability. To ensure that we make it through.

So all I can hope is that... no matter what happens. We're together. [she has to try stitching the same loop a few times, admittedly, as the needle phases right through the fabric. but where she might have gotten frustrated and given up before, Ava remains patient and focused on the task.]

[pinballer]

What if you're not...okay anymore by the end of it?

[ He looks at the bear again, covered in stitches. Held together, functioning, but not quite the same. He feels a lot like that bear already, and can't help but worry that any trauma he's put through here is just going to make him worse and worse. ]

You know. If some really bad shit happens and you're not the same afterwards.

[decohere]

The bad shit already happened in my life. I wasn't okay long before I got here. There's pieces of me that will never go back together the same way again. I'm not even sure who I used to be, to go back to.

[she brushes her thumb over the bear's nose, frowning] But that's what I'm used to, Vance. My body constantly rips itself apart, atom by atom, and stitches back together. I was made broken.

[pinballer]

I don't think I'm cut out for that.

[ He's having a hard enough time fathoming how he'll put himself back together with what he has right now. The future looms over him like a dark cloud. If this is how messed up he is after one death, what'll he be like after two? More?

A long sigh. ]

Guess I'm not as tough as I thought I was.

[decohere]

... There's different ways to be tough. We don't all have the same strengths, Vance. That's why we need each other. And you don't have to actively fight back every second to prove that you haven't given up. Otherwise you're just wasting your energy.

I think you're lucky to be in this group. [she finish stitching up the ear, checks to make sure the stitches are secure, and then passes the bear back over.]

And we're lucky to have you. Thanks for doing this, by the way.

[pinballer]

You're welcome. I guess.

[ He's not so sure that he's lucky. On one hand, he has made friends here better than he ever had back home. On the other hand, isn't that part of the torture, in the end? Watching all the people you care about get used up and sent to nothing?

An awful choice between spending this life alone or being happy now but even more miserable in the end is all that he sees. ] Will you still think you're lucky to have me if I never stop fighting the captain?

[decohere]

Fio will be glad. To have her back, safely. And to see how much care was put into repairing her.

[any amount of time she has now, is more than she ever believed she'd get. she's not naive, knows what they're all facing if they fail.]

Never said you need to stop fighting him. It's good not to give up. No matter how impossible.

Have you ever tried speaking with him?

[pinballer]

At the end of the party, yeah. He was a dick, but I managed to get away without a scratch.

[ A point of pride, because he assumes the captain would have hurt him if he would've stuck around to find out. ]

[decohere]

He shot me dead on my birthday.

[totally serious]

And then killed me again by daring me to kiss the man I like. Very embarrassing.

Actually I don't think he physically hurts much of anyone directly. [other than what she knows happened with Darcy] Seems to prefer what we do to ourselves and each other.