come_sailaway | ★ (CATCH ALL) baby, go ahead, i'll be your hatred and your pain. this is killing us all。

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★ (CATCH ALL) baby, go ahead, i'll be your hatred and your pain. this is killing us all。

Who: jinx & YOU
When: all throughout july
Where: all throughout the boat
What: giving this catch all way a try. things that will happen with her during this month. some will be open & some will be private. all jinx's top-levels, her phone texting, and her one-on-one will permanently go here for the month.
Warnings: jinx suffers from mental illness. such as the following - schizophrenia, hallucinations, PTSD, & separation anxiety. these may or may not happen in this log.

❝i'm a beautiful disaster;a reckoning❞

This is where the card content goes!

fast travel nav.

WEEK 1 (07/03 - 07/09)
█ NATSUNO ➜ 07.04 ➜ TEXT/PRIVATE.
█ VENTI ➜ 07.06 ➜ TEXT/ACTION.
█ EKKO ➜ 07.06 ➜ TEXT/ACTION.
█ JINX ➜ 07.09 ➜ TOP-LEVEL

WEEK 2 (07/10 - 07/16)
█ EKKO ➜ 07.11 ➜ ACTION.
█ MAXMILEN + VENTI ➜ 07.13 ➜ TEXT/ACTION (CW: DRUG/DRUG USE)

WEEK 3 (07/17 - 07/23)
█ JINX ➜ 07.20 ➜ TOP-LEVEL

WEEK 4 (07/24 - 07/30)
█ EKKO ➜ 07.29➜ ACTION

(07/31)
█ JINX ➜ 07.31 ➜ TOP-LEVEL

coding credit to

thisismanx

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

(for the evening, jinx decides to sit on top of the golf ball in the sports deck to do some more thinking. her mind is still somewhat of a fog but it's clearing -- at least she's hoping it is. but for some reason, her body is starting to feel a little worn down and even a little sore. in the beginning, she assumed it was just stress related but there seems to be more minor symptoms popping up. could she really be getting sick? during her time here, she hadn't gotten sick once so maybe it's time that she should? or maybe this has to do with...)

(she shakes her head to herself at that thought. it's really the last thing she wants to muse over right now. especially when there's even bigger things that are far more important. looking through her phone for the second time today, she scrolls through until she sees ekko's name. wonder what he's been up to? so she types:)

i miss you.

(send. wait what? that's... that's not what she wanted to type. very quickly, she replies right after.)

wait. i mean can i see u? i want u here w/ me right now.

(NO.)

i mean im sitting here at the sports deck and wondering what uve been up to. and itd be nice if u could hold me?

(immediately, she just slams the phone down beside her to cease herself from typing even more.)

Edited 2022-07-07 02:19 (UTC)

(he'd been in his own cabin and room for the last few days, since the laser tag he hadn't managed to catch up to her.)

i was looking for you, but you made it clear you needed space. so I've been working on something to help with the noises. a pair of headphones.

i'll come up if you want.

(dare she read his response? very cautiously, she brings her phone up to read. alright, what he said isn't so bad so that's good. exhaling her breath, jinx tries to focus and maybe reply something that's not so truthful. she can do that, right?)

id like that.

(okay, she thinks. not so bad.)

all i want rn is u to be here. so id like that.

(she looks at her text completely horrified and once more, she tries to work her way around to change her meaning.)

and i do mean what im saying.

figured you might have been looking for someone else.

(it seemed to be the case most of the time, everyone was looking for someone else, there to see someone else. Ekko just happened to be the one that they find in their search for someone else.

After leaving the room, the board makes it easy to speed up to the sport deck, drifting around and riding in as he sat on the board a few feet away.)

Here I am.

(wait, what did he mean by that? 'you might have been looking for someone else'? admittingly, he wasn't the first person she contacted, venti was. but in venti's case, she needed to know for herself which of him was real seeing she somehow mistaken him from a doll she created. and she needed him to help distinguish what was her reality and what was fiction. vi, was another she thought about, but... she wasn't ready to face her with this situation, yet.

jinx exhales a sigh and decides to not think too much of what he said for now -- and it's not too long she sees him fly back on his board to her.)

... Hey.

(tucking her cellphone away, she shimmies a little on top of the golf ball in case he wants to sit beside her.)

(Venti was the first one, venti was always there on the tip of her tongue, in her thoughts. He was first, and Ekko was last, and it seemed that even though he'd tried there was no catching up. REally Ekko didn't understand what was so great about the guy.)

Get it figured out? Or still trying to piece things together?

(Getting off the board he took a seat next to her, sitting close enough for his arm to rest against hers, offering her a shoulder if she needed it, reassuring her that he was actually there and not just some hallucination.)

(with him near her like this, she does feel a bit more relaxed -- skin against skin. just like those many nights when they slept or spontaneously get intimate in bed. jinx wasn't never the type to lie but thanks to this curse that's going around, she is stuck saying things that are way too honest and true for her liking. so admittedly and unable to control herself, she replies:)

I think so. But... I'm still not really sure. I know touching things help but have I gotten so bad that it doesn't matter now? Everythin' feels like a trick. Like everyone's playin' me. — And I'm scared.

(that last sentence has her squeezing her eyes shut and never in her life she wanted to just bite off her tongue. this is a side she hates showing; her weakness. because jinx isn't suppose to have that. jinx is suppose to be fearless, a weapon, nothing can rip or tore her to pieces. and yet...)

I don't think anyone's sure about this place.

(Really there were that many other worlds, and people claiming to be gods that were able to just be trapped on a ship? Then those who had no tech at all, or tech that was completely different from anything Ekko had seen or heard of. There was always something that wasn't like anything from Zaun. So just how were you supposed to get your bearings.)

I've been scared too. Especially since I've been staying with you. And asking the same kind of questions.

(a bittersweet sort of chuckle rumbles in her throat, her gaze moves up to the night sky while...honestly, questioning if that is even real.)

Good. You should be scared when it comes to me. Everyone should.

(slowly, she lifts up her arm to the sky with her hand forming as a shape of her pistol. with a head tilt, she shuts an eye as if she is lining and aiming her shot.)

Just 'cuz I haven't killed doesn't mean I'm not dangerous anymore. I can still pull the trigger with no regrets.

(and with that, she inches her thumb down to demonstrate of herself shooting at her invisible target.)

I don't doubt you'd kill me if you had to.

(He knew well what she was capable of, and while he'd like to think there would be some hesitation, Ekko knew that expecting more than that would be dumb on his part.)

What happens when you don't care enough to kill me, that's what I'm scared about. I'm scared you'll get bored and leave me again, find someone better to toy with.

(despite looking as if she isn't listening nor paying attention at all with her eyes lock up at the sky and hand still forming of a gun, she is. in fact, she is listening so attentively, she blinks in confusion before glancing over to him -- arm falling back at her side.)

What?

(what in the world is going on about? find someone better to toy with? in truth there are a few crewmates who do fit the "toy" category for her but each are a different type of "toy" to her. and from that list, there's only three she would kill but unless they provoke her first. unless he means her preys? because her preys, those she will want to kill the first chance she'll get -- like caitlyn, for example. is he scared to discover he isn't in her prey category? this is not making any sense to her.)

Edited 2022-07-10 04:22 (UTC)

I'm worried that you're going to forget about me again, like before when you joined up with him. Or some blue haired windbag will drift by take you away.

(Not that he'd actually really had any kind of serious interaction or knew much about Venti besides the endless rants that Jinx had gone on, the numerous times she had mentioned him.)

(her brows narrowing and her lips form into a frown. she feels he is talking about silco which... is someone she wishes not to think about right now. but as for the second half, that still is a head scratcher for her. jinx slightly shaking her head showing even further confusion.)

What are you talkin' about?

(who is he referring to? and maybe if her mind wasn't so exhausted and feeling sicker due to low on shimmer, she could probably mustard up who he is talking about but... he is going to have to spell it for her right now.)

When I got here, you already seemed to have things together. You found friends, had a lil sister even to help out with things. And there's one person that you kept talking about, and he keeps coming up, and the two of you. I get scared that I'm not what you really want. I'm scared that you'll realize that you would rather have Venti instead.

(Sitting back he braced himself on his arms.)

Never mind, it's just stupid. I should be happy with the projects we have planned already.

Edited 2022-07-10 05:14 (UTC)

(is...he serious at the moment? surely, she must be hearing things or maybe she is so utterly out of her mind and delirious with so much information being thrown at her the last few days. but if he is anything like her right now, he could be stuck saying forceful truths or this is just him doing that THING that he does. the thing where he makes things so lovey-dovey between them and their relationship isn't suppose to be that way.

but can she fault him really? jealousy is something she unforuntely relates to. she was jealous over mizuki once upon a time when venti decided to choose him over her. that feeling flew so much in her bones, she almost dedicated a month or so to kill him off and nothing else mattered.

so when ekko came waltzing in the picture, was he a rebound? .........yes. but is there something wrong with being that? she doesn't believe so. in order to get over someone, you have to get on top of another. but ekko had always been an interest before she was aware of venti's existence so would she even call him a rebound? from that stand point, it'd be venti being the rebound until the main showed up. and that's what ekko isn't understanding that jinx find irritating. he is the main one.)

(jinx had been quiet for a few seconds now; only giving him a VERY dull expression because for starters, he knew what this was going in and two....—)

You're right. It is stupid. (that should be enough but force truths are making her go on.) — You and Venti are important to me. And how I felt for the both of you were the same at one point but... not so much now.

Edited 2022-07-10 05:30 (UTC)

(He was a boy genius, but he'd never really had anyone explain how these kind of things worked to him. How to deal with the feelings and emotions that came with being in a relationship. Even one as strange as theirs.

Ekko listens, that last part seeming to almost confirm his fears, except for that last four words.)

Are you sure?

(oh the urge to just say something but she holds her tongue. and if only they weren't so high up, she would literally punch the guy. but that would possibly lead to his death. and punching someone or shoving someone off a high place isn't that great of a way to kill someone. it's too quick and easy, for her liking. but then again, ekko would probably dodge it or just grab her fist like it's nothing. and that would just irritate her more.

so once more, she gives him yet another dull look. except this particular one is practically screaming, "are you a moron?". she humors herself with a brief thought about if it's too late for her to switch to girls but of course, she won't. not she has anything against girls, she likes boys and girls equally but she wouldn't do that with someone she's currently in "whatevers" with. and again, this is why she feels this talk is so stupid.)

(letting out an exaggerating sigh, she combs her fingers through her bangs.)

I'm in no mood for this.

(that part is truth, she truly isn't. all jinx wants is her mind to just restart or maybe just fade away into nothing for several weeks and hope all of her problems will just magically disappear. maybe that's something she can look into later. to repeat what she did at the battle royale and just pull the pin on her own explosive upon herself.

jinx leans in to him -- a sudden harsh grab of his chin, making sure her nails are poking him against his skin. not hard enough to cause real harm but enough to get her damn point across.)

I'm only gonna say this once to you so you better listen. You and I are not a couple. (and then, the force truths slips out:) 'Cuz I'm not in love with you but I am fallin' for you so it might happen.

(...........)

(abruptly, she lets go of him and slams a fist on the golf ball they're sitting on.)

Fuck! — Dammit!

(it's painfully clear by that reaction it was something she didn't want to admit out loud. but it's something she can't take back now. growling, she places a hand over her face as she just goes on with her explanation:)

We are "whatever"s. But we are official, okay? We had sex and we've been doin' that on and off since we've started this. What I feel for Venti isn't... this. Got it?

(Ekko's heart skipped a beat and almost broke, though there were still cracks left even after she clarified. She didn't love him, but she was starting to. Leave it to Ekko to almost have the win, and then at the last second have it blow up in his face. Living in the second, meaning that in that moment things tended to go great, but when there was a longer game, a big picture sometimes you needed to live beyond just the moment. And so he'd take the partial win for now, and hope that he hadn't screwed up to prevent it from becoming something more.

At least he knew now that she at least didn't have any serious feelings for Venti. Though Ekko still didn't trust or like the guy. In a way he couldn't help but laugh and bury his face in the palm of his hand.)

I'm just an idiot. But I do love you, always have and always will.

I got it. Anyways, you don't have to be scared about what's real and what isn't. There's no way something that's just in your head would this dumb.

You love me...

(she lets those three words roll at the tongue and she should be thrilled to hear him say so. a part of her is but jinx lowers her hand only for her to glance off elsewhere. her entire body falls stiff and while he can't see her face -- it twists dark, cold.)

Are you sure? Or do you love Powder?

(because if he had and always will, whose to say he is chasing a girl whose been dead for several years. who is to say he is just trying to seek powder within her when there's nothing there?)

Powder's dead, there's nothing I could do to save her. She's not the one that's here, now, that I've been with each night.

(Powder might have been the one that he fell in love with, and each there are part of Powder in Jinx that he still sees and hopes for. But he knows that there's no going back, even for the boy that broke time there was no undoing that.)

I tried telling Vi the same thing when I pulled her away from you. But she was still stuck in the past, I know you've got to let it go. Live in the moment.

(is he lying? it doesn't seem like it and besides what he's saying so far seems highly truthful. a slow glimpse to his direction while her eyes search his face; to see if there are any tells he is unintentionally showing.)

... You'll die if you love me. You get that, right?

(it is what she truly believes, sadly. how she wasn't born nor build to feel love -- no matter the kind. her jinx wouldn't allow it and it goes against everything it stands for; for her.)

— And if you die by me jinxing you, I don't know what I'll do. That's why I believe you should love someone else and stay far away from me.

(ah. who knew being horribly honest will lead to something like this?)

I'll eventually no matter what I decide to do. The point of living life is to chose what you want to do with it, and I'm not going to let anyone or anything dictate what that is. I'm going to make the most of each moment, because if you don't then you don't deserve a single second extra.

(While speaking he just kept his gaze fixed up and off on the horizon. Jinxed or not, Ekko took enough risks to where there was a chance one day they would come back to bite him in the ass, but he wasn't going to watch and wait anymore.)

Besides you keep things interesting.

(she's beginning to wonder if ekko became just as crazy or if not crazier than her. but his words did get a small chuckle out of her and a shake of her head. slowly, she scoots in further -- letting her head drop against his shoulder to rest on.)

Can you... say that you love me again? I, uh,...need to hear somethin' that's not bad news for once.

(whenever this is over, she will hate herself for it -- for being so open like this. maybe she can turn this whole thing and make a "surprise, i was lying. ha ha i'm not falling for you actually" but he probably wouldn't buy it even if she faked it.)

(Being free meant not letting others control you, and living meant that you had accepted that eventually, that life came to an end. It was just the way that things worked, no matter if you were a topsider or a Zaunite, you live and eventually you die. What matters is what you do with that life.)

I love you. Even if it might be the death of me.

07.06 ➜ ekko ➜ text/action (evening)

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