come_sailaway | ★ (CATCH ALL) baby, go ahead, i'll be your hatred and your pain. this is killing us all。

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★ (CATCH ALL) baby, go ahead, i'll be your hatred and your pain. this is killing us all。

Who: jinx & YOU
When: all throughout july
Where: all throughout the boat
What: giving this catch all way a try. things that will happen with her during this month. some will be open & some will be private. all jinx's top-levels, her phone texting, and her one-on-one will permanently go here for the month.
Warnings: jinx suffers from mental illness. such as the following - schizophrenia, hallucinations, PTSD, & separation anxiety. these may or may not happen in this log.

❝i'm a beautiful disaster;a reckoning❞

This is where the card content goes!

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WEEK 1 (07/03 - 07/09)
█ NATSUNO ➜ 07.04 ➜ TEXT/PRIVATE.
█ VENTI ➜ 07.06 ➜ TEXT/ACTION.
█ EKKO ➜ 07.06 ➜ TEXT/ACTION.
█ JINX ➜ 07.09 ➜ TOP-LEVEL

WEEK 2 (07/10 - 07/16)
█ EKKO ➜ 07.11 ➜ ACTION.
█ MAXMILEN + VENTI ➜ 07.13 ➜ TEXT/ACTION (CW: DRUG/DRUG USE)

WEEK 3 (07/17 - 07/23)
█ JINX ➜ 07.20 ➜ TOP-LEVEL

WEEK 4 (07/24 - 07/30)
█ EKKO ➜ 07.29➜ ACTION

(07/31)
█ JINX ➜ 07.31 ➜ TOP-LEVEL

coding credit to

thisismanx

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

(a bittersweet sort of chuckle rumbles in her throat, her gaze moves up to the night sky while...honestly, questioning if that is even real.)

Good. You should be scared when it comes to me. Everyone should.

(slowly, she lifts up her arm to the sky with her hand forming as a shape of her pistol. with a head tilt, she shuts an eye as if she is lining and aiming her shot.)

Just 'cuz I haven't killed doesn't mean I'm not dangerous anymore. I can still pull the trigger with no regrets.

(and with that, she inches her thumb down to demonstrate of herself shooting at her invisible target.)

I don't doubt you'd kill me if you had to.

(He knew well what she was capable of, and while he'd like to think there would be some hesitation, Ekko knew that expecting more than that would be dumb on his part.)

What happens when you don't care enough to kill me, that's what I'm scared about. I'm scared you'll get bored and leave me again, find someone better to toy with.

(despite looking as if she isn't listening nor paying attention at all with her eyes lock up at the sky and hand still forming of a gun, she is. in fact, she is listening so attentively, she blinks in confusion before glancing over to him -- arm falling back at her side.)

What?

(what in the world is going on about? find someone better to toy with? in truth there are a few crewmates who do fit the "toy" category for her but each are a different type of "toy" to her. and from that list, there's only three she would kill but unless they provoke her first. unless he means her preys? because her preys, those she will want to kill the first chance she'll get -- like caitlyn, for example. is he scared to discover he isn't in her prey category? this is not making any sense to her.)

Edited 2022-07-10 04:22 (UTC)

I'm worried that you're going to forget about me again, like before when you joined up with him. Or some blue haired windbag will drift by take you away.

(Not that he'd actually really had any kind of serious interaction or knew much about Venti besides the endless rants that Jinx had gone on, the numerous times she had mentioned him.)

(her brows narrowing and her lips form into a frown. she feels he is talking about silco which... is someone she wishes not to think about right now. but as for the second half, that still is a head scratcher for her. jinx slightly shaking her head showing even further confusion.)

What are you talkin' about?

(who is he referring to? and maybe if her mind wasn't so exhausted and feeling sicker due to low on shimmer, she could probably mustard up who he is talking about but... he is going to have to spell it for her right now.)

When I got here, you already seemed to have things together. You found friends, had a lil sister even to help out with things. And there's one person that you kept talking about, and he keeps coming up, and the two of you. I get scared that I'm not what you really want. I'm scared that you'll realize that you would rather have Venti instead.

(Sitting back he braced himself on his arms.)

Never mind, it's just stupid. I should be happy with the projects we have planned already.

Edited 2022-07-10 05:14 (UTC)

(is...he serious at the moment? surely, she must be hearing things or maybe she is so utterly out of her mind and delirious with so much information being thrown at her the last few days. but if he is anything like her right now, he could be stuck saying forceful truths or this is just him doing that THING that he does. the thing where he makes things so lovey-dovey between them and their relationship isn't suppose to be that way.

but can she fault him really? jealousy is something she unforuntely relates to. she was jealous over mizuki once upon a time when venti decided to choose him over her. that feeling flew so much in her bones, she almost dedicated a month or so to kill him off and nothing else mattered.

so when ekko came waltzing in the picture, was he a rebound? .........yes. but is there something wrong with being that? she doesn't believe so. in order to get over someone, you have to get on top of another. but ekko had always been an interest before she was aware of venti's existence so would she even call him a rebound? from that stand point, it'd be venti being the rebound until the main showed up. and that's what ekko isn't understanding that jinx find irritating. he is the main one.)

(jinx had been quiet for a few seconds now; only giving him a VERY dull expression because for starters, he knew what this was going in and two....—)

You're right. It is stupid. (that should be enough but force truths are making her go on.) — You and Venti are important to me. And how I felt for the both of you were the same at one point but... not so much now.

Edited 2022-07-10 05:30 (UTC)

(He was a boy genius, but he'd never really had anyone explain how these kind of things worked to him. How to deal with the feelings and emotions that came with being in a relationship. Even one as strange as theirs.

Ekko listens, that last part seeming to almost confirm his fears, except for that last four words.)

Are you sure?

(oh the urge to just say something but she holds her tongue. and if only they weren't so high up, she would literally punch the guy. but that would possibly lead to his death. and punching someone or shoving someone off a high place isn't that great of a way to kill someone. it's too quick and easy, for her liking. but then again, ekko would probably dodge it or just grab her fist like it's nothing. and that would just irritate her more.

so once more, she gives him yet another dull look. except this particular one is practically screaming, "are you a moron?". she humors herself with a brief thought about if it's too late for her to switch to girls but of course, she won't. not she has anything against girls, she likes boys and girls equally but she wouldn't do that with someone she's currently in "whatevers" with. and again, this is why she feels this talk is so stupid.)

(letting out an exaggerating sigh, she combs her fingers through her bangs.)

I'm in no mood for this.

(that part is truth, she truly isn't. all jinx wants is her mind to just restart or maybe just fade away into nothing for several weeks and hope all of her problems will just magically disappear. maybe that's something she can look into later. to repeat what she did at the battle royale and just pull the pin on her own explosive upon herself.

jinx leans in to him -- a sudden harsh grab of his chin, making sure her nails are poking him against his skin. not hard enough to cause real harm but enough to get her damn point across.)

I'm only gonna say this once to you so you better listen. You and I are not a couple. (and then, the force truths slips out:) 'Cuz I'm not in love with you but I am fallin' for you so it might happen.

(...........)

(abruptly, she lets go of him and slams a fist on the golf ball they're sitting on.)

Fuck! — Dammit!

(it's painfully clear by that reaction it was something she didn't want to admit out loud. but it's something she can't take back now. growling, she places a hand over her face as she just goes on with her explanation:)

We are "whatever"s. But we are official, okay? We had sex and we've been doin' that on and off since we've started this. What I feel for Venti isn't... this. Got it?

(Ekko's heart skipped a beat and almost broke, though there were still cracks left even after she clarified. She didn't love him, but she was starting to. Leave it to Ekko to almost have the win, and then at the last second have it blow up in his face. Living in the second, meaning that in that moment things tended to go great, but when there was a longer game, a big picture sometimes you needed to live beyond just the moment. And so he'd take the partial win for now, and hope that he hadn't screwed up to prevent it from becoming something more.

At least he knew now that she at least didn't have any serious feelings for Venti. Though Ekko still didn't trust or like the guy. In a way he couldn't help but laugh and bury his face in the palm of his hand.)

I'm just an idiot. But I do love you, always have and always will.

I got it. Anyways, you don't have to be scared about what's real and what isn't. There's no way something that's just in your head would this dumb.

You love me...

(she lets those three words roll at the tongue and she should be thrilled to hear him say so. a part of her is but jinx lowers her hand only for her to glance off elsewhere. her entire body falls stiff and while he can't see her face -- it twists dark, cold.)

Are you sure? Or do you love Powder?

(because if he had and always will, whose to say he is chasing a girl whose been dead for several years. who is to say he is just trying to seek powder within her when there's nothing there?)

Powder's dead, there's nothing I could do to save her. She's not the one that's here, now, that I've been with each night.

(Powder might have been the one that he fell in love with, and each there are part of Powder in Jinx that he still sees and hopes for. But he knows that there's no going back, even for the boy that broke time there was no undoing that.)

I tried telling Vi the same thing when I pulled her away from you. But she was still stuck in the past, I know you've got to let it go. Live in the moment.

(is he lying? it doesn't seem like it and besides what he's saying so far seems highly truthful. a slow glimpse to his direction while her eyes search his face; to see if there are any tells he is unintentionally showing.)

... You'll die if you love me. You get that, right?

(it is what she truly believes, sadly. how she wasn't born nor build to feel love -- no matter the kind. her jinx wouldn't allow it and it goes against everything it stands for; for her.)

— And if you die by me jinxing you, I don't know what I'll do. That's why I believe you should love someone else and stay far away from me.

(ah. who knew being horribly honest will lead to something like this?)

I'll eventually no matter what I decide to do. The point of living life is to chose what you want to do with it, and I'm not going to let anyone or anything dictate what that is. I'm going to make the most of each moment, because if you don't then you don't deserve a single second extra.

(While speaking he just kept his gaze fixed up and off on the horizon. Jinxed or not, Ekko took enough risks to where there was a chance one day they would come back to bite him in the ass, but he wasn't going to watch and wait anymore.)

Besides you keep things interesting.

(she's beginning to wonder if ekko became just as crazy or if not crazier than her. but his words did get a small chuckle out of her and a shake of her head. slowly, she scoots in further -- letting her head drop against his shoulder to rest on.)

Can you... say that you love me again? I, uh,...need to hear somethin' that's not bad news for once.

(whenever this is over, she will hate herself for it -- for being so open like this. maybe she can turn this whole thing and make a "surprise, i was lying. ha ha i'm not falling for you actually" but he probably wouldn't buy it even if she faked it.)

(Being free meant not letting others control you, and living meant that you had accepted that eventually, that life came to an end. It was just the way that things worked, no matter if you were a topsider or a Zaunite, you live and eventually you die. What matters is what you do with that life.)

I love you. Even if it might be the death of me.

(a gentle sigh now and even almost putting her whole weight against him but refrains from doing so. jinx takes in his hand and entwine their fingers -- she feels she should say something here and she should.)

And I'm falling for you. (a tiny chuckle.) — Sorry I can't really say... that. Y-Yet...

(UGH.)

But good enough?

I'll take what I can get.

(He laughed a little tapping her head with his own lightly, a small sign that they were still good even if she wasn't able to those words just yet. At least she didn't say that she hated him, and that was enough for now.)

As long as you know that what I said is real, and I'm real.

It's what I like about you, Little Man. You have yet to lie to me. — As far as I know, anyway.

(she shut her eyes and letting herself just enjoy this moment with him. a moment she didn't think she needed until now. it's rather annoying expressing herself this way and jinx can only hope this thing won't start traveling all over the boat. speaking of:)

— Will it be alright with you if we spend the rest of the night together? Noooot really in the mood to annoy everyone else on boat 'till it gets really late.

Haven't had a reason to, and I never want there to be one.

(He knew that she'd be annoyed with it, but at the very least he was enjoying just how open she was being even if he'd never be allowed to acknowledge or bring any of this up again in the future.)

I've got time to keep, and don't think anyone will be looking for me.

Hm. Surprised you haven't gotten a swarm of new buddies at your side. — Not enjoyin' our new friendly locals?

(she is trying to make the light of the situation or at least gear this conversation to something else that isn't... lovey-dovey where she spill her guts out again. jinx feels she's done enough of that tonight.)

Seems like you're the one popular one this time, with all the friends and followers you have.

(Honestly, if he went overboard, other than Jinx he didn't think anyone else would notice. Maybe Clark. He was happy for her about it though, having more people that she could connect to, it was reassuring.)

Pft, please. A lotta of 'em are scared of me. Which I'm completely fine with.

(she shuts her eyes and tries to rest -- taking in the sounds of the ocean.)

I wanna be feared and to show everyone I'm not some weak clumsy lil' girl that needs help.

Vi's probably the only one that would still think that. But she'll think that until you manage to knock it into her thick head.

(Not to hard when she still blocks with her face. It was strange, the sound of the water and yet it was somehow soothing.)

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